Saturday, 12 July 2014

Shaky but clinging on

Despite all the activities of the week, I haven't really pushed on this week.  I've swum and played golf, walked the dogs and done chores.  But I've also eaten those little extras which can ruin a decent weight loss.  So, Monday's weigh in is not looking good but I'm going to keep trying and you never know.  I'm not expecting a gain (or not a big one) but any drop at all will be good.

It's been a fun but thoughtful week.  I finally pulled Rich up for not paying me enough attention last weekend.  I struggle with expressing myself in a potentially confrontational way which is probably a hangover from the Diarmuid years.  However, I'm learning that, although Rich is not perfect and doesn't exactly welcome this sort of stuff, he does listen and does change his behaviour too (eventually). Maddeningly, he will not really engage in the conversation.  He listens to me,denies that there is a problem then shuts down but I know from experience that he is taking it in and will usually respond so there's not much point in demanding a big showdown or anything.

The problem is that I think he takes me for granted and he thinks that, as I know he loves me, he doesn't need to be saying it all the time.  I agree, he doesn't but he does need to show me through his actions, the little things and not prioritise everything else in front of me for too long.  This issue has cropped up periodically over the last few years and I'm getting better at not brooding over it but just letting him know but I still have away to go.

So, the upshot is that he has been lovely this week.  Back to normal again.  He is such a bloke though.  When he has other things on his mind (in this case problems at his golf club - the captain ran off with everyone's deposits for a weekend away and seems to have disappeared, the fool) he forgets about everything else, hence the taking me for granted thing.

When I feel loved and secure, I find it a lot easier to get on with things.  Like today, Rich has been away all day at golf for President's Day.  I understand this.  I had the same yesterday at my club as it happens (got a surprise third prize!).  So it has not been a problem.  However, if he had not been loving and attentive all week, I would have felt left out and neglected. Perceptions eh.

It has been a productive day.  My old school friends are coming to visit next weekend so on top of the usual Saturday chores, I spent most of the day clearing out the spare bedroom, painting the ceiling, potting on various leggy plants, tending to my patio pot plants and just generally tidying up.  I knew such chores were on the cards this morning so, in order to make sure that I did some exercise, I went for a swim first thing.  This was an excellent plan as I managed 40 lengths (1.2 km) in the beautiful, blue sky sunshine, my best so far this summer.  By the time I'd finished with chores for the day, I didn't have any energy left so just took the dogs up to the swallow field and let them run around like mad things for 40 minutes or so, finishing up with a cooling swim.

Tomorrow I'm back to my golf again.  It's our Summer Meeting mixed comp and I'm playing with the junior captain which should be interesting.  Apparently he hits it a mile and so do I but we can both be a bit wild.  We could be discovering new areas of the course!!

(Still thinking of you Peridot!!  Chin up chuck.)


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