Friday, 31 August 2007
Now I'm there, I DO know and I feel great. In fact, I may be getting a bit small for some 12's....!
Anyway, after my class I KNEW I was going to eat at home and I did. Some toast, some crackers, a bowl of noodles and a bowl of icecream. Quite a lot really, but not high fat, not fried not (apart from the icecream) sweet stuff or processed and, really, not too bad. I don't even feel guilty about it. It was what I wanted to do.
I was a bit worried about the next day and whether I would want to carry it on but that didn't happen. Thursday morning, I was up with the lark for my personal training at 7am and, although I did have a small carb "hangover", did fine in training and had a perfectly abstinent 4 pack day! Weird. There were several opportunities to cheat at work - a choc cake, sandwiches etc etc, I could have had a milky coffee. I sort of tested myself on these things and found that I just wasn't interested. Even when D came home last night (absolutely knackered poor love) I was happy to cook him a nice supper (steak and onions with mash), make milky coffees etc and go the pub and not a flicker of desire to cheat. This is huge. I can control things ( at least a little bit).
Today, I'm working from home (well, I will be when I'm caught up on the blogs!!) and feel strong for another day. I'm sticking to the packs until I start RTM on Monday evening so Tuesday will be my first RTM day. I already know what my first permitted meal will be - smoked mackerel, mmmmm so tasty!
So - hope you're all well and happy and sticking to your regimes. We CAN do it!!!
Tuesday, 28 August 2007
Did I buggery.....
The extras I have scoffed today on Black Tuesday have been: a Wide Boy Pepperami; 2 small Danish cookies at work, 2 choc chip cookies (which I bought for the turfing man), 2 small crackers and a piece of beef cooked for the dog!!! NOT good Lesley, not good.
I think I just get complacent and relax my guard when I've had a good result (in this case a good weigh on the scales) and the cheats slide in. Crooked thinking all the way - "I've been good, I deserve it, I can get away with it". Or, I just plain forget to monitor myself as closely.
It's very annoying because it will probably all show on the scales tomorrow and I really wanted to lose at least 4 lbs this week!! Think I've probably blown it. Sigh....
That said, I'm not changing my plan - I'm slim enough and I'm bored of Development. I want to go onto RTM and I think I'm ready to cope. I've been planning for eating for a few days now, right down to when and where I'm going to go shopping for my first few meals!!
I spent a happy and expensive hour on the internet at lunch buying cooking apparatus: - a Foreman grill, some foil containers for cooking ahead and freezing, a grill cookbook and a couple of GI books and a few other foodie bits and pieces. I also got a new coffee maker 'cos ours has bust and an icecream maker (which sounds daft but it's something I've wanted for ages). I'll have to restrict myself to yoghurts for a while but I won't be using it often due to it being fiddley so I don't think it'll damage the regime unduly.
So - as for my targets?
1. Sticking to abstinence
A mixed result. 4 perfect days and 3 not so perfect. No uncontrolled binging but today's snacking was very scrambled and scattered eating. Not too bad and I still have another few days to go.
2. Losing 7 lbs before I start RTM on Monday
Well, If I'm good for the rest of the week until Monday I still might. It's not so important to me as I feel that I'm where I want to be now and to be honest don;t want to get much thinner. Definitely on;t want to get stringy and another few lbs might do that.
3. Read the RTM books and prepare
Done that and done lots of preparation and getting ready to cook again and change my culinary habits so that's been good.
Maybe all the focussing on food has made abstinence harder over these last few days and contributed to the snacking??
Anyway, I'm not going to beat myself up. What's done is done and I've learned from it. I know I can stop before a snack becomes a binge and I just need to keep being vigilant. When D is home it'll be easier as I'll have company around.
I was up early doing yet more house and garden chores. I'm enjoying having the opportunity to sort and tidy and clear out little ventured into corners and cubbies. The house will never be a pristine affair (well apart from when we sell it!!) but it's definitely looking more spruce in the last week or so. My friend Jenny and her 2 kids were due to visit me mid morning and I realised that I had nothing in the house (bad hostess Lesley!) but instead of jumping in the car and nipping the mile or so down the road to the garage I called the dog and walked it! Very green and health conscious eh?
A nice walk, checked out the blackberry and elderberry picking spots and worked on the dog's heelwork. She's pretty good - I don't have her on the lead unless the path runs right alongside the busy main road. If there's a decent verge I can trust her to stay at my side and she's a lot happier being able to sniff around etc (when I let her of course!).
Jen came over and admired the work in progress garden. She's got a really good eye so I appreciated her suggestions for the finishing touches. The kids always seem happy to run around my house. I've no idea what they find to amuse themselves as we're not very child friendly really - think the electric reclining chair and the Kids/Games section on Sky mostly but also noticed my fitball and mini trampoline being called into action! They're only 4 and 6 but so self-contained - pretty much amused themselves!!
Jen, as befits her status as my oldest friend (we met on the first night in boarding school when I was 10 - she was in the bunk bed above me due to the fact of alphabetical order!!), was duly impressed by my weightloss and also openly pissed off that I'm skinnier than her now "Size 12 - well, really!!". She's ALWAYS been thinnner than me. Not once have I breached that barrier until now. Ouch!! True she has gained a few lbs over her holidays but I'm sure she'll lose those as she stays pretty much round the 12/14 mark. It was great to see her though and chat everything through and I know there's no 'edge' to her remarks - when you've been mates for as long as we have, you can say the unsayable...
We took the kids to the Hope Show which is a local agricultural/country fair. It was smaller than usual due to the ban on livestock movements but there was still a good crowd. The kids had a laugh; I met half the Valley and we watched the gundogs, the vulture and eagle flying display, the dancing diggers etc. I bought the final plants for my last empty bed near the pond and a good (if chilly) day was had by all.
I finished off the day with a few in the local pub then crashed out. Didn't sleep well though due to too many coffees trying to warm me up in the pub and suddenly getting cold feet about our party!! I started panicking in the way you do in the middle of the night when you're half asleep and there's nothing you can do about something!!
Still, I've got it in perspective this morning and I'm sure it'll be a good do. D will no doubt whinge along the way and we'll probably row about it but, if no-one stuck their head above the parapet and threw a big party once in a while, life would be a bit dull! It's a bit scary being the ones to go for it but worth it.
A girl I know a little came into the pub as I was leaving with her mother. I have a feeling it was a set up by the mum and they made a beeline for me. She's a very big girl in her 20's and her mum obviously wanted me to talk to her about LL. The girl, Emily, asked me what I'd done etc and took it all in but clearly wasn't ready. I did my best to explain it but could see the resistance in her eyes. I think she's tried so many things and failed that she was backing away from trying something else so as not to fail again. Her mum was clearly so hopeful that this would sink in - I tried not to preach and just told her - "It's brilliant, hard work but the results come quickly if you stick to it. When you're ready for a drastic solution, remember it and and come and talk to me about it". She might - you never know. She couldn't see past what she would be giving up to what she would be gaining though. Youth I suppose.
Actually, she was more excited about coming over and picking through my fat wardrobe which isn't a great sign!!
Anyway - a bit of a waffley post so I'll draw it to an inconclusive end. I feel as though I'm still processing what it means to be at the end of this stage of my journey. Like things are still a bit scrambled in my head but now there's more room for the thoughts and ideas to stretch out so they are falling into place. I definitely don't want to lose any more weight though - feel there isn't much left to go and don't want to get boney or stringy looking. I'm still very positive about RTM and adamant that I'll plan ahead anddo my best to stick to it.
Remind me to revisit my mini targets in my next post!!
Monday, 27 August 2007
Sunday, 26 August 2007
As of this morning, we weigh the same on our scales, 10 stone 10lbs (that's not my LL weight, but my morning home scales weight which I go by more and more now). She's taller than me but has a lighter build and skinnier legs . I can't believe it really which is why I made Martin take the picture of us before we set out. I wanted to "see" for real the fact that I am, effectively, the same size as Shelley. To persuade my mind that I am slim. Sometimes you need proof because it still doesn't really feel like that in my head.
I remember back in March on St Patrick's day, Shelley and I went for a really good run and I posted pictures of me running. I had a lovely day and was beginning to really feel the progress. It was Day 65, I had lost over 50lbs and I was feeling great!! This is what I posted:
"I thought I had better prove that I do actually do all the running I talk about on the blog! I met up with Shelley at 10 yesterday (Saturday) and we set off up a massive hill! Nightmare - still, we got to the top then hit the fields and from then on had a lovely run. It was great being off the roads so Shelagh could flit betwen us and smell the smells in her doggie way. It's also good seeing new views of the Valley I live in although hopefully one day they won't all have my friend's backside in them (the views that is!). As you can see, she is a bit of a leggy girl so I don't keep up with her but I don't lag too far behind. On the upside I have way more willpower than Shelley so it is me who makes us get out there in the first place!
Anyway, the last photo is of me is running up Shelley's drive and I was well and truly knackered by then after about 4 very hilly and muddy miles!"
Times have REALLY changed. Hills don;t faze me, I'm not knackered at all even after a much longer and hillier run than that one (we don;t even do that one any more unless we're pushed for time as it is too short!). I was so happy back then but now I'm there, I've done it - what I set out to achieve has been achieved. I've reached my goal. Obviously, it's only the first part of the journey and I have still to manage my weight for the rest of my life but I can truly say that I've reached my target now even though I'd still like to shift the last couple of lbs. They're just technicalities - I'm slim now and that's what I've dreamed of for years, if not my entire life.
I can't really type now as my eyes are full of tears and I'm blubbing like a good 'un but it's great feeling. It's just sort of hit me - maybe because I've taken my foot off the accelerator today so I've been able to process what's happened to me and my body over the last few weeks.
So - no rest for the wicked. I'm going to get out in the garden for an hour or so then do some chores and car boot sorting (for NEXT week) and then hopefully get out and about in the Valley for a big night out. I was out last night and had a good time but it was quite quiet. I was also being hit on a bit which was flattering but a bit of a pain. My usual chums weren't around so I felt a bit "exposed" as a single woman even though there were loads of people I know - they weren't good friends, just pub mates, if you know what I mean.
Have a great day everyone. Thanks for sharing my big emotional moment with me. I feel that the ceiling should have opened up and a load of balloons shold have dropped down or something - like when Homer Simpson got his perfect 300 at the bowling alley!!
Saturday, 25 August 2007
This time though, with my new short cut, it looked fab!! When it's straight, it's a bit like Victoria Beckham's cut although obviously not blonde and not perched on top of Skeletor's body!! I had my big shades in my bag and I was away!! Loved it.
I was really looking forward to showing it off tonight in the pub but, because the cut was so early this morning, it has already kinked and is not looking as good as it did this monring - shame! I'll try and smooth it down but don't have any straighteners (not being a girly girl) so think it'll be a compromise at best.
Then a bit of shopping - picked up 6 items in M&S and bought 5 of them (although one is going back, to be fair). What a result. Skinny shopping is AMAZING.
