Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Saturday, 31 January 2009

Be goooooood!!

I have a packed weekend ahead of me: chores for the rest of this morning (and hopefully walking the dogs while it's still sunny); guests arrive; off to Hillsborough and the pub and then the football (it's an evening game on Sky at 5.15pm); then straight into town for a meal and cavorting (or maybe a bit of salsa-ing or something). Tomorrow: recovering from hangover and quiz.

Because of that, I've had a peek ahead in Beck and seen what's next and decided to postpone it until Monday/Tuesday. I was ahead of myself by a couple of days anyway. I don't think it would be appropriate to be judging my hunger levels (Day 10 I think) and then actually experiencing hunger by missing lunch (Day 11) when my schedule is so chaotic.

So this post is to put a marker down for myself that, although I'm not going to be progressing in the book this weekend, that's NO reason not to implement what I've learnt so far!! I can still read my cards; sit down when I eat; eat slowly and enjoy every mouthful and build spontaneous exercise into my everyday life. Just because I have visitors does not give me licence to pig out. They probably won't want to anyway - James is trying to drop Christmas poundage and Nicola is in training with her rowing club so we can all be healthy together (apart from the beer!)

So, that's me told!! I'd better get on with the chores now.

Friday, 30 January 2009

Short and sweet-ish

After a few days of being busy, having a nasty hacking cough and trying to follow Beck, I can now see the importance of the reminder system she pushes so hard. At first, when you're all in the first flush of the new system, you can't imagine not reading the cards or thinking about the new ways of doing things (eating sitting down and slowly etc).

But, after a few days, the old ways start to creep back in and you suddenly realise that you've missed 2 reminders to read your Response Card because you were "busy"! And, hey, what are you doing, standing up by the counter "just" popping a few bites of crispy overheated pitta bread (that you were actually about to the feed to the dogs!!) into your trap??

So. I'm posting this as a marker for myself that I've got to keep using that resistance muscle and keep reminding myself to use it. I want to get to the point where it's automatic and not unpleasant to limit myself or to exercise because I'm slim, healthy, fit and active and I appreciate that that's better than staying in and having a round of toast with butter and jam!!!

That said, I'm feeling a bit frustrated because I haven't actually started the diet yet so haven't lost a great deal of weight. I may have dropped a lb or so. So maybe that's why I was wavering a little last night. Annoyingly, this stage of the diet has also coincided with the "fat" stage of my cycle which is not great.

I am still mightily impressed by the power she seems to have had over me and so quickly. Normally I want to snack nearly all the time in the evenings. No sooner have I finished one thing, a cup of tea and a pear say, than I'm seeking the next. Often, I run out of okay things to eat: yoghurts, fruit, cold meat etc and move onto toast, biscuits or whatever else I can find. Or, I don't but it's a constant battle.

Over the last week or so (since I started reading the first few pages of the intro really), I have hardly snacked at all in the evening. In fact, on reflection I can state that I have NOT snacked at all, I've only walked into the kitchen in search of snacks a few times and then left. It's very liberating.

Also, in the same timescale, I have not had a single morsel from the snack table at work!

This is a bit of a realisation for me as I type - I hadn't realised what progress I've made - I'm literally patting myself on the leg and saying "well done"!!

Looking back over the last fortnight, the new danger times for me seem to be on the road/train/in town. The unscheduled coffees and pastries. So, that's is what I'll work on next.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Mixed results

I'm still avidly reading and implementing Beck but have not actually started the diet although I did check out Spark People and do a dummy run on the food recording so that I would be properly prepared. My conclusion is that SP will be something I can work with but the calorie counting will be fiddly at first. Once I get all my usual foods calorie counted and entered as favourites, it'll be a lot quicker.

The downside is that, on the spurious ground that "I haven't yet started my diet", I did eat more than I wanted to yesterday. I took a half day from work and went to Nottingham for the evening football match between the mighty Sheffield Wednesday and Nottingham Forest. I did some shopping and then met up with my niece who is at Uni there and then my pal Jim before the game for a meal.

I fully expected to have the meal and had done quite well during the day at limiting calories in anticipation. Muesli, salad, a pear! But, before I got to the meal, I succumbed to a cappuccino and pastry which I definitely did NOT need. My poor excuse was that it was raining and I wanted to sit down....I could have done that with a cup of tea and a piece of fruit couldn't I???

The meal also was not great, I could have chosen a salad but plumped for fish and chips. Having said that, I ate much more sparingly than normal, left at least half of the admittedly large portion and was not uncomfortably full after I had eaten so that is progress.

Also on the positive side, I walked and walked and walked!! I must have been brisk walking for a minimum of 90 minutes throughout the afternoon, and that is not counting the time spent ambling round the shops, that's only the time to and from the ground and to and from the pub!! Brisk, it was as we totally misjudged how far it was to the ground and had to almost run to get there on time and even then missed the first 5 minutes.

