Friday, 25 January 2008

A small loss

I weighed myself this morning and have lost 2 lbs since last week. I haven't done any particular diet, just tried not to eat too much, turned down quite a few treats and upped the exercise (although have not done a huge amount). I feel happy about that but know I will have to be a bit more focussed/scientific about it to keep the losses going.

On the exercise front, I've been training with the lovely Huw twice and done 2 short but fast runs. I'm going to try to run this weekend but, if it stays as windy as it is now, may not make it very far.

I've been working from home today and it is wild! We decided to go for a quick walk on Bamford Edge at lunchtime in the sunshine but had to turn back after only 10 minutes or so as the wind was nearly knocking us over and every time you picked up your feet your leg shifted so you were risking twisting an ankle on the rocks. The dog was comically bewhildered and not impressed when first Diarmuid then I trod on her by mistake as a result of being blown sideways!

So, although it was stunning up there, no photos as I couldn't stand up straight myself, let alone hold a camera steady!

Also, I'm CONSIDERING trying to find a weightwatchers class. Have steered clear since a poor experience a few years ago but am wondering if it might help on the discipline and portion control side of things. Any ideas?

Have a great weekend all.

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Thanks Ladies!

You're all amazing and your comments have been lovely and helpful (to a point - too much choice!!). I'm still undecided as to what approach to take so really just treading water for the time being but the good thing is that I haven't gained any weight last week nor lost any. I have done a fair bit of exercise which I'm sure is the key to staying stable but if I want to lose at least a stone (which I do) I'm going to have to work out a plan.

This should be EASY given what I've already achieved - you'd think!! Still - it'll happen and no gain is no pain!!

I'm mega busy with work at the mo so can't chat but wanted to thank you all and let you know that I'm still plugging away.

Friday, 18 January 2008

Time to face the music!

I've been meaning to do a proper post for a while but have been putting it off. I've gained weight, proper weight and for the first time since I finished development back in September, I don't feel slim any more. I've also been nervous of getting on the scales and 'fessing up (to you and me both!) to exactly how much I've gained. It's been exacerbated by being ill after Christmas and not being able to exercise and feeling rubbish so I know I am a bit higher than I would have been without that, BUT, the fact remains that I have gained weight and I'm not anywhere near as slim as I was.

So - how bad is it? You ask. (I assume you do anyway as I certainly would want all the gory details if it was one of you!) See how I avoid the question, even now....

Well - at my slimmest at the end of August on my home scales, I got down to 10 stone 10 although I think 10 stone 12 was a more accurate total as the 10.10 was fleeting to say the least!! As of this morning, I weighed in at 12 stone 11!!! So, a smidgeon over 2 stone on.

What do I want to be?? I don't know. In an effort to find out, I have been scouring my photographic records and I would welcome your thoughts too.

I wanted to post a "before" picture from last Christmas but, as I was so fat and so upset about it, there are hardly any photos of me. That is partly because I avoided the camera and was taking most of the pictures and partly because my family, husband and inlaws presumably did not want to take pictures of me at that great size! Honestly - I'm not dissing myself for effect, they probably thought it would embarass or upset me. Also at that stage I hadn't started the blog so wasn't recording my bulk for posterity.

So the top picture was taken on a walk in November 2006. I was huge! In my defence I had just walked up a massive hill and been out in the cold all afternoon so I was game for a fat bird!

The next picture is of me and my friend Shelley in August 2007 at my slimmest weight. That was the 10 stone 10 day! I like! I really like my flat tum and slimmish legs. I don't think I look gaunt round the face but LOADS of friends and colleagues have since said that I went too far at this weight and that I looked old and drawn. I really don't see it. Do you?

The final one is of me taken last weekend on the top of Win Hill. I haven't got any decent piccies with less bulky clothes but you get the idea. I'm still in size 14 trousers and 12 tops but, being honest, the 12 tops are a big snug and even my size 14 M&S suit skirt is definitely on the tight side although still wearable. I have put it on on thighs, bum and lower belly and feel lardy to say the least.

So, where do I want to end up? You know what?? Having looked at theses piccies, I want to go ALL the way back down. I LIKED me as a skinny size 12 with cheekbones and collar bones and no tum and thinnish thighs. I don't care about the friends and collagues who say I was too thin because I don't think I was. So - 10 stone something here I come! I have some lovely skinny clothes which I only wore for a couple of months before they got too tight - I'd like to give them an airing for spring and I would like to be slender for summer and my (very slim) sister-in-law's wedding in Ireland at the end of May. Not least 'cos I'll also be meeting my brother-in-law's ober-glamorous English girlfiend who he's met out in Oz and who looks like a proper blonde bombshell in all the bikini pics he's sent over!!! Don't want to be the fat English girl!

How am I going to do it? Aaaah - there's the rub. Not sure. At the moment, I'm just cutting back, using a couple of packs here and there and watching what I eat while re-introducing exercise after my mini break. I will give that a go to get the first roll of fatness off but suspect that I will need more structure as time goes on. Slimming World? Online weight loss diary? Personal trainer's plan? All options.

