Saturday, 31 January 2009
Because of that, I've had a peek ahead in Beck and seen what's next and decided to postpone it until Monday/Tuesday. I was ahead of myself by a couple of days anyway. I don't think it would be appropriate to be judging my hunger levels (Day 10 I think) and then actually experiencing hunger by missing lunch (Day 11) when my schedule is so chaotic.
So this post is to put a marker down for myself that, although I'm not going to be progressing in the book this weekend, that's NO reason not to implement what I've learnt so far!! I can still read my cards; sit down when I eat; eat slowly and enjoy every mouthful and build spontaneous exercise into my everyday life. Just because I have visitors does not give me licence to pig out. They probably won't want to anyway - James is trying to drop Christmas poundage and Nicola is in training with her rowing club so we can all be healthy together (apart from the beer!)
So, that's me told!! I'd better get on with the chores now.
Friday, 30 January 2009
But, after a few days, the old ways start to creep back in and you suddenly realise that you've missed 2 reminders to read your Response Card because you were "busy"! And, hey, what are you doing, standing up by the counter "just" popping a few bites of crispy overheated pitta bread (that you were actually about to the feed to the dogs!!) into your trap??
So. I'm posting this as a marker for myself that I've got to keep using that resistance muscle and keep reminding myself to use it. I want to get to the point where it's automatic and not unpleasant to limit myself or to exercise because I'm slim, healthy, fit and active and I appreciate that that's better than staying in and having a round of toast with butter and jam!!!
That said, I'm feeling a bit frustrated because I haven't actually started the diet yet so haven't lost a great deal of weight. I may have dropped a lb or so. So maybe that's why I was wavering a little last night. Annoyingly, this stage of the diet has also coincided with the "fat" stage of my cycle which is not great.
I am still mightily impressed by the power she seems to have had over me and so quickly. Normally I want to snack nearly all the time in the evenings. No sooner have I finished one thing, a cup of tea and a pear say, than I'm seeking the next. Often, I run out of okay things to eat: yoghurts, fruit, cold meat etc and move onto toast, biscuits or whatever else I can find. Or, I don't but it's a constant battle.
Over the last week or so (since I started reading the first few pages of the intro really), I have hardly snacked at all in the evening. In fact, on reflection I can state that I have NOT snacked at all, I've only walked into the kitchen in search of snacks a few times and then left. It's very liberating.
Also, in the same timescale, I have not had a single morsel from the snack table at work!
This is a bit of a realisation for me as I type - I hadn't realised what progress I've made - I'm literally patting myself on the leg and saying "well done"!!
Looking back over the last fortnight, the new danger times for me seem to be on the road/train/in town. The unscheduled coffees and pastries. So, that's is what I'll work on next.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
The downside is that, on the spurious ground that "I haven't yet started my diet", I did eat more than I wanted to yesterday. I took a half day from work and went to Nottingham for the evening football match between the mighty Sheffield Wednesday and Nottingham Forest. I did some shopping and then met up with my niece who is at Uni there and then my pal Jim before the game for a meal.
I fully expected to have the meal and had done quite well during the day at limiting calories in anticipation. Muesli, salad, a pear! But, before I got to the meal, I succumbed to a cappuccino and pastry which I definitely did NOT need. My poor excuse was that it was raining and I wanted to sit down....I could have done that with a cup of tea and a piece of fruit couldn't I???
The meal also was not great, I could have chosen a salad but plumped for fish and chips. Having said that, I ate much more sparingly than normal, left at least half of the admittedly large portion and was not uncomfortably full after I had eaten so that is progress.
Also on the positive side, I walked and walked and walked!! I must have been brisk walking for a minimum of 90 minutes throughout the afternoon, and that is not counting the time spent ambling round the shops, that's only the time to and from the ground and to and from the pub!! Brisk, it was as we totally misjudged how far it was to the ground and had to almost run to get there on time and even then missed the first 5 minutes.
