Thursday, 27 September 2007
Yesterday though, although I wasn't really ravaged by temptation, it went a bit rubbish in the evening and I had some unauthorised bread and a bowl of cornflakes! Which is stupid because I went to Pizza Hut and really enjoyed my calorie counted salad. Also, for various reasons I couldn't fit in any exercise. It was always going to be tricky but I just couldn't leave the office for a run at lunchtime and I had the football in the evening so couldn't go then either. Still, the football does involve quite a long and brisk (it was freezing!!) walk to and from the ground so not too bad!
The game was really exciting - Carling Cup game against Everton. We played so much better than I have seen them play this season and were well on top of the Premiership side for most the game and had loads of shots at goal - just couldn't quite score (story of our life). After about the 10th shot was saved I just knew it wasn't going to be our day though and, sure enough, Everton, with their first real chance, scored and right at the death took another 2 so it ended with a really unflattering 3-nil scoreline which makes you think that Everton battered us - but they really didn't. A strange game, football. (Or "soccer" for you Americans!!)
It was cold last night but I felt it way worse than I used to. I'm also suffering from poor circulation in my hands and feet these days. The doctor said I have probably always had it (and he's right, it is a family trait) but, when I was fat, my core temperature stayed high so my body didn't have to restrict blood flow to my extremities to keep my core warm. Now I'm thinner, my core gets colder so my fingers and toes suffer!! So - I really need good coats, hats, gloves and boots!! Shopping is now more of a necessity than a pleasure.
I traipsed around Meadowhall in a spare 45 minutes before the game and bought a lovely bright red 3/4 length wool coat. It's fitted and really cute. I also bought a pretty dark grey hat but couldn't find a smart scarf and glove set to go with the coat for work type wear. I want something in pewter grey and black to tie in with my grey work stuff and my black suit. It's very complicated!
I'm also at one with Shauna (Dietgirl) in her quest for good long length winter boots. I'm somewhat dischuffed to note that, despite having lost 81/2 stone, my calves are STILL too big for long boots in all the normal shops. I'm going to have to fork out for internet boots from Duo or somewhere similar....grrrrr But I'm going to do it sooner rather than later because the nights are fair drawing in....
Anyway, that's enough blathering for now. Keep it up fair dieters and we'll all be skinny minnies together soon.
Monday, 24 September 2007
Sunday, 23 September 2007
The party was GREAT!! Loads of people turned up; the weather was mild and so we were outside all night; the dancing went on 'til late and me and D and had a good time too. It's all tidied up now (which wasn't too bad 'cos all outdoors so no indoor damage). We have masses of drink leftover though due to our inexperience in knowing how much to buy; everyone bringing their own stash and D adding a keg of beer (72 pints) to the order at the last minute thus leaving about 48 cans of John Smiths untouched!!!
So - we'll have to have another party at Christmas (or maybe next spring....).
Seriously - I loved it - it reminded me of the parties my parents used to throw when I was a kid in Nigeria. Loads of people, all different ages, different social groups and all chatting, dancing and getting on.
The garden looked good too. D had a good time and got loads of nice presents and some very dodgy ones as well. I re-discovered 1990's rave and house music thanks to a friend who brought down a serious dancy CD to which the last 10 of us danced like Cream and Hacienda nutters for the last couple of hours before finally collapsing and going to bed at 5am!
I also have several desserts leftover and a gallon of cream. Am taking them all to work tomorrow to make everyone else as fat as me!!
I was well off plan over the weekend. No regrets. Am going to go to class tomorrow, take the punishment and then possibly do a week on 4 packs a day to lose what I will have gained!!! It's not just been a bit of booze (probably only 3 glasses of wine over the whole evening) but also roast pork and beef sandwiches, salads (the bad sorts), carrot cake, tarte tatin, a fried breakfast this morning and numerous other travesties. I know I must pay and pay I will!!
So - jogging now and will try again with the piccies later. Byyee!!!
Friday, 21 September 2007
Still - thanks for your lovely comments re the party - I know we're going to have a good time and, once the arrangements are done, it shouldn't be too much work for me as the catering is all being done for me as is the music and desserts are being pre-bought. Lazy really but that's the best way!!
I'll do my best with photos and am looking forward to it.