I'm going to reintroduce my ticker (or a new one maybe) and have weekly weigh ins. Not sure how LL is going to fit into all this. Feel the need to cut the ties a bit as it does generate feelings of guilt and shame in me (strangely) which I'm not sure is helpful and also I don't really get on with the the LLC and find the trip over there annoying and inconvenient. We'll see. I still haven't given up on the idea of abstinence if I do not suceed on my own so I may be eating my words (but no food!) in a couple of weeks time. Watch this space.

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Tuesday - not TOO bad...

I had training in the morning which was a severe shock to my system - even Huw could hear my congested lungs wheezing for breath so he went easy on me. Still - it was a good start.

Then a seminar in Sheffield followed by buffet lunch. I wanted to chat to several of the other delegates as we're all in a similar but unusual field so it's good to compare notes occasionally so found that I ate more than I should sort of on auto pilot.... Not too bad though, no pastries or sweet, just a couple of extra canape type nibbles.

Supper fine and I managed to restrain myself from snacking in the evening beyond a couple of satsumas and a Muller Light yoghurt with berries. So - all in all not bad. Everything still feels tight - yuckily so - but I'm not going to panic. I'm going to keep wearing the offending items to remind me that they are TIGHT and stick to this plan for another couple of weeks at least,. Hopefull it'll yeild results and I won't have to take the nuclear abstinence option!!

Oh yes - I also read (from cover to cover in a day) Shauna Reid's book based on her blog - "The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl!". It is excellent, funny, heartwarming and inspiring. She lost 12 and a half stone (half her body weight) by "normal" dieting and exercise over 7 years. I think her example is leading me to see the importance of finding a balance while eating normally and not relying too much on the packs. That's what I'm aiming for anyway.

Monday, 14 January 2008

Day 1 of January regime done

Not perfectly - did a pack for breakfast and anopther for lunch (as they say on the Slimfast ads...) but had 2 pieces of fruit during the day and a Muller Light yoghurt. Had a proper supper - grilled pork chop with (low fat, of course) stir fry cabbage/scallions etc and a spoonful of mash (without butter) and fruit afterwards - would have been a stellar dieting day if not for the 2 pieces of bread and butter/jam I sneaked in this evening!

Hey ho - the thought was there and I managed to resist the urge to snack once the bread thing was out of the way......sigh....

I did go swimming at lunchtime and walked quite a long way to and from a meeting when I could have driven so all in all I'm pleased with Day 1. Lots of water too which helped.

I have training tomorrow with the lovely Huw which I'm nearly dreading - but I will be a lot happier when the first session is done and out of the way.

I was thinking this morning as I dressed that, were it not for my clothes getting tighter, I would actually be quite happy with my fatter body as it is now. My bust is much nicer than when I was at my slimmest and everything else is quite toned and pleasingly rounded. BUT, for some reason I am compelled to try and get down to where I was or near to it. Wonder why? I did like that feeling of skinniness and the slightly gaunt look of my tummy and hips (my legs will NEVER be thin) so that must be it. Or maybe it's the fear of not being able to stop here at size 12/14 and creeping up into the 14/16 (and beyond??) that forces me to get back down again. Either way, I will do it.

It's strange dieting because I've decided to rather than through sheer desperation/misery. Hope I can keep the motivation up. I found reading a couple of blogs by women who are still struggling along with LL or CD really helped as they reminded me of my feelings of determination while doing LL proper and that it is actually quite a nice feeling to be doing something positive and to feel a little bit hungry...weird though that may be. So thanks Cath (who I'm really pleased to see is back in the game) and Peridot. Keep it up. And you of course Mrs - we both know what we're up against here and we're still playing...

Better now

Thanks for your good wishes. Although I've been back at work for most of last week, it was as much as I could manage to get there and back and collapse so have not been up to much. I have been checking out your blogs though and seeing how well everyone is doing which has been keeping me from uncontrolled eating. I feel fat but that's probably becuse I haven't done much exercise for the last fortnight not because I've been stuffing my face because I haven't been too bad.

Still, I'm now starting the January push that I promised myself to lose a little of the weight I gained before Christmas. I just want to be able to fit into my size 12's with a little more ease than I can currently manage. To be honest several of them are too tight for comfort and that is not good!! So, back on 2 packs a day for a few weeks and back into the exercise regime and I'm even going to dig out the LL books this morning for some lunchtime reading. Strangely, I'm quite looking forward to it - it must be the Pavlov's Dogs reaction to it being January - it is January therefore I must be dieting!!! Niceto be doing it without the usual dose of self loathing though!!!

Better get to work now but will be back soon.

Sunday, 6 January 2008

I sick.....

So a very quick post to say Happy New year belatedly to you all! I've been stricken with a week long bout of the flu. Not felt much like eating so no worries there but feel dire.

Am detecting tiny signs of life today though so may be back in action by the end of the week. Nightmare.

Hope you're all well and ready for the January push!! I am in spirit if not in body. I'm actually looking forward to eating healthily, running, training and shrinking again. Speak soon.