The game was a disappointment as we had a man sent off and, despite playing quite well and nearly retaining a draw, we eventually let a sloppy goal in and left empty handed....grrr The singing among the away fans was fantastic though, really committed and entertaining.
Today I have been in a course all day. I've probably had a couple of items I didn't strictly need (a small pastry - small, honest and 2 biscuits) but, I chose well at lunch. Jacket potato with a little cheese and salad rather than mayo laden sarnies or fried goujon-y things. Also a pear instead of a delicious looking chocolate cake and no tea/coffee or biscuits in the afternoon, just water. So, all in all, considering how hard those seminar type events are, it was pretty good.
This is all a bit boring today but I'm trying to record for my own benefit really, where I'm going right and where I'm slipping up. I'm making sure that I read my response cards every day though and I hope it'll start to get easier.
Mrs L - Response Cards are index cards that you write out yourself on various topics and keep handy to read at least twice a day. The main one is the Advantage Response Card which sets out your reasons for wanting to lose weight but there are others regarding sitting down; eating slowly; giving yourself credit; anything really. They act as reminders and reinforcement and seem to be the difference between just reading the book and actually implementing it.
Monday, 26 January 2009
Brones and family. The boys really didn't want to walk on the beach but seemed to enjoy it once we had dragged them kicking and screaming away from the cafe!! A bit like me really...
- Considered and identified why I want to be slim, the advantages of it; written these reasons down and reminded myself to read them at least twice a day and more if I'm tempted to stray.
- I've chosen my diet and my back-up diet.
- I've learned only to eat while sitting down and reminded myself to do it.
- Decided to give myself credit for all the good choices I make and, even if I stray, not to be too hard on myself or view it as a failure as getting back on track quickly would also be worthy of credit.
- Pledged to eat slowly and thoughtfully and enjoy every bite. I think this one might be difficult for me as I'm a bit of a bolter and I nearly always eat while reading or watching television unless D and I are eating together. So, I need to really work on this one as my "efficient eating skills" (as I have long thought of them!) are probably contributing to my overeating and to the disconnect I have between hunger and eating.
- I've also glanced ahead at tomorrow's task (which I think is going to be a biggie) which is to identify and put in place a diet coach.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
So, why do I feel so fat this evening? I suppose I'll have to have faith and put it down to TOTM and the fact that I have yet another cold/cough brewing but it's very disheartening. It also makes you want to eat naughty stuff. But I have resisted.
On the positive side, I've read my ARCs and have turned away from off piste eating several times over the course of the day. I had a long drive home from Norfolk but didn't stop anywhere for a cappucino or snack. I had lunch at my parents and turned down dessert and extra goodies. I stopped at the garage near home but didn't buy a snack even though I was taking the car through the car wash (one of many car-related triggers).
All good. Humph...
I'm going to have faith that it's just a blip and hope I feel better tomorrow. Now, I'm off to the inter-village pub quiz league...how sad can I get??! Wish us luck!
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Anyway, as you can see, they are also broadbanded up so I'm taking the opportunity, while Brona finishes off supper, to have a think about food and how I can fit it into normal life. Brona is a good person to be visiting at this time as she appreciates both how difficult it can be to maintain a healthy weight but also that it can be done and that gains can be lost. In fact, she and I went on our first proper diets together back in 1992 and I ended up losing a couple of stone to get down to the weight I am at currently! Typically, she stayed slim until her children whereas I got gradually bigger and bigger....sigh....
She greeted me yesterdy with a comment on how well I looked and how it took her back to what I looked like when we first met! That took me back and reminded me that, whatever I think in my dark moments, I've not been fat forever!! So, all good.
Virtuously, I did make time to run first thing this morning. At 8am, into the cold and frozen Norfolk morning. I should have taken a camera but I only have my big one with me and couldn't run with that thing bouncing around. It was stunning. The sun shining from behind a lovely flint church across a pancake flat field and rabbits running wildly around when I disturbed them. Gorgeous. I hope it's sunny tomorrow morning too so I can take some piccies. I only managed 30 slow minutes (due to the slippy frozen lanes) but I felt good for doing it. Hopefully, I'll do the same again tomorrow, depending on how much wine I drink tonight!!
