Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Day 249 - Quick thought for Tuesday morning

What with not being able to post from work any more, eating and being busy with the garden and the party, I've been a bit slack with my blog recently. It troubles me because when I got on the scales this morning I had put on at least 3 or 4 lbs from my lightest weight when I started Management. I've weighed myself every morning and been fluctuating in the "okay" range" but I've known really that I'm not doing my utmost on RTM and am stretching the boundaries beyond their original design. The old food thoughts are creeping back in and I've "treated" myself several times.

So - after all the hard work of Foundation and Development, it is not really licked. It's a whole lot better but not licked (I didn't really expect that it would be to be honest).

So, this post - before I dash off to work, followed by a course in Leeds, followed by the football - is to pledge some hard work to get back on track, not to throw out the baby with the bathwater but to get serious about the Rules of eating again and not to allow myself to settle back into complacency and gradual gains!!

GOT IT LESLEY???!!!

Mrs - does that answer your question about whether I see myself as a food addict?? LOL Yes, I do - I think, if I was honest with myself (which wasn't always) I did before LL too. I knew that my attitudes to food were out of control and different to most other peoples'. I'm not generally an addictive personality (no troubles with booze, fags or drugs) but maybe I just roll it all up into food? I could and can happily sit and eat almost continually when I'm not hungry and know I shouldn't - can just switch off, zone out and just eat...I think that's addicted behaviour. I spend a lot of time thinking about food too - more so in certain circumstances (travelling for example) but just generally too.

So - more hard work starts now. I've started keeping a food diary and will work on minimising excess through that medium. And some more targets methinks. Will be tomorrow now though - sigh....

4 comments:

Sandra said...

Lesley
I am expecting the 'after' process to be difficult for all of us. It's so easy to view LL as a quick fix - a few months of deprivation and then back to 'normal'. The problem is that 'normal' for us is not what other people consider normal.
The CBT and being more aware does help but I am coming to the conclusion that that side of things will be an ongoing battle. I'm glad I've bought a few books to work on because I am sure I will need them!

On the other hand - don't be too hard on yourself. you've come a long way and I know you won't ever let yourself go back to the way you were. In some ways it must feel natural to want to push the boundaries a bit - if only to find out where they are.

BTW: Are we having an October meet up?

Sandra

ThickChick said...

Lesley, I think to some degree, we're all food addicts too!

I love wine, but give me a cake over wine ANY DAY OF THE WEEK AND TWICE ON SUNDAYS!!!!!

I couldn't care less about cigs or drugs (though confess, I think they're fun on occasion) but LOVE the food.

You're not alone!

Mrs said...

Dear Lesley

I think it DOES answer my question; I guess, to me, you are so sorted (mentally and now physically) and addiction is a hard nut to crack. Or maybe that's me making excuses.

Anyway, I wish you well in your/our recovery!!!!! Might as well use the lingo, while we're at it.

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxx

Such A Pretty Face... said...

Hi,

Just catching up on your blog. Can I come and live in your garden? it's beautiful. I'll bring my foodpacks and a sleeping bag and shouldn't be much bother- honestly!

I dunno if I am addicted to food, pre LL I certainly behaved as if I was. I am still not sure if I have any real insight into the whole over-eating thing. Have had a couple of lightbulb moments though.

The more I do LL, and the more I read your blog and others who are in management I feel it will take a lot of work for me to get to the place where you are right now, I agree with Sandra, you have come a long way and your writing is an inspiration for folk like me,not to mention hugely resourceful for when I feel a bit unsure and get "urges" around food.

xxx