Thursday, 27 January 2011

Not waving, but not drowning either...

I know there is an assumption that if you go quiet, you're falling off the waggon. Well, that's sometimes the case but this time not. My waggon is trundling forward with me still firmly at the reins; it has not shed a great deal of its load and still feels pretty ponderous and slow but at least it has not gained any new baggage!

Right, let me leave that metaphor before it trips me up.....

I've just been really busy and circumstances have conspired against me. So, lets catch up.

We went to dancing on Monday evening and had yet another revision session with the female half of the teaching pair, Tony still being on his holidays. It was better in that we seem to have re-mastered the quickstep but she spent ages on the samba which Rich is not keen on (I quite like it!) and she just isn't as inspirational a teacher as Tony. She speaks very quietly and, to be heard, has the music on low so, even when you're doing well, you miss the sensation of being "part of" the music. Anyway, Tony will be back on Monday so hopefully things will move on then.

I went swimming with a skip in my step on Tuesday lunchtime and managed a sprightly 56 lengths. I was very pleased with that and found that I enjoyed swimming more on Tuesdays than Monday as the fast lane is full width. So maybe cutting back on my personal training will not be too bad. Also Rich is talking seriously about joining the gym for a few months to train for the walk so I'll have a gym partner soon which will help plug the gap.

Tuesday evening found us at Hillsborough for a league match against the mighty Yeovil Town. They brought a massive following of about 40 but fairplay to them for travelling all the way to Sheffield on a Tuesday night in January!! After the debacle at Leyton Orient on Saturday (an abject 4-nil defeat) the crowd was edgy and demanding. The team selection was bizarre and the players didn't seem to have met each other before so our play was hesitant, error-prone and dispiriting. We were 2-1 down when the referee sent 2 of Yeovil's players off and awarded us a penalty. Phew! Then the penalty which we scored had to be retaken and was promptly sky-ed over the bar and our 11 men spent the next 25 minutes desperately trying to beat their 9! They eventually managed an equaliser but made such hard work of it and played so so badly that the boos were ringing out (which I loathe) and the crowd was getting more and more frustrated and aggrieved. Not a pleasant atmosphere. We're meant to be supporters but sounded more like hectorers.

Hey ho

My bad mood which had come on over Tuesday evening (both before the game and after) continued and deepened. I didn't sleep well and started to fret about all sorts of things. I just felt glum and low and blue. I made one big change to my usual MO for dealing with occasional black spells which was to tell Rich. To say that I needed him to help me and to point out some of his actions which were contributing to my feeling low. I didn't used to do this and took everything on myself which led to bottling up, eating and generally wallowing.

I also wrote a long post about about grim I felt. But didn't post it 'cos, on re-reading, it was too much - too much navel-gazing, too intimate, too "woe-is-me". But it was useful for me to really analyse why I felt grim. It's not a habitual state for me!! In conclusion, many factors but mainly I was tired, stressed and have been doing too much and not having enough downtime. And maybe real life is setting in between Rich and me too soon and he needed a gentle hint to show his appreciation of me a bit more!!

Through the grimness which was Wednesday I soldiered on. I forced myself and my reluctant chimp to the swimming pool but it was not one of those occasions where we end up enjoying it despite being reluctant to go. We went, struggled through 44 lengths (40 being my minimum) and came back, still in a foul mood!!

Went home to cuddles, promises of a nice meal (liver and bacon with onion gravy and mash - heaven.....) and a night on the sofa watching 2 episodes Silent Witness. My mood lifted immediately. That's how easy it was...all the navel-gazing, angst and ennui and all I needed was for someone to recognise my tiredness and offer a comfy shoulder to snuggle into.

But alas, it was not to be. We had a small house fire instead!

It was not that dramatic to be fair, I just couldn't resist exaggerating for effect. A bulb blew and tripped the fuse while I was cooking supper and Rich was in the shower. Wandered through with a torch to flip the fuse switch back up and saw nasty smelling electrical fumes/smoke coming from the fusebox. Erm..... Cleared the cupboard out of flammable objects and reached in to shut the power off just as the fusebox gently burst into flames with a mellow "wuuff". Erm...... Yelling for Rich to get out of the shower and come and sort this out, grabbing a towel smother it while wondering about the possiblity of electrocution....but thankfully the flames gradually died down of their own accord, starved of oxygen in their little box before they managed to burn through the plastic casing. Nasty smell, no power, half cooked supper on the stove. Not quite the restful evening I had in mind.

We finished supper by candlelight discussing our logistical next moves. Things are never simple are they? Without electricity we have no mobile signal, no landline and no internet. Ended up having to rootle round in the dark for my old mobile phone to find the landlady's number, then stand out in a freezing cold, howling gale with 1 bar of signal calling her. She was a star. She arranged for an electrician to come out first thing this morning and was off work so dealt with it all herself. Yay!

We spent last night in Rich's flat which was a bit cold initially but at least got warmer rather than colder and had a working telly.... The dogs thought we were going on holiday - what a thrill - a late night packing operation in the dark and a trip to a "new place" which "smells of cat" (to their noses - not mine)!!

So I'm still very tired but not in the least glum or grumpy today. Getting to personal training was another logistical trial but we managed and work has been peaceful. French is cancelled - yay (I enjoy it but some nights really do not need to be traipsing round the countryside..). Vicky (with newborn twins) has asked me round for a legal consultation and a baby cuddle - yay! So things are looking up.

And I've lost a lb - yay!

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