-12

Nearly 3 full days of the 14 days challenge done.

Stats:

Weight - 12 stone 13lbs
Exercise - 31/2 mile run (including 2 good size hills)
Abstinence - perfect (so far....but quite hungry!)

This'll only be a quick one as I have still to have a shower and get back down to the telly before 7.45pm for the start of the Rangers game (UEFA Cup Final in Manchester between Glasgow Rangers and Zenet St Petersburg).

I've had a really hard, busy and taxing day (workwise, not diet) but have stuck to my guns and not weakened on the abstience front. It has actually helped with the work as I've had to focus my mind on that to avoid thinking about snacking.

To add to that, I had a snippy and unsatisfactory conversation with D just before lunch which drained me a bit. That could have been a big trigger for me - "work stress + mini row with D= "treats" for Lesley"!! But I didn't let it and being in this strict routine helped. I made my soup and escaped into a book for a while at lunchtime and that distracted me.

I've drunk scads of water too as I've been fighting off the detox headache (combined with the work stress headache too of course). Hopefully I'll be in ketosis tomorrow (no ketostix so can't check properly but I should feel the energy rush and the lack of real hunger).

It all sounds a bit grim but it hasn't been - it's actually been quite positive. I feel thinner already in that pleasingly empty kind of way and I went out for a lovely chatty and sunny run with Shelley this evening which has put me in a much happier frame of mind. We're running in a 10km race up at Chatsworth on Sunday so we planned how we're getting there etc and had a look at the route too ( a bit hilly!).

Not only that, but I'm working from home tomorrow and have Friday off altogether so the long weekend with my doggies stretches out in front of me - WOOOOHOOOO!

I'm glad to see that so many people are getting in touch - thanks for your comments, they do help me so much. I'll try and post a more thoughtful, less rushed post soon.

COME ON YOU GERS!!!!

-13 of Pre-weddng push!

Stats:

Weight - 13 stone 1
Exercise - Personal training this morning
Abstinence - Pretty good but not perfect.

I am feeling pretty good about the abstinence thing. As I have been a bit out of control for a few weeks, I wanted to nip that sort of behaviour in the bud, get a "quick win" in terms of weight loss and set myself up for a fun time in Ireland.

I strayed from abstinence today though but for (I think) a justifiable reason:

Some time ago I helped a woman in the Council out with a personal problem which took up quite a bit of my time. I didn't know her, had only met her by chance at an internal course but she had been so far along the end of her tether that she was willing to ring a stranger up out of the blue and ask for help. Well, when that happens you have to step up so I guided her through the tail end of a 2 year harassment claim against a superior who had, essentially, been stalking her. Because of poor management, the claim had never really been sorted and that just made it more and more stressful for this woman.

Anyway, we finally forced senior management to get involved and put pressure on HR to get off their backsides and DO something (ie ban the bloke from her building, give him a final written warning and make it clear that if he so much as sneezes in her direction he's out) and that gave this, really lovely, woman closure and a sense of support (at last).

So - ages ago she asked me out to lunch to say thanks. She does not have a lot of money but she wanted to do it. Our date was today and I'd forgotten all about it until I got into the office. I felt it would have been churlish to refuse or go and not eat. So, I chose good place where I know they do salads, I had water and a salad with no croutons and only a small amount of low-fat dressing and I didn't allow that eating to spread into the rest of the day.

It was great being able to get to know her a bit better as, over the last few months, I've only ever seen her to discuss the latest letter or meeting or to prepare a case for her hearing all of which meetings usually ended up with her crying. This time we could talk about family, friends, her future (of course she has also gone through a horrible divorce while all this nastiness has been going on!) and have a proper laugh. I hope we can become proper friends to be hoest although suspect it may be tricky. It certainly made me realise how lucky I am I can tell you!

I was pleased that I didn't weaken in the afternoon. I genuinely would not have eaten if I hadn't had the appointment already in the diary as I feel pretty strong at the moment.

There are a few things I've thought about since my last post. I genuinely don't mind D reading the blog - just don't want to have to self-censor. I want to be able to type exactly what pops into my head and not think about how it appears. It was only the fact that he threw something in my face during an argument that made me back off the blog, not the fact that he reads it. I have always kind of assumed that he probably did read from time to time. I know I wouldn't be able to resist that sitting on my computer!!

The other thing is about abstinence. I know some people who didn't "know" me during the Lighter Life days will probably not understand the need to go back onto packs. I don't see it as a failure. I see it as part of a long process to ensure that I regularise my eating habits and don't regain the weight I lost. I lost 8 stone 10lbs. I then gained2 stone 6lbs. I'm still a lot lighter than I was BUT I can't risk gaining any more. I suspect I will have many swings in weight but I want the pendulum swings to become gradually less extreme over the years so that I, say, only gain half a stone before I can reverse the trend. At the moment, it's all new and exciting and when you think you're comfortable, you get complacent and then the trouble starts.

So, that's where I am. Exerting some control; making some decisions for me; being kind to myself and reminding myself about denial. So that I can do it better in the future.

Hope you're all battling with your own demons in a positive manner and having a great time. Kiss kiss.

It's been 2 weeks since my last confession....

Stats:

Weight - 13 stone 4 lbs

Exercise - Ran up Win Hill

Avstinence - Good

Well - what a load of rubbish I was at that "big push"! I got very derailed after my big race and ended up gaining half a stone in a fortnight having been stable (albeit at too high a weight) for quite a long time. Worse still, D and I argued about it (like the bad old days). Worst yet, D revealed that he'd been reading my blog (but not in a nice way) so I kind of hid from everything for a while while I processed it all.

I have never hidden the blog and he's always known that I write one; it's on my favourites on our shared computer and, at the beginning, I even told him about it thinking he might pop in. But he didn't seem interested so I eventually concluded that it was my private space while acknowledging that he might pop in from time to time.

I have, however, come to use it as a sounding board and a place to be honest about my weight issues. Anyway, in the middle of a row about my weight (which came at me out of the blue as usual) he suddenly said that he'd read my blog and that I was lying to myself on it. It really really hurt and I felt that I couldn't come here for a while which left me a bit bereft and pretty rudderless to be honest. So - now D's back on the rig and I have to take stock of what I'm doing about my body and make some decisions.

I've got 2 1/2 weeks before D's sister's wedding in Ireland and I feel pretty damn fat. I'm 13 stone 4lbs which is 2 1/2 stone more than I was at my lightest. I'm a size 14/16 (more 16 than 14 at the mo) whereas I was a skinny 12 at my lightest. While I'm still training and running, the running is harder as I'm carrying more weight. I do not look as good in clothes and I don't have many clothes to wear seeing as I gave all my 16's away last summer, convinved that I wouldn't need them again (ha!).

What do I want? I want to lose a stone befroe the wedding. I then want to settle down and lose the other stone to end up in the low 11 stone range (10 stone something is jsut too hard for me to maintain and not particularly attractive on me - I like having breasts too much!!).

So, I started back on full abstinence this morning and I'm going to stick it out for the next 14 days. I've got a few packs left and a friend has given me her surplus CD packs (far too many Spicy Tomato for my liking but beggars can't be choosers!). I'm going to do a shed load of exercise and I'm going to suck up the pain for the next 2 weeks.

My mantra so far today has been - "I can do anything for a fortnight!".

I also ran up Win Hill tonight which was exhausting - it's a bloody big hill.

I'm going to try and post every day and give daily stats too.

I'm not going to concern myself with what D thinks if he's reading this. I'm as honest as I can be - if I occasionally put a positive gloss on something, that doesn't mean I'm lying to myself (or you), it may mean I'm looking for the good in the situation so as not to lose myself in the bad. Healthy I think. I need this space for myself and I'm buggered if a few nasty remarks in the middle of an argument are going to steal it from me.

I'm sorry I've not been there for anyone else for a while - hopefully I'll be a better blog pal soon and a less serious one too!!

Love and stuff!!

Day 2 of new regime...

Well, I've made a start at trying to lose 7-10lbs in the next month before D's sister's wedding at the end of May. It's not been bad at all.

I had personal training this morning which always sets me off on a good track. I took it steady as my legs were still sore but after all the stretching I've felt fine all day.

Foodwise, I'm trying to stick to a fairly steady diet. it might be a bit boring but I want to impose some rules into my eating.....I don't want to go back to abstinence but want to recapture the safety of it. I think that's what Mrs L is doing with her 5 days on abstinence.

So - it's muesli, fruit and skimmed milk for brekkie; a salad or maybe jacket spud for lunch with fruit or yoghurt as required and then a light supper - either a salad or grilled meat and veg. I'm trying to steer clear of bread as it's a major trigger for me but as long as I don't have more than 2 slices every few days, I'm not going to beat myself up.

I'm also sticking to the "Step AwayFrom The Snack Table" Challenge. I realised that, while I was on the packs, I didn't eat any biscuits or snacks at work - none! I didn't really miss them to be honest. I knew I couldn't have them so I didn't fret. I might have struggled at home in the evenings but, at work, I didn't miss the snacks. So why have I suddenly taken to scoffing again?? It's a really bad habit - empty, pointless calories.

So - I've decided that is one area where I can set a proper rule - NO SNACKING!

I'm pleased to report that I've managed 2 clear days so far.

In other news, we're struggling with toilet trianing Minty. We have both spent ages mooching around outside waiting for her to wee or poo so we can congratulate her effusively but she's not really getting the idea. From memory with Shelagh you need a lucky break with a few coinicidental sucesses so she makes the connection. We'll get there.

She is SOOOO sweet though. A lovely little doggie and she and Shelagh play together brilliantly. They just roll around biting each others' ears and tails and romping for hours at a time. It make me feel a little guilty that we deprived Shelagh of the canine company for so long. It's beautiful to see them together.

Peridot - I've been collecting my sponsorship today and think, when it all comes in, that I'll be at around £800 plus giftaid of another £200 or so. So I hope I will have near as dammit reached my target of £1000. Thanks for coughing up to those who did - it is MUCH appreciated.

The other major thing which is going on in my sad little life is my near constant worrying about Sheffield Wednesday. We're engaged in a nasty relegation battle and, although we have a decent chance of staying up, it is all going to wire and the last game of the season on Sunday. I went to the game away at Leicester on Saturday which was a fantastic victory and an amazing atmosphere so now I'm hungry for more of the same. We should have a near sell-out against Norwich at Hillsborough which just raises the stakes even higher. Would you belive that I'm starting to feel sick with nerves with 5 days to go??!

Hey ho - strangely, it's going to be horrid when it stops - I really miss football in the off season and I won't even have the European Cup to distract me....sigh...

Oh well, enough of the bloke chat. Off to bed with me. Hope you're all well and thriving. xx

Day after half marathon...

Like Mother.....
like daughter.....Minty is such a Minime....

Not too bad. A bit sore and I wince whenever I sit or stand. I'm okay once I'm actually sitting or standing but the act of doing either (and going down but not up stairs) is a tad painful!

I've had a lot of lovely attention though at work and home so , being an attention junkie, I'm very happy! After the marathon, we had to race back home, shower, change and race into the village for our friends' daughter's christening. It was a lovely occasion - beautiful home and garden for the party afterwards, nice weather, good crowd of people, ultra cute baby who behaved as if she had been cast for the part by Central Casting (which is more than you could say about the priest!).

Anyway, now I've finished my race I have to find a new goal to work towards. In the meantime though - I'm just going to try and drop a few lbs before we go to Ireland for D's sister's wedding in a few weeks time!!! Just half a stone/10 lbs or so so that I can fit into a killer outfit. I've got 4 weeks so that should be manageable.

It was nice this evening not to have a schedule to think about and to just go up to the top of a nearby hill (in the car!!) with D and the dogs and take them for a slow ramble on a quiet, dog free lane (she hasn't had her second jabs yet). Minty isn't yet up to long walks but it's fun watching her explore the world and follow her Ma around like a bitey little shadow.

Half Marathon

I wish I could upload a photo of me crossing the line. It's not a great photo but at least you could see that I did it! Trouble is I don't have the software for this camera so have to wait unti I re-order it. Hey ho.

Anyway - it was a great run - a cool, still, drizzley day so not too hot, not too windy and not cold either. I set off quite slowly in my sub- 2.15 bracket and within a couple of miles felt that the whole bastard race was going to overtake me I honestly thought that I was going to be running along the road by myself! Anyway, I stuck to my guns and, after 3 or 4 miles, after the first hill (sort of) I started overtaking a few people myself.

I think all the hilly training I've done out here in the Peaks has stood me in good stead. Where a lot of people were flagging on the small inclines and walking, I hardly noticed them as hills at all. I ran all the way and overtook people on every hill. It rreally gave me confidence to know that the hills were nothing like as scary as I'm used to.

So, around the half way mark we hit Ecclesall Road which is a busy shopping street and there were loads of people out supporting the race and clapping etc. That was a massive boost. After that it was (mostly) downhill and I felt progressively better and better. I started to pick up the pace and pick off people who had overtaken me earlier on and I never felt too tired or as though I needed to stop to walk or anything.

At 11 miles it was a bit weird as I've never run that far before but I didn't flag and managed to keep increasing my pace. At 12, we hit the stadium and I was really pounding. Once we got into Don Valley Stadium, no-one overtook me - I mean no-one!! I was sprinting up the home straight to the point that one woman who had a go at taking me out gave up! So, I made it home in 2 hours and 10 minutes and I really enjoyed it. I don't have any major aches or pains although the act of sitting or standing is a bit tricky! It was great - for a lot of the run I had that elusive runners high thing you read about - I was that happy to be out. It's hard to explain but I pretty much loved every minute. I don't want to run a full marathon though....before you ask!!

I'll catch up with more news later. Byee and a massive thank you to all who sponsored me....it is much appreciated and your comments on my Just Giving page were fantastic!! Really - you were great.

Wednesday morning

Here as promised are some pictures of the pups on their first walkette. As they haven't had their second set of jabs we drive them to a remote hillside where there aren't any other dogs and take them for a little wander to give them the idea of the great outdoors. They loved it but got tired very fast so we had to carry them. It doesn't do to give them too much exercise young as their bones are still developing and you can strain them. Not too bad for small breeds but still an issue.

Bobby is going to his new home tonight. I'm going to miss him but at least we can start properly training Minty and getting into a routine. Everything's been on hold for the last week or so in that department and I'm tired of picking up doggie poos...

Exercise wise, I had areally good workout yesterday morning and a walk in the evening and I'm planning on a 5 or 6 miler this evening. Then I'll have personal training tomorrow morning and do a small stretching run on Friday and that'll be it before my first ever half marathon. Yikes!

I wonder what I'll feel like doing after I've finished the big race. I might want to keep on running a la Forrest Gump but be a bit more scientific about it? I've seen a few running blogs where people log their times and try to get their mile rates down. Or I might branch out into mountain biking or do a triathlon. Or I might re-focus on dieting to get that pesky stone off. Who knows. I'm sure it'll come to me.

One thing I am sure about is that I'm going to keep on being active and I'll always do some running as I really enjoy it.