Monday, 28 May 2007

Developing 35 (ii)

Well, I survived the rainy run. It was really good to get but, more importantly, to want to get out and run, even in the nasty weather. I rang my friend just before we were due to meet to slightly change the arrangements and she immediately said "you're not ringing to cancel are you?" so I was pleased that I wasn't and had had no intention of it.

I'm glad I had bought the wind and waterproof top though - it would have been freezing without it. Technology is a great thing - it was a perfect product, designed to do exactly what you need of it and worked brilliantly. Light, not sweaty, just took the worst of the wind and rain away frm your clever.

Anyway, we ran for about 6 and 1/2 miles up some really steep hills but also with a fair bit of downhill in there too so not too bad. Kate rang me afterwards while I was in the shower and left a lovely message congratulating me on increasing my range and making it up the hills without stopping. I felt like really proud of myself when I listened to it. Next time I will start at Kate's house and do the extra mile and the extra big hill. I really have caught the running bug which I thought would never happen to me.

Apart from that, French was great fun - I love the feeling of learning new stuff and making progress towards a goal. We do a diary section every week where I prepare a little piece in french about what I did last week (a bit like at primary school...). That's good because you're talking about the sort of things you'll want to talk about to real people in France. Better than all the ordering in restaurants and booking hotel rooms which lessons often get bogged down in.

I couldn't do any gardening because of the incessant rain which is a shame but I suppose I can do some today, even though it's spitting on and off now...sigh... I know I'll enjoy it when I get out there but getting started is hard for me. I wish I'd catch the gardening bug as well as the running one...

Went to the pub last night and had a good long chat with my friend Eric. He's a bit of a deep thinker so, when you catch him away from other people, you can often get into quite intersting converations. The sort I like, espeically when you're not drinking and the usual pub fayre of bullshit rubbish can get a bit wearing. Anyway, he was telling me about what he and his fiancee think about me losing weight. Surprised me in the first place that they had obviously had such in depth converstion about my weight! It was all positive and really nice of him to say and then led into a conversaton about relationships and specifically the power balance between D and I now that I'm emerging as a slim, attractive woman.

It was very thought provoking but a bit too involved to go into . I think the conclusions I took away from it were that - yes, the power has shifted between us, but I shouldn't throw out the baby with the bathwater and get carried away with being a strong, confident woman, and should let D in a bit more. This wasn't what Eric actually said - it was what I realised following on from our conversation.

He basically told me how he and others perceived me before I lost the weight - which was as a strong attractive, confident woman who occasonally let the weight thing get on top of her. (I felt that I was perceived as a bit of failure and was desperate to please and win approval so i was out a bit there!)

He said that I had been quite sharp on occasion before (which i was unaware of) and thinks that that was as a result of my inner unhappiness but that that unhappiness didn't really show so I just came across as me being short. He wasn't having a go and said it wasn't frequent or anything. Made me think though! Once again, my perception of how I came across was as rather soft and weak but apparently I've always been seen as a bit of a toughie!!

He also said, that since I've lost weight, I'm much more attractive, not just because I'm thinner but because I'm more relaxed and more confident to let go a bit. That chimed with me as Ive become aware of little things like that. I'm happier not always to wear flattering smart clothes. Before I would always wear flattering jeans and high heels and make-up to the pub and generally be a little overdresed to compensate for being fat. Now I revel in wearing slouchy jean and cool trainers and not necessarily the most flattering outfits which means I can be mroe stylish and fashionable.

I sit in a different way - I can cross my legs or sling one leg over the other. I can stand at the bar without my feet hurting. I know that I just look more relaxed and confident and that gives me inner confidence. Also, I dance more in public, even just in the pub when there's a good song on. Just feeling happier in my own skin.

I'm also less likely to nag at D or snipe with him If we have an argument, it is about something now, not just general bithciness. I'm not saying that they were always my fault but it's easier to let things go sometimes and walk away for a bit until the urge to snipe passes.

So, all in all, Eric was very thought provoking. He's a really larger than life character and sometimes I think people write him off as a bit of a clown/entertainer but there's obviously a lot going on in there. He's also very louche so the chat was mixed with much sexual innuendo and general flirtation but I'm totally happy that it was not going anywhere so could relax and enjoy. He's absolutely mad about his fiancee and missing her like crazy. She's the one over in Lithuania at the moment. Very sweet.

Anyway, that's enough of that. The rain has eased and I'm going to drag my sorry carcass out into the garden....


lizzie said...

Hi Lesley,

I discovered your blog after I had been to an introductory meeting on Lighterlife. I'm going to embark on the diet if my Doctor will let me and I am seeing him next week. The LL course isn't starting till mid June. You have so inspired me to have a go at it and I've thoroughly enjoyed reading about your progress with LL and life in general.

Funny how you feel you can know someone just from their blog.

Wondered if you had heard about this book ?

"French Women Don't Get Fat"

The Secret of Eating for Pleasure

by Mireille Guiliano

I thought of you when I saw it. Once you reach goal weight and living in France, it should be just perfect :)

Thanks for taking the time to write your blog. It's helped me a lot. Good Luck with the cottage tomorrow.


Lesley said...

Hey Lizzie. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. It's nice knowing that there are people out there reading and if any of them also discover how great losing weight can be then that's even better. I wish you all the best with LL come June. Pop in again and let me know how you're getting on. I've found it to be wonderful.

I've heard the saying that french women don't get fat (although to be honest I did see a few when I was last over there!). But not read the book. It sounds perfect - will check it out on Amazon right now...!

Take care.

Lesley x

chrismars said...

Blimey Lesley! I've just had to catch up for the last week. You're as bad as Mrs for the amount you write...

Very brave re your chat with Eric, and a bit of firtatious banter does wonders for the confidence.

Hope you have a good week.

Chris x

Mrs said...

Hi Lesley

It's me, the OTHER writer of words! Well, that was worth a trip to the pub, wasn't it?!!

Absoultely fascinating!

I shall think of something pertinent to say for next time. As an aside, my husband says he feels sidelined by my blogging activities and it's too much! I tried to explain, well, I was rather sharp to be honest and said I need to get the support from somewhere. It was a bit unnecessary. I am now at a weight that my husband has never seen and when I asked him if he noticed any different he said I just needed a good haircut! Really!!!

Lizzie - good luck with your LighterLife journey; remember, if your doctor says no, you can go elsewhere to get signed off.

A demain everyone!

Mrs L xxxxxxxxx

Cath said...

Well done on getting out there and doing it - there's no stopping you now!

Your night out with Eric sounds like my kind of night, a good proper conversation and of course a touch of very harmless and safe flirting - perfect. It must be good to know that you're the topic of peoples thoughts and conversations, just shows how well you are doing.