Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Letter to Myself

Dear Lesley

I suppose you're wondering why you can't eat any food apart from shakes, soups and bars or drink anything but water, black tea or coffee and those strange Savoury Drinks which have appeared recently? Well, you probably also know that it's because you need to lose weight; that being overweight has blighted your life and that now it's time to deal with it once and for all.

How many of your memories from your childhood, youth and adulthood are tainted by the fact that you were fatter than your peers? Even when you weren't particularly heavy, you were generally heavier than the people around you.

You learned ways of disguising the fact: you dressed well for your size; you were lively and chatty, outrageous even; you were fit and adventurous. You never felt like you made the grade 100%. Only very occasionally did you ever feel totally accepted or totally worthy.

How has this shown in you? Well, you're needy for affection; you have been sexually promiscuous and although you're outwardly confident it has taken a long time for you to learn to stick up for your own opinions and not fall in with the crowd. Conversely, you're overly dependent upon yourself - it's as if you don't quite believe anyone would want to know the real you so you don't let them in far enough to do so. Much of this stems from your weight.

On the plus side, you're not unnattractive; you have the basis of a strong and healthy physique and lifestyle; you're confident, sucessful in your professional life and have many good friends and a loving husband and family. So many blessings, of which you are well aware. How much more would you be able to take from these blessings if you were slim and fit? That's what you need to ask yourself. How good could it be?

Fantastic, that's how good. So, stick this out and give 100% to the challenge. When it hurts, suck it up and think about the payoff. Diarmuid did it when he gave up smoking so you can do it too. If you fall, pick yourself up and get back to it. And really listen to what is being said so you can learn how not to go back to being the person you have been. Let the new "adult" you come to the fore and start to live.

Good luck Lesley and I hope I see a lot less of you in the future!

Lesley xx

4 comments:

Robin Design Group said...

Lesley, I know you will achieve your goals. I just found you blog and will return to see your progress!

Lesley said...

Cheers Robin. The letter was an exercise from my diet group. I felt a bit self-conscious butit's surprising how easily it all came out!

Thanks for your interest anyway. Hopefully I'll be able to avail myself of the famous Ducarie hotdogs if/when I come to Montreal in the summer - well, that's the aim anyway!

Matt said...

"it's as if you don't quite believe anyone would want to know the real you so you don't let them in far enough to do so. Much of this stems from your weight."

I think some of us are just like that. Maybe if you couldn't pin this on your weight, maybe you'd find something else to hang it on.

I'm 100% the same. Nobody gets close to me. I've always been successful, popular, fit and healthy, but nobody in the world has a clue what I'm really like and what I really think about.

...and I think that if the people close to me were told that they'd never believe it anyway...

The thing is, is it really such a bad thing anyway...?

Lesley said...

I don't know whether being an island is a bad thing in general. I do know though that sometimes you need other people to lean on and, if they're closer to you, you will be more likely to get the support you need and they'll be happier to give it.

We all have a secret life but I've found, now that I'm letting my husband in to my head more, much more security and pleasure in our relationship. I was also shocked how much he knew about me anyway - I thought I was more self-contained than that!