Monday, 29 October 2007
Sunday, 21 October 2007
I'm obviously a changed woman if I can say that!!
It's weird - we went to the same restaurant for a celebration lunch a couple of years ago and I remember feeling fat then even though I was not at my biggest. I had a smart outfit but was still very self conscious about eating the full meal. This time was a whole different experience, no shame in enjoyong a good meal and no self-consciousness.
We've had a pretty good time over here - met up with nearly all of D's mates from long ago and everyone has been flatteringly shocked by my weightloss! One farmer friend of D's said "well, you're after losing a fair bit of condition on you there..." Likening me to a fattening heifer or something - that amused me!
It'll be interesting to see whether I've gained or lost weight over the week. I haven't weighed myself at all over the week but my clothes don't feel any tighter so I'm hoping to have got away without too much damage.
I can't sort my photos out easily over here but will post some when I get back. Hope you're all going well and will talk to you later. Byee...
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
Foodwise, I've been sticking to muesli and skimmed milk for breakfast, soup or salad for lunch and a decent meal in the evenings - meat and veggies or salad for supper. I've managed to resist the brown bread and butter, pavlovas, apple tarts, rice puddings, scones, fruit cake, swiss roll....etc etc. Honestly, you've never seen so many desserts in one place!
I've made sure that there is plenty of low fat yoghurts, fruit and salad knocking around so I can avoid temptation.
I've also been running every morning so far. It's lovely round here - nice quiet country lanes but it's all road running so a bit hard on the old knees. I went out for a 5 mile jog yesterday morning and ended up leapfrogging the postman the whole way round much to his amusement. I don't think they see many joggers round here!
Anyway, I'm off to the pub now so I'll catch up with you later. Happy dieting everyone"
Thursday, 11 October 2007
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
No exercise though as I worked late and not sure if I'll be able to fit any in tomorrow either. I'll try though, even if it's just a home workout - there's no reaosn why I couldn't do one of those after French. To be fair, there is no reason why I didn't tonight so I must try harder on that score! The darker evenings are beginning to take their toll and and I must nip that in the bud.
So, altogether a better, more positive day and, although not perfect due to circumstances, not bad at all. I FEEL thinner too which is good.
Oh, and I've bought some bitchin' (no - didn't think I could get away with that phrase...!) clothes for Ireland! Stripey polo neck jumper in blues, greens and browns (very fresh colours), blue knit short sleeve chunky knit to wear over it in the layered manner (with a belt round the waist no less!), skinny jeans,brown flattish knee length boots and a brown leather cap. I look really trendy and layered which is not something you can away with when you're fat! I really enjoyed trying on the new look and it's nice to be able to be fashionable rather than choose clothes which merely flatter. Hopefully, I've started the beginning of a wardrobe now as I can see lots of other stuff which will work with what I've got - it's taken me a while but I'm feeling my way towards a style.....37 years old and just working out what suits me....hopeless!!
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
It was strange - I was actually looking forward to going back on the packs. Not in a "retreating to my cave" kind of way but in a "I know I can do this and I'm going to prove it" kind of way. Overall, I've been pretty good - 2 teas with skimmed milk and the last apple in my fruit bowl. I spent an hour or so this evening cooking up various batches of soup from the veggies in my fridge. They look and smell wretty good but they've gone straight nto the freezer.
I've stayed in again this evening which might have been a mistake but didn't have much choice to be honest. My friends in the village are not being particularly helpful or supportive at the moment. Maybe through having other things on but I do feel a bit lonely at the moment. Having said that, Although i feel that same "tug" I had over the weekend, I know I'm not going to succumb and there are worse things than being a mite lonely for a night or so!!
I'm going running with a mate tomorrow night so that'll be good, then french on Thursday and D is back (a day late) on Frday and over to Ireland on Sunday. I'm looking forward to seeing D and hopefully he will appreciate me too.
I'm not going to let him get away with his criticisms though and Ireland will definitely not be the same as it has always been. For one thing, I'm not going to sit around as much as we tend to - that'll be too much with the temptation so will have to arrange more outings and exercise, with or without D and his family. But apart from that, I'm really looking forward to it.