Wacthed a fantastic Zimbawean singing and dancing group in the shopping street (part of some Sheffield Festival of Culture of something). They were singing that unaccompanied African harmonic stuff, just clapping and singing and harmonising with about 8 male voices. While they were singing one or 2 of them would dance and it was so simple but just great - so vibrant and such a gorgeous, mellow sound. Took me back to my youth in Nigeria. I was, unfairly, a bit frustrated by how straight-laced we Brits are. Although I could tell that the crowd was really enjoying it, there was planty of applause and whistling after each dancer finished his bit etc, but no-one joined in the clapping or danced even a little. I suppose that's the way we are. I'm sure in other countries the crowd would have joined in more. I certainly wanted too but then I'm not typically British!
Then back home and picked up the keys to the holiday cottage which we completed on yesterday on the way back. Then out to my friends Martin and Shelley's place to see what they're up to and see if they wanted to check the cottage out with me. Shelley was in the middle of a 3-4 hour hair and nails appointment (much to Martin's incomprehension) so it was just Martin and I. The cottage is as lovely as I remembered it (thank God!) and, better still, it's totally furnished and ready for guests, right down to pictures on the wall, sheets on the bed, crockery and cleaning products in the cupboards! Everything you would expect in a holiday cottage is there - amazing.
The area is lovely and peaceful too so I was reassured that we've done the right thing.
After that - I was meant to be doing chores and preparing for a car boot sale tomorrow but couldn't get into it. Couldn't settle to anything. In the end I just got up and called the dog to go for a walk - anything just to get something done. I was intending a quickish walk round the fields (about half an hour) but ended up trying a new route across the golf course and back along the river. The dog was in seventh heaven with all the new smells and the walk was a good long one - about 90 minutes over hill and dale and including several swims for pooch. I really enjoyed it but by the time I got back it was too late to do the car boot stuff and my hair was frazzled (boo, hiss) and I still felt unsettled.
So, what did I do? Had my third food pack with a drink and spoke to D on the phone - good. Watched some telly - good. Sorted some books for the car boots NEXT weekend now - good.
Then that wasn't enough for some reason so ate a small can of tuna with cucumber and a teaspoon of mayo, about 3 tblsns of dry Alpen and 2 tblspns of vanilla icecream. - v. bad! I'm pissed off that, after 3 perfect days, I have succumbed to eating but am reasonably pleased that at least I ate properly. I will not have my 4th foodpack now and, what I ate, wasn't bad. I did enjoy it; it wasn't furtive cheating, eating. I feel full now and I've come up to here to get it all off my chest and make sure that I don't go downstairs to the kitchen hunting up more trouble. Compared to my bingy eating of last week this was totally different. I'm not pleased with it but it was at least controlled and reasonable stuff.
I remember the last time I went off the rails was in 2 evenings when D had just gone away. I felt at a loose end and unsettled/lonely. I realise that's what I feel now. I'm going to see my mates tonight in the pub but nothing is arranged so it may be a bit of a scramble. D is away and everyone else has their other halves around them. So I've turned to food. Not in a terribly self-destructive way but defiantly contrary to my big push this week. It's not great but at least I have learned from the experience. I MUST arrange company for the holiday weekends and not leave myself vulnerable to this feeling.
Still - I'll rustle up some chums for tonight's bonanza, sort my hair out and get out there in my new skinny jeans (if they'll go on after the tuna-LOL!) and all this angst will be forgotten.
Ready to re-commence the 10 day challenge afresh this evening.
I gather from the blogging silence that everyone is having a busy BH weekend. Be good!!
I was up mega early doing some work from home before my day off kicked in. It was hectic but I just about got what I needed to do done before I had to race off to the Rugby Club Golf Day.
I'm too tired and it's too late to go into details but the weather was gorgeous; golf was rubbish; company was lovely and supportive (although started taking the piss as the beers mounted up!); and I stood firm against: bacon sarnies, sandwiches, soup, chips, crisps, roast beef dinner with sticky toffee pudding to follow, wine and copious amounts of beer!!
I did leave early to be honest as I couldn't see the point in watching them all eat so went to the pub and drank a gallon or so of sparkling water. Had a good time there too and one of my new outfits got an airing to general approval!
I must be retaining water as I drank like a camel and only peed once all night!! Eventually I felt ridiculously full and bloated so came home to eat my final pack and blog while I waited for D to phone me from the rig. I feel like a barrel now and my trousers were noticeably tighter by the end of the evening. Who cares though? It's nice to know that it'll all disappear over the next day or so and that I'm not stuffed because of over-indulgence even though it is a bit uncomfortable at the moment.
Anyway, I have an early haircut in Sheffield tomorrow so am going to be knackered if I don;t get to bed. Just wanted to report that I'd been good for another full day - it IS do-able!!
Night night all and have a great BH weekend!!
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Wednesday, 22 August 2007
So - what am I going to do about it?? As I said last week, I'm going to do Development for one more week and then start Route To Management on the following Monday. However, I want to go into RTM in a positive frame of mind and be ready to follow it to the letter as per Mrs Lard's instructions. So - I'm determined to have a really good 10 days and give myself every chance to lose the last 7 lbs in that time. I know that is do-able for me. If I'm perfectly abstinent this week, I could even lost it this week!! So that's the plan!
- To be TOTALLY abstinent over the next 10 days
- To lose 7 lbs before I start RTM on Monday 3 September
- To read the RTM books before I start the programme (which I didn't do in Development - I didn't pick up the Green Book for the whole time and feel the poorer for it)
I'll set new targets when I get to RTM and will evaluate how I did on these ones then too. I will have a buddy in this endeavour. Tracey from my class (the woman who has lost over 10 stone!) was planning on going into RTM this Monday but went a bit mad last week and managed to GAIN 4lbs! It's the first time in over 10 months on the programme that she has had a gain and she's pissed off with herself. So, she's going to do one more week and start RTM on the same Monday as me. We're setting ourselves the same challenge.