One thing I've been meaning to do for a bit is some advertising re the holiday let. A few people have asked about it. We're intending to let it out on a 6 month tenancy in a while (when we find a tenant) and currently have some people staying 'til the en of Sept but it would be available for anyone looking for a cheap week or long weekend in the Peak District from the beginning of October for a few weeks at least. Just thought I'd mention it. I haven't thought much about rates but would be offering a good discount from the usual rates for fellow bloggers and details (including pictures etc) are available on request. It's a 2 bedroom little cottage in the village of Bradwell which is a couple of miles from me in prime walking and tourist country and has all amenities (shops, pubs etc). 1 double bed and 1 with (large size) bunk beds.
So, there you go.
Come and get in while it's hot!!
Thursday, 20 September 2007
I'm doing a free 3 day trial of the food and exercise diary on Weight Loss Resources website. Has anyone else used something like this? I'm finding it pretty good and will probably sign up for a month at least to keep me on the straight and narrow and see how it goes. It's a bit fiddley inputting the food you eat to start but as you go on your Favourites list gets longer and more helpful so it gets quicker.
We're doing nothing at the moment apart from preparing for the big party so life is a bit dull. I'm ditching french this evening to clean the house for example - not thrilling!
I'm just grabbing a quick 10 minutes to update after my early morning personal training session with the luscious Huw. It was great this morning, did my measurements as I wanted a base for the Management stage of my journey. Now that I'm not planning on losing much more weight (maybe half a stone over the next few months if I get the hang of this calorie counting stuff!) I want to see what other changes are to be made. It's nice to know that all my measurements, fat %, body composition etc are well within the normal healthy range - still can't get over it!
Anyway - I'd better dash off to work. Have a good day everyone!
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
Anyway, I'm not here to bemoan my football team's performance (much) but to report on how I'm getting on in controlling my 'urges' - phnarr phnarr...
I totted up all the calories from my food diary on Monday and realised to my horror that I was up at about 2,600!! The banana muffin, 2 large skinny capps, peperami wideboy and slice of white bread and butter which I added to my otherwise healthy day's intake were clearly not invisible in calorie terms!!! Seeing it in those terms helped, I must admit. I've been sort of sliding those sort of items under the carpet and thinking, well I COULD have had 2 slices of bread; or a cream cake or something worse but forgetting that these items are NOT everyday things to consume.
SO. Tuesday was much better. I haven't totted up the calories yet but reckon it'll be well under 1,500. I had my 2 packs, some fruit, some yoghurt, milk in my tea and a big leafy chicken salad (at Pizza Hut no less). Even though I was driving around and stopped at a service station I didn't use that as an excuse and buy something which I have been doing recently. When I was hungry in Meadowhell (large shopping mall in Sheffield) I nipped in to a cafe and bought one of those green waxy apple that looks as though its been there for ever and is for decoration not eating - actually it was delicious. My head was saying - go on, a quick coffee and "healthy" oatmeal biscuit - but that would have been an extra 4/500 calories which I didn't need.
So - much much better today and I've got a strategy - the old fashioned calorie counting (within the LL aegis of course). I feel that this could be the way forward for me. It's a bit like Antonia doing her WW.
In case anyone is wondering, my car was not fixed on Monday night so I couldn't get to my class. In a way, I'm pleased because the last few days of being accountable to me and me only have been a good thing - a revelation really. I feel like I'm finally "walking round the hole" because I want to, not just because of the tyranny of my next weigh in!!
Watch this space.
I have been reading everyone else blogs so I know what you're all up to, just haven't been able to post a comment. Hope all's well.
Re the potential London meet - from the various replies it looks as though 3 November might be a date. What do people think??? To be honest, that's the best day for me so I was going to come down on that weekend to stay with a pal anyway and hope I could meet up with as many as can be around....
Tuesday, 18 September 2007
So - after all the hard work of Foundation and Development, it is not really licked. It's a whole lot better but not licked (I didn't really expect that it would be to be honest).
So, this post - before I dash off to work, followed by a course in Leeds, followed by the football - is to pledge some hard work to get back on track, not to throw out the baby with the bathwater but to get serious about the Rules of eating again and not to allow myself to settle back into complacency and gradual gains!!
GOT IT LESLEY???!!!
