Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Come on Lesley!

I'm struggling tonight with the desire to graze. I know I'm not really hungry as I have a horrible head cold and haven't been hungry all day. Can't taste much anyway. But, I just want something. You all know that feeling I'm sure.

It's probably a desire to try and make myself feel better as I have this nasty cold. The need for comfort. But I don't need food and it's a habit I have to try and break.

I've made another start on abstinence today, a mere 2 days after I said I would. I've been pretty good for the most part too - a bit of milk in tea and a biscuit but apart from that, a pretty good start.

I did say I would go to my class tonight too but I ended up helping a friend with a legal issue for 90 minutes after work (above and beyond I know but he's a good bloke!) and, by the time that was done, it was too late to go to class and I felt grotty anyway. I feel as though I dodged it intentionally though so I've pledged that I'll go to the drop-in on Saturday. I know from experience that missing class is my way of avoiding committing to the regime.

Going to class consistently was certainly the reason why my 4/5 weeks refresher before Christmas was sucessful so I should learn that lesson and actually put it into practice.

Anyway, I'm waffling a bit. I suspect I'm only posting tonight to give me something to do to distract me from wanting to eat!! One thing which helped me not eat this evening was a chance glance at an old photo from early last year. I was showing Eric some pics of Minty as a pup and I saw this one:

It's not a great photo, a bit blurry but it struck me how much thinner I looked then than now and how I thought then that I was really fat. There's probably only a stone or so in it in reality so it shouldn't be too hard to drop. So what is stopping me? That thought and the photo image really helped me resist while I was prowling round the kitchen looking for trouble and even contemplating driving out into the night to buy lard!! I mean, I dropped well over 100 lbs in 2007 - I must be able to drop 20 in 2009!!

Looking back at my blog, I note that I was going through an intense section of my training for the half marathon last February and really trying hard with my diet so that probably explains why I look much slimmer in the pics. I CAN do it!!!

PS. Isn't little Bobby cute?? Do you want some more puppy porn?? Yeah - go on then about this for sweetness?

Aaaaah. Takes me back!!!


Peridot said...

You are the most positive single minded person I 'know' - so I absolutely know you can do this. Doesn't help with the running though, feeling ill. Don't push yourself too hard if you're not up to it. And I know exactly what you mean about wanting to self-medicate with food - you think it will make you feel better but actually how much better does getting a bit fatter make you feel? This is rhetorical!

Peridot x

PS HOW can I be anyone's "thinspiration" when my clothes don't fit?!! Bless you though!

C said...

I love the puppy porn. Too cute!! I am impressed with your ability to reflect and start again on the whole food, exercise and mind games we play with ourselves. Keep up the good work. You inspire me!! Love reading your blog.

Mrs said...

Yes, yes, yes to the puppy porn.

Absolutely a habit to break - turning to food at times of needing comfort. SOOOO much easier to say than do. Ha ha.

I've just found something on mindfulness - all about riding the waves of hunger (amongst other things), which you might want to check out.

We can do this!!

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxx