Day 63 -38 Weigh In time

Well, another decent day past. I lost 4lbs this week taking me up to 3 stone 10lbs. I'm really pleased to be back losing proper numbers after only 2lbs last week. As it happens though, I think the amounts lost are beginning to go up and down more dramatically among the group as a whole. Several people reported losing 1lb one week then 5 the next or even, in one case, 8lb last week and 1lb this week. So I think as we progress along the diet we really have to look at the overall average loss rather than each individual week.

One thing that is very noticeable is how much healthier we all look. Brighter skin, shinier hair, more colour in our cheeks and of course slimmer. Markedly better than the pasty faced individuals who shuffled through the doors 9 weeks ago!

The exercise this evening was to do with a complicated triangle between Perscutors, Rescuers and Victims. It took a while for it to sink in with me but I think what she was getting at was that we need to take control of the role we play rather than being pushed into one against our will. For example, choosing not to always be the rescuer (ie. pick up everyone else's slack) and let people take responsibilty for themselves. Or, if you are habitually rescued, choose to take responsibility for yourself and not hid away from difficult choices etc. The relevance of all this to being fat is that,often, if you're pushed into an inappropriate or unpleasant role we use food as a solace or escape. So if we always do the rescuing, and no-one rescues us, we might turn to food as a comfort. etc etc.

I found it a bit tricky to follow as I don't naturally fall into any one of the 3 categories but flit between them depending upon circumstance. I do recognise though, that I'm taking a lot more responsibility for myself and that food is not enering into my choices where it might have done before. I suppose the trick is recognising the danger points when we come to start eating again.

Certainly the balance of power in my relationship with D has shifted to a much more healthy equilibrium as I get more powerful and he is happier for that to be the case, which is happening as the weight drops off. I can't say that I'm happy that my weight was such an issue between us but it was and I have to deal with that. It has left scars but I can feel them healing over with time.

So, that's all very deep but helpful to have that outlet for assessing behaviour and trying to work out how to change etc. One thing is very certain, there are a lot of games being played every day and the more you recognise them for what they are the less likely you are to fall for the seductive charms of food or other sops and false friends.

So, from the subline to the ridiculous - I dug out my mini trampoline this evening in a desperate attempt to burn off a last few ounces before my weigh in (how sad is that?!)and bounced up and down on it waving my arms in the air for 25 minutes to Richard & Judy. The dog is convinced I'm mad now and refuses to talk to me when I'm doing it but it is bloody good exercise and great for those rainy evenings when a walk or run is not on. Just need to crack the fitball and the resistance band now to tone up those saggy arms etc. It'll come...

Happy slimming everyone!!

Day 62 -39 Big jog!

My friend Suzanne dropped a note through my letterbox last night asking me if I felt ready to join "Kate's Kurvy Klub" which is a group of 4 or 5 women who go jogging. I've been out with them before but not been able to go as far or as fast so haven't really stuck to it. Anyway, now that I'm losing weight and doing more running I thought I'd give it a go at least once a week. They tend to run on Thursdays (which is my class night) and Mondays so Mondays should be a good start to the week.

In preparation, I thought I'd try to run their route tonight to make sure I was up to it. It's way further than I've been before but I made it round with no problem. Well, one problem - the bloody massive hill in the middle of it but, apart from that - I'm alive aren't I? It's 9km and it took me just less than an hour! I'm dead chuffed with myself but the dog's legs look 2 inches shorter, poor little thing!

So, that's another new thing I can do. This diet really has opened up my world.

People are already asking me when I'm going to stop, which is strange. I didn't get much opposition to the diet when I first started which I took as recognition of how much I needed to do it. But now that the weight is coming off, quite a few people are making their thoughts known and saying that I shouldn't "go too far"! I wonder why? Is it because they feel secure with me in the 'fat friend' box and, although they're happy for me to be slimmer, don't want me to be actually slim?? Who can say. I'm sure not one of them has any nasty motives but it seems strange that it's alright for them or for their girlfriends/wives to be a size 12 or smaller but not alright for me!

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going to stop at. I'd like to experience being a size 12 as I've never been that size in my adult life - really, never. But I suspect I will settle at around 14. I'm a sturdily built woman with a curvy shape and wouldn't want to lose that. Also, I don't want to set the bar too high and have to spend the rest of my life starving myself to maintain a slightly unrealistic figure. We'll see.

But, I can tell you one thing - whatever shape I end up, it'll my choice and I'll be staying there!!!

Day 61 -40

A pretty good day. Worked hard and was able to concentrate well for a change - so often I'm constantly interrupted and never seem to be able to settle on one task. Today, whether by luck or judgement, I managed to multitask my way through loads on my never ending list.

I despair of my colleague/bosses though. As I'm the only solicitor in my department they seem to think that I'm omniscient - they ask me about anything and everything and look like lost children when I tell them that I have not the foggiest idea what to do about a topic that has nothing whatsoever to do with my legal specialiasm. I think I'm creating a rod for my own back though - they seem to be losing any individual initiative and my boss especially wants me to hold his hand (not literally, you with the dirty minds!) through every tiny transaction. God knows what they did before they had a solicitor in the department?! Presumably they just winged it and probably got away with it 99% of the time!

Well, enough of that. I worked through lunch so couldn't go swimming for the second day running. I was going to go for a run at home instead but then had to stay late so couldn't fit one in before heading out to the football. At least I didn't have to meet up with Jim and watch him scoffing pizza again tonight - he had to work even later so arrived 10 minutes into the game! Still, I suppose I did do a fair bit of walking to and from the game and there's all the steps up to the top of the Kop- so not all bad. I know you're not a football oriented lot but, for form's sake and because I love Wednesday, we beat Colchester 2 nil. An underwhelming game but with nothing to play for now what do I expect?

I went to Meadowhall on my way home to take back some unworn wedding stuff I bought a couple of weeks ago. While there I popped into Next by way of an experiment to see whether I could fit into their size 18s. I tried on a pair of jeans and a fitted top and ......drum roll.........they fitted!! Jeans were tight and too low cut so wouldn't buy them, but.....another drum roll......they fitted!!

So, bye bye Evans - you've served me well but I'm afraid here we part company. Now I can hang out with the cool kids in Next, Principles, M&S etc I don't need mumsy old Evans. (I actually feel guilty saying that as Evans is pretty good and v cheap considering the range it covers - sorry Evans...) I'm sure there are loads more trendy shops to try but it's been so long since I shopped outside of the fat shops that I've no idea what's good anymore.

When I was last size 16/18, back when I got married in 1994(!), shops like Next and Principles didn't sell clothes in that size. It's only been in the last few years that everyone's widened their ranges. Anyway, I'm not going to buy anything much for the time being - will check out Primark, Matalan, Asda and New Look as don't want to spend much on temporary clothes but I'm very excited.

I told D on the phone this evening and he was pleased for me but I could tll that he didn't really understand the significance of it. That's why it's nice to have a blog to chat to - I know you lot understand.

Anyway, it's bed time now. Another day gone and I'm another day closer to being slim. Yay!

Day 60 -41

Wow, those days are really flying past - 60 gone already! It's been pretty quiet day though. I've got back on the stright and narrow after the excitement of my non-LL veggie soup at the weekend!! Busy at work as ever and didn't manage to go swimming at lunchtime. I was to do some chores at lunchtime but kept on being dragged off to do some pesky work - I mean - how inconvenient is that!?

Then a quick walk with the dog when I got home and I've been on the computer pretty much ever since. Mostly ebay but also checking emails and reading everyone else's blogs! They're great - so inpirational.

I have been thinking what a cool collection of women we are: Melanie and her country walk(s); Christine who is so determined to suceed despite her lactose intolerance; Wendy who must have psoted more before she even started than most people do in a month!; Cath with all her swimming, walking and gardening; Claire who is just starting out but is going to get into a fabulous wedding dress, I just know it. And loads of others who don't necessarily have blogs themselves or who are just starting out but who pop in and leave great comments on mine and other peoples' blogs. What a good collection of women and how stupid that so many people underestimate women ( and men I suppose) who are not rake slim and don't always see how much we have to offer.

The other common theme which seems to run through all our blogs and comments is our motivation for dieting and how determined we are to do this for ourselves really - it's just time to get this sorted; for health, for children and for the positive things being slim would bring but not because we're generally unhappy, maybe because we know we can be happier! There is a difference and I think the difference is that we're all pretty effective in most things and don't want to fail at this one, admittedly very visible, aspect of our lives. Most of our partners would prefer us to be slim but that isn't the reason we're embarking on this journey - it's for us and our self esteem and the rest of our lives.

I'm not meaning to force an analysis on everyone which certainly isn't a 'one size fits all' thing, but it just seemed striking how similar we all are despite the obvious differences of ages, geography, jobs, backgrounds etc Here's to us all... and a big goodbye to those lbs of flab which are floating off into the ether or wherever shed flab goes....

Days 58 and 59 -43/42 - London weekend

Hi all. I've just come back from my weekend in London, well the leafy bits of Middlesex to be exact and checked up on my blog. I'm touched by the lovely comments added to my last post when I was a bit disappointed about only losing 2lbs. You're all dead right and I've put it into perspective now and had a wonderful weekend to boot.

I felt great in my size 18 evening dress on Saturday night but, unfortunately, my mates aren't great photographers (hope they never have to do a wedding!) so these are the best shots of me in my dress. Hey ho. The girl is Nicola and yes, she is really tall. I'm 5'7" and wearing 3 inch heels so that makes her 6' and wearing 2inch heels - a tall girl! We were at her rowing club annual dinner dance so there were loads of really tall strapping women littering the place - I felt positively delicate in comparison! There were 3 of us going as Nicola's guests: me, Jim (my footie buddy - the one in the photo by the river) and Nic's ex-boyfriend and now really good mate Craig. Despite us not knowing anyone apart from Nic we had an excellent time. We went to support her really as she doesn't know many people down south and is trying to get social life going. Not sure how sucessful that will be but you've got to try.

Anyway, the boys were in great demand with legions of single strapping (female) rowers and I was having a blast laughing at them and saving them from the really scary ones and dancing like a mad thing. The food was not a problem - soup and bar at the table and gallons of sparkling water - it's easy when you know how!

The boys are good dancers and pretty hot at salsa and ceroc so I was in dance heaven being swung round the place - I never would have been able to keep up if I hadn't lost the weight I have and would have been miserable, hot and sweaty. Thank God for LL!

Before the do we spent the morning in Notting Hill at Portobello Road market and then went onto the Sheffield Wednesday away game at Loftus Road against QPR. Not the greatest game as we drew 1-1 but not bad. It was a good day though. One snag was that once we got to Portobello Road I realised that I had forgotten my foodpack and shaker (left it on the table where I had left it ready to take with me - Doh!). I had eaten brekkie at 9.30am and there was no way I could last until when we got home at 6pm, expecially as we were walking all around town and to and from the footie ground etc. Too far to go back. Dilemma. In the end I decided to eat and had a vegetable soup in the pub with them when they ate their lunch. I picked out the croutons though and didn't have any bread. It tasted gorgeous and wasn't very big. I didn't have the 4th foodpack that day so I'm hoping it won't make any difference. It certainly taught me to check stuff a bit better - maybe you get a bit blase as the diet progresses.

Anyway, apart from tht hiccup I was spotless: no booze, no mouthfuls of anything - a saintly LL'er!

Also, on both Saturday and Sunday mornings I got up early and went for a jog along the Thames. I managed 45 minutes both days and felt fab. It's lovely and flat down there which makes a pleasant change which is probably why I managed to carry on for longer. Nic joined me on Sunday morning and enjoyed it too so hopefully she'll keep it up after I leave. Not that she needs to as she's lovely and slim but it's good to get out and appreciate your surroundings I think and the river path along the Thames is special. We saw a group of parakeets this morning. I had heard that there are loads living wild in London but have never seen them - looks really weird to see such exotic birds flying along the muddy old Thames and perching in English trees.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm going to cuddle my dog and watch Crufts. Have a good night everyone!

Days 56 and 57 -45/44 Weigh In again

Hi all. It was my weigh in last night but didn't feel too hot so didn't get round to posting.

As you can see I had a disappointing week and only lost 2lbs. I knew I wasn't heading for a good total but I suppose you have to expect it to slow down and for TOTM issues to have an effect. It doesn't make it any easier though . Anyway, I was a bit miserable last night thinking that I've gone through all this for 2 measly lbs so couldn't be bothered to come upstairs and post.

