Friday, 4 May 2007
Developing 11 and 12
Never fear - i haven't just suddenly regained all the weight overnight - that can't happen.....can it??!!
I've just had a couple of really good and busy days and am about to go out for a big night at the Travellers with a band on and a load of friends and it occurred to me to have a look at some old piccies of me in my former incarnation to see how much I have changed.
The first one was a really steep hill walk with D in winter. Beautiful and we had a lovely afternoon. But it was not very far and I was knackered. Still, however big I was, I was at least being active so 8/10 there.
The second was at my in-laws' 40th wedding anniversary in ireland. Had a good time and everyone else had a brilliant time! If I'm honest, I tried to blend into the background and spent a lot of the evening sorting out the food and doing daughterly chores and then slightly resented the fact that I hadn't truly had a fantastic time. I was hot and sweaty and felt uncomfortable in my skin. I would have liked to have danced more but it was traditional dancing, Irish or waltzy stuff, which I love but which involves holding onto a bloke so I was embarassed by being heavy and sweaty. I did dance, but not as much as I would have liked. Also, there were hardly any photos of me - not just me hiding from the camera by taking lots of photos but also other people not taking them of me in case they're terrible and not wanting me to feel bad. Sad really. So, what could have been a truly fantastic weekend was tainted by my size. (6/10)
The third one was a New years Eve do and the other girl is my friend Natalie (went to the spa with her in London). This was the best photo of me from that evening! How bad is that? I was drunk and drinking huge amounts (that is a pint of rum and diet coke!). Not attractive and once again, I remember feeling sweaty and awkward. And ashamed when I saw the photos. This is the first time I have looked at them for ages!! (4/10)
So - I'm not doing this because I want to be horrible to myself or because I'm on a downer. I just wanted to remember what it felt like to be terribly overweight and how, even though I thought I coped well and had a good life, the fat did take its toll all the time. It is soooo much better now. I must keep it like this or better!
Anyway, I've got to dash as have to shower and change and get out in the next 30 minutes!!
I've been really hectic but will try and do a decent post tomorrow morning before we go to Lithuania of all places for the weekend.
Have a great Bank Holiday weekend everyone - may you have wondrous weather, no temptations and no traffic jams!!