The game was a disappointment as we had a man sent off and, despite playing quite well and nearly retaining a draw, we eventually let a sloppy goal in and left empty handed....grrr The singing among the away fans was fantastic though, really committed and entertaining.

Today I have been in a course all day. I've probably had a couple of items I didn't strictly need (a small pastry - small, honest and 2 biscuits) but, I chose well at lunch. Jacket potato with a little cheese and salad rather than mayo laden sarnies or fried goujon-y things. Also a pear instead of a delicious looking chocolate cake and no tea/coffee or biscuits in the afternoon, just water. So, all in all, considering how hard those seminar type events are, it was pretty good.

This is all a bit boring today but I'm trying to record for my own benefit really, where I'm going right and where I'm slipping up. I'm making sure that I read my response cards every day though and I hope it'll start to get easier.

Mrs L - Response Cards are index cards that you write out yourself on various topics and keep handy to read at least twice a day. The main one is the Advantage Response Card which sets out your reasons for wanting to lose weight but there are others regarding sitting down; eating slowly; giving yourself credit; anything really. They act as reminders and reinforcement and seem to be the difference between just reading the book and actually implementing it.

Monday, 26 January 2009

Bouncebackability...

Me and my pal Brona (wearing her son's hat!!). We hadn't seen each other for nearly 5 years until last weekend so it was great to catch up. We'll not leave it so long again.

On the beach in Norfolk. It's obviously in grave danger of washing away as those are massive sea defences behind me. Do you like the wellies?



Brones and family. The boys really didn't want to walk on the beach but seemed to enjoy it once we had dragged them kicking and screaming away from the cafe!! A bit like me really...

Peridot said she hoped I got my bounce back soon. Well I do too!! It's not back yet but I don't feel so fat any more so I'm assuming that yesterday's fatness was water retention or bloat or something equally horrid. Now, I'm just really tired. I have got yet another cold but this one has manifested itself with a nasty tickly cough. The sort that is really tiring and painful but doesn't actually relieve the tickle....sigh...

Ho hum

Foodwise, I've been a trooper. Not a single morsel of badness has passed my lips today. I didn't touch the biscuit tin or the sweet table at work. Breakfast was a modest portion of muesli and lunch was calorie controlled and healthful from Boots. I'm planning a healthy grilled steak and veggies for supper and a yoghurt for afterwards. I'm also armed to the gills with Beck Response cards to prevent me self-medicating!!

On the Beck front, I'm up to Day 5 now. I have:
  1. Considered and identified why I want to be slim, the advantages of it; written these reasons down and reminded myself to read them at least twice a day and more if I'm tempted to stray.
  2. I've chosen my diet and my back-up diet.

  3. I've learned only to eat while sitting down and reminded myself to do it.
  4. Decided to give myself credit for all the good choices I make and, even if I stray, not to be too hard on myself or view it as a failure as getting back on track quickly would also be worthy of credit.

  5. Pledged to eat slowly and thoughtfully and enjoy every bite. I think this one might be difficult for me as I'm a bit of a bolter and I nearly always eat while reading or watching television unless D and I are eating together. So, I need to really work on this one as my "efficient eating skills" (as I have long thought of them!) are probably contributing to my overeating and to the disconnect I have between hunger and eating.
  6. I've also glanced ahead at tomorrow's task (which I think is going to be a biggie) which is to identify and put in place a diet coach.
As you can see, I'm really taking this one seriously. I'm reading the book every day, making the response cards and not just thinking about it and I'm actually reading the cards too. I really want this to work for me. I genuinely want to be one of thsoe people who can be happy in their decision NOT to eat and be happy about being slim rather than having to battle with temptation and desire to eat all the time. I really WANT to be able to say that I hardly ever eat chocolate or pizza or whatever, not because I have an iron willpower (which I don't) but because I've learned that they're not good for me and I'd rather be slim and fit.

So, that's all for now. Wish me luck in what I suspect is going to be a testing evening avoiding the kitchen's temptations!! I could go out and distract myself from them but I really need to stay in and rest. The worst combination, feeling rubbish and staying in... I CAN do it and I will!!!
PS. It's now nearly my bed time as I have an early start tomorrow morning but I thought I'd report that I've been really good this evening. So, big pat on the back to me as per Beck's instructions! I cooked my meal, ate it slowly and deliberately (while watching Midsomer Murders on Sky Plus but that can't count as a distraction - you only need 2 brain cells to follows that plot!!) and have not snacked or even been terribly tempted all evening. What a relief.
I've also started up my Spark People account and had a look at the site to get ready for when I start my diet proper. Night night all

Sunday, 25 January 2009

I feel fat...how annoying is that?

