Can't believe how fast this is going. 20 days already. I think the blog and the new activities (swimming and knitting and home office stuff) are helping. I really do feel like I'm growing up at last. That's probably a bit of an exaggeration but it ties in with the TA stuff from the last class - I'm now much more willing to forego fun stuff and take on jobs which have to be done.
Busy day at the office as I'm off for the next 3 days. The work is really piling up and my role has expanded considerably since I started in September 2005. I think that is also a measure of the fact that I'm taking on more responsibility and am willing to face aspects of my life which I previously shied away from. Long may it continue.
Went swimming at lunchtime. I managed 44 lengths with no trouble and will continue to increase that 'til I get to 60.
Right, I'm being dragged into pieces at work at the moment - everyone wants my time - so I had better get back to it!
Wednesday, 31 January 2007
Day 19 -82
Quiet day yesterday. Should have done more chores at home in the evenig but got a bit lazy. Oh well, not too bad.
I did spend an hour or so in the kitchen preparing a large lasagne for when my brother and his family arrive tomorrow. I'll be going out to my class leaving them at home for supper so I needed something easy to cook and prepare etc. It was a bit of a nightmare grating cheese and cooking up bolognese without tasting and I admit that a couple of tiny specks of cheese did make their way into my mouth. I was pretty good though and didn't mind the cooking funnily enough.
Still, I'm pleased that I haven't been tempted to cheat properly so the day was positive overall.
I did spend an hour or so in the kitchen preparing a large lasagne for when my brother and his family arrive tomorrow. I'll be going out to my class leaving them at home for supper so I needed something easy to cook and prepare etc. It was a bit of a nightmare grating cheese and cooking up bolognese without tasting and I admit that a couple of tiny specks of cheese did make their way into my mouth. I was pretty good though and didn't mind the cooking funnily enough.
Still, I'm pleased that I haven't been tempted to cheat properly so the day was positive overall.
Tuesday, 30 January 2007
Letter to Myself
Dear Lesley
I suppose you're wondering why you can't eat any food apart from shakes, soups and bars or drink anything but water, black tea or coffee and those strange Savoury Drinks which have appeared recently? Well, you probably also know that it's because you need to lose weight; that being overweight has blighted your life and that now it's time to deal with it once and for all.
How many of your memories from your childhood, youth and adulthood are tainted by the fact that you were fatter than your peers? Even when you weren't particularly heavy, you were generally heavier than the people around you.
You learned ways of disguising the fact: you dressed well for your size; you were lively and chatty, outrageous even; you were fit and adventurous. You never felt like you made the grade 100%. Only very occasionally did you ever feel totally accepted or totally worthy.
How has this shown in you? Well, you're needy for affection; you have been sexually promiscuous and although you're outwardly confident it has taken a long time for you to learn to stick up for your own opinions and not fall in with the crowd. Conversely, you're overly dependent upon yourself - it's as if you don't quite believe anyone would want to know the real you so you don't let them in far enough to do so. Much of this stems from your weight.
On the plus side, you're not unnattractive; you have the basis of a strong and healthy physique and lifestyle; you're confident, sucessful in your professional life and have many good friends and a loving husband and family. So many blessings, of which you are well aware. How much more would you be able to take from these blessings if you were slim and fit? That's what you need to ask yourself. How good could it be?
Fantastic, that's how good. So, stick this out and give 100% to the challenge. When it hurts, suck it up and think about the payoff. Diarmuid did it when he gave up smoking so you can do it too. If you fall, pick yourself up and get back to it. And really listen to what is being said so you can learn how not to go back to being the person you have been. Let the new "adult" you come to the fore and start to live.
Good luck Lesley and I hope I see a lot less of you in the future!
Lesley xx
I suppose you're wondering why you can't eat any food apart from shakes, soups and bars or drink anything but water, black tea or coffee and those strange Savoury Drinks which have appeared recently? Well, you probably also know that it's because you need to lose weight; that being overweight has blighted your life and that now it's time to deal with it once and for all.
How many of your memories from your childhood, youth and adulthood are tainted by the fact that you were fatter than your peers? Even when you weren't particularly heavy, you were generally heavier than the people around you.
You learned ways of disguising the fact: you dressed well for your size; you were lively and chatty, outrageous even; you were fit and adventurous. You never felt like you made the grade 100%. Only very occasionally did you ever feel totally accepted or totally worthy.
How has this shown in you? Well, you're needy for affection; you have been sexually promiscuous and although you're outwardly confident it has taken a long time for you to learn to stick up for your own opinions and not fall in with the crowd. Conversely, you're overly dependent upon yourself - it's as if you don't quite believe anyone would want to know the real you so you don't let them in far enough to do so. Much of this stems from your weight.
On the plus side, you're not unnattractive; you have the basis of a strong and healthy physique and lifestyle; you're confident, sucessful in your professional life and have many good friends and a loving husband and family. So many blessings, of which you are well aware. How much more would you be able to take from these blessings if you were slim and fit? That's what you need to ask yourself. How good could it be?
Fantastic, that's how good. So, stick this out and give 100% to the challenge. When it hurts, suck it up and think about the payoff. Diarmuid did it when he gave up smoking so you can do it too. If you fall, pick yourself up and get back to it. And really listen to what is being said so you can learn how not to go back to being the person you have been. Let the new "adult" you come to the fore and start to live.
Good luck Lesley and I hope I see a lot less of you in the future!
Lesley xx
Monday, 29 January 2007
Day 18 -83
Well, not a bad Monday. I'm back to drinking plenty which is good and had a meeting and didn't feel too deprived only having black tea.
