Sunday, 10 May 2009

Cream crackered

I haven't taken many pics recently but I spotted this little wabbit from the window yesterday...I don't have a veggie garden so I'm not going to be tooo concerned about this chap and his pal in my garden (yet!).

It was a bit overcast so the pics (taken on a long lense from the upstairs window) are not the greatest).

I've just got back from the track after over 5 hours (plus an hour's drive each way) filming session. It's only 3pm but I could go to bed! Still, it was good and we learned so much.

First up was the bike stuff. We had a different trainer this time - an English guy called Tim who works mainly with children trying to get them hooked on cycling. He was a big contrast to the Aussie, Shane, who works full time with elite athletes. Initially I preferred the Shane approach - all shouting, enthusiasm and leaping in. It appealed to my competitive nature. After a while though, I realised that, although I was occasionally frustrated by the talky, softly softly Tim approach, I was learning a lot more about the bike and how to control it.

So overall, it was a good thing to see a different route.

The time trial was hard, quck but hard. It's only 1km which is 4 times round the track but you are pushing yourself to the limit all the way so lungs were bursting and legs shaking at the end. It was about setting personal targets as a benchmark for future improvement. But, I was secretly very satisifed to be the fastest by a decent margin....and my chimp will help me work hard to maintain that position too!

I did it in 1 minute 41 and other times were 1.46, 1.56 and 2.01. We now have a team target to collectively improve so we will have to work together.

We also did several skill sessions - learning how to control the bike at slow speed (not so easy when you feet are clipped in and you don't have any brakes!); standing starts and track technique. I must admit that I'm surprised how much there is going on on the track which I didn't appreciate when I sat and watched all those Golds at the Olympics. I, in my ignorance, thought that it was mostly about how fit and strong the respective cyclists were!

Interspersed with these sessions, we had our first one-to-one with the Psych bloke. It was a bit nerve racking, especially as I had quite a few issue to discuss of a personal nature. But he helped out by asking that the first interviews not be filmed so that we could just chat to him in confidence. We didn't have much time but he has given me some important insights already.

His theory is that, if you can keep your inner chimp happy and nurtured, she will leave you alone and then you can get on doing the stuff YOU want to do. So, my homework for the next few weeks is trying to work out MY needs and my chimp's needs so that we can work out a plan to satisfy both without conflict (which leads to unhappiness, fear, food and procrastination).

I appreciate that this theory stuff is quite complicated but, unfortunately, I've been a bit constrained from going into too much detail as it is the intellectual property of the Psych guy. I'm sure that, in the fullness of time, I'll be able to be a bit more candid.

We talked almost entirely about D and I and our recent travails. He explained that there are 3 different regimes operating in my head - me, my chimp and my gremlins. I can identify and try to satisfy/control my chimp but I can't remove her. I can identify my gremlins (unhelpful learned beliefs and behaviours) and remove them (although I must replace them with something else to operate under). But first I need to do as much work as possible to get to know my chimp and identify my gremlins.

One of themfor example, which explains a lot, is my belief that Diarmuid should (a very significant word there) support me in my endeavours. This is my belief, not Diarmuid's. When he does not, I feel threatened, upset, let down and then my emotional side (my chimp) takes over and pushes me into an inappropriate response, which in trun escalates the situation with D.
So, if D does not support me, there is no point in getting upset about it, I need to decide how to cope to give my chimp the reassurance she needs possibly from a different support network. If, after logical and rational assessment, I see that I don;t get anything I need from D, or not enough, well that is a different decision for me to take but it is not one for the chimp to make based on emotion and fear. It all sounds very epochal and I assure you it is not necessarily so, just an example of how me and my chimp are currently manufacturing arguments and tensions which we need not have. (Which is not to say that D isn't responsible too, just the effects need not be as harmful as they have been.)

He made it sound so simple but I'm sure it's not. Worth working at though. It made me realise that, however much soul searching I think I've done and however much I've learned on this dieting and personal development journey so far, there is a huge way to go still.

But I've got you lot for company so what's the rush?


Isabelle said...

Woah, I like rabbits but not in my garden! Hmm.

I'm worried about you and D. He doesn't sound as if he's very nice to you. My husband of 36 years has always been very supportive and sympathetic. You need someone like that. Not my business at all, of course. But still.

Crystal said...

Sounds like you are really doing a lot to work on yourself. Good for you...hope it all comes together for you.

smellyshelley said...

Your training sounds kick ass! How exciting to learn how to race a bike - that is a big fear for me and I have a mental block that I just can't do it.

I hope you are able to work through the psych stuff and get to a secure spot where you can just do it for yourself - support from others be damned. Support from others helps, but in the in it is you doing it for you.

Mrs said...

How's it going, chuck?

There's a lot on your blog - sorry have not commented properly. Keep going!

Have you done the core beliefs stuff? I think it's really invaluable AND I'd appreciate your thoughts on it!

Onwards to victory!!!

Big kiss.

Mrs Lard xxxxxxx

Peridot said...

I like rabbits too - I'd be leaving out bits of carrot for him!

I - as ever - totally sympathise about matters D. The thing I've sort of learnt is that I can't change bf, I can only change me and my response - which does in turn affect the dynamics. It makes it less disappointing somehow when he doesn't read from my internal script! (Although he oughtta - it would make life much easier and nicer tee hee hee).

Peridot x

PS I'm Team Lesley for sure! (Reference to your support group!)