Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Tuesday, 9 October 2007

Days 267-270 - Stuck in the Hole and getting out

I really tried on Friday but something flipped and turned on my carb craving. I think it must have been the aftermath of my conversation with D along with a serious dose of crooked thinking. Anyway, although I logged all the shameful indulgences, that was pretty much it for Friday and the rest of the weekend.

What mistakes did I make?
  1. I weighed myself. I should have steered clear as I knew I had gained big time but the urge to know and false rationalisation set in and I weighed myself which then messed with my head.
  2. I got upset after I spoke to D and instead of being Adult about it, retreated into Rebellious Child Mode Plus. He wasn't nagging about my weight by the way but I took his criticisms to heart, felt like a failure and ate for comfort and then also to "show him"! Doh!
  3. When I knew I was going off the rails, I didn't pull myself back. Didn't ask for help or arrange things to do to distract myself. No - I stayed in and wallowed. I could have gone to my parents, rung my friend Jenny, gone shopping in Manchester (although I suspect that that would have been bad as I felt so bad about myself that shopping would not have been a fun experience). Anyway, I could have done lots of things but I chose to cocoon myself in inactivity and food.

Yup - that oughtta do it....

Anyway, by Sunday night I was pretty low but had a plan. I was going to go to my weigh in and ask my LLC for help! Revolutionary eh??!

For the record, following my weigh in yesterday I have gained in total a stone on Route to Management. And that is because I have NOT done it properly. There are several women in my class who have done it properly and who seem so much more in control than I feel. So - what I'd like to do is start again and gradually lose the weight by controlling my food intake. To be honest I don't want to go all the way back down as I think I look better with a few more lbs on than I had at my thinnest but at least half a stone, probably 10lbs.

The trouble with that plan is that I'm going to Ireland for a week's holiday next week and that is going to be pretty tricky foodwise. I wouldn't want to go there feeling fat and out of control. So, I decided to go back on the packs for the rest of the week (6 days) until I get to Ireland and then, hopefully, I will have lost a few lbs, feel less fat and bloated and have more control over my eating. While I'm over there I'm going to try to do loads of exercise, have only 2 packs a day and limit carbs etc (basically weeks 3 and 4). I think my chances are better if I get there having had a good week rather than a food filled week.

When i come back I'm going to start agin at week 3 or 4 and take it from there - DOING IT PROPERLY AND READING THE BOOK!

So, there you are. D has been pretty supportive after our spat. I eventually told him what I was going through and it helped.

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