Monday, 13 July 2015

Sad night

I've been thinking about posting about weight and exercise and the summer and food and golf and all the other crap but don't get round to it.  But then tonight I finally drag the laptop out to be sad.  So, sorry about that.

I'm sad for my lovely dad.  And my lovely mum.

She is getting too much for him.  Messed herself and then was fighting him trying to clean her up and they both took as tumble in the downstairs shower room.  They're both fine physically but she would not get up. He couldn't persuade her to help him get her up and he couldn't pull her up without her help.  She's quite a big, strong woman (I know where I get it from) and she just would not even try to get up.  She is incredibly stubborn and obviously  there is no reasoning with her and no logic to be applied.

So he had to call an ambulance.  He's had to do it once before when a chair broke under her in the conservatory but then they only waited 30 minutes or so and it was the afternoon.  Today it was evening and the ambulances were busy with life threatening cases.  So she sat on the bathroom floor for just under 4 hours.  The first responder arrived after 2 and a bit hours and at least checked her out and kept my dad company while they waited on the proper ambulance.  Who came, were really nice and concerned about my dad, got mum up and then left him.

He rang me while he was waiting and again when they had left and sounded jolly and resigned.  But after we hung up I was just so sad.

I know it is the middle of the end for mum living at home.  Which is probably the right thing for both of them but it will be, just sad.

So, we're going to chase Social Services for a re-assessment to see what additional help they can get him.  Apparently we're entitled to one at least annually although you'd never know it from the GP or Community Psychiatric Nurse who comes round every 6 months, drinks Dad's tea, no doubt eats his biscuits and does sod all for him or her.

It is difficult to keep trying.  We battle for one change, say someone to help her with showering but then her condition changes or deteriorates again we need more help but somehow we don't recognise that until it's just a bit too late.   It's not as though he is not paying for the help or nearly all of it so I wish they would be a bit more proactive with him.  It has happened time and time again but we still get caught out.

And my dad takes the brunt of it and I feel so bad for him and guilty that I haven't helped him out more.

Gah!!  Anyway, I'm due to go over next Wednesday/Thursday and will hopefully make some progress then.

Thanks for listening.  It has helped to get it all out.  Rich is out at darts so not available to be a shoulder to cry on just yet.


Gabby said...

Oh Lesley, I'm so sorry. What a terribly sad situation. Hard for all concerned (so no need to make it harder on yourself by adding guilt to the mix, especially when it's obvious you help out a lot, and care so much for them both!). I hope you get the extra support you need soon. Hugs! x

Seren said...

Oh poor thing, what a horrible situation for the whole family. We went through a similar thing with my grandmother a few years ago and I know how very difficult it can be for all concerned. I hope that you and your Dad are able to get the help that you need and soon. In the meantime, shoulders always available for tear mopping purposes.


Anonymous said...

Oh L, how sad, your poor Dad (who sounds like a trouper) - and gawd I agree the assessment process is ridiculous - can't believe it's so long-winded and hidden. You are allowed one after any change in condition/significant incident. And yeah - as soon as you have an adjustment made, something else changes. Deeply frustrating. You just need to be a complete pain in the arse, day in day out so that they know it's more hassle to leave you alone than be proactive. Unfortunately they seem to rely on people being too worn down to complain. Ugh. And the change you're all about to face is very sad. But it will make life easier. Eventually. Xxxx

Blods said...

So sorry to hear all this Lesley, we are in a similar situation with my parents, heart breaking stuff. My Dad has just had the first round of chemo and radio therapy for newly detected colon cancer and is still expected to care for my Mum. We live over 150 miles from them and I'm at my wits end too Blods x

Peridot said...

Oh Lesley, of course you're sad: what a tragic situation for you all. Even if your mum isn't aware of it - and I rather hope she isn't. Keepoffthearse is quite right that unless you're that squeaky wheel, more likely than not, you'll be ignored. Push for the help you need and are entitled to (and definitely withhold biscuits) - although I know it must be emotionally and literally sapping.

Thinking of you.


Pam (Isabelle) said...

So sorry. Having been through the deterioration and death of two parents and an aunt, I do sympathise. There's no solution that will make you feel great about this but, if it's any comfort, when I think now about my parents and aunt, what I remember mainly is them in their prime, capable and funny, rather than the weak and confused people they were in their last months. But it's very rubbish while it's happening and all-consuming and horrible. Hugs.