So, a slightly subdued but very positive Lesley is back on track. Thanks for all your comments.
What mistakes did I make?
- I weighed myself. I should have steered clear as I knew I had gained big time but the urge to know and false rationalisation set in and I weighed myself which then messed with my head.
- I got upset after I spoke to D and instead of being Adult about it, retreated into Rebellious Child Mode Plus. He wasn't nagging about my weight by the way but I took his criticisms to heart, felt like a failure and ate for comfort and then also to "show him"! Doh!
- When I knew I was going off the rails, I didn't pull myself back. Didn't ask for help or arrange things to do to distract myself. No - I stayed in and wallowed. I could have gone to my parents, rung my friend Jenny, gone shopping in Manchester (although I suspect that that would have been bad as I felt so bad about myself that shopping would not have been a fun experience). Anyway, I could have done lots of things but I chose to cocoon myself in inactivity and food.
Yup - that oughtta do it....
Anyway, by Sunday night I was pretty low but had a plan. I was going to go to my weigh in and ask my LLC for help! Revolutionary eh??!
For the record, following my weigh in yesterday I have gained in total a stone on Route to Management. And that is because I have NOT done it properly. There are several women in my class who have done it properly and who seem so much more in control than I feel. So - what I'd like to do is start again and gradually lose the weight by controlling my food intake. To be honest I don't want to go all the way back down as I think I look better with a few more lbs on than I had at my thinnest but at least half a stone, probably 10lbs.
The trouble with that plan is that I'm going to Ireland for a week's holiday next week and that is going to be pretty tricky foodwise. I wouldn't want to go there feeling fat and out of control. So, I decided to go back on the packs for the rest of the week (6 days) until I get to Ireland and then, hopefully, I will have lost a few lbs, feel less fat and bloated and have more control over my eating. While I'm over there I'm going to try to do loads of exercise, have only 2 packs a day and limit carbs etc (basically weeks 3 and 4). I think my chances are better if I get there having had a good week rather than a food filled week.
When i come back I'm going to start agin at week 3 or 4 and take it from there - DOING IT PROPERLY AND READING THE BOOK!
So, there you are. D has been pretty supportive after our spat. I eventually told him what I was going through and it helped.
Thursday, 4 October 2007
Anyway, I don't feel too bad about the day as I've come in under my 1,800 calorie limit for the day (just). I did have a large skinny cappucino and a biscotti before my french class. I have got in the very pleasant habit of stopping at a service station before my class to finish off (or in some cases do the whole of) my homework. I find it really relaxing and I enjoy my coffee and small treat.
In breaking news though: -
Diarmuid has just called me from the rig and been a total arse!! How to ruin my good mood in one easy move?! It was one continuous nag, criticise, nag, tell me to do something, nag, criticise....I eventually pulled him up on it (quietly and not being confrontational) and he didn't really back down. I try not to argue over the phone while D is on the rig as it's very unsatisfactory and I'm mindful that he is stuck in a metal box in the middle of the sea working long hours etc but this really was too much. It's as if he thinks I'm just here to run around and do his bidding and he can treat me like some guy on his team who isn't quite cutting the mustard!! Not on. Anyway, at least I told him and didn't get over-emotional about it. He'll process it and hopefully will be a bit more conciliatory next time.
No urge to turn to food though so that is a positive. I just feel very sad when he gets like this. How can such a nice, good, solid guy forget all his profession of love and adoration and go all dictatorial and bloshy so quickly and then not have the grace to realise and back down or even meet me halfway?? Whatever I say is (apparently) wrong - I get so frustrated by it.
I can see some retail therapy on the horizon.... which is probably not a great way to ract but stuff it - better than eating!!
And we're going to Ireland when he gets back. He's going to have to do some serious running after me over there because this worm has turned. I'm not taking this bullshit anymore. Let him see how it feels to try and make everything right all the time?!