A bit of property porn for you....my friends' lovely barn conversion. I think my car sets it off nicely, better than their people carrier anyway..

Inside view...

and the kitchen.


And a random sunset taken on my drive home this evening.



Very is the answer. I've been quite good this weekend, not snacked, not had seconds or desserts. Had some wine but not too much. Taken a reasonable amount of exercise.

So, why do I feel so fat this evening? I suppose I'll have to have faith and put it down to TOTM and the fact that I have yet another cold/cough brewing but it's very disheartening. It also makes you want to eat naughty stuff. But I have resisted.

On the positive side, I've read my ARCs and have turned away from off piste eating several times over the course of the day. I had a long drive home from Norfolk but didn't stop anywhere for a cappucino or snack. I had lunch at my parents and turned down dessert and extra goodies. I stopped at the garage near home but didn't buy a snack even though I was taking the car through the car wash (one of many car-related triggers).

All good. Humph...

I'm going to have faith that it's just a blip and hope I feel better tomorrow. Now, I'm off to the inter-village pub quiz league...how sad can I get??! Wish us luck!

Saturday, 24 January 2009

Day 3 of Beck

My friends in Norfolk live in a most beautiful converted barn, well, it's their holiday home as they actually live in London but it is gorgeous. I'm suffering a severe case of home envy! It's ancient and listed and the living pod doesn't touch the old oak beams, 4 of which have been dated to 1365!! Fab.

Anyway, as you can see, they are also broadbanded up so I'm taking the opportunity, while Brona finishes off supper, to have a think about food and how I can fit it into normal life. Brona is a good person to be visiting at this time as she appreciates both how difficult it can be to maintain a healthy weight but also that it can be done and that gains can be lost. In fact, she and I went on our first proper diets together back in 1992 and I ended up losing a couple of stone to get down to the weight I am at currently! Typically, she stayed slim until her children whereas I got gradually bigger and bigger....sigh....

She greeted me yesterdy with a comment on how well I looked and how it took her back to what I looked like when we first met! That took me back and reminded me that, whatever I think in my dark moments, I've not been fat forever!! So, all good.

Virtuously, I did make time to run first thing this morning. At 8am, into the cold and frozen Norfolk morning. I should have taken a camera but I only have my big one with me and couldn't run with that thing bouncing around. It was stunning. The sun shining from behind a lovely flint church across a pancake flat field and rabbits running wildly around when I disturbed them. Gorgeous. I hope it's sunny tomorrow morning too so I can take some piccies. I only managed 30 slow minutes (due to the slippy frozen lanes) but I felt good for doing it. Hopefully, I'll do the same again tomorrow, depending on how much wine I drink tonight!!

We haven't done much today, just galumphed about the house, chatting, playing with her boys (5 and 7) and reading the papers. We did go for a decent walk along the beach followed by an all day breakfast in a (only slightly gentrified) greasy spoon. All thoroughly lovely to be honest. I must bring Diarmuid next time!

So, what about food have I concluded?

That it's relatively easy not to go mad, if you know that you are not going to be too deprived. That, as long as I do plenty of exercise and don't snack, I can enjoy a nice meal without painful limitations.

On the Beck front, I have made a point of reading my Advantages Response Card and reading the next day's exercise. This is not terribly relevant to me as it concerns not eating while standing up, or, more correctly, only eating while sitting down. I don't do it that much and don't think I will have too many difficulties in cutting it out. The only problem is likely to be remembering not to sneak the odd mouthful here and there while cooking. I'm pleased that I'm reading the book and doing the exercises though. I hope my perseverence pays dividends.

Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for putting up with my navel gazing....it's important to me to do it.

Friday, 23 January 2009

Be good Lesley, be good!

Following Isabelle of "In this Life" I went for a walk in search of signs of spring on Wednesday morning. Derbyshire is emphatically NOT even thinking about spring yet so I'm embracing winter! Here, snow on the far hills:

Wintry haze and my lovely home village, Bamford nestling under Bamford Edge:

Pretty red berries:

I'm off to Norfolk for the weekend to see an old workmate and her family. I know she is pretty sensible about food so there is every chance that I will be too but I'm posting this morning to reinforce the message. I'm going to read Beck at lunchtime and start Day 1 today. It's as good a time as any.

So, wish me luck and happy not-eating.

