Wow!! Being wide awake at 4am really does take one to some strange places. I was just lying in the dark watching the morning light curl round the edge of the curtains. It reminded me of Phillip Larkin's poem "Aubade". So I looked it up and reread it after many years.
What a piece of writing that is. I don't think my early morning angst was about my inevitable demise but perhaps there is an element of that lurking!!
I'm in awe of someone who can hone in on such a powerful fear and experience in us all and root it so firmly in our shared mundanity.
Friday 29 March 2019
Dress stress
Waking up at 4am fretting about not fitting into a wedding dress is just bloody ridiculous. Despite not having a terrible week food wise my weight boinged back up immediately from the lovely surprise 15.9.5 of Tuesday morning. 15.12, then 15.13 and an unpleasant glimpse of 16 this morning!!
I'm not writing everything down. I'm starting each day well but drifting off but I'm not being THAT bad.
When I have my rational hat on I know that this is not a problem but I'm angry with myself for putting myself in this position in the first place. Now I feel better but I've wasted a couple of prime sleeping hours fretting needlessly. I wish I'd thought to blog it out sooner.
Plan remains the same - diet like made for the next 4 weeks then re-assess. If I need to buy a new dress then I have 6 weeks to do it in. Or bring forward the fitting and get the decision over with... Think I will look into doing that I think to buy more time.
Goddammit Lesley. What a plonker!! (Plonker was just amusingly auto-corrected to pioneer...hmmm....I doubt I'm the first bride to buy a dress too tight then fret about it!)
As I write this blether I'm acutely aware that this is a non-problem. I have a lovely fiance who loves me whatever shape I am and lots of friends and family coming to share our big day. And most importantly we have our health. Thinking of you Peri and P. Hope all going as well as can be hoped. Lxxx
I'm not writing everything down. I'm starting each day well but drifting off but I'm not being THAT bad.
When I have my rational hat on I know that this is not a problem but I'm angry with myself for putting myself in this position in the first place. Now I feel better but I've wasted a couple of prime sleeping hours fretting needlessly. I wish I'd thought to blog it out sooner.
Plan remains the same - diet like made for the next 4 weeks then re-assess. If I need to buy a new dress then I have 6 weeks to do it in. Or bring forward the fitting and get the decision over with... Think I will look into doing that I think to buy more time.
Goddammit Lesley. What a plonker!! (Plonker was just amusingly auto-corrected to pioneer...hmmm....I doubt I'm the first bride to buy a dress too tight then fret about it!)
As I write this blether I'm acutely aware that this is a non-problem. I have a lovely fiance who loves me whatever shape I am and lots of friends and family coming to share our big day. And most importantly we have our health. Thinking of you Peri and P. Hope all going as well as can be hoped. Lxxx
Tuesday 26 March 2019
Wait, what????!!!
I stood on the scales this morning hoping for a lb off to reward my good day.....15.9.5. Just the 3 5lbs off then! I have been waiting all week for some progress but no...then it all comes off in a day!! My body is weird.
Still, it was a good start and I've followed it up today food wise at least. 1500 cals. Not brilliant on the exercise front as I had a long day of meetings and got home late but you can't have everything. Golf in the morning will put that right.
Seeing as I don't have anything else to report, here are some pics from our big tour of South Iceland. A glacier (name escapes me), black sand beach and headland and another spectacular waterfall. A long but brilliant day!!
Still, it was a good start and I've followed it up today food wise at least. 1500 cals. Not brilliant on the exercise front as I had a long day of meetings and got home late but you can't have everything. Golf in the morning will put that right.
Seeing as I don't have anything else to report, here are some pics from our big tour of South Iceland. A glacier (name escapes me), black sand beach and headland and another spectacular waterfall. A long but brilliant day!!
Monday 25 March 2019
We all need to face facts from time to time
I needed to get that stuff off my chest this morning. I typed It in bed before I had even got up so was slightly heartened by the scales rewarding me with a 15.13 rather than the 16 plus I had been fearing.
