Friday, 17 August 2007

Day 218 and 219 - Black Thursday and Grey Friday

Sorry kids, to be grumpy but I thought I'd better post about it in the hopes of sorting it out in my head. I've been kind of down the last couple of days. Maybe 'cos D is away so I haven't got someone at home to jolly me along, maybe because I've eaten a fair bit both evenings after having good diet days. Eaten consciously and far too much. Not too much in the real world and not bad stuff really but too much in LL when I'm only 2 weeks away from going into Management.

I've been rubbish at work too - hardly able to concentrate and just drifting through the days. And then losing myself in books for hours on end at home and not really doing anything.

I hope it's just a phase but I remember doing this a lot of the time before LL and it didn't make me happy.

The one good thing is that I've exercised both evenings - a good long run in the sunshine up Win Hill last night and a really hard session with the personal trainer this evening followed by a walk with the dog. So at least that isn't sliding. After the exercise, I feel a lot better and have no temptation to eat whatsoever. It really is a concentrated period of my day (around 5-7pm)where I have allowed myself to lose control and revelled in the eating thing.

I've tried to analyse why and do a thought record but I genuinely can't work it out. It'll come I suppose. In the meantime, I need to avoid temptation in that period and get more active as this sitting around is pissing me off.

Having said that, I've just had a nice long bath with a book and am going to watch some telly and have an early night. I have a couple of friends visiting tomorrow so they'll probably cheer me up and then there's the footie on Sunday. So things are looking up and I'm just being a grumpy guts for no real reason!!

I'm glad I dragged myself over here to the computer as I feel better already. I really didn't want to post - wanted to hide like Cath said on hers (welcome back cath by the way!!) - but I'm glad I did. Night night all.


Anonymous said...

Aww big, big hugs for you! Can totally relate to feeling brainless & fed up! Do have a look at minimins development thread as I think you may be suffering the end of diet blues! I suspect that our bods gets to a "ok enough" stage and a few people have said concentration & mood go when you get quite slim (which you is Mrs!!). Alas I am grumpy but not slim but hey ho!! Hope you feel better tomorrow and remember we need to get a balance & sometimes need to sit & be still without feeling guilty!! Well done for running and stay away from the food so management can commence sooner rather than later!! Day at a time & remember you really ARE on the home streatch!

Mrs said...

Methinks, as ISOM says, you IS knackered! Mentally and maybe even physically, which is NO reflection on the exercise!

Lots of TLC needed. And you are not alone - look how crackers we got towards the end of Development.

Sending you much love from the south!

Mrs Lxxxxx

chrismars said...

Yup, I think it probably is 'end of diet blues'. You're SO near target; you have D telling you not to lose any more, that you mind and body are telling you 'Enough!'. If you want to go on for the next 2 weeks, Lesley, then I think you're going to have to do that one final push to get there.

I'm glad you were able to get on here. At least we all know where you're coming from - and we'll ALWAYS support you.

Have a good weekend, my dear.

Chris x

Cath said...

Have you ever seen the runs, they were longer than marathons where the runners collapse just before the line? I remember seeing one where 2 runners collapsed on their hands and knees and they were the ones in first and second place - they crawled over the line, in fact the one who had been in first position ended up coming second as he just couldn't do it. Well I think you're going through something like that, you've been doing this for so long now and you've done so well at it, everyone can see that you are now slim and more importantly you can see that you're slim, so this is the hardest part of your battle and you are strong enough to get over that line. Do yourself a little 2 week chart, give yourself a tick each day for not eating and if you get through the 2 weeks treat yourself to something nice.

My concern for you is not that you're eating will effect your weight now as such as I'm sure you're not eating enough to do that, but just that it could effect the stages that you work through Management.

Is there anything you can do during your 'danger hours' - a little project that you can do for a couple of hours a day for a few weeks --- ebay all your own clothes??

You can do this, you've shown that over the last few months - (((big hugs)))


chrismars said...

Lesley, thank you so much for the really lovely comment on my blog today (18th August). I had tears in my eyes and had to read it out to John.

Thank you! Chris XX

Sandra said...


This is the key to my snacking too - boredom. I need to be busy.
Thankfully the diary is pretty full and I plan to schedule gym visits on the other nights to stop me eating!