I'm also going to try for a run unless we go for a very good walk. Don't know what is scheduled. and don't know the area. The only downside is that her husband is allergic to dogs so I can't take the girls and I know it'll probably be the sort of place they would LOVE so I'll be a frustrated dog walker all weekend!
Update:
I read Days 1 and 2 of Beck today at lunchtime and did my homework. So - I've prepared an Advantage Reading Card (just an index card) setting out 10 reasons "Why I Want To Lose Weight" (Although that Marisa Peer (remember her?!) would not be happy about me saying "lose" weight!!). I've set reminders in my phone to read the cards twice a day and I'm all set.
I did Day 2 at the same time (which you're allowed to do, as I'd already done the work - the task was to select your diet. Well, I'd already decided that I will be following a healthy eating calorie counting diet using either Weight Loss Resources or Spark People (probably the latter as they're free). You also have to nominate a back-up plan so I've gone for Slimming Worlrd or Lighter Life depending on why my first plan didn't work (but hoping of course that it will).
So, it's started. I feel very positive and empowered already - although maybe that's because I'm following a diet without actually being on the diet itself for the next few days! Yippee!
I'm not going mad - in fact today I didn't have breakfast!! Not because I was consciously trying to skip the meal (which I don't think is a good idea) but because I didn't have it at home expecting to eat later and then that didn't happen and suddenly it was 12.30. That NEVER happens to me!! Forget to eat - not me! But it did today which I think is a great sign. And I happily chose the very lightest salad for lunch with no qualms. So, although I'm not officially dieting, I'm not going mad by any means.
Got to run - I've got a big drive to Norfolk (4 hours plus) ahead of me. Have a great weekend everyone.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

Move more

At last a still and stately photo of Minty....normally my photos of her tend to be like this:

or this:

Unlike her Ma who is as stately and sensible as they come although rather grumpy in this shot. Bless...

Still, I wish I had half Minty's energy and her flat tum!!

I went down to London for a course yesterday which was, surprisingly as these things almost never are, really good - interesting, informative, thought provoking, useful and fun!! I made some potentially useful contacts and met a couple of people I have previously only emailed or spoken to on the phone so, all in all, very worth the trip.

Normally, travelling on the train and courses are times when I tend to let go of the food reins somewhat. This time - not too bad. I did have a couple of canapes at the do after and a glass of wine but refused much more than I accepted. I ate only a sensible lunuch on the train and no more; no muffin or extra cappucino passed my lips. Then at my friend's house I ate a sensible supper with her and her husband but refused the creme egg afterwards(she is like a lat but still has a houseful of chocolate - how does that work??) and did the same again at breakfast.
I was quite clever this morning and bought a very nice M&S salad so that I could have it as soon as I got to work at lunchtime so no temptation there and no off-piste snacking today either.

BUT - I have not been so good at resisting this evening at home. It fleetingly passed through my mind that I shouldn't have the dessert as I didn't need it but I didn't dwell there and dessert was taken.

I think the reason is that I have not actually read beyone the intro of Beck yet. I have purchased the necessary index cards amd notebook but, what with the travelling, friend, french class this evening and dog responsibilities, there has literally been no time - not even on the train when I was working or doing my french homework. So - 2 days have passed since I last read anything to reinforce the message and that distance allowed me to block out what I knew to be the sensible voice in my head saying "don't eat the crumble Lesley!".

I will not make that mistake again. The book will be read EVERY DAY from now on in.


So - life is very hectic at the moment but there are more ups than downs and I hope I'm winning the war. Hope you are too.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

A good day

Some pics from my semi snowy drive to work this morning. This one is just outside my house.

The Ladybower Reservoir just outside Bamford.

View from the A57 (Snake Pass) looking back towards Win Hill and Kinder.

I did pretty well today and worked really hard as well. I'm knackered now but have banished the Blues at least. Mrs L tells me that yesterday was officially the most depressing day of the year - I don't know why but it certainly felt that way for me so I'll not discount those stories on the news any more...I am that statistic!!


Foodwise, I still haven't got my act together to organise whatever diet I'm going to be following in conjunction with Beck but, luckily, I got to the point in the introductory paragraph where she explains that I shouldn't actually start to diet for 14 days. She says I should prepare myself for the diet and start putting all the CBT stuff into effect before leaping in head first. Suits me fine!!


I have been stellar today though - 2 pieces of wholemeal toast with butter and jam and a cappucino for brekkie; a Shapers wrap, yoghurt and water for lunch; pasta for supper and 2 pieces of fruit. No snacks, no grazing and not much temptation either. Although being massively busy has helped.

And exercise too - personal training this morning and a run with Shelley this evening. I nearly cancelled the run as I had a report to redraft before I leave for a course in London tomorrow but, in the end, decided to prioritise the exercise and take the opportunity of running with a friend rather than pushing it down the line. See - I learned from Friday's experience when I did everything else first and then was too tired and unmotivated to run. And it worked - I came back from the run, had supper and then came up here and finished my report.


My reward for all this hard work is that I can have a lie-in tomorrow morning before my mid-morning train. Or maybe go for another run - that could be pushing it though!!