Grrrrr.... God I'm so angry, really mightily pissed off. I'm glad I can get it all off my chest here as otherwise unwise emails might, as we speak, be being hasilty drafted and sent and, in the mood I'm in, they would not be nice missives!
Hey ho - hope I can sleep now. I'm sure it'll all blow over but this is definitely symptomatic of a little power struggle which has been raging largely (geddit!) unspoken ever since I dropped the weight. Ugly things relationships sometimes....
Oh and PS. I was going to go on and talk about how I'm eating too much fruit! I looked at the History of my Favourite foods on WLR (my calorie counting site) and it was packed with apples, pears and figs. Not in themselves bad, but way too many of them and I must be eating them when I don't really need them. Must try and limit that or at least eat the fruit consciously and when I WANT it.
I think the fruit may be contributing to my feeling bloated. Does anyone know anything about fruit and digestion?? I've read a few things about not eating fruit with a meal but can't remember when you should eat it. Before, after?
I'm not intending to go mad in Ireland but suspect strongly that I will loosen the reins. If I stick to the calorie counting for a fortnight before I go, though, hopefully it'll become a more ingrained habit and I may be able to stick to it over there, albeit with higher limits??
My mother in law is a real life Mrs Doyle and it is her mission in life to press food upon you at every available opportunity. In the past, despite kowing that I struggled with my weight I have had to physically restrain her from putting more food on my plate - I actually held her wrists!!Lovely homecooked Irish staples like pavlova, apple tart and soda bread litter her kitchen and a large part of our holiday is spent in their kitchen just chatting and putting the world to rights or in the pub with D's mates drinking. Sigh. I love it but it's not easy. I'm going to have to be quite disciplined and stick to my running (the countryside around there is perfect for it). Also, I'm not going to drink every night - it would be daft as I hardly touch the stuff now. Why go backwards?
Well, I've got a while before I face all that but it helps to start to get your strategy in place well in advance. Hopefully she'll be so pleased for me at losing all the weight, that she will take my "rules" to heart and help rather than hinder. I think she's more open to diet and exercise now since she had a cancer scare a couple of years ago. Luckily it was caught early and all is well now but it opened her eyes to the importance of what you eat and how you move your body.
Not sure when I'm going to be able to fit in some exercise today. I have a lunchtime meeting (buffet provided dammit!) and then my french class at 6pm so not back home 'til nearly 8 by which time I will be hungry and it will be dark. I will try and either go for a run in the dark (I'm going to have to do it over the winter so may as well start now) or do a home workout with the ball and resisitance bands. Huw has written a schedule out for me for these eventualities but I've only done it once!!
That is the target - I'll let you know how I get on. Have a good day everyone!
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
I didn't do any exercise apart from a good walk round town at lunchtime as I had loads of chores to do in town and was going to meet a friend this evening but I'm not going to get obsessive about exercising every single day. I'll go running tomorrow and that'll be fine.
Foodwise though I have logged everything and it comes to just under 1,400 calories. I forgot my soup for lunch so got a Boots Shapers salad at 191 calories so one bullet dodged.
Then went to my friends and she had cooked a perfect diet supper of poached salmon with green salad. I had a small glass of wine with supper and resisted the copious volumes of fried carbs littering her kitchen! She went upstairs to put the kids to bed and I was just itching to tuck into a couple of the mini chocolate doughnuts from the giant pack on the counter. I even went as far as opening the pack but shut it again and took an apple instead. That was a serious sucess as surreptitious eatng in a friend's kitchen (of doughnuts!!) would have been a new low!!
She's not seen me for months so was well impressed and really, genuinely pleased for me. We had a good catch up and a really good chat. She's had such a hard time over the last few years and I feel that I haven't really touched the sides as a friend. Trouble is, she tends to hide away when things arte bad so you don't always find out about it until it's too late. Must try harder!!
We will not leave it as long next time. I think part of it has been her moving house and the summer looking after the children by herself and part was my hiding away because of the diet. Now we're back in touch it'll be good to see more of her and the kids. She seems to have turned a corner in her struggles though and hopefully the new house will be a happy place for her.