Mrs - does that answer your question about whether I see myself as a food addict?? LOL Yes, I do - I think, if I was honest with myself (which wasn't always) I did before LL too. I knew that my attitudes to food were out of control and different to most other peoples'. I'm not generally an addictive personality (no troubles with booze, fags or drugs) but maybe I just roll it all up into food? I could and can happily sit and eat almost continually when I'm not hungry and know I shouldn't - can just switch off, zone out and just eat...I think that's addicted behaviour. I spend a lot of time thinking about food too - more so in certain circumstances (travelling for example) but just generally too.
So - more hard work starts now. I've started keeping a food diary and will work on minimising excess through that medium. And some more targets methinks. Will be tomorrow now though - sigh....
Sunday, 16 September 2007
Next up was the garden stuf and a mammoth trip to B&Q - I thought it was finished but it seems that the finishing touches are going to cost us half as much again - LOL! Anyway, the lighting is all sorted and the stepping stones for the bit of lawn between path and pond which was getting a bit worn have been purchased. D is happy now as he frets about these things.
So that was pretty much the whole day done. But not a bad day's work.
We ended up cooking separate suppers as Diarmuid didn't fancy the sound of my chicken stirfry. I think he regretted it when it was done though (although his steak did look good) as the flavours were spot on and it looked and smelt fab. I seem to be a better cook now! What happened there? I think it's because I'm not using all the usual ingredients so am having to make the flavours go further so I'm concentrating on marinades and herbs and stuff and really taking care with my food (as I appreciate it sooooo much!) so the end results are pretty good.
I certianly don't miss the bread or spuds or gravy etc. On Tuesday when we had a roast chicken dinner I thought I would be eaten up with envy at the roasties, stuffing and gravy that I didn't have - but I enjoyed the chicken, ratatouille and broccoli so much I didn't even have a pang for the rest!
Likewise last night - my marinaded chicken grilled on a bed of stirfried veggies with the full gamut of garlic, ginger, soy, rice wine and a hint of chilli was lovely so I didn't miss at all the mash, fried onions and juicy rump steak that D was tucking into!
Sorry for all the food talk, you who are still abstaining. It's part of the process I'm afriad. D says I'm obsessed with food, addicted to it even! In fact he's been worried about that. I just laugh and say - well duur! Of course I'm bloody addicted to food - how do you think I got that fat in the first place??! Yes - I've got a problem and yes I'm obsessed with food but at least at the moment I'm obsessed with controlling and avoiding food!! With cooking healthily and avoiding the temptation to stuff my face with crap!
I take his point though - I have been going on about it a lot recently (reading diet books and recipes, watching foodie TV, all the hedgerow picking and jam, jelly and chutney making etc etc) and this can only make it harder to stop thinking about it. So I'm going to try and not talk about food (even if I'm thinking about it) in the hope that this will reinforce the behaviour of a non-food-obsessive and lead, eventually, to me being able to act "normally" around food.
Which leads me on to the knotty question of "normality". See - I can't even say it without inverted commas!! I hate thethought of being normal but D oftens throws it in my face as something he thinks I should be. I'm never going to want that or aspire to it but occasionally I do see the value in trying to behave "normally" and, around food especially, that would seem to be a good aim. (As long as the normal in question is not the doom and gloom national stereotype we hear about on the media of processed food, fried stuff and binge drinking!!!)
So - this post covers the full range from a very "normal" day of DIY shops and domestic chores to the deepest inner parts of my soul - my aversion to normality and my addiction to food - what a ride!
Friday, 14 September 2007
I managed to resist (just!) and left with only some fruit and a very small kiddies' bag of apricots to snack on! Not bad. I must admit that I did eat more of the fuit than I needed for my lunch but compared to what could have been, I was a positive angel!
I left work early and dropped into B&Q to pick up some bright red paint for a couple of garden chairs (Adirondack style ) which we've bought cheap on ebay.
Then back home and staright off to personal training. It was nice training in the evening again - a bit easier than at 7am as my body has woken up! Huw rang the changes a bit and we did lots of abs stuff which was pretty good - hope I'm still saying that tomorrow morning!
Supper was v healthy - I sorted D out with a pie, mash and gravy and made a gorgeous salad for me - leftover cold chicken, mango, a few pine nuts, leaves and cucumber and a dressing of balsamic, orange juice, sweetener (to take the edge off) and a TINY splash of olive oil. It was absolutely delicious and very different to what I would previously have eaten. I'm pleased that my tastes seem to have changed for good.