We haven't done much today, just galumphed about the house, chatting, playing with her boys (5 and 7) and reading the papers. We did go for a decent walk along the beach followed by an all day breakfast in a (only slightly gentrified) greasy spoon. All thoroughly lovely to be honest. I must bring Diarmuid next time!
So, what about food have I concluded?
That it's relatively easy not to go mad, if you know that you are not going to be too deprived. That, as long as I do plenty of exercise and don't snack, I can enjoy a nice meal without painful limitations.
On the Beck front, I have made a point of reading my Advantages Response Card and reading the next day's exercise. This is not terribly relevant to me as it concerns not eating while standing up, or, more correctly, only eating while sitting down. I don't do it that much and don't think I will have too many difficulties in cutting it out. The only problem is likely to be remembering not to sneak the odd mouthful here and there while cooking. I'm pleased that I'm reading the book and doing the exercises though. I hope my perseverence pays dividends.
Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for putting up with my navel gazing....it's important to me to do it.
Friday, 23 January 2009
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Unlike her Ma who is as stately and sensible as they come although rather grumpy in this shot. Bless...
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
I've definitely lost aerobic fitness from when I was running a lot (as compared to now that I'm only running a little) so that is something I want to work on as well as dropping lbs, shrinking and learning to keep them off longterm. I'm still way stronger and fitter than I used to be though so I'm not beating myself up about it.
It's going to be a busy year!
Have a nice day!!
Monday, 19 January 2009
Over the last few days, I've eaten what I wanted to eat at mealtimes but not snacked or grazed or picked and not necessarily eaten the minute I felt hungry or "just wanted something". I have walked away from temptation loads of times - the biscuit tin at work, the bread crock at home, the petrol stations when I'm in my car. I've just said to myself "I don't need it".
Beck talks in the intro about building up your "resistance muscle" and how each time you resist, it gets a little easier. Likewise, each time you give in, it also gets a little easier to do that the next time. Makes sense. Certainly, this evening, I wandered in the general direction of the bread crock and veered off before I got there without any noticeable angst, whereas yesterday I found myself hovering over it with the lid in hand for a few seconds before I could turn away.
God - I sound like a freak. I hope other people understand what I mean and also have these internal dialogues...I'm sure I'm not the only one...am I??
So, it's personal training tomorrow morning and D is away for 3 weeks so that will give me a little time and space to get my act and fridge in order on exactly what regime I'm going to plump (whoops - freudian slip there!!) for when I get into the meat (there goes another one!!) of the Beck 6 week programme.
Apart from food, I've felt quite melancholy over the last few days. I've been teary at sad stories (more so than usual) and just generally quite low. Not in a really miserable way, it feels "chemical" if you know what I mean. Work is hard and I don't seem to be making headway so I'm not getting that buzz of achievement which makes working hard worthwhile. I just seem to have a constant low-level blue feeling. Not really like me.
And, I've had a horrible taste in my mouth all day today - not ketosis, believe me. Not long after I've eaten or drunk, it just comes right back, dry mouth and harsh metallic sort of taste. I'm not being hypochondriac or anything; not seeking a diagnosis or anything; I'm sure it'll go away soon but it's contributing in a physical way to my general glumness. It sort of reminds me that I'm glum.
Hopefully a good night's sleep will help. Sorry for being depressing, I'll snap out of it soon enough.
Saturday, 17 January 2009
[PS I'm not that slim anymore. Unfortunately I have gained probably 21-28lbs since these were taken - so I want to drop those lbs and get back to roughly this size - 12/14 from the size 16 I currently am living in.]
I was really busy yesterday sorting the house out, shopping, preparing for D's brother and his girlfriend who are coming over for a couple of nights tomorrow. I know I could have carved out an hour from all that but, by the time I was ready, I was tired and not in the mood, supper was just about ready and D was due to arrive.