So - bed now but I wanted to report the good side of not eating, namely that I feel a lot more hopeful at the mo and I'm not even dieting!!!

Endorphins??

I've just come back from training this morning and feel a lot happier than I did last night. I was quite positive yesterday just gloomy which sounds strange but can be done. Obviously the exercise was a big part of it but also an hour chatting away to Huw about diet and stuff helps me process my plans and makes them stick in my mind a bit more.

I've definitely lost aerobic fitness from when I was running a lot (as compared to now that I'm only running a little) so that is something I want to work on as well as dropping lbs, shrinking and learning to keep them off longterm. I'm still way stronger and fitter than I used to be though so I'm not beating myself up about it.

It's going to be a busy year!

Have a nice day!!

Monday, 19 January 2009

Beck and the Blues

I still haven't finished the introductory chapters but already I'm trying to put the gist of it it into action. I'm not really clear what actual regime I'm following as the packs don't seem to be happening for me at the mo and I haven't got my calorie controlled head on yet either (very busy at work and at home) but, in the meantime, I'm doing well at not eating too much.

Over the last few days, I've eaten what I wanted to eat at mealtimes but not snacked or grazed or picked and not necessarily eaten the minute I felt hungry or "just wanted something". I have walked away from temptation loads of times - the biscuit tin at work, the bread crock at home, the petrol stations when I'm in my car. I've just said to myself "I don't need it".

Beck talks in the intro about building up your "resistance muscle" and how each time you resist, it gets a little easier. Likewise, each time you give in, it also gets a little easier to do that the next time. Makes sense. Certainly, this evening, I wandered in the general direction of the bread crock and veered off before I got there without any noticeable angst, whereas yesterday I found myself hovering over it with the lid in hand for a few seconds before I could turn away.

God - I sound like a freak. I hope other people understand what I mean and also have these internal dialogues...I'm sure I'm not the only one...am I??

So, it's personal training tomorrow morning and D is away for 3 weeks so that will give me a little time and space to get my act and fridge in order on exactly what regime I'm going to plump (whoops - freudian slip there!!) for when I get into the meat (there goes another one!!) of the Beck 6 week programme.

Apart from food, I've felt quite melancholy over the last few days. I've been teary at sad stories (more so than usual) and just generally quite low. Not in a really miserable way, it feels "chemical" if you know what I mean. Work is hard and I don't seem to be making headway so I'm not getting that buzz of achievement which makes working hard worthwhile. I just seem to have a constant low-level blue feeling. Not really like me.

And, I've had a horrible taste in my mouth all day today - not ketosis, believe me. Not long after I've eaten or drunk, it just comes right back, dry mouth and harsh metallic sort of taste. I'm not being hypochondriac or anything; not seeking a diagnosis or anything; I'm sure it'll go away soon but it's contributing in a physical way to my general glumness. It sort of reminds me that I'm glum.

Hopefully a good night's sleep will help. Sorry for being depressing, I'll snap out of it soon enough.

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Green shoots....

It's been a good day. After I posted this morning, I went off to the football and met up with my mate Jim and his nieces. Nice girls.


We had a while to kill in the pub before the game but they seemed quite entertained by Jim and I chatting and mucking about as we do. By chance I found my old LL "before" photos in my handbag (I'd taken them into LL class ages ago and then stuck them in a pocket and forgotten about them). I also my my "thin girl in fat trousers" photos too (see below if you haven't seen them before). So I thought they might be amused and showed them to the girls (aged 9 and 12). It was interesting - they could clearly see a big difference and weren't shy about asking me questions. But there was no judgement, no "side". They clearly didn't see anything strange about the fact that I was drinking pints of bitter and eating a chip butty either.

[PS I'm not that slim anymore. Unfortunately I have gained probably 21-28lbs since these were taken - so I want to drop those lbs and get back to roughly this size - 12/14 from the size 16 I currently am living in.]

They are both skinny girls and I started observing (not in a creepy way!) what (and how) they were eating. They both had a coke to start but then just asked for water after that. They both had a chip butty with the obligatory lashings of ketchup but stopped eating when they were full and left most of the bread. They took a couple of chocolate buttons which were offered to them during the game but no more than that and didn't ask for chocolate when given the opportunity. Apparently at home they eat healthily and are rewarded for getting their "5 a day" in and drinking plenty of water and they do loads of sport.

So, that's how youngsters, not adulterated by treats and rewards, see food. Something to eat when you're hungry. To eat healthily most of the time and to enjoy the odd chip butty in moderation.

That's how I want to be.