Now I'm going to jump into the bath with the England rugby match on the radio and then off to the pub for a very quiet couple! I'm determined to get D home at a decent hour - he's complaining of a cold and cough and yet does nothing to look after himself!
Hope you're all set for a nice weekend - look after yourselves.
Thursday, 13 September 2007
The plasterer came round and had a good laugh at the state D was in which I enjoyed! Then it was just another day in the garden - D working away at the garden shed (moving the door from one side to the other so we can use it properly - God knows what the people who put the shed facing that way were thinking!!). Me - sitting at the new table peeling, coring, chopping and mincing apples and shallots for a big batch of apple chutney and a load of apple sauce. I'm determined to get full value from our apple tree this year. It has masses of fruit on it this year and I'm trying my best not to waste too much.
The chutney and sauce both look good and my cupboard now resembles a WI larder with a shelf full of neatly labelled jams, jellies and preserves! Anyone would think I was 57 rather than 37!Still, it's been most satisfying and something I intend to do every year - if we move to France it could be even more fun.
At one point, while we were both working away with the radio on and the dog padding between the 2 of us, D said - "Think Les, it could be like this all the time in France"! And I swear I had just been thinking the exact same thing. I really hope this comes off because I know we'd love it!
Anyway, all good things come to an end and Wednesday night had a touch of the Sunday night back to work feeling to it. I didn't go to the pub and was, for some reason, absolutely knackered (think I've been fighting off D's cold) so stayed in and unfortunately succumbered to foodie temptation. It's a bugger when you feel like you're doing really well and then get sandbagged by a bad night. Toast (again!), cornflakes, yoghurt with fruit and a few other bits and bobs! Bit of a nightmare really.
Still, I'm reducing the number and frequency of the binges and isolating the causes of them.
Today (Thursday) was back to work. I worked hard all morning and then was taken out for lunch by an old colleague who I haven't seen for years. It was nice to catch up and luckily the pub he took me to had a Week 2 friendly option on the menu - tuna steak on a bed of stirfried veggies (all on the list amazingly) and a salsa in balsamic dressing. It was absolutely delicious and guilt free. Then off to french, home for nearly 8 and out for a pounding run in the dark. I knew I wouldn't be going out tonight and wanted to make sure that I wasn't sitting on the sofa thinking about food, especially as I have already had my meal today. It seems to have worked as I still have 2 packs to eat today (if I want) and am not overly bothered. So - that's the strategy - plan how to avoid being on the sofa and tired as that is the danger time!
Sorry for waffling - the trouble with trying to fit 2 days into one post. If I'm not commenting on your posts as much as before, sorry, I'm still reading blogs but can't comment at work due to changes in our Web policy - grrr... I suppose it's only fair though...I should be working!!
Hope you're all well and thriving and happy shrinking!!
Tuesday, 11 September 2007
Monday, 10 September 2007
I took the dog round the village delivering party invitations too which turned into a bit of a catch up session with various friends and I ended up making a running date for later on with Kate. We were both keen and there was a definite glint in her eye so I knew we were going to having a proper work out! We went for a good 6 or 7 miles over hill and dale and loved every minute of it. At one point I was having the "good to be alive" feeling and looked across at Kate who was also grinning like a Cheshire Cat. She said "it's great to be doing what your body is designed to do" and that just summed up how I was feeling.
Trouble is, and there's always a "trouble is" these days, when I got home and showered etc and stayed in rather than going to the pub, I had a bit of a pigout session. Just kept on going back to eat more stuff. And some of the stuff included toast! Not good. Handfuls of raisins, fruit, toast, chicken leg, milky coffee - it went on a bit! Not good. I definitely should have gone to the pub and distracted myself with endless glasses of water or come up here to blog but sat in front of the telly eating instead. Haven't done that for a while!
I put a stop to it but felt bloated and pissed off with myself. Really not the best thing to do and on the night before a weigh too!
Anyway, this morning (Monday) the scales looked as though they were going to be kind to me so I resolved to be very good at work and put a stop to all the little extras which have been creeping in to my day. Which I did, sucessfully. I did loads of walking for various reasons at work too and then went for a run before my class this evening. That's something I have been thinking about doing anyway as I don't have time to drive home and then get to the class but I don't want to stay at work that late either so I will fill the gap with a run or maybe (if the weather is dreadful) a trip to Meadowhall!
