Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Sunday, 14 January 2007

End of Day 2 -99

Had a pretty good day yesterday, wasn't hungry and, apart from this blasted cold and hacking cough, felt fine. We went for a walk which was lovely but I did feel quite weak so had to take it slow but still stayed out for a good hour.

I wasn't sure if I would go to the pub in the evening as I had been feeling quite weak but once I cooked D's supper (rashers, fried swede and potatoes) I had a nice bath and then felt as though I had the energy for it. The cough tends to be worse when I'm sitting for any length of time so it was probably better in the pub anyway. We had a really good night. There were quite a few people out and I didn't miss the booze at all.

I did crash though at midnight and really wanted to go home. D did his usual wheedling trick and we ended up staying for "just one more" that "I'll drink really fast". Like hell! It was a good 40 minutes and I was knackered, bloated from all the water and got pissed off. Trouble is, when I get annoyed he always manages to twist it so that it's somehow my fault and I'm the one being unreasonable. If I persist in trying to explain why I'm annoyed (not mad or wanting a row or anything, just disappointed and feeling like crap), then I'm the one who's labouring the point and making a stink. I can't win. And if I try and raise it when we're sober then I'm the one picking a fight.

Actually this blog is proving quite handy for getting stuff off my chest.

Anyway, It occurs to me that, although I know D is really excited about the diet and says he's supportive etc and I know he loves me, so far I haven't seen a single action that backs that claim up! I don't think he's actually done anything that he didn't want to do in order to help me or support me in this endeavour. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt this weekend as he has been away and is off to the rig again next week but, if I don't see some concrete gesture next trip, we'll be having a serious chat. I've got so much going on in my head about the changes I want to make to my life and I'm not putting up with being a whipping boy any more. That sounds really harsh, like an ultimatum, but it's not intended to be - I just want to change the way we relate to each other and make sure we're both happy about the way our lives are going.

So, we didn't row or anything but I suspect that my being sober all the time and wanting to focus on myself and my diet is going to cause a few ructions over the next few months.

1 comment:

Matt G said...

Hello,

Not sure if you wanted to me to read your blog, but you mentioned Penistone in one of your posts and Google sends me links to all websites that mention this town, so I ended up reading it. (I live in Penistone by the way...)

Anyway, keep with the diet plan. If you're going to be down about something in your life then the fact that it's because of your weight is actually a good thing. This is something that's pretty easy to resolve. Being upset about being ugly or having one leg is much more difficult to remedy...

Losing weight is a simple formula really. The body is a machine; it takes energy in, in burns energy off and it stores surplus energy as fat. Despite what other people will have you believe, that's it, in a nutshell. So, eat healthily and less than 2000 calories a day and take exercise. Then, in time (and it may take over a year) you'll settle on your natural weight.

Anyway, you don't know me from Adam so I'll stop now; but good luck.

By the way, from what you have said in your blog it seems your husband has some of his own self-esteem issues that he's not dealing with. It's never easy sticking to a régime with that sort of stress to deal with - get him on a plan of his own...

All the best...

;)

Matt