Thursday, 14 November 2013

Emotional eating

Thanks for all the lovely comments, I feel like a princess!!

But now back to reality. I don't think that emotional eating is normally my particular problem. I eat too much, drink too much out of habit and desire but I don't think that I'm generally eating too much to suppress unwanted emotions. But I had a nasty brush with it yesterday.

I was over at my parents looking after my ma while my pa went down to my sister's and then into London to see my nephew perform in a massive youth concert in the Albert Hall. Dad has been to this concert several times in the past to see various nieces so he wanted to tick off the full set. And he loved it do it was well worth the effort involved.

I worked from home on Tuesday with mum chirruping away in the background. It was nice (although frustrating at times). We went for a short walk together and read magazines together. Then yesterday the arrangement was for to put her in respite care as my Dad was going to be late home. This was also an opportunity for me to see the home and for mum to get used to going in as Dad will need more respite in time.

I took her in, filled in the various forms then sat with her for a while and gave her her pills. We chatted and read some magazines and then I left her. As soon as I got into the car I cried like a baby. There was nothing wrong with the place; the people were nice, it seemed clean and bright and there was plenty going on. Mum seemed bright and happy enough. I can even see that the stimulation might be good for her.

But, despite all that, it was heart breaking. She was so sweet and quietly happy and accepting of so little. No one there knew the woman she used to be (not even her). And that just broke my heart. I feel bad for all the times I've been short with her and taken her for granted but it's too late for that now.

This horrendous process of grieving for someone while they're still there continues. And it's not all bad. I can still cuddle her, see her sweet smile and flash of humour. So that will just have to be enough.

I'm better today but yesterday I felt myself eating to forget. Mostly comforting carbs of course. I did go for a run but only because I was already wearing the gear and it was sunny and the dogs needed a stretch.

I'm on a fast day today so I hope this will undo yesterday's excesses. And holiday next week. Hallelujah!!


Seren said...

Oh you poor thing. It must be absolutely horrible. I think, under the circumstances, a carbfest is entirely understandable.

Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.


Peridot said...

That would drive anyone to comfort eat - it's a really horrible situation.

And yay for the holiday! Have a wonderful time.