What do I learn from this? That I must prioritise exercise. Do the run first and then the chores and that way I'm less likely to duck out and use the chores as an excuse for not exercising.
That's one of the Beck Solution statements too: make time for diet and exercise.
Re Beck, I have only read the introduction so far and I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to "make time" for the rest of it this weekend. I'm going to the football shortly which will take me through most of the day, then we'll be having supper and going out. Tomorrow will be getting ready (some more) for Nicky and Holly, cooking Sunday lunch, preparing sandwiches for the quiz and then going to the pub for the quiz! In between there somewhere we'll have to walk the dogs too.
So, maybe the book will be next week. I have a train trip to London on Wednesday so that could be the perfect time.
One thing though - I'm not going to do what I normally do with these diet books (not that I've bought many) read it, think about it for a week or so and follow the advice in a half-assed kind of way and then consign it to the shelf.
From what I've read, the programme is a summation of the good CBT stuff from LL and it has got to be the answer for me. I was ticking off statements left, right and centre as I read the introduction. So, why not give it a proper go? The book says there is a 6 week process and after that it's practise, practise, practise.
So, I'm in with Beck for the next 6 weeks. She doesn't mind what reducing regime you follow so I I'n going to do calorie counting with Spark People and incorporate some of the many packs I have lying around for a few weeks too. And exercise as well, of course. If I need help, there's always LL for another refresher course of 4 weeks or so. The important thing for me though is to try and break the back of the mental side of things. To try and get the messages into my head so the good thoughts are right there waiting to be used when temptations and stresses arise.
So - that's the plan, not that different to what I've been saying over the last few weeks but a bit more focussed. Wish me luck. Are you in too Peridot???
Thursday, 15 January 2009
Foodwise, not perfect but not bad either. I seem to be able to place myself in an adult state and talk myself out of eating bad stuff at the moment so long may that continue. When I'm tempted (nearly all the time), I either remind myself of the "rules" or, if that is not enough, bring out the big guns and repeat what I want, namely to be a slim and fit size 14.
I cancelled this morning personal training session as I was not feeling well and thought it would be a waste and probably set me back. I think it was the right thing to do as now I feel ready to do a light run tomorrow and I'm working from home so that will work well.
So - no big sucesses this last week but no gains and maybe even a lb or so off. Definitely progress on the all important mental side of things.
I'm also more productive at work. Does anyone else notice this? That when they're in the zone with food, other aspect of your life also work well. I have been able to knuckle down and work harder despite feeling grotty over the last 2 weeks and seem to be able to fit in more chores and small tasks. Maybe it's just that January "new broom" feeling??
I'm even looking forward to my run tomorrow. I'll try and take some pics. Night all.
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
It's probably a desire to try and make myself feel better as I have this nasty cold. The need for comfort. But I don't need food and it's a habit I have to try and break.
I've made another start on abstinence today, a mere 2 days after I said I would. I've been pretty good for the most part too - a bit of milk in tea and a biscuit but apart from that, a pretty good start.
I did say I would go to my class tonight too but I ended up helping a friend with a legal issue for 90 minutes after work (above and beyond I know but he's a good bloke!) and, by the time that was done, it was too late to go to class and I felt grotty anyway. I feel as though I dodged it intentionally though so I've pledged that I'll go to the drop-in on Saturday. I know from experience that missing class is my way of avoiding committing to the regime.
Going to class consistently was certainly the reason why my 4/5 weeks refresher before Christmas was sucessful so I should learn that lesson and actually put it into practice.
Anyway, I'm waffling a bit. I suspect I'm only posting tonight to give me something to do to distract me from wanting to eat!! One thing which helped me not eat this evening was a chance glance at an old photo from early last year. I was showing Eric some pics of Minty as a pup and I saw this one:
It's not a great photo, a bit blurry but it struck me how much thinner I looked then than now and how I thought then that I was really fat. There's probably only a stone or so in it in reality so it shouldn't be too hard to drop. So what is stopping me? That thought and the photo image really helped me resist while I was prowling round the kitchen looking for trouble and even contemplating driving out into the night to buy lard!! I mean, I dropped well over 100 lbs in 2007 - I must be able to drop 20 in 2009!!