So - overall I was relieved to have got away with a single lb GAINED!! I don't feel too bad about it but WILL do better next week. I've been getting my head round various tactics and will post about them tomorrow when I've got more time.
Sunday, 9 September 2007
Friday, 7 September 2007
Thursday, 6 September 2007
The thought that someone out there was feeling crap about themselves, casting around for a solution and found my words inspiring enough to give LL or CD a go really amazes me and makes me feel proud and happy at the same time. It also makes me take what I'm doing a bit more seriously - I mean, if it's good enough for someone who has never met me to help them try and change their lives, then it should be good enough for me to devote some real energy to!! The posts remind me how important and serious the whole getting healthy endeavour is, which is easy to forget once you've lost a fair bit and are feeling great.
I know we've all wanted to go up to women in the street who look big and uncomfortable and sad and say "there is an answer; here it is - you do this!". But we can't. Well, in effect, we can. We can help all the people who are surfing the net in the vain hope that something will pop out at them and present itself as a possible answer. How fantastic is that? So all this blogging is not just self indulgent navel gazing, it's valuable support and help and humour and a laugh and a picture of what can be....
So - here's me being v v soppy but also totally appreciative of all the inspiration and support I've received from the blogs and comments. I'm sure I would not have done as well without you all.
Oh, and I'd like to...sob....thank my agent and my Mum and my dog and my great granny who died in 1965....you've all been bewdiful....I'm blessed....sobs again....wipes fake tear from heavily mascara'd eye...
I ended up rushing like mad to get to the photo session but we made it - showered, hair and make up done, dog brushed (very unwillingly), husband browbeaten into submission!! It was fun - the dog was an absolute star and behaved herself perfectly. She even performed her tricks on cue and helped us relax together. I loved it and would have liked to have been more active and mobile but Diarmuid was pretty stiff and couldn't relax to that degree. He co-operated but it's really not his cup of tea so I think, on balance, that it was as good as it was going to get.
The photographer was nice and said we had plenty of good shots. So we'll see. Once you finish the session though is where the rub comes in! I realise now that the website and pre-publicity are very carefully structured to avoid showing a price list. Once they give you the price list you realise why!! There's nothing for less than £250 and most of the good stuff is around £1000 plus!! I know they're pretty cool products but my God - they had better be good!! God know what D is going to say!!
Still, having said that, if the photos are lovely and spot on (and only if) they are meant to record this amazing thing I've done and that's important. It's not every year you lose nearly 9 stone and emerge looking like a totally different person so, as long as the piccies are really good, I'm going to go for something special to reward and remind me of how good I feel about myself right now! I think D'll go for that!!
One of the poses she had us in was D carrying me in his arms with the dog on her back legs trying to hold onto my toes! I hope that one comes out well. So - if anyone's thinking of doing one of these sessions because they've got a voucher, think hard about what you can afford before you spend the time doing the session. You can always just walk away with the complimentary 7 by 5 print but you'll have to go through the hard sell first!
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
So, when I first got home, I didn't push it, we enjoyed eating our supper together for the first time in 9 months!! I cooked D a really nice looking omelette with salad and I had my smoked mackerel fillets. It was really good to sit down together and maybe that is what we've missed??
Anyway, I raised the subject before D went off to the pub and we had a partial conversation about it but that was pretty unsatisfactory. It did at least keep it on the agenda and made him think about it while he was out. He kept telling me to "cheer up" and I said I couldn't when my husband thought I was a big fat failure and refused to listen to me explaining why I was not!
When he got home later there was just much more of a meeting of minds and D really truly apologised (and I could tell he meant it). I just talked about the diet and how it works and what I'm trying to get out of it and my ongoing issue with food. I think he thought that I was "cured" or something so that, when he saw me eating something, he thought it was all over!! When I explained that I still have food issues and have to battle against eating because I'm bored, tired, down, etc etc every single day, he got the point of the diet a bit more clearly. I also explained that his harangueing me had made it worse and made me spoil my first day on RTM (not badly but there you go). Anyway, I got it all off my chest and felt as though he was listening which is a big thing for me.