I don't know how she resists all those carbs though - bread, croissants, mini muffins, mini doughnuts and boxes and boxes of cereals, and that's just what i could see out on the counter!! The boys seems really healthy and sporty though so think they must be just very controlled and she says she only buys sweet treats that she doesn't like - how can you not like choccie doughnuts??!
[That's enough doughnuts - Ed!!]
Sorry for all the food talk. It seems that I write about it when I'm not eating but not when I am so, when my blog is littered with carbs, I'm not....
I looked back over the last couple of weeks since I signed up to WLR and realised that the days when I've logged everything have been without exception, sucessful. BUT there were far too many days when I just didn't bother and those were the days when I went off plan, sometimes in a grand style!
Not sure which is chicken and which is egg but I do know that if I can keep on plan until I go to Ireland (on 14 Oct) at the very least then I will have lost the few lbs I have gained and will be feeling a whole lot more in control.
I was pleased with myself last night actually as my friend stood me up so I stayed in all night but still stuck to the plan. I had my (delicious) soup for supper but then, when was (head) hungry later, fobbed myself off with a cup of tea. And later, when I REALLY wanted something, I carefully made a snack of 2 Ryvita with cheese and cucumber, calorie counted, slowly prepared, placed on a plate, with tea and eaten with pleasure. I don't begrudge that sort of eating - just don't like the grabbing ANYTHING from the cupboard and stuffing it down still standing or without pleasure.
Even after just one good day, I feel significantly less bloated. I have, for once, not wanted to get on the scales, not because I'm avoiding them but because I'm trying to break that tyranny and lose weight by "feel" in my clothes. Yesterday, my tummy felt like a football against the waistband but today it is much more comfortable. That is how "slim" women gauge their weight I believe so I thought it would be worth a try with me and I'll weigh in in a few days time to see how I'm getting on. It has taken some of the stress out of gaining, not to see the actual figure on the scale every morning!!
Have a good day bloggers!!
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
Am planning on eating my homemade tomato and carrot soup with 2 Ryvita crackerbreads for supper and maybe a very small salad with cottage cheese later if I need it. Should all come to less than 1000 calories which is good considering that I need to drop a few of the lbs I've lost. But it's the mental attitude I'm pleased with today. For whatever reason I've been feeling sluggish and defeatist recently but have felt motivated and active today. Thank God!
Mrs is right though - I need to work out a strategy to limit the damage when I next feel sluggish and unmotivated. Can't let myself slump as far next time as it just makes it harder to get back up.
Anyway, going to take the dog for a quick walk round the block (she'll be pleased it's not a run!) and then off to meet my old school mate for a drink. Thanks for all the support, much appreciated as ever.
Hello! Eating crap and sitting around does NOT make me happy!! I didn't even enjoy the crap particularly. Well duh.
So - I'm sure I've gained some weight although I'm purposefully keeping away from the scales for a few days. But I'm back on track this morning. I was up and at training by 7am and talked it through with Huw and now, after a pretty good workout, feel much more focussed. I NEED to have a good week to 10 days to set me up for a week long holiday with the inlaws in Ireland mid October so that is what I'm going to do. As they used to say at Slimming World - "there's nothing stopping me" from going for it. I've got a reasonably clear weekend ahead.
In fact, for me, when I have things on in the evening I'm better. I'm seeing a friend this evening for a quiet drink (water) and another one tomorrow at her house for supper (which she will make sure is healthy I'm sure) so that is probably the best prescription.
That and getting back to blogging - hibernating away and avoiding the issue did NOT work for me so I will be back more frequently.
In other news - I had a great weekend in Norwich with my mates and that wasn't too bad foodwise. I ate normally but not excessively and walked for miles to compensate ( and danced 'til the wee small hours too). It was really just the quiet dull days that let me down. I worry whether these bad spells mean I can't ever keep the weight off, but I suppose that is what I'm doing now - combatting the weight gain stage. It's hard though.
Right - I've got to get to work now so I'll check this and get off. Wish me luck!