Anyway, I played golf this morning which was good but very windy and I seem to have picked up a banging and persistent headache from that. I worked from home in the afternoon and then took the dog out onto Bamford Edge for a walk in the sunshine. That was really windy again and now the headache is pretty insistent. I've taken the edge off with tablets but it's not gone away. I haven't had a headache for months so this is a strange feeling. Anyway, I'm resisting the urge to medicate myself with food.
I hope you like the pictures. It wasn't an ideal afternoon for photography - it was very bright, windy and slightly hazy so everything has that "white light" feeling to it. I love the one of Shelagh on the rock though - I think it looks like one of those seventies studio portraits with a fake background behind her!! The one of me and Shelagh is also amusing - she just hurled herself into my arms for a cuddle as the self-timer clicked.
I love it up on the edge - - it's close to where they filmed parts of Jane Eyre (both the Keira Knightley version and the latest BBC serial) and it's got that lovely wild, open feel to it.
Anyway, I'm off to watch Heroes and resist eating any unauthorised food. Wish me luck!!
Tuesday, 21 August 2007
Mindful of my problem with early evenings and knowing that I didn't have anything planned for this evening, I texted various mates and met the lads in the pub for early doors drinks at 6pm. It was pretty good, got a few waters in me and got me over the 5-7pm danger spot. I could have gone for another run but am playing golf tomorrow morning and ran last night. I don't want to get obsessional about it!!
It's such a little male enclave at that time - quite enjoyed it but wouldn't want to go out every night. It's very useful though as I had several queries about builders, hog roasts, marquee hire, plasterers, presents for Diarmuid, and a few other things and was able to pick their brains en masse. It's a very useful resource the pub - if you don't know something, there's bound to be someone there who does!!
It's Diarmuid's 40th birthday in September and I've finally persuaded him to let me throw a party for him. He was not keen but I've worn him down and he's agreed. I knew he would eventually and I know he'll pitch in and really enjoy it ultimately. I wanted to have a party as we've been quiet this year due to me being on LL. He's 40 for God's sake and I'm thin!! We might be living in France this time next year (although I suspect not quite!) so we should grab the chance while we can. Also - it'll be a good target to have to make sure that we totally finish the garden - D is a bugger for leaving jobs not QUITE finished - this way he won't! Sneaky eh?
So, it's set for 22 September. I think I'm going to make it a catered Hog Roast so I don't have to cook masses of food - just salads and sides and desserts. I'm still tinkering with the plans - not sure whether to be an evening or late afternoon do but, as it's the end of September, we will definitely need a reasonably secure mini marquee with heaters. If there are loads of kids likely to be coming, I'll hire a Bouncy Castle but otherwise not. Lots of lighting and candles round the garden and near the pond (which will be fenced off!! I'd like fireworks but will have to check with the neighbours due to 2 lots of stables full of horses on either side of us so suspect that might be a non-starter!
Music could be tricky - I think I'll have to rope in various more musically up-to-date pals to get me sorted with a Ipod party playlist so I don't have to worry about it.
I'm going to sort the invites out this weekend (before, if I get round to it) and then get bashing away at the outstanding garden chores. Chief of which is making SURE that the turfing guy is coming next week as promised!!! That would be a disaster - a garden with no grass!
The present thing is really tricky - can't go into detail in case he lurks here (which I don't think he does but he might - hello D, if you do - love you!!). He's the sort of guy who tends to get himself what he wants or needs so extras are hard to think of. I have a plan but it depends whether he's off the rig at the right time and now, with the likelihood of his rota changing around November time, it's almost impossible to be certain. I remember this happening a few years ago and, for a while, we just couldn't plan anything in advance - most frustrating when you've got used to a steady rota.
When I got home, I had my lemon bar and black tea then set to clearing out a couple of cupboards and chucking, recycling or putting in the Car Boot box. Most satisfying although the recycling won by far and the Car Boot box is looking a bit sparse. Maybe tomorrow night's cupboards will yield a better result.
So - all in all a good day and I have golf tomorrow morning to look forward to, followed by working from home in the afternoon. I have my weigh in but, frankly, don't expect to lose much, if anything. The cheating fromThursday and Friday seems to have really hurt me and I've stayed solid on the scales since last week.
I must say, this makes me worry about how I will possibly be able to go back to eating a "normal" diet. I've been thinking aout this for a while. At the moment, I'm eating 550 calories or so on the packs and, on a bad week, cheats of, at most a few hundred calories on 2, at most 3 days a week. I'm exercising quite a lot and on that, on a bad week, I'm just scraping a lb off. That's on a diet of only around 1000 calories for a couple of days out of the week with the remainder at 550-650 and I'm still only just staying the same!! How can I ever sustain my weight going forward?? I have to say that, the closer I get to finishing, the more worried I am about this. Going to tackle my LLC about it tomorrow because the stats are seriously concerning me. Is it a depressed metabolism - in which case, I have only to stick it out for a few months and it should return to normal (according to Peridot's nutritionist!!). Is it something more sinister?? God, I hope not!
Anyway, less of the doom and gloom - I'm sure it must be possible to sort this out so I'll stop borrowing trouble and report what the LLC says tomorrow.
Monday, 20 August 2007
I had a really productive day today - did loads of chores and ticked masses of items off both my home list and my work list. They were mostly the sort of smallish task that gets left behind because they're fiddley and not really intrinsically important but they need to be done sometime! I had a full day of clearing up crap, in other words!!
The process of our buying the holiday cottage is finally coming to a conclusion - we've not really pushed it but it looks as though we should complete on Friday. I'm going to meet up with the sellers to have a chat about their accounts and customers before we do though - it's been hard to do that before as they've been abroad.