Looking back at my blog, I note that I was going through an intense section of my training for the half marathon last February and really trying hard with my diet so that probably explains why I look much slimmer in the pics. I CAN do it!!!
PS. Isn't little Bobby cute?? Do you want some more puppy porn?? Yeah - go on then ....how about this for sweetness?
Monday, 12 January 2009
So, I didn't even walk the dogs and let them go out for a long muddy tramp in the rain with the dog walker as they would do if had gone to work.
The plan was to do my work task and then go for a run in the evening. Of course, by the time evening comes, you're tired and it's dark, cold and raining. There's every chance that you're NOT going to do the run. And so it was this evening....I was starting the process of justifying why I wouldn't do the run:
"It's dark, cold and raining."
"I'll go on Wednesday lunchtime instead"
"I need to do loads of housework so that'll be good exercise, hoovering and making up beds etc"
I'm sure you've heard it all before.
Anyway, before I closed off my computer I checked into a few blogs and read the following selection:
- A comment on my blog from Peridot which reminded me about how much she dislikes running and yet she persists with it. Also my comment to her jokingly asking her to pop up from London and drag me out next time she's going for a jog.
- A post from Mrs Lard referring to a nutjob who apparently only eats 2 clementines and a grilled chicken or fish all day every day. I (rightly I believe) derided this so-called "nutritionist" as a nutjob but then got to thinking that it's easy to mock from the comfort and inactivity of a chair, at least this woman has the courage of her convictions and is serious about her determination to remain slim. [I still think life is too short to eat like that though!!]
- My own targets from my last post. It reminded me what I want to achieve (slim size 14) and told me that I should be doing 4 lots of exercise this week. And exercise is not going to do itself is it??
So, the upshot is that I got changed and headed out into the cold, dark, rainy night (did I mention that it was cold, and dark and raining??!) and managed a brisk 2 1/2 miler in 30 minutes. It was hard but I'm soooo pleased that I did it. It's my first night time run for a long time so that's another barrier broken too.
So a massive thanks to everyone for taking the time to share their storeis and inspirations. The above 3 posts were just 3 of many many inspiring blogs and posts which all take effect in their own way and they all help.....oh dear, now I'm sounding like Kate Winslet making a complete hash of her acceptance speech for her Golden Globes (I mean Golden Globe Award, Golden Globes sound a bit rude....!
Well, ta everyone for everything.
Saturday, 10 January 2009
- Do abstinence properly next week, starting Monday (D is away up to Aberdeen tomorrow afternoon so I'm going to cook us a nice meal tomorrow before he goes).
- Go to LL class on Wednesday evening.
- Go running tomorrow (Sunday) and at least 4 times next week (including 2 personal training sessions).
- Do not weigh yourself at all.
Medium Term Goals (2009):
- Get down to a slim and fit size 14 and stay there until at least next Christmas.
- Sign up for a 10km race sometime this summer and train for it.
That ought'a do it.
Friday, 9 January 2009
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
In other news, we're finally getting on with redecorating the hallway and kitchen. New flooring down and painting still to go. yes, I know we've done it the worng way round but D had the chance of cheap instant installation of the floor so took it. Hopefully we'll paint the hall this weekend. Can't wait. It's been grotty and boring with nasty carpet tiles for years and I've no idea why we've put up with it for so long. We kept saying we wouldn't deal with the hall 'til everything else was done but that seems daft now. A bit like weight loss and exercise probably, there's always an excuse for starting.....sigh......
The dogs are not sure about the wooden floors though - they're skidding all over the place and clattering a bit too. Still, much better for muddy pawprints so that's got to be good.
Well, I don't seem to be saying much so I'll stop. Suffice to say, I'm making a start and getting there. Wish me luck....
Monday, 5 January 2009
So, good luck to all you dieters and weight managers out there - stick to it - WE CAN DO IT!!!