Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Hmmmm, positive reinforcement required


Well, it was coming. I've not been doing very well this week as I've mentioned but the scales had been showing a STS. Until this morning that is... Luckily I had the heads up first thing this morning so was not too gutted to see that I've gained 2lbs at my weigh-in this evening. Blegh!



But, hey ho, I knew it was coming. I've already put matters right, just too late for this week's total. So I'm not going to get down on myself about a gain.



I stayed to class but it wasn't the most helpful of classes as it was a "Taster Evening". Several members brought in a selection of food which was either "free" or very low in syns. What a selection too!! Syn-free pakoras, chicken liver pate, rice, pasta and potato salads, desserts. It suited me fine as I didn't really have anything convenient for supper in the fridge and Rich has already eaten 'cos he has a golf committee meeting this evening. Now I don't need to cook!! Thanks clever SW cooks; I'm sorry I didn't join in.




Exercise wise, I've been good today - swimming 50 lengths at lunchtime and food has been good too so I'm confident that I'm really back on track now. Bring on next week!!



Now that I've temporarily hit the skids it occurred to me that I need some incentive to get back to making the sacrifices that dieting entails. I used to talk about the advantages of being slim all the time because they were such a novelty to me. It's not something I've thought about for a while so maybe I should remind myself what it used to be like when I was grossly overweight; both to appreciate the strides I've made and to make sure I don't go back there!



Longtime readers will have seen some of these photos but some newbies might not know what I used to look like. Big eh??







Nowadays I bemoan being a couple of stone over what I'd ideally like to be but I'm still only a size 16 and I'm still in the "normal" range. No-one would look at me and pigeon hole me as a person with a serious weight problem. That in itself is a blessing.



What else?



I can shop in normal shops; buy clothes off the internet; borrow t-shirts or jackets off Rich. I can buy golf gear and replica football shirts that are actually meant for women rather than a mens' Xl or even XXL which would then swamp me in the arms and shoulders. I couldn't find tights to fit. Now, even if it's an emergency and I only have a limited choice, I can usually find something. A social occasion could cause panic as, if I needed a certain outfit, say formalwear or fancy dress, the choice would just NOT be there in size 22 and what was available would cost far more!



Then there's the physical side of things: I am fit and can run, go to a class, swim, walk for miles or play a round of golf without pain. My lower back gives me some jip (golf!) but NOTHING compared to what the pain used to be like! My feet used to hurt nearly all the time and I got tired really easily. My legs would chafe together during the summer. (Chafing pain is the worst!)



I worried about what I looked like when I ate or drank. I had to think ahead all the time: will I fit in the backseat of the car if I get a lift off so and so??; will I get through that stile??; will I be able to haul myself into the boat if I try waterskiiing?; is there a weight limit for that horse-riding class?; will I fit into the airline seat or roller-coaster seat?? It didn't stop me doing things but it did limit my pleasure.



Although my weight does fluctuate over the course of a year, the fluctuation is in the region of a stone or one clothes size. Previously, I could be going up (mostly) 2, 3 or even 4 stone over the course of one year and then dropping a couple of stone through a big diet. I didn't know what size I would be year on year and seldom fitted into the same clothes from one winter or summer to the next. Over the last 3 years, I have been around the same weight give or take a stone and my wardrobe has continued to fit. I'd like to go downwards, but at least I'm not going upwards!



What a coincidence - I was writing this at lunchtime and then bumped into a woman in the kitchen at work who I haven't spoken to for a while. We forged a friendship over our mutual weight issues when I was shrinking rapidly on the LL diet back in 2007. We've discussed it at length several times over the years but she ended up going on to have a gastric band fitted. Since then we chat periodically to see how we're each getting on. She was bigger than me when she started and still is but she has shed some 5 stones and is hovering around the size 18-20 mark. Today we were talking about stability and how, although ideally we'd both like to be a couple of stone lighter, we're a lot happier here than we were and how being "normal-ish" is such a boon.

2 comments:

Seren said...

As gains go, 2lbs is not the end of the world and hopefully your rediscovered mojo will set you up for a good loss next week.

If I haven't said so already, your achievement so far is absolutely magnificent - even though my first thought on looking at those photos was how attractive you looked rather than how big.

Sx

Lesley said...

Aw, thanks Seren. I tried to pick happy, smiley, active fat pics as I'd hate to give the impression that, just cos I was big, I was unhappy or not active.