Left early after the meeting and managed to fit a good long walk in with the dog, slogging across muddy fields which was good and now I'm hard at work wading through paperwork which should have been dealt with months ago. Grrr. Still, the energy levels are pretty high so that's helping.
I was feeling very hungry earlier this evening but had a savoury drink and managed to distract myself from the hunger and get up here to work.
So, positive stuff even if it is a bit boring. I'm not going to let the paperwork get this out of hand ever again - I hate it!
Left early after the meeting and managed to fit a good long walk in with the dog, slogging across muddy fields which was good and now I'm hard at work wading through paperwork which should have been dealt with months ago. Grrr. Still, the energy levels are pretty high so that's helping.
I was feeling very hungry earlier this evening but had a savoury drink and managed to distract myself from the hunger and get up here to work.
So, positive stuff even if it is a bit boring. I'm not going to let the paperwork get this out of hand ever again - I hate it!
Day 17 -84
Sunday was similarly uneventful. We did the photo frame together and Dad hung it and it looks really good. Then to the pub for lunch - well, they ate and I drank my water as usual. not too bad.
Went for a bracing walk along the Edge and met up with Jenny's dad and Astrid and had a good chat with them. He's in a bad way - has really aged since I saw him last.
Dave invited me to jon the pub quiz team so I was off to the Robin Hood in Baslow as soon as I got home. It was a bit of a truiumph, we beat them handily which is, apparently, a good thing as they are top of the league and we're at the bottom. Another night watching people eat though as they brought out sandwiches and chips after the quiz and I'm still on water! Still, I'm getting used to it and the temptation isn't really there to cheat so that's good news.
I can tell from the tone of my last 2 posts that real life is setting in: the excitement of the regime has gone and the realisation that this is it for the next few months. It's no bad thing but a bit tiring.
Went for a bracing walk along the Edge and met up with Jenny's dad and Astrid and had a good chat with them. He's in a bad way - has really aged since I saw him last.
Dave invited me to jon the pub quiz team so I was off to the Robin Hood in Baslow as soon as I got home. It was a bit of a truiumph, we beat them handily which is, apparently, a good thing as they are top of the league and we're at the bottom. Another night watching people eat though as they brought out sandwiches and chips after the quiz and I'm still on water! Still, I'm getting used to it and the temptation isn't really there to cheat so that's good news.
I can tell from the tone of my last 2 posts that real life is setting in: the excitement of the regime has gone and the realisation that this is it for the next few months. It's no bad thing but a bit tiring.
Day 16 -85
I didn't have chance to post on Saturday or Sunday as I was at my parents so I'll catch up now.
I got up early on Saturday and managed to get out of the door for Mum and Dad's before 10 which is pretty much a record for me. Must be the famed energy levels kicking in. My parents were suitably impressed by the weightloss and the speed of it and Dad expecially was incredibly supportive. Mum was really hopeful that it works out for me too.
Mum is currently very overweight and suffering from it so I was hoping that she might be interested enough in the diet to want to start. That was a vain hope I'm afraid. I broached the subject and we had a very blunt (but loving and non-confrontational) conversation but she basically said point blank that she would not got go any class even if it was one-on-one. She wouldn't say why but she's incredibly stubborn so that is that. I did get across to her that her health is suffering and that she would have more energy and be more active if she lost weight and I think the seed has been planted though. She said she would start on Slimming World (at home)and get back to some gentle exercise too. I don't know why she has such a hangup about the class thing - must be an older generation/stiff upper lip thing
I hope she does as Dad is suffering from their inactive lifestyle. He won't do stuff without her though. Catch 22. We went out for a walk though and he seemed alright.
Anyway, a quiet night in chatting to Mum, watching the final of Strictly Come Dancing at long last which was a laugh and an early night- nice to be home.
I got up early on Saturday and managed to get out of the door for Mum and Dad's before 10 which is pretty much a record for me. Must be the famed energy levels kicking in. My parents were suitably impressed by the weightloss and the speed of it and Dad expecially was incredibly supportive. Mum was really hopeful that it works out for me too.
Mum is currently very overweight and suffering from it so I was hoping that she might be interested enough in the diet to want to start. That was a vain hope I'm afraid. I broached the subject and we had a very blunt (but loving and non-confrontational) conversation but she basically said point blank that she would not got go any class even if it was one-on-one. She wouldn't say why but she's incredibly stubborn so that is that. I did get across to her that her health is suffering and that she would have more energy and be more active if she lost weight and I think the seed has been planted though. She said she would start on Slimming World (at home)and get back to some gentle exercise too. I don't know why she has such a hangup about the class thing - must be an older generation/stiff upper lip thing
I hope she does as Dad is suffering from their inactive lifestyle. He won't do stuff without her though. Catch 22. We went out for a walk though and he seemed alright.
Anyway, a quiet night in chatting to Mum, watching the final of Strictly Come Dancing at long last which was a laugh and an early night- nice to be home.
Friday, 26 January 2007
Day 15 -86 - Working from home
I've had a good day today. After yesterday's weigh in I feel really positive. I'm not even worried by the blood pressure thing as I have plan and I'm sure it'll be fine.
I've been working from home today as I had to go to the nurse mid morning so there's not much point in slogging over to Rotherham for half a day. I worked quite hard this morning and then spent most of the afternoon sorting out emails and stuff.
At lunchtime, Sammy came over and got my car unstuck - takes a bloke and all that! I'll never live it down. Then we went for a walk on Bamford Edge. it's not the only place I go, by the way, but it's so lovely up there and, with the snow on the ground, it was gorgeous. As you can see from the photos above.
I've been working from home today as I had to go to the nurse mid morning so there's not much point in slogging over to Rotherham for half a day. I worked quