Thursday, 4 December 2008

Better but not perfect.

Say hello to this handsome chap spotted in our slushy garden this morning. It's quite gloomy today so the quality is not good. I've seen him once before so I hope he becomes a regular visitor and preferably on a sunny day so I can snap him in all his glory (before he gets shot by some Hooray Henry out on the moors that is...)

He was very edgy so even opening the upstairs window to take the picture caused him to edge away. Hopefully he'll become a bit tamer in time. My parents have a visiting pheasant who comes back year after year and actually taps on the conservatory door for his seeds!

And finally, some greedy guts goldfinches. I keep meaning to take some better bird shots as we have so many visitors and will try to do so when the sun in shining (if it ever shines again...).

It was a strange day yesterday. I felt much better about life in general but, eating wise, I found it even harder to control myself than I had the day before.

So, unfortunately, I didn't. I battled all day with the strong desire to eat "stuff" and gave in 5 times and had a biscuit. So, that's 5 biscuits I didn't need. Sigh. Then, on my way home, the desire to "be really bad" snuck into my head. I had wild ideas about fish and chips, burgers, curries. All sorts. Daft really. Anyway, I talked myself out of all of that nonsense but, later on at home, succumbed to toast, with butter and grilled cheese. Sad.

To be honest, it was not a binge of monumental proportions or anything; I don't think 3 slices of toast can even count as a binge can it?? But it was the fact that I chose them knowingly and despite previously having talked myself out of going off plan. It felt like a failure. It was rebellious child not adult and that's what annoyed me.

When I've eaten off plan over the last few weeks, it has been as a result of a conscious decision and I've chosen what I was going to eat or drink and stopped there. This time, it could have been anything. Toast was all that was realistically available to me, so toast it was.

If I'm looking for positives, the following would count:
  • I didn't let my toast adventure lead to anything more and I substituted the toast for my evening packs.
  • I have a class this evening and I have not once considered not going so obviously my commitment to the plan is still strong. In the past, when I've deviated and felt that I might not have a good loss, I've been tempted not to go to class and "have a really good week to catch up next week". Which, of course, doesn't happen and tends to be the start of the slippery slope off that particular diet! This time, I'm looking forward to my class in order to reinforce the plan and discuss why I went off plan yesterday. Maybe it's because this class leader is so much better than the last one?!
  • I'm working from home today so no biscuits to tempt me and I'm feeling much more in control.

  • I went to training this morning in the freezing slush and worked out really hard again so feel virtuous and nicely sore.

So, once again, blogging has turned my feelings of dissatisfaction into positives and kept me battling for another day. Phew.....


Mrs said...

Hey gorgeous!

One thing occurs to me...have you tried our friend the thought record? I SOOOO know what you mean about deciding to eat and then just going for it.

Of course, this is self-sabotaging behaviour but what to do when you're in the middle of it?!

I am really struggling to do thought records but honestly, when I do them...I do feel better.

There is also that thing called a comet's tail, which my counsellor talks about. It usually foods 'good' ie restrained behaviour or doing something positive (calling a truce with D, maybe?). Anyway, I've had some monumental falls after something good. Mabye this doesn't resonate...or maybe it does? Have a think.

Keep rocking!

LOL Mrs L xxxx

Emma Wood said...

Thanks for the advice on not going crazy with the clothes shopping. Wish I could say I'd followed it, but I did get a tad carried away with the sales and everything.

What's Lighter Life like? I'm loving Howard's Way, I expect they're pretty similar. HW is a bit smaller but they're really good at the personal contact thing, is it the same with LL?

I can't believe you lost 9st! That's just so damned incredible!

ThickChick said...

Ah, your visitors are beautiful!!

In the city we merely get hobos rummaging though our trash. ;)

When life is stressful, the desire to be 'bad' is far stronger. I'm sure when you and D sort though the grumps your temptation will lessen.

I know what you mean though - recently I had a similar 'binge' which really shouldn't count as a binge because it wasn't that excessive, but I didn't like the manner in which I HAD to have these stupid foods. I couldn't even tell you what triggered it.
Ah well, live and learn...all we can do.

Good for you for going to class eventhough you haven't been saintly!