I took these pictures on our first day in Addo Elephant Reserve in the Eastern Cape. A stunning place, maybe not as big and impressive as Kruger (which I will visit one day) but for intimate viewings and no crowds, well worth a few days.
The first 2 elephants we saw on our first evening game drive. We were able to get incredibly close to them. I'm not using much of a zoom here as they're probably only 3 or 4 yards from us.
- Keep busy
- Read my blog and post regularly
- set mini targets for myself even just on a day by day basis
So I read some old posts from last summer and I was shocked by how controlled and sensible I had been. But, conversely, I remembered that I had felt out of control and nervy. I think that has been a large part of the problem. I have not had any faith in myself (probably wisely given my history) but this has meant that every time I've gained a little weight, instead of just reining in a bit and doing more exercise, I've panicked, felt that I'm failing, let myself fail a little more and then rushed into another diet. But the diets have been grudging, like "Oh, this is not fair, I've done this already, why am I here again??!" Stamps foot and slams door on the way out.
I have to face up to the fact that this is not easy. Although dropping the weight on LL was relatively easy, I didn't have to face the grief of changing my whole lifestyle then. Some people did do that, and have changed and have not gained a load of the weight they rid themselves of. I did not. I just gradually went back to the way I had been before. Oh, not as bad, a lot more exercise and less drink and slightly less food but basically the same as before.
What was I thinking? It has to change and I have to make it happen. No more looking outside to give me the answers. I have to own this issue and not run from it.
I could have wept (did a bit) when I read one particular post from before last Christmas. I really thought I had it sorted and so many people commented on how much I had helped them and been an inspriation.... yadayadyada Well, I feel like a fraud now. Not for long. I will be an inspiration again and I will get this sorted.