My productivity continued once I got home - I went out for my run and then, instead of showering and heading to the pub as I usually do on a Monday, I got stuck into doing some paperwork and clearing my wardrobe out. I've sorted the whole lot - a pile of size 14/16's to give to friends, a pile for the charity bag, a pile of the larger stuff for ebay and a few things left that still fit me!! I have kept a few of the size 14's which are not actually falling off me for gardening and slobbing round in and a few of the nicer items which I might try and have taken in but, apart from that, there is not much left! My work wardrobe is decidedly thin (if you'll pardon the pun) as the only 2 skirts I kept are very baggy!
My run was good - part way round I met my mate Kate running in the opposite direction so we stopped for a chat. We've set a running date for Friday night which will be good as I have trouble forcing myself out to run on Fridays and, if I go then, it'll leave more of the weekend free. Anyway, because we'd stopped, I was fresher when I got to a crossroads and therefore chose the longer route. It meant an absolute bugger of a hill - really long and steadily steep - but it made my run into a good solid 50 minutes at a really good pace. I was chuffed.
Amanda - I was thinking about what you said about breathing while jogging while I was out this evening. I'm not sure if it's of any use, but I worked out that I breathe in and out through my mouth and I tend to time the breaths with either 2 or 3 steps, depending on how fast I'm going. So, if I'm going fast, I'll breathe in for 2 steps and out for 2 steps. If I'm going more steadily, it's 3 in and 3 out. I always keep it even though so I'm in a rhythm with the strides and breaths and I never do uneven 2 in 3 out or anything like that - maybe that's what you need to focus on; slow rhythmic breathing to match your strides, then walk when you feel that you can't keep it up any more, then start up again when your breathing is back under control?? I don;t know if that is the "right" way to do it (if there is such a thing) as I've never had an issue with my breathing, it just seems to come naturally to me. Just a thought. Good luck.
I did something else that I've never done today too - I was idly thinking ahead to midweek footie game and how Jim and I always meet up at Pizza Hut. I was wondering what I should eat there as the non-pizza options on the menu aren't extensive. So I looked up with the menu on the internet and noticed a "Nutritional Values" button. I checked out all the various options and worked out that the Warm Chicken Salad is by far the best option! I might have guessed that the Chicken Caesar Salad or Chicken and Bacon Salad wouldn't have much different but, Boy, would I have been wrong?? A good 400 caories different and that's not even taking into account the massive gulf between the relative fat contents etc. So - PLANNING is King once again!
This diet must be changing me because I would NEVER have thought of doing something like that in the past and would have probably ended up, without the advance planning, either having a fatty "salad" or giving in entirely and going for a pizza!! Not going to do that now.
Sunday, 19 August 2007
So got up and did loads of (quiet) kitchen chores while the other 2 lay-in. Cleaned the fridge, the oven and cleared various cupboards out! It was very refreshing and a nice feeling to have a v spruce kitchen again. I think because I haven't been cooking, I haven't noticed that it had got a little, erm, grubby shall we say! D cleans and wipes but not to one's own standards I find. Anyway - it's lovely and sparkley now, ready for me to restock and start cooking in a few weeks time!!
We took the dog for a shortish walk and got caught about 200m from the house in a downpour and then said our goodbyes. It's been lovely seeing them and we're all at turning points in our lives so we had lots to talk about. Angela left with a massive stack of my larger clothes so I have some room in my wardrobe too which is a bonus!
Met Jim in the pub as usual and he was full of shock at the transformation - he last saw me in May at the cricket in Headingley and I suppose I've dropped a couple of sizes since then. He said my face was the most different thing - that it had changed a lot although I don't really see that.
What was funny was all the other football regulars. We sort of know each other after years of meeting at the same pub before the game every other Saturday during the season but not names or anything - quite a few came up and made comments about "where had I gone?" etc and the bar staff as well. It was really good fun. I'm sure the guys on the table next to us thought we were mad though as Jim was commenting on my disappearing bust and asking about saggy skin etc etc - he's very in touch with his feminine side is Jim (although not gay or anything - he'd want me to assure you!!).
Onto the game itself and, as I'd hoped the people who sit round us made a big fuss of me - Roy gave me a big hug and a kiss, the blind bloke's Mum asked me all about it and then had to explain to her son what everyone was going on about! Even the young lads (@19 or 20) who sit in front of us withdrew from their youthful self-absorbtion to mutter a comment. It's a nice little community and everyone was really sweet.
I appreciated the game more too - no worrying about squashing my neighbour's leg or panting while climbing the stairs to the top of the Kop. I bounced down to the Ladies, missed our only goal while I was in there and then ran back up. A totally different experience.
For the record - Wednesday played reasonably well but lost 1-3 in a pretty bad tempered and poorly refereed match against Wolves. It's going to be a long old season and I don't think we're going to get much joy out of it!
One other thing to report - anticipating my evening weakness before we left the house, I insisted that my friends threw away the milk and bread I'd bought in for them and took away any cold meat and houmous left over from last night. I was so happy that I did when I was strong this morning as I'm sure I would have succumbed when got back in tired and hungry after the game. So - planning is all.
Now I'm heading out for a run - wonder if the dog will come with me??! Doubt it - traitorous little bitch...
Saturday, 18 August 2007
Friday, 17 August 2007
I've been rubbish at work too - hardly able to concentrate and just drifting through the days. And then losing myself in books for hours on end at home and not really doing anything.
I hope it's just a phase but I remember doing this a lot of the time before LL and it didn't make me happy.
The one good thing is that I've exercised both evenings - a good long run in the sunshine up Win Hill last night and a really hard session with the personal trainer this evening followed by a walk with the dog. So at least that isn't sliding. After the exercise, I feel a lot better and have no temptation to eat whatsoever. It really is a concentrated period of my day (around 5-7pm)where I have allowed myself to lose control and revelled in the eating thing.
