With a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good, she was very very good
(And lost 7lbs in one week)
And the next day, she was horrid!!
"When I've been good - I'm very very tempted....and I usually give in!"
I've finally pinned down the pattern. Had a busy busy stressful but sucessful work day and, when I had a break in Sheffield city centre at lunchtime, I looked at slinky jeans, didn't buy but was well impressed by my rear end in size 12 Gap tight fits!!
So, what did I do then while waiting for my document to be finished? Sit in a cafe and enjoy a black coffee (having already had my soup and not being remotely hungry)?? No, I walked up and down the gorgeous Continental market in the pouring rain and, after much thought and deliberation, bought myself a chocolate tart. Only small but rich and sweet and delicious. I don't even feel guilty about it!
That lead to some other minor but wilful transgressions over the course of the rest of the day. So - before the day could get too bad and I could go from feeling irritated by myself but not depressed to downright miserable, I forced my sorry ass out into the rain (with the poor dog who wasn't happy about atoning for my sins I can tell you!) and we went for a short but very fast run up to the dam wall. I feel better now. Like, I've done it. accepted it, run part of it off and stopped the rot.
I know I will always want occasionally to eat lovely fattening things and, realistically, don't see anything wrong with that. I just need to understand that I can't let straying from the diet path lead to loss of control. I need to trust myself that I will stop (and pretty quickly as there isn't much slack in our likely calorie range!). I also need to keep up the exercise and try and create a link between the 2 sides of my life.
I know I was treating myself, pure and simple. I felt great about last week and being slim etc and I was working hard and feeling tired in that adrenaline fueled way and food was the quick fix I craved. So I overode my defences (totally purposefully) and took what I wanted. And enjoyed it too!
I'm not tempted to eat at all now and doubt I've done any lasting damage but a few things are clear:-
- I'll always be subject to temptation and I'll sometimes give in;
- Processing what is going on when I'm tempted and eat is important - typing this post has noticeably calmed me and I feel as though life etc is much simpler than when I first sat down.
- I can't keep hiding from emotions like I used to do - masking things with food. So, I need to learn how to cope with food and express my emotions some other way.
- Life is not about perfection - sometimes damage limitation is a sucessful outcome in itself.
On a different topic, has anyone else noticed that several of our regulars are awol?? I know Cath's on her hols, butMel, Sam, Claire and a few others....hope they come back soon.