Not very grown up there Les. The week was not too bad foodwise - good breakfasts, good lunches (slightly too much food but generally healthy stuff) and then a gradual loosening over the afternoons leading to overly generous but not not terrible suppers. But I did very little in the way of exercise. A few walks, one personal training session but I failed miserably in making myself go to the gym or swimming despite having plenty of time to do both. There was much sitting around watching bad detective shows on Sky Plus in the evenings. Much "caving" and not going out to the pub. Much avoidance of chores and reality.
The weekend was my chimp's last hurrah - I drove to my parents and stopped for petrol station goodies, a big coffee and even - brace yourself - a KFC!! While at my parents I was okay but the return journey was similarly (without the KFC) debauched. Last night at home, I polished off the last of the Christmas cake (well, to be fair, the last of what I hadn't taken to my parents) and plotted firmly to myself.
The plotting started during my solitary walk on Saturday afternoon. My father didn't fancy it - too cold and looked like rain (he was right) so I just set off with no clear idea of a route. The Lincolnshire countryside is much less conducive to unstructured walking - much fewer footpaths - than the Peak District. I ended up walking for over 2 hours despite being caught in a shower. Just trudging and thinking really. There are very few hills so your route, where you've been and where you're going, is totally open. It makes for very thought-provoking company. When you walk around Bamford, you're always climbing a hill or rounding a corner; you're much more engaged by the scenery and the present. In Lincolnshire it is a flat, little varying open book - just massive skyscapes which have the effect of making you feel small and insignificant.
I found it good for thinking and I think it was that walk, the relentless, tramps' heartbreak feel of it, that cemented this nowfound determination in me. At home, if I want to turn back, I can usually find a short cut or an alternative route. There are loads of routes to pick. On Saturday, once I'd committed to that route, I was stuck with it and could only carry on until I got home - the lack of choice and the realisation that being tired and getting wet wouldn't get me home any quicker and wouldn't kill me were freeing. That helped me translate that thought to dieting, not eating much and sticking the course won't kill me.... So, three cheers for Lincolnshire. I wouldn't choose you for a walking holiday but, when I want to reconnect with myself, you are always there for me.
I know the theory - diets do NOT have to start on Monday - but it has proved to be easier today than yesterday. I'm going for the fully fledged, calorie-controlled, no-frills approach. I want results and, more importantly, I want to remind myself that the sky will not fall in if I don't eat generous meals; that mild hunger is not necessarily a bad thing. And I feel soooo much better for it. Admittedly this is very early days but hey, I'm blogging agian aren't I?! Not hiding from what I know to be true as I have been doing.
And on the exercise front, although I didn't go swimming as planning at lunchtime, that was only becuase I was in the middle of some very productive work and I had already arranged to be picked up by Vicky to be taken to the gym this evening instead! See what I did there? And psychologically speaking, I've retrieved the memories of restraint and abstinence (without the chemical dust) and it is liberating. The gym was great too - did the rowing machine 5000 metres challenge in 21 minutes and 38 seconds and am currently leading the ladies' section - GO ME!!
My chimp had suceeded in convincing me that eating small amounts was terrible and, truly, it is not.
Now I just have to keep myself busy and active and hopefully I can get the extra 10lbs I've gained off and maybe a little more besides......fingers crossed for me please!