Firewirks over Sydney Opera House

Firewirks over Sydney Opera House

Friday, 27 April 2007

Developing 5

I've been thinking a lot about the class yesterday and digesting the various comments too - very helpful, ta. I think it was a bit about scaring us into submission but also about making us realise that there's a long while left on this diet - ie the rest of our lives and, the sooner we click out of the "quick win" mindset and accept a permanent change, the better.

One thing the LLC said which chimed with me as I had used the word only recently (in my head while thinking about this diet as I do a lot of!), was that we have to "mourn" our old eating habits. Grieve for them, accept that they are gone forever and then move on. Only then will we able to be truly in control of our eating and know that we're not going to slip back to where we were and even the we still have to be vigilant forever.

So, in the spirit of mourning, I'm going to think about what I find sad about "losing" my old ways. I'm then going to toast them, as if it were a wake and maybe think how it was their time to go and see if I can stop thinking about them too wistfully and certainly not as if they're ever coming back.

Haven't got time for all that now, but am setting myself an exercise to complete.

Back to yesterday, had a quiet day at work and back home early to see D who was just back from the airport. The dog goes crazy when D gets in. She's so excited she can't even greet him but has to run up and down the stairs and get her teddy (think she feels in control of him so needs him when she feels out of control elsewhere or something). She stands with teddy in her mouth whimpering and alternately running up and down the stairs for ages before she will even approach him. It's really funny.

D said he could see a massive difference in me even in the fortnight he's been away and said something like:- (adopting strong Irish brogue) "You've fairly lost the beef there missus!". Which I think translates as - I've lost few lbs...

He was knackered so slept on the sofa while I went for a run with the girls. Not very long but very hilly. We were very impressed by our progress as, apart from one really big hill, we chatted most of the way round and put on quite a sprint at the end. I think that means that we have to stretch ourselves a little further now or we'll end up staying in our comfort zone. We've agreed to sign up for the Worksop Half marathon in October which is round Clumber Park (massive NT country park and woodland) and reasonably flat so very pretty and pleasant. We'll keep doing the running over the summer then start a proper structured training programme for it with 10 or 12 weeks to go. I should be at goal then which will be good. A proper celebration of my achievement!!

After that D and I went out for a few drinks. I mainly sat with a lovely older woman called Margaret and we chatted through the CBT aspects of the diet and our blokes' various foibles. She has lost weight on SW before but a lot has gone back on and I think she's interested in the cerebral aspects of LL as well as the weight loss side. Whether she's do it I don't know but I know she's wanting to lose a bit. Her husband could do with doing it though as he's got that scary beer belly red-faced look about him which on an older man is pretty worrying health wise. Still, you can't say anything can you??

I also encountered that "you're not going to go too far?" thing from another woman in the pub. I've had that a lot recently. I mean - as if I'm going to get to Kate Moss stage - and I'm nowhere near it but women keep on saying "oh don't go all skinny..." "don't take it too far" etc etc. It's very strange. I'm currently well over 13 stone and a size 16/18 so I'm hardly in danger of wastng away and there's still plemty of flesh, not to mention flab on my bones! I'm convinced that this is nothing to do with my health or looks but all about not wanting change and not wanting me to be thinner than them'cos then they'd have to admit that they might need to lose a bit! But what does my weight have to do with their self-esteem anyway?? I heard a saying recently which made me smile. It's something like: "with every achievement of a friend, a little piece of you dies..."

I just smile and agree and mentally say - "I'm going to lose as much as I want to lose, matey"!!

So yes, Chris, I'm up for a challenge - thanks for setting it for me. And thanks to the other commenters yesterday as I needed some fresh heads to make sense of it all. Much appreciated.


chrismars said...

There are other ways of getting you into the reality mindeset, I think , Lesley. To regale you with stories of others who have fallen off the wagon or decided that Management was too hard for them can only put negative thoughts in your head. And I thought that was what we are all suppossed to be recognising and extinguishing from our lives. I'm sorry, but I really don't agree with the way they ran that session. Hopefully, when you get your old counsellor back next week things will be back to normal.

Why would you really need to 'mourn' old eating habits that have caused you nothing but upset and pain? I'm putting the flags out and thanking my lucky stars that I've at last taken the bit and doing something about my past failures. And that is how I see it. I failed to care for myself properly and where did I end up. Four and a half stone overweight, that's where. Praise where you are now, Lesley, and take that feelig forward to the rest of your life. 'Mourn' - oh, not for me!

Sorry, I go on a bit....

I agree with you about the woman in the pub. It's jealousy. I don't mean in the 'I wish I was as skinny as her' way. I mean, she's jealous of the fact that you have achieved something. Maybe not the something she wants to achieve - maybe she doesn't want to lose weight. But these type of people (and we all know one or two) just don't like the fact that someone else has the willpower or determination to achieve something they are aiming for. It's bee said before, and it'll be said again - the Brits love a loser (and I don't mean a weight

Have a good day, my dear.

Chris x

Lesley said...

That makes a lot of sense Chris. I certainly agree with the first part about the negativity beig wrong.

Maybe "mourn" is not quite the right word - but I must definitely go through a process to accept that the old ways are dead and move on. I think I do feel sad that I can't scoff big portions of scrummy things while also accepting that that was a bad way to live. So it's going to be a bittersweet process for me.

Being honest, I did enjoy drinking too much like one of the lads and being hearty and farmhouse-kitcheny with food and not really thinking about the consequences. I used to feel slightly pitying about those women who were careful and restrained because I'm a larger than life character and ate and drink like one. So I do feel some sadness that that is over.

However, I know I'm going to be happier being more in control. So for me - mourning is at least partially the right term.

Who says counselling is dead - lol!

Lesley x

Mrs said...

Hi Lesley

Another fascinating post. I agree with Chris about proving the gloom merchants wrong (last post) and I think it's so interesting to see a different viewpoint.

Post-Foundation has been on my mind - maybe because you are there now and it came up in our session. I've also been on minimins and read some more.

I think Chris is lucky to feel so positive about moving on from destructive habits but I'm with you on mourning old habits but for one reason only. At some point (if you subscribe to this theory), overeating is likely to have served you well. At some point, it probably got you out of feeling really bad but that's the fundamental bit - it probably was only once at a critical moment in your life (IF weight has been a long-term issue). I know that's my experience; I can trace back my problems with food and sadly, I was using food to stop me feeling bad. Of course, it worked once but thereonin it just became a problem. I just couldn't get out of that cycle and it went on for years.

I think there is an element of forgiveness too - we need to forgive ourselves for not looking after ourselves and then move on. And Chris is right - praise where you are now, which you are doing.

I hope this makes sense and like everything, it's just another viewpoint. We all have to find our own way. Sometimes you need to go through the process of grieving precisely so that you can move on. You can still be proud of your achievements and acknowledge that life will change as will your eating habits.

Sorry, I feel as if I have gone on a bit too.

I better sign off as I have to go to work!

Keep us posted and enjoy time with your hubby.

Big hug.

Mrs L xxxxx

Mrs said...

Whoops. It seems like we were responding at the same time so my answer misses yours and probably doesn't make much sense. Maybe I overanalysed it all (that's what my husband says I do) but hey, with regret, we must bid those greedy days goodbye!

Anyway, have a great weekend.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxxx

Cath said...

I think I'm in the mindset of rejoicing rather than mourning, I don't think I could put my heart into mourning 'what was' as it has made me so miserable over the years and I don't want to look at food, remember food or think of food in that way again. I want to regret what I did and allowed myself to do to me, not mourn that what made me that way.

I know that (and of course I can only speak for now) those habits have gone forever, I'll never allow myself to ruin my own life like that again. I've realised now how much I've missed and I'm not going to enjoy looking forward to what will be.

Bet you're happy to have D back ... and even happier that he could see a big difference in you, that must really spur you on.

Woman in pub - jealous and showing it..... you know how to react to that and you're doing it well, smile and ignore!


Sandra said...

Women are very competitive - and we don't always rcognise it. You are right about those women. I remember giving someone some advice once about going to the gym - something about no-one else being worried what you look like or what you're doing. BUT it's not quite true. I have to admit I am ALWAYS looking at the other women on the gym floor or in the changing room. Not necessarily judging them (except the skinny minnys who wear spaghetti strap tops with no bra!) but certainly scrutinising them. I compare myself to the big women and I take a strong interest in what the fit-looking women do at the gym and whether I do more or less than them.

As for mourning old habits - I totally agree. Last week I spoke in the session about feeling really sad one day that I couldn't cmfort myself with a latte and muffin when I felt a bit down about the flat situation. I acknowledged the coffee and muffin would not change anything and would be negative in terms of weight. BUT I argued that in the past I would have felt better for the five or ten minutes I was eating and I felt a bit aggrieved that I couldn't do that anymore. I'm not sure whether the others understood what I was getting at. I didn't act on my feelings and I made an adult choice but I still think it is relevant to feel sad about not being able to comfort myself in the ways I used to. I think it is possible to admit something is destructive and agree to change but at the same time feel a loss. I am sure recovering alcoholics 'mourn' not being able to drink but it doesn't mean they will go back to it.

I will also mourn the fortnightly dinners out we used to have as I realised this morning that this is one thing that will have to change in the future.