Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Monday, 19 January 2009

Beck and the Blues

I still haven't finished the introductory chapters but already I'm trying to put the gist of it it into action. I'm not really clear what actual regime I'm following as the packs don't seem to be happening for me at the mo and I haven't got my calorie controlled head on yet either (very busy at work and at home) but, in the meantime, I'm doing well at not eating too much.

Over the last few days, I've eaten what I wanted to eat at mealtimes but not snacked or grazed or picked and not necessarily eaten the minute I felt hungry or "just wanted something". I have walked away from temptation loads of times - the biscuit tin at work, the bread crock at home, the petrol stations when I'm in my car. I've just said to myself "I don't need it".

Beck talks in the intro about building up your "resistance muscle" and how each time you resist, it gets a little easier. Likewise, each time you give in, it also gets a little easier to do that the next time. Makes sense. Certainly, this evening, I wandered in the general direction of the bread crock and veered off before I got there without any noticeable angst, whereas yesterday I found myself hovering over it with the lid in hand for a few seconds before I could turn away.

God - I sound like a freak. I hope other people understand what I mean and also have these internal dialogues...I'm sure I'm not the only one...am I??

So, it's personal training tomorrow morning and D is away for 3 weeks so that will give me a little time and space to get my act and fridge in order on exactly what regime I'm going to plump (whoops - freudian slip there!!) for when I get into the meat (there goes another one!!) of the Beck 6 week programme.

Apart from food, I've felt quite melancholy over the last few days. I've been teary at sad stories (more so than usual) and just generally quite low. Not in a really miserable way, it feels "chemical" if you know what I mean. Work is hard and I don't seem to be making headway so I'm not getting that buzz of achievement which makes working hard worthwhile. I just seem to have a constant low-level blue feeling. Not really like me.

And, I've had a horrible taste in my mouth all day today - not ketosis, believe me. Not long after I've eaten or drunk, it just comes right back, dry mouth and harsh metallic sort of taste. I'm not being hypochondriac or anything; not seeking a diagnosis or anything; I'm sure it'll go away soon but it's contributing in a physical way to my general glumness. It sort of reminds me that I'm glum.

Hopefully a good night's sleep will help. Sorry for being depressing, I'll snap out of it soon enough.

3 comments:

Mrs said...

This is SOOOOO interesting (the Beck stuff). Really helpful (for your readers)!

You know you are not alone with those internal dialogues and diving into the bread bin - which you walked away from. Heroic.

The resistance-building stuff has been sinking in my brain overnight.

Thank you.

Big kiss.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mrs said...

PS forgot to say - yesterday was supposed to be 'the most depressing day in history' and that was before it even started!

Peridot said...

I think you're doing really well - I think all the food behaviour you describe is actually more healthy and helpful than packs as you're dealing with the real world. Much more sustainable in the long term - amazingly disciplined stuff.

I posted on the resistance stuff from Beck too!

love
Peridot