Apart from that, I had a decent evening - prepared a couple more pies for the freezer either for us or for my Mum and Dad. Elderberry and Almond tart and Apple and Elderberry tart. They looked gorgeous if I say so myself!! I also had a chat on the phone with ann old school friend who I haven't seen for ages but who has moved to the village next to ours this summer!! She's always been a southerner so the move is a major surprise (due to her husband's job) and it'll be great to rekindle that friendship and see more of her. I invited her to D's party in a couple of weeks' time and she invited me on a Sunday morning run called the Stanage Scramble which just happen to be at 9am on the morning after our party!! It's only 6km but up a very steep rocky road up Stanage Edge! Not sure that it'll happen but you never know!!
So, I'm a much happier bunny this morning and, consequently, am finding making good food choices a lot easier. Yesterday in addition to the 3 packs and one good meal I also had a small bowl of muesli and blackberries for breakfast, a small bag of cashews nuts at lunchtime and a slice of bread and jam with assorted nibbles of fruit in the evening. I could have had a lot more to be honest as my inner chatterbox was giving it laldy and encouraging me to just let go and have something big!! Luckily I resisted that but the rest wasn't great. Today, I feel totally in control and it just goes to show how much emotional eating is a factor for me. I've not seen it with such clarity before.
I'm glad we've got it sorted to be honest as we're having our photos taken at a Venture Studio tonight (with the dog of course!) and it would have pretty hard to look all loving and spontaneous if I'd been feeling like I did yesterday!!
I realise that I haven't really talked about my first Route to Management class because of all the angst. I must remember to do that in my next post. Hope you're all having a good time and shedding those lbs. Keep it up!!
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Last trip he was over the moon about me being slim and couldn't get enough of me. This time - no compliments, niggling rows. He says I've been less interested in him and, to be fair, maybe I have. Maybe my obsession with this stage of the diet has caused me to overlook the fact that he's doing incredibly well at work and I've neglected him a bit. Or maybe my hurt at being ignored and not complimented and left in favour of the pub (again) caused me to withdraw? Hard to say - chicken and egg etc.
Anyway, it all came to a head last night. I thought we'd sorted it on Sunday when we'd had some words and I was genuinely making an effort to ask him about his interview and talk about work etc (not that we'd had much time together yesterday anyway). Evidently not - D just sat down and picked a fight. No other word for it - he had a go because I'd chosen to have a piece of toast with a mushroom (I'd picked in the fields while jogging) on it for my last supper before RTM (in place of a pack!). Just slagging me off for failing at the diet and how it was all going to go back on and how "he knows me and that's that now...". It came out of the blue (or it felt like it did) and it was incredibly hurtful. Grabbing the LL magazine and repeatedly hectoring me to show him in there where it's ok to have toast!!
I tried to be rational and sift through what he was saying and take on board what was right and contest what was not but there was no stopping him.
Ultimately, it was incredibly hurtful and I felt bullied and wounded. It was like he has no trust in me and the changes I've made. At the first sight of me eating he freaked out and went mental. I begged him to calm down and have some faith in me. I lost a lb since Wednesday night so I'm not exactly piling the lbs on! In any event, I'm not doing this for his approval, it's a way of life etc. I tried being rational and I ended up sobbing on the kitchen floor with my dog in my arms!
Really painful stuff and I probably shouldn't be letting it all hang out on a blog. But I just don't know how else to process it and react differently to how I might have done in the past. The thing is - I haven't turned to food and there was never any impulse to do so. So I have changed.
I know there is wrong on both sides and I know there is a grain of truth in what D says about my eating over the past few days and me not paying attention to his work needs. But I also know that I have it under control and that LL is not about being perfect - it's a process and the point of it is getting and staying slim and healthy, not following the diet to perfection. It's learning how to live my life forever my way, not ticking boxes. D doesn't see that. He's very black and white about things - things are either good or bad, right or wrong. He doesn't allow for shades of grey or different ways of achieving the same end. It's very debilitating.
The anger and rage I feel at him now is pretty high but not very productive.
D did apologise first thing this morning (4am) and usually, being pretty non-confrontational in my relationship, I would leave it at that. But this time I'm going to try and talk him through the diet and try and prevent it happening again. I was so hurt and now so livid that he could treat me like that. It's not on.
He's just rung me and been pretty conciliatory (in his way) but doesn't seem to understand how serious it was for me. I said we need to talk it through tonight and he 's all "I apologised" "whatever". I think it got through to him though so maybe this a good thing - a new way of communicating and a new me!
So - being slim does not solve all problems but it makes you stronger in dealing with them (which can in turn create more problems). One thing is clear though - I'm a different person and I'm not going to be bullied like that again. Gutted. What a nice way to start on the Route to management eh?
Monday, 3 September 2007
The setting is incomprable - watching the angling demonstration bythe river; or the gun dogs retrieving across the river under the creamy stone bridge with the house in the background; the clay pigeon shooting up on the hill with various follies and hunting lodges behind - beautiful. Of course it rained so the craft stands were rammed and the dog got a bit grumpy with the crowds and the rain but it was a good day.
The Cossack riders were great (not real Russians of course - they all had names like Amy, Tom, Henry and Sebastian so very public school!) but God - they could ride!! They looked so young but they've been doing stunt work in loads of big films and Beeb productions - well impressive. I also liked the dog on the man's shoulders - they were like that for ages with the dog seemingly as interested in the gundog retrieving show as the man!!
Foodwise I spent most of the day seeking out the Derbyshire Smokery stand to buy their creamy smoked mackerel for my first official meal tomorrow night - I was disappointed not to find them until, on our way back to the car, we found another little court of food stands tucked away and there they were - phew! I had been really looking forward to their mackerel - supermarket stuff would not have been half as good. I also found a seriously impressive mushroom supplier and noted where they sell and which Farmers' Markets they go to - didn't buy yesterday as not ready but their stand was amazing.....mmmmm....
I admit to a few free nibbles at various stands but didn't have any major weakening - just plenty of water and black coffee. Hopefully I've learned now that I don't have to stuff my face at these events.
In general, since Wednesday, I've been sticking to the plan but have gone down to 3 packs per day and have substituted one for a small bowl of high fruit, low GI muesli with added blackberries and a very small splash of milk. I know it's not within the plan and have only one bowl left so am not going to buy any more until I'm ready for that stuff within RTM. It was an impulse buy and, combined with the fresh blackberry craving I currently have, was too good to resist!! I've also very slightly loosened the reins in terms of nibbles but haven't had major eats or major carbs since Wednesday night so not too bad. I've kept up the exercise and am ready to start RTM in earnest tomorrow. It's as though the last few days have been a kind of controlled limbo period, a little hiatus, but LL has not been forgotten!!
Saturday, 1 September 2007
No, not me, the garden!!
Above is a pretty rubbish "before" shot. I did take some better ones but the computer crashed and this was all we could salvage. Below it, the "after" shot. I hope you think it's an improvement. We now have a big patio, a level lawn, a raised herb bed, paths, shrubs, ornamental grasses, a pond and decking looking over it and I couldn't be happier with it. We have even put some fish in the pond although the little blighters weren't showing themselves this morning when we went down to check on them....fingers crossed for them. It was murky this morning as we had some rain last night.
I had a good day working from home yesterday. Got loads of work done and also spent a nice time with D and the dog. Perfect. I went for a quick but hard jog with Kate too so didn't abandon the exercise.
Foodwise I was pretty controlled. I stuck to the packs but did have a bowl of high fruit and high GI muesli. It was GORGEOUS! Way better than Alpen - why did I bother with that powdery rubbish when there are such superior products available? Also, cheaper and lower in calories, fat and salt.
We went to the pub last night frankly I wish we hadn't bothered. After last weekend when I had a pretty good time out, I found it dull and edgy. The people out didn't seem to be gelling or having a great time; the landlord and landlady were miserable and useless and all in all it was a waste of time and money. At least I don't have a hangover this morning.
Just by way of example - I drank sparkling water all night apart from one pot of black coffee (which they also mucked up) and I had to ask the landlady for ice EVERY single time I had another bottle!! Why? Surely she noticed after the 4th time? Just incredibly poor service. Also, the ice was invariably delivered with a fake "smile" and a sigh as if it was the biggest imposition I could have placed upon her.....some people really should not be running a bar...
Anyway, today (Saturday) is looking up. I got up early to go blackberrying (of which more later) and soon (when I've washed the stains off me!) I'm going to the footie to meet up with Jim.
Have a nice Satuday!