I've tried to analyse why and do a thought record but I genuinely can't work it out. It'll come I suppose. In the meantime, I need to avoid temptation in that period and get more active as this sitting around is pissing me off.
Having said that, I've just had a nice long bath with a book and am going to watch some telly and have an early night. I have a couple of friends visiting tomorrow so they'll probably cheer me up and then there's the footie on Sunday. So things are looking up and I'm just being a grumpy guts for no real reason!!
I'm glad I dragged myself over here to the computer as I feel better already. I really didn't want to post - wanted to hide like Cath said on hers (welcome back cath by the way!!) - but I'm glad I did. Night night all.
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Tuesday, 14 August 2007
So - I had a quiet night. D took me for a stroll in the last of the sunshine which was nice - nothing energetic just a pleasant wander round the old railway track and over the stepping stones. We went through the dog's favourite swallow field so she had a blast and she also had a good swim at the Mill. D's been really good with me being poorly - doing all the housework, trying to cheer me up and coming back from the pub when I asked, ie. when I'd finished doing the house buying chores and wanted diversion!!
Foodwise - I took Mrs's advice and stayed away from the kitchen - I even wrote "STOP!" on the back of my hand and it worked!! I had a completely abstinent day - right down to the last mouthful. I feel great about that and confident that I will be able to do it again.
As of this morning, the scales are showing a decent loss so I have to keep that up until tomorrow evening's weigh in. I'm also off to the doctor's this morning so hopefully the cystitis will be a thing of the past soon. I'm feeling a lot better this morning but you always do feel better in the mornings so I'm not fooled that it's gone....
I'm looking forward to a better day today anyway.
Monday, 13 August 2007
The good thing is I haven't sucumbed to the temptation and, for that, the poem has been very helpful. The bad one is, that I know that, in the past, when I've resisted for ages, I'm more likely to give in in a weak moment. So now I'm nervous about this evening at home. I'm determined to change that pattern.
Wish me luck!
I have been trying to (gently) encourage my parents to be more active but could see that Dad wasn't going to go for a walk as the weather was very changeable in the morning. (Mum is a bit of a lost cause at the moment - she has no interest in exercising and is incredibly stubborn so that's that I'm afraid.) I was chatting to Dad about steps etc and trying to do 10,000 and it seemed to catch his interest so I dug out one of the many pedometers littering my house and passed it over. It was hilarious - he was striding round the house, counting his steps and then checking the screen to see how accurate it was. He's taken it with him so I'm sure I'll have an update as to how many he manages over the next week!!
After his heart attack and bypass op about 12 years ago he used to go for a walk every day but, in recent years, this has fallen by the wayside. He does more gardening now that Mum is less active but not much aerobic stuff. I'm hoping that the step thing and the pedometer will spark his interest and get him back to walking round the village again. He always takes Shelagh out when she stays with them! So - it's not just you lot that I bully into exercising - the next challenge will be getting Diarmuid to do something!!
D arrived home from Wales shortly after they left and told tales of his big adventure. I posted the picture of him with his dogfish 'cos he looks so proud of himself! He was tired out but couldn't resist unpacking the new garden furniture which was delivered on Saturday. It's a boy thing - he must unwrap any parcel immediately even if it won't be used for a while!
I'm really pleased with the furniture. There's a big table which extends to seat 10 easily, 8 folding armchairs with cushions and a parasol. The table and chairs are made of Acacia hardwood and the cushions and parasol are a nice shade of linen/cream. It was a fantastic deal on the internet. I'm told that garden furniture is cheap at the moment because of the terrible summer. I remember looking at this set wistfully back in April because it was well over a grand and over my budget - I got it this week for £429 including the cushions and parasol!! Bargain or what?! It'll look good in France too...
I can't WAIT to have people round for a meal/bbq in the new garden - it's so close now. We sat at the table and stared at each other while making a list of all the tidying up things which still have to be done. We then made coffees, snacks and packs up etc and had a happy half hour down by the pond. It really is nice down there - we would never have put in a pond if we hadn't employed a garden designer but we're so pleased we did - it gives us a reason to come down to the end of the garden and sit on the deck. The designer did the design and the planting plan and we have done all the work and I'm sure the garden is SO much better than if we'd economised and made it up ourselves. One of the best couple of hundred quid we've spent on the garden to be honest!
I went for a good long run in the early evening sunshine with the dog. I wasn't in the mood for big hills yesterday so ended up running up the old railway track to the dams, round the dams to a little cove called Raspberry Bay (because of all the wild raspberries that grow there - and, yes, I did have some of the late stragglers - delicious!) and then back up to a pub on the main road a few miles outside the village. It has a sunny front seating area so the dog and I sat out there and waited for D to come up and join us. I got chatting to a couple of bikers who always stop at that pub as it's on a good biker road and D told me later that he had felt a novel sensation of proprietory pride/jealousy when he walked up to see me chatting to them and clocked them checking out my backside (in tight lycra) as we left!!
We had a really good talk yesterday evening about how proud he is of me now and how happy. I tried to keep his feet on the ground a bit to say that I've not totally cracked it, that this is a long long journey but I knew he wasnt' really taking it in. He got all emotional which was really lovely for me but I'm not like that - more realistic, less emotional - I KNOW the struggles I have ahead and the likelihood (to be fair and frank) that I will regain at least some of this weight. Maybe it's our different heritages: D is a romantic Celt through and through and is totally black and white about things so he is happy and thinks this is it. I'm more hard headed and aware of the shades of grey so see the big picture stretching into the future. I really enjoyed his pleasure though and am pleased that he could take me with him and his enthusiasm.
Hope you all had a good weekend and have a good diet week.