I have been exemplary today. In diet - under 1200 calories which is good for me. In exercise - chores, 14k steps and an hour of personal training with Huw. In work - tackled some tricky stuff. At home - tidied, sorted and did some wedding chores too.
I feel massively more in control now. Nothing is sorted but you need to have "that day" don't you? To remind yourself what it feels like and to reassure yourself that deprivation is fine, actually.
So, cautious optimism. The glorious spring sunshine helped.
Here are some pics from my gorgeous morning walk with Stacey yesterday. Chatting up a storm with massive grins on our faces, she is a great friend who I don't see enough of considering she only lives down the road!
I didn't have time to take many pics we were talking so hard!!
Shelagh is poorly. Recovering now but it has been tough. I thought I was going to lose her Thursday morning after Rich left for his stag do in Portugal but luckily it wasn't as severe as it looked. Some sort of virus or infection has attacked her inner ear so she suddenly developed severe loss of balance and vertigo which made her very sick. She could barely stand and was lurching off to the left with a tilted head and clear distress. It looked like a stroke. Thankfully not.
Medication to suppress her nausea has kicked in, plenty of bed rest (at 15 she's good at that) and she has improved every day. She is still unsteady but eating and drinking and short walks and she only goes round in circles a little bit now!!
This was the first time she got out of her basket on her own and it was to beg a bit of my crumpets which I was more than happy to share with her!
She has been very sorry for herself though.
Anyway, back to diet planning. I'm in the office tomorrow so shake for breakfast and soup for lunch and try to go for a run later. I have a lateish meeting so that will influence how tired I am etc.
Hope all's going well (or as well as can be expected) peeps!
I have been exemplary today. In diet - under 1200 calories which is good for me. In exercise - chores, 14k steps and an hour of personal training with Huw. In work - tackled some tricky stuff. At home - tidied, sorted and did some wedding chores too.
I feel massively more in control now. Nothing is sorted but you need to have "that day" don't you? To remind yourself what it feels like and to reassure yourself that deprivation is fine, actually.
So, cautious optimism. The glorious spring sunshine helped.
Here are some pics from my gorgeous morning walk with Stacey yesterday. Chatting up a storm with massive grins on our faces, she is a great friend who I don't see enough of considering she only lives down the road!
I didn't have time to take many pics we were talking so hard!!
Shelagh is poorly. Recovering now but it has been tough. I thought I was going to lose her Thursday morning after Rich left for his stag do in Portugal but luckily it wasn't as severe as it looked. Some sort of virus or infection has attacked her inner ear so she suddenly developed severe loss of balance and vertigo which made her very sick. She could barely stand and was lurching off to the left with a tilted head and clear distress. It looked like a stroke. Thankfully not.
Medication to suppress her nausea has kicked in, plenty of bed rest (at 15 she's good at that) and she has improved every day. She is still unsteady but eating and drinking and short walks and she only goes round in circles a little bit now!!
This was the first time she got out of her basket on her own and it was to beg a bit of my crumpets which I was more than happy to share with her!
She has been very sorry for herself though.
Anyway, back to diet planning. I'm in the office tomorrow so shake for breakfast and soup for lunch and try to go for a run later. I have a lateish meeting so that will influence how tired I am etc.
Hope all's going well (or as well as can be expected) peeps!
This is stupid
I have done what I thought I'd never do Bought a dress to slim into. Now I'm failing to slim into it and it is stressing me out. How bloody daft is that?? In every other area of my life (well, apart from work which is a bit of a chronic shitfest) I am happy - I'm not even unhappy about my weight in general - but I have created a problem by buying a dress which is a bit too tight. I got carried away. And it was a steal on sale.
I've drifted back to 15.13/16 so I have now dropped and re-found that same 4 or 5 lbs about a dozen times. I just can't seem to push through.
This is pathetic. I'm so conscious of lovely Peridot worrying about P who is going through the hell of cancer treatment and what is waking me up with a start at 5am?? A stupid, white dress.
