This might be a bit random but worth a try:
I'm already feeling slim and attractive as "I'm there". I don't want to have to stick to the plan now. It's an old habit I've got from previous diets, never quite making it to the end. It's also a crap reason for not finishing something.
- It's summertime
I associate summer with treats, picnics, barbeques, relaxing in the sun outside a pub, fruit (preferably with cream or icecream!). I feel that I'm missing out on stuff. Well, I missed out on stuff all winter and I missed out on things because I was fat, so that's also a crap reason for not finishing.
- I've eaten in the past and still lost weight.
Well, yes, I have got away with it in the past but, if I'm honest, it has slowed me down on occasion. Also, what I ate before was much less than my eating over the weekend and didn't include much in the way of carbs.
- Am I scared of getting to goal?
I don't think so. I'm slim now anyway and happy as anything about it. What will change?
- What WILL change??
I'll have to cook and eat and keep the weight off. Yes, but that doesn't worry me - I'm positively looking forward to it. I can't wait to try new healthy eating recipes and shop for lovely tasty food again.
- Diarmuid? Will things change between us?
That seems to be the worry at the back of my mind but I can't seem to pin it down. What will change? Nothing...
- Is that what I'm afraid of?
That nothing will change? Possibly, yes. I've done all this work and really changed my attitudes but D doesn't seem to have met me in the middle. He's still going to the pub every night despite me asking him not to and drinking too much. I'm scared that he won't change and I'll have done all this for nothing so am I easing off the accelerator to give him more time to catch up? Which doesn't make sense as I've obviously done it for more than just us. Maybe I haven't. Maybe I had, at the back of my mind, that if I lost the weight, D and I would be better - "solved".
I'm gutted that he hasn't made more changes in himself but, frankly, those changes are more likely to come when I reach goal and we get back to normal routines of eating together etc
I need to focus my issues with Diarmuid on Diarmuid rather than on my weight. I've always said to him that there's more going on with us than just my weight, but it appears that I've taken on board what he has said about my weight being our main problem.
- Am I frightened that when I'm at goal, I'll be under pressure to have a baby?
No - I want a baby, just want to make sure that D and I are alright before I do so.
So - a fair bit to mull over there. I know D and I are mostly fine but there are, inevitably, longstanding resentments bubbling under which have accumulated over the years. I need to try and get him onside for a clean sweep. I know how good it feels and I want him to meet me half way, especially if we're moving to France together where we'll be relying on each other a lot more. I trust him and know that he usually comes round to doing the right thing - it just takes him a lot longer to come round to it than me...
In the meantime, I shouldn't let this derail my weight loss which is for me, me me!! And is so close!
Sorry for the navel gazing - probably a bit personal but I feel more accountable getting it down here.