Sunday, 12 August 2007
Saturday, 11 August 2007
I had a pretty good day at work. Not perfect diet wise unfortunately as I started with a skinny capp on the station on the way in. Daft, daft daft. Falling in that hole again.
Left reasonably early as Mum and Dad were due and I was on the trian and had to pick up the car and the dog before getting home. It was a pleasant evening so was sat out by the pond reading and eating my bar and tea when the parents arrived. Shelagh was funny as ever, she was with me and spotted Dad at the other end of the garden before I did. She didn't make a sound - no barking or whimpering - she just set off down the garden like a bullet. Straight at Dad and in seconds was rollong on her back at his feet in ecstasy. True love on both sides!
The Olds admired my soon to be splendid garden and skinny physique and I fed them a snackette so we were quits.
I left them settled in front of the telly fighting over the dog (and the remote) and went off to the 40th birthday party I was due to go to. It was held in a barn in a field half a mile away so very convenient. I was mindful of the cold so wore jeans and trainers which left my mother somewhat nonplussed - "I thought you were going to a party!!".
It's a lovely venue, open to the hills and really remote so you can be noisy and feel free. The barn is kitted out with a dancefloor and a bar and an open but covered area for eating- perfect. I didn't know that many people but enough and initially went through that slightly awkward feeling when I go to something on my own, especially I wasn't eating or drinking so didn't have that social prop. That soon passed and we got down to the serious business of dancing the night away.
I LOVE dancing nowadays! I always used to like it but after a couple of tracks I would start to sweat and my hair would get wet or my feet would hurt or I just felt self conscious about being the fattest person on the dancefloor. Now, there's no such issues and I can dance all night without stopping and love every minute. I can be more inventive about how I dance, funnier steps, cooler moves - I just love it. And it doesn't seem to matter that I don't drink - I can dance sober now! Brilliant.
I like the photo too - Yes - the 2 other women are really tall. I'm 5'6" but they are at least 6' each and one was wearing heels! But - for years I've looked at them and admired their slim figures - now I can see that I'm easily as slim as they are and probably a little younger looking too. My world has tilted on its axis - again!!
I left , sober and happy at 12.30 and must admit to grabbing a mini bhaji on the way out! Why? Opportunity - that's all it can be. I had resisted cake, curry and booze all evening but unthinkingly grabbed something I didn't even really want on the way out. I'm weird.
Still, I did dance for about 2 solid hours so doubt it will be a problem.
Friday, 10 August 2007
Guinea - you are spot on - I'd LOVE to see a survey showing who keeps the weight off after what diet etc but you NEVER see that information....
Secondly, I've been meaning to answer your question Mrs, about the running, so here goes: I generally run 3 times a week for between 50 minutes and an hour and 15/20 minutes. How long and how far I go depends on how I feel, how much time I have and how hilly the route is. I'm not really one for marking out distances and times etc as I prefer enjoying the scenery and freedom/challenge of running new routes etc. I reckon I usually run a minimum of 5 miles though and often up to 7/8, maybe more. I stopped wearing a pedometer ages ago because it had been set to a very old step length (when I was slower and fatter - tee hee!!) so was very inaccurate. So, all guesswork.
I think because of living where I live, I appreciate getting out and seeing new places and even old places from different angles or at different seasons. The open moors or quiet, hidden country paths are my favourites. Hving said that, I can do urban running too as I've recently taken up a once a week lunchtime run round Rotherham! It's not quite as pretty (!!) but you get to nose round some interesting spots and see a lot more of the town than usual. I tend to incorporate some running along the canal in Roth which is incredibly industrial and somewhat seedy but fascinating.
Anyway - Thursday was a very good diet day - spotless in fact. I repeated the poem mantra to myself whenever I felt tempted to go down to the kitchen for some nameless reason (ie. to nose around the cupboards or fridge!!) - "Walk round the hole, Lesley, walk around it!!". And it works! Thanks for that poem Mrs, it's been a lifesaver recently.
The lovely Huw is back from his holidays so I had personal training again. He's still lovely and toned and tanned so that was nice! He said I had shrunk in the time he'd been away (nearly 3 weeks since he saw me last) and I talked him through some of my recent runs. It was good - I don't seem to have lost any strength and feel great about working out the muscles as well as the aerobic stuff. His workout is very Pilates/Core based and I can really feel my core strength increasing - my abs and back muscles are more defined than they have ever been.
D is off fishing in Anglesey this morning for the weekend and says he's going to be pining for me (and the dog)!! Sap! I'll be alright though as I have my parents coming to stay and a party to go to tonight. We women are much tougher than them there blokes....
Thursday, 9 August 2007
I lsot 2 lbs last week. It was always looking to be a slow week as I've been retaining water and the loss I saw on the scales on Tuesday disappeared again on Wednesday for which I blame Slimfast and my mystery cappucino!! Still, I'm not too disappointed with 2 off. It's in the right direction etc.
My LLC, on the other hand, gave me a proper bollocking and said I'm sabotaging myself and faffing around and that she would rather I went straight into Management than continue doing this etc etc She pointed to my previously consistent weight losses and basically left me no place to hide. She's dead right - I have been pushing the envelope regarding nibbles and coasting along which does bite you in the the bum in the end.
So we've agreed, I will not dick around for much longer, no more than 3 weeks more in Development. I'm going to set myself some SMART targets this week too and really concentrate. She's right, there's no reason why I can't have a really good loss this week and next and then go into Management asap.
In class, we did a SWOT analysis of our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats, mostly regarding weight but also touching on other life issues. I am going to focus on that when setting my SMART goals too as it threw up some interesting points. Nothing earth shattering but all useful stuff in trying to make some changes for these last few weeks and then into Management.
Apart from that, I had a productive day and a pleasant evening in the pub with D. He's off fishing for the weekend and doesn't really want to go!! It's a measure of how much things have changed between us that he'd rather spend the weekend with me than with the lads fishing and pubbing it. Still, I'm making him go anyway 'cos I know he'll have a good time when he gets there and I don't want to get the blame from the rest of them!!
BTW - did anyone see Diet Doctors on Five last night? There was a small section absolutely slagging off VLCD's. They had one woman who had obviously had a bad experience on LL (I recognised the packets) and who was not sticking to the plan but yo-yoing on and off it. They said that her body was "in starvation" and that her metabolic rate dropped so weight would be piled on afterwards and the woman in question said that she could gain a stone in 3 days!! She also said that her self esteem had fallen even lower and that her relationship with food was worse than it had been. It was a real hatchet job with absolutely NO attempt to be unbiased. No-one from any of the VLCD organisations; no attempt to discuss how the plans should work if you do them properly rather than coming in and out as this woman had done. Terrible reporting in my opinion.
I'm going onto the Five website later to make my views known. But - you can't help but be worried about regaining the weight can you? So it was very unsettling watching for that reason.
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Especially as I had a meeting planned to include a site visit of a 300 acre site and the adjacent Country Park which would involve at least an hour of clambering around the site to see it from several angles and climbing hills etc to get views of the whole development area!!
In the end I decided I needed something and bought a Slimfast meal replacement bar from Boots. It was 200 calories and like a rice crispie type bar with chocolate on the bottom. I must say it was absolutely delicious and seemed to go on forever, really substantial and chewy. Way better than our bars!! Anyway, that tided me over until the evening when I had 3 packs almost together and felt pretty stuffed! The site walkaround was fairly strenuous and the meeting after intense, both of which would have been awful on a totally enpty stomach so I'm pleased I ate. I feel I made the right decision for me, even though it's not strictly the LL way.
So, if that was all hunky dory, why did I have a large cappucino at the motorway service station where I stopped to do my french homework on the way to french?? I didn't really need it, I was hungry but not ravenous and had previously resisted temptation several times at that very cafe. I think it was the break from routine, the idea that I'd been good and deserved it etc etc. Grrr
Still, I managed not to have any of the goregous looking cakes or pastries there and, even though I was there for well over an hour doing my prep, didn't have seconds, just a bottle of water. So not all bad.
French was fun as ever and D was back early so we could watch a film together so the rest of the day was pretty good.
When I was heavy, I would never believe that the day would come when I would hear D tell me that I have lost enough weight and that I'm in danger of getting too thin!! Well, he did last night!! I think he's wrong, actually but it was nice to hear. We had a good chat about it and realistically I think I only have the 10/12lbs (depending on what I lose at my next weigh in) to lose taking me to 10 stone 10 on the LL scales or 10 stone 5 at home in the morning (my preferred measure). I have decided NOT to go any further (as I mentioned in a post a couple of days ago) but do want to be dead in the middle of size 12 and to have a few lbs wriggle room too, hence I'm sticking it out for another 2 or 3 weeks. I think you're right Chris - don't want to look gaunt or too boney.
So - bar the mystery cappucino - not too bad a day.
Monday, 6 August 2007
I was up bright and early to iron my golfing gear and to rejoice in the fact that I can wear shorts and cute bright pink tee shirts rather than too tight trousers and dreary oversized men's polo shirts which are way too long and have sleeves that reach down to my elbows in order for the rest of the shirt to stretch over my huge belly!! Those days are gone, baby, long gone!
Met the lads at the club, took my camera and then didn't take a single shot - the boys aren't really into that sort of thing and I was concentrating on my swing so as not to let down the team.
We had a great day though - perfect weather, adequate but not scintillating golf and the Club raised over £13k for charity.
Normally D has a real chip on his shoulder about the golf club and, for various reasons, some of which are reasonable, has not set foot in it for over 10 years. This has been a bit of a bone of contention for me but I've let it lie. Well, yesterday I thought - sod it - I want him to join me and our friends for a simple meal and few drinks after the game (especially as I'd already paid for the meal in my ticket and I wasn't going to be eating it!) so I asked nicely but firmly for him to come along as a favour to me and to support me in the diet.
He was grumpy and resisted so I made it clear I was disappointed but left him to make the decision which, 5 minutes later, he duly did! It's another example of how I/we have changed through this diet. Now, I'm quite happy to stand up for myself and expect D to do the right thing - I don't get all emotional and teary about things. And it seems to work.
So - we had a really nice afternoon, sitting out on the patio quaffing down wine in the evening sunshine (well, sparkling water in my case) and chatting 'til the midges drove us to the pub. I went home then to water the plants. I was really pleased that D put his money where his mouth is and came through for me and he seemed to enjoy himself too. One less bone of contention from now on in I hope.
On the downside - I've been really good food and water wise over the last few days since my weigh in on Wedensday but the scales are showing NO signs of shifting at all. I've been cheesed off about it but have stuck to the system. Grrr I feel slimmer in my clothes but no lbs disappearing at all. I know a lot of you don't weigh yourselves as recommended but I find that I need to weigh myself every morning or otherwise I feel that I'm cutting myself off from the diet. It's just me.
The other thing to report is that I'm toying with the idea of trying to get to a slightly lower weight than my original target of 10 stone 10lbs. I know I was struggling last week so set myself 3 good weeks before Management irrespective of what I lost in that time. Having had a good weekend, I'm now thinking that I might want to stick it out for another few weeks and see what 9 stones something looks like!!! Not sure - it's just a tentative thought at the moment. Will see how the 3 weeks go before I commit to that!! Knowing me I'll have yo-yoed back to struggling next week - that seems to be the pattern.