Needless to say, I woke up this morning, had a quick look on the blog and found a great comment from Melanie saying not to worry if I don't lose much, it happens and I should look at the big picture, I've done really well etc. All the good advice that I've doled out to other people in the past. So, it was great to receive a bit of my own medecine and for it to make me feel so much better. So thanks Mel and thanks to everyone who checks in as it really makes the diffrence knowing that you're not alone.

I've been thinking about it from the positive angle - I'm doing really well and I want to share that feeling and inspire others too. Now II've had the positive angle come back at me and help me when I got a bit low and it's a good thing!

Putting the weight loss in context - I've not cheated apart from the half glass of champers at Shelley's wedding and I'm not going to feel guilty about that! I had a bad week in week 3 when it was my time of the month so there is another factor. It is just one of those things. My body may be retaining water and hopefully I'll lose a decent amount next week instead. Anyway, 2lbs is hardly shabby - if I was on Slimming World I would have been really happy with a solid 2lb loss!!

What else did I get up to yesterday? Ah yes, had an early meeting in Manchester which went pretty well and then worked from home in the pm. Met up with Shelly in the early evening and went for another run. This one was all off road and pretty muddy. We extended ourselves up to nearly 3 miles and included quite a few hills. It was great - I wasn't too tired at the end although I feel a bit stiff this moring! Shelagh absolutely loved it too. She was running like a mad dog between Shelley and I (I'm a bit slower than my friedn so she had to wait ocasionally) and must have covered about 8 miles in total!

D was a pain - rang me at 11.30pm and woke me up then, when I was sleepy and didn't want to chat for long, had a right go and made out that I didn't want to talk to him. Well, it was the middle of the night, I was down from having only lost 2lbs and had a banging headache and, no, I didn't really want to chat about nothing for another 10 minutes! I know he looks forward to the calls but he forgets that they're all on his terms and don't always get me at a good time. I told him so too and he sort of backed down but it still didn't help me sleep afterwards! Grrr

Today, not done much - busy at work and feel much happier than I did last night. I'm at home now and will take the dog out for a walk before heading down to London for the weekend with my footie mates, Nicola, Jim and Craig. D not very happy about that either! We're going to Nicola's rowing club dinner dance tomorrow night which is a black tie do so I'm sort of looking forward to that. Will be good to have a laugh and a boogie but not so good staying sober and not eating! Hey ho...

Anyway, I'd better get on - have a great weekend and keep on keeping on....

Day 55 -46

A pretty good day all round. I stayed at my desk at lunchtime and did internet chores - found something to do on St Patrick's Day for D which was harder to do than I thought it would be. We'll just to go into an Irish pub in town which has bands on all day and see if any of our mates is up for coming with us.

I also booked our flights to Canada in June! Yay - now D definitely can't get out of it. We're going for just shy of 3 weeks and it'll be a ball. Going to Toronto, Ottawa and Nova Scotia so will see my family and also go to Niagara Falls and do loads of outdoorsy stuff in Nova Scotia like whale watching, hiking, kayaking etc. I'm wondering whether to upgrade my camera before we go. I mean, I like this one but would kill for a digital SLR with zoom lenses etc. We'll see.

Came home and went for a jog (more like a cross country run actually) with Shelley. It was really muddy but much nicer than being on the roads and Shelagh likes it better. Worked out about the same as the run to the Travelllers and back - about 3.5km - but hillier. Will try and find a longer route this afternoon as I'm working from home after my meeting in Manchester.

After our run we had the moment of truth with Shelley going through her wedding photos. She seemed really happy with them thank God! She said they were exactly what she was after as she didn't want loads of posed formal photos etc. She even said that I captured them are they are which I took as a great compliment. Actually, they are so natural that it would be hard not to but I was pleased that she is happy. I burned the photos onto a CD so she could take it home to Martin and peruse it at their leisure and no doubt we'll sort out an album in time. Phew!! I think I'll bow out of the wedding photography business on top - it's just too stressful!

The weight loss is showing some signs of movement but I'm not getting my hopes up for a great loss this week, I'll be gutted though if I have lost less than 3lbs, know I shouldn't be but just will be - it's a visceral thing! Fingers' crossed for me please!