Well, it just shows how superficial I am.
And it stops here. No more dress stress. I have 4 weeks until the fitting. I am giving up EVERYTHING until then.
Bread, crumpets, booze, cheese. My diet is going on steroids. LL meal packs are going to feature. I'm back with the lovely Huw twice a Week for personal training torture and I'm running as well.
I will give this my all then see how I've done. If the dress needs (and can) be altered out, I'll do that. If I need to buy a new bloody dress then I'll do that too.
Aaaaargh!! As you can tell, I'm a bit cheeses off with myself but in truth I haven't been bad, just not strict enough. That worked to drop 2 stone last year but obviously not from the lower start now. I have been covering the same ground since last July so something needs to change.
I've drifted back to 15.13/16 so I have now dropped and re-found that same 4 or 5 lbs about a dozen times. I just can't seem to push through.
This is pathetic. I'm so conscious of lovely Peridot worrying about P who is going through the hell of cancer treatment and what is waking me up with a start at 5am?? A stupid, white dress.
Well, it just shows how superficial I am.
And it stops here. No more dress stress. I have 4 weeks until the fitting. I am giving up EVERYTHING until then.
Bread, crumpets, booze, cheese. My diet is going on steroids. LL meal packs are going to feature. I'm back with the lovely Huw twice a Week for personal training torture and I'm running as well.
I will give this my all then see how I've done. If the dress needs (and can) be altered out, I'll do that. If I need to buy a new bloody dress then I'll do that too.
Aaaaargh!! As you can tell, I'm a bit cheeses off with myself but in truth I haven't been bad, just not strict enough. That worked to drop 2 stone last year but obviously not from the lower start now. I have been covering the same ground since last July so something needs to change.
Tuesday 19 March 2019
Iceland is tremendous!!
OMG....for a photonut like myself Iceland is pure heaven. Then again it would also be heaven for lovers of pure, untouched wild places; natural beauty; having a great time with your old school pals; people who love food; pretty much anyone (except maybe people who like to sit in bars drinking cheap booze..Iceland not awash with cheap or even reasonably priced booze).
We arrived Friday lunchtime and just mooched around downtown Reykjavik in the steady drizzle. Our Northern Lights tour was cancelled due to the cloud cover but we were pretty knackered from travelling so a quiet meal and an early night.
Saturday was an early start and a long day trip to South Iceland. It was fabulous!
Just driving down there was stunning. We stopped at the site of the famous volcano eruption from a few years ago which caused so many travel disruptions. I learned to pronounce it which is surely one of the more useless skills.
Our first proper stop was Skogafoss. A pretty impressive waterfall. We climbed up the 287 steps to the top and enjoyed the views.
Caught a lovely rainbow on the walk down.
What a great appetizer. Next onto my first glacier.
Well, maybe later. I got that far over a week ago and have stalled with the pics and now there's loads of more current diet-y stuff to be chatting about so am going to post this incomplete and come back to Iceland pics from time to time.
Thinking of you Peri and P!
We arrived Friday lunchtime and just mooched around downtown Reykjavik in the steady drizzle. Our Northern Lights tour was cancelled due to the cloud cover but we were pretty knackered from travelling so a quiet meal and an early night.
Saturday was an early start and a long day trip to South Iceland. It was fabulous!
Just driving down there was stunning. We stopped at the site of the famous volcano eruption from a few years ago which caused so many travel disruptions. I learned to pronounce it which is surely one of the more useless skills.
Our first proper stop was Skogafoss. A pretty impressive waterfall. We climbed up the 287 steps to the top and enjoyed the views.
Caught a lovely rainbow on the walk down.
What a great appetizer. Next onto my first glacier.
Well, maybe later. I got that far over a week ago and have stalled with the pics and now there's loads of more current diet-y stuff to be chatting about so am going to post this incomplete and come back to Iceland pics from time to time.
Thinking of you Peri and P!
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