On the Beck front; I haven't read any more of the book but, 3 times today, I've resisted temptation and used CBT/Beck type thinking to do so. Once (actually twice) in a petrol station before the game. (Petrol stations are a big trigger for me - they seem to say, hidden, unaccountable eating.) Just after D left for the pub this evening (hmmm also significant methinks but I'm not going there this evening...) I was mulling having some toast with butter and jam and then didn't and just now, I actually opened the bread crock and then put the lid back on again.


I'm not hungry but I really wanted to eat some more. And I haven't. So that's good then.


I came up here to post just to record that I do actually feel happy that I've not eaten....it's not all about deprivation, it's about feeling slimmer too.

So - overall, a "normal" person might have eaten as I have today. I knew I was going to the pub and would drink beer and have chips so, I didn't have breakfast (wasn't hungry anyway), went for a run and resisted treats in the petrol station. Then I enjoyed my beer and chips. Didn't have any more treats on the way home. Had a nice moderate healthy supper with fruit and a coffee afterwards and have not had any more food since. Not a diet day, just a normal Saturday.

I can do this.

Checking in

Well, I didn't manage my run yesterday but I have just been this morning so not too bad. Only a short run as I'm still not 100% from this cold but I feel better now.

I was really busy yesterday sorting the house out, shopping, preparing for D's brother and his girlfriend who are coming over for a couple of nights tomorrow. I know I could have carved out an hour from all that but, by the time I was ready, I was tired and not in the mood, supper was just about ready and D was due to arrive.

What do I learn from this? That I must prioritise exercise. Do the run first and then the chores and that way I'm less likely to duck out and use the chores as an excuse for not exercising.

That's one of the Beck Solution statements too: make time for diet and exercise.

Re Beck, I have only read the introduction so far and I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to "make time" for the rest of it this weekend. I'm going to the football shortly which will take me through most of the day, then we'll be having supper and going out. Tomorrow will be getting ready (some more) for Nicky and Holly, cooking Sunday lunch, preparing sandwiches for the quiz and then going to the pub for the quiz! In between there somewhere we'll have to walk the dogs too.

So, maybe the book will be next week. I have a train trip to London on Wednesday so that could be the perfect time.

One thing though - I'm not going to do what I normally do with these diet books (not that I've bought many) read it, think about it for a week or so and follow the advice in a half-assed kind of way and then consign it to the shelf.

From what I've read, the programme is a summation of the good CBT stuff from LL and it has got to be the answer for me. I was ticking off statements left, right and centre as I read the introduction. So, why not give it a proper go? The book says there is a 6 week process and after that it's practise, practise, practise.

So, I'm in with Beck for the next 6 weeks. She doesn't mind what reducing regime you follow so I I'n going to do calorie counting with Spark People and incorporate some of the many packs I have lying around for a few weeks too. And exercise as well, of course. If I need help, there's always LL for another refresher course of 4 weeks or so. The important thing for me though is to try and break the back of the mental side of things. To try and get the messages into my head so the good thoughts are right there waiting to be used when temptations and stresses arise.

So - that's the plan, not that different to what I've been saying over the last few weeks but a bit more focussed. Wish me luck. Are you in too Peridot???

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Not bad Rodders, not bad...

I've felt a bit better today apart from a blinding headache which did not respond to painkillers. Still, much less sneezing and snuffling and much less general achiness.

Foodwise, not perfect but not bad either. I seem to be able to place myself in an adult state and talk myself out of eating bad stuff at the moment so long may that continue. When I'm tempted (nearly all the time), I either remind myself of the "rules" or, if that is not enough, bring out the big guns and repeat what I want, namely to be a slim and fit size 14.

I cancelled this morning personal training session as I was not feeling well and thought it would be a waste and probably set me back. I think it was the right thing to do as now I feel ready to do a light run tomorrow and I'm working from home so that will work well.

So - no big sucesses this last week but no gains and maybe even a lb or so off. Definitely progress on the all important mental side of things.

I'm also more productive at work. Does anyone else notice this? That when they're in the zone with food, other aspect of your life also work well. I have been able to knuckle down and work harder despite feeling grotty over the last 2 weeks and seem to be able to fit in more chores and small tasks. Maybe it's just that January "new broom" feeling??

I'm even looking forward to my run tomorrow. I'll try and take some pics. Night all.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Come on Lesley!

I'm struggling tonight with the desire to graze. I know I'm not really hungry as I have a horrible head cold and haven't been hungry all day. Can't taste much anyway. But, I just want something. You all know that feeling I'm sure.


It's probably a desire to try and make myself feel better as I have this nasty cold. The need for comfort. But I don't need food and it's a habit I have to try and break.


I've made another start on abstinence today, a mere 2 days after I said I would. I've been pretty good for the most part too - a bit of milk in tea and a biscuit but apart from that, a pretty good start.


I did say I would go to my class tonight too but I ended up helping a friend with a legal issue for 90 minutes after work (above and beyond I know but he's a good bloke!) and, by the time that was done, it was too late to go to class and I felt grotty anyway. I feel as though I dodged it intentionally though so I've pledged that I'll go to the drop-in on Saturday. I know from experience that missing class is my way of avoiding committing to the regime.


Going to class consistently was certainly the reason why my 4/5 weeks refresher before Christmas was sucessful so I should learn that lesson and actually put it into practice.


Anyway, I'm waffling a bit. I suspect I'm only posting tonight to give me something to do to distract me from wanting to eat!! One thing which helped me not eat this evening was a chance glance at an old photo from early last year. I was showing Eric some pics of Minty as a pup and I saw this one:




It's not a great photo, a bit blurry but it struck me how much thinner I looked then than now and how I thought then that I was really fat. There's probably only a stone or so in it in reality so it shouldn't be too hard to drop. So what is stopping me? That thought and the photo image really helped me resist while I was prowling round the kitchen looking for trouble and even contemplating driving out into the night to buy lard!! I mean, I dropped well over 100 lbs in 2007 - I must be able to drop 20 in 2009!!


Looking back at my blog, I note that I was going through an intense section of my training for the half marathon last February and really trying hard with my diet so that probably explains why I look much slimmer in the pics. I CAN do it!!!



PS. Isn't little Bobby cute?? Do you want some more puppy porn?? Yeah - go on then ....how about this for sweetness?














Aaaaah. Takes me back!!!







Monday, 12 January 2009

Blogging works - it's official!!

I worked from home today and I was determined to complete the task I set myself. Usually, I'm a bit of a slacker at home and find lots of other little chores to do as well as my work but today I had to concentrate.

So, I didn't even walk the dogs and let them go out for a long muddy tramp in the rain with the dog walker as they would do if had gone to work.

The plan was to do my work task and then go for a run in the evening. Of course, by the time evening comes, you're tired and it's dark, cold and raining. There's every chance that you're NOT going to do the run. And so it was this evening....I was starting the process of justifying why I wouldn't do the run:

"It's dark, cold and raining."
"I'll go on Wednesday lunchtime instead"
"I need to do loads of housework so that'll be good exercise, hoovering and making up beds etc"

I'm sure you've heard it all before.

Anyway, before I closed off my computer I checked into a few blogs and read the following selection:
  • A comment on my blog from Peridot which reminded me about how much she dislikes running and yet she persists with it. Also my comment to her jokingly asking her to pop up from London and drag me out next time she's going for a jog.
  • A post from Mrs Lard referring to a nutjob who apparently only eats 2 clementines and a grilled chicken or fish all day every day. I (rightly I believe) derided this so-called "nutritionist" as a nutjob but then got to thinking that it's easy to mock from the comfort and inactivity of a chair, at least this woman has the courage of her convictions and is serious about her determination to remain slim. [I still think life is too short to eat like that though!!]
  • My own targets from my last post. It reminded me what I want to achieve (slim size 14) and told me that I should be doing 4 lots of exercise this week. And exercise is not going to do itself is it??

So, the upshot is that I got changed and headed out into the cold, dark, rainy night (did I mention that it was cold, and dark and raining??!) and managed a brisk 2 1/2 miler in 30 minutes. It was hard but I'm soooo pleased that I did it. It's my first night time run for a long time so that's another barrier broken too.

So a massive thanks to everyone for taking the time to share their storeis and inspirations. The above 3 posts were just 3 of many many inspiring blogs and posts which all take effect in their own way and they all help.....oh dear, now I'm sounding like Kate Winslet making a complete hash of her acceptance speech for her Golden Globes (I mean Golden Globe Award, Golden Globes sound a bit rude....!

Well, ta everyone for everything.

Saturday, 10 January 2009

Kick up the ass

The 6 of us (and the 2 dogs of course) went for an extremely cold 2 hour plus walk this afternoon. We were well bundled up against the cold though and warmed through by the massive hills...



D and Minty sheltering from the wind while Vicky fed us home made bread roll sandwiches....mmmm






Me, Vicky and Lisa.


For various reasons, I've been a bit half hearted about dropping the weight this week. Partly because I didn't pile on the lbs over Christmas and new Year so I felt a bit smug and thought that I did'nt need to try..... Partly also because I'm busy at work and partly (as I'm being honest) because I'm still reacting to the fallout of my bust-up with D.


This is not right. I'm playing with fire if I start to think I'm anywhere near having this cracked. So - I had a good hard think about what I want and what I'm willing to do to get it. and I concluded that I want to be a slim size 14. Not a 12 (yet), but a fit and healthy size 14. That means dropping between 21 and 28 lbs I reckon (although I'll be able to squeeze into a few 14's before then).

So - back to proper LL next week and back to classes on Wednesday night. And back to exercise on a regular basis.

Short Term Goals (next week):

  1. Do abstinence properly next week, starting Monday (D is away up to Aberdeen tomorrow afternoon so I'm going to cook us a nice meal tomorrow before he goes).

  2. Go to LL class on Wednesday evening.

  3. Go running tomorrow (Sunday) and at least 4 times next week (including 2 personal training sessions).
  4. Do not weigh yourself at all.

Medium Term Goals (2009):

  1. Get down to a slim and fit size 14 and stay there until at least next Christmas.
  2. Sign up for a 10km race sometime this summer and train for it.

That ought'a do it.

Friday, 9 January 2009

Must keep moving

I haven't taken many photos recently due to the miserable weather so here's an archive one - a walk with my nieces, nephew and a boyfriend (the eldest niece's, not mine...!) on Christmas Day in deepest, darkest Lincolnshire.



Jamie the nephew - down in da hood with his homeys....really, what are they thinking?!


I've had a busy but really enjoyable week at work. Lot to do, lots achieved and everyone in a good mood and having a laugh. Long may it continue. I walked out of the office this evening with a really big grin on my face simply because we'd had a good day. Not that rare I guess but worth remarking on I suppose in these tough times.


The house is looking good too. D has had a nasty cold for a few days but that hasn't stopped him getting the floor laid and fixing lots of little things so that the hallway and kitchen both look tons better. If we could get a coat of paint on in the hall this weekend it would be fantastic.

So, after several miserable posts, I'm feeling a lot more positive. Strange to be so looking forward to a weekend of work and chores!! I suspect it's because when D and I work together we're at our closest.


Foodwise, not really going at a diet with any mojor enthusiasm but definitely dropping a little weight. I have "eased" into it this week rather than hit the road running....which leads me to another thing....


Exercise! Just can't seem to get going. I MUST go running over the weekend. I'm cheesed off with myself that I haven't done any exercise at all this week. I fully intended to go at lunchtime at least twice this week but was either genuinely thwarted by colleagues and meetings or allowed myself to be "too busy". I did not compensate by going running in the evenings either. This time last year, I routinely went running in the evenings with a head torch and all the warm and reflective gear a body can carry....what has changed? My motivation, that's what!


So - running twice this weekend and, thank God, Huw is back next week so at least 2 sessions of personal training each week from now on.

The positive (you know me!) is that I have not piled on the lbs and have managed SOME exercise since he left on his hols in mid December. So - I can and will do it!!

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Getting there

I've not managed to stick to perfect abstinence over the last few days but I've been pretty good. When I've eaten, it's been meat and not carbs so not too much of a problem. I've not managed to do much in the way of exercise yet but I have my kit at work so I'm going to have a stab at swimming tomorrow. No, I mean, I'm definitely going swimming tomorrow lunchtime!!


In other news, we're finally getting on with redecorating the hallway and kitchen. New flooring down and painting still to go. yes, I know we've done it the worng way round but D had the chance of cheap instant installation of the floor so took it. Hopefully we'll paint the hall this weekend. Can't wait. It's been grotty and boring with nasty carpet tiles for years and I've no idea why we've put up with it for so long. We kept saying we wouldn't deal with the hall 'til everything else was done but that seems daft now. A bit like weight loss and exercise probably, there's always an excuse for starting.....sigh......

The dogs are not sure about the wooden floors though - they're skidding all over the place and clattering a bit too. Still, much better for muddy pawprints so that's got to be good.

Well, I don't seem to be saying much so I'll stop. Suffice to say, I'm making a start and getting there. Wish me luck....

Monday, 5 January 2009

Back to School!

Back on the dieting grindstone now but I had already not been pigging out over the last few days, just eating reasonably and I don't think the Christmas/New Year gain will be overwhelming. I'm certainly still well ahead of my worst post LL weight back in November.

So, good luck to all you dieters and weight managers out there - stick to it - WE CAN DO IT!!!

Saturday, 3 January 2009

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Happy New Year!!!


We had a great night out. The only photo of me on my camera has someone's thumb over my face so I'm going to have get my friend's pics from her before I can post anything but, in the meantime, thought you might like one of Diarmuid and his new girlfriend!!!


It should be used in an ad warning of the perils of binge drinking....if those aren't beer goggles, I don't know what are!


It's our lovely mate Eric who is normally very handsome and incredibly strange!


I cooked the big Christmas meal for D and I and my parents today and it's been great. I do want to get outdoors tomorrow though as I'm feeling exceedingly cabin bound at the mo. Exercise and fresh air tomorrow, definitely....


I hope you all had a wonderful evening and are looking forward to a peaceful and hopefully prosperous 2009.