Thursday, 2 August 2007
New Start 31 and 32 - weigh in of doom....!
Actually not too bad. Another lbs crept off although think the scales were being kind. It would have been a disaster if I hadn't dragged my carcass round the streets of Rotherham for a lunchtime run in the sun though so I feel that I averted a gain only my the skin of my teeth (!).
Having said that, in my weird roller coaster world, I now feel totally positive and focused. Food is not an issue even though I'm working from home today and I had a perfectly pure day yesterday.
After work and weigh in I went to the pub to pick up D and had a quick drink with the lads. It's strange that their appreciation of my diet has changed subtly over the last couple of weeks. Now I seem to changed from "a friend of theirs who has lost a load of weight - Hoorah" to "a woman whose figure I'm going to check out at every opportunity". I quite like it but note that there is a bit less eye contact with them now when they're congratulating me - a bit more "checking out" going on... I suppose I'm more sensitive to these things because I've always been one of the lads and spend a lot of time in the pub with a lot of blokes. I've noticed that I'm definitely in the woman category rather than the mate category now (although there is obviously overlap and I'm not saying I'm not a mate any more etc etc). I've just noticed a subtle change in their attitudes to me. And these are not just youngish men - it's the full ranges from 20's to 70's. Definitely different.
A very PC/Guardian reader type local friend of mine (who I don't see often due to his not being out that much since he had kids) after a few pints, tried to explain. It went along the lines of "before, it was an achievement, like passing an exan or something - now, I feel like I'm admiring your body and feel a bit "creepy" doing it"!! Others are less PC and therefore clearly feel less "creepy"!
Not complaining and I know D is quite relaxed about it as not the jealous type I've just noticed the change. One of the women in my group said something similar - how her drining pals have stopped letting her go up to the bar to buy her round and she has to fight to buy a round, whereas before she lost the 10 stone (yes, really!!) it was apparently fine..
Yesterday I was wearing my working armour of fitted black pencil skirt and fitted chinese style short sleeve shirt and, due to looking totally different from my usual outdoorsy sporty -girl wear, got loads of comments. Felt a bit weird....in a good kind of way.
Anyway, enough of that stuff.
D and I had a really good chat about the stuff that was freaking me out on Tuesday night. Dad rang back about Mum and she has sorted something out to wear so that's less of a problem - she's also sorted her hair out which was upsetting Dad. So, that's back to being under control (although obviously one to watch for the future).
I went through all the things I've got coming up which have been preying on my mind and we worked out a plan to deal with them. The upshot is that I'm clearing the decks for the next 3 weekends. I realise that I'm more fragile than I was before we went to Canada. The genie is out of the bottle on the cheating front and I have to protect the diet as I did at the very beginning. It's upsetting me not making progress so I need to prioritise the diet over the rest of my life for the next few weeks until I get into Management.
Unfortunately, this means that I have to cancel a weekend with friends which I was looking forward to. I haven't seen them for over a year and they are good mates. Still, I wouldn't have enjoyed it as I either would have eaten and felt bad or not eaten and felt grumpy and deprived so I've cancelled and they'll have to understand. Another time, when I can eat and drink and really enjoy it, it will be better.
This means that D can go fishing with the lads after all (he had nobly chosen to come to see my friends with me even though they're not his first choice for company - gold star duly awarded!). When we talked it through though, I thought he'd be overjoyed at my change of heart and jump at the chance of the fishing trip but, perversely, he said he didn't want to leave me!!! Daft or what? Anyway, he's going now and will have a great time. I've got a (manageable) party locally to go to on the Friday and my Mum and Dada are passing through their way to and from their party so I'll be fine and will have a nice quiet, diet-conscious weekend!
So - many things resolved in my head and I feel calmer and less stressy.
D is all over me and I'm beginning to 'feel' it back. I've been happy about the love and attention but still stressy - now it's sinking in how great it all is. So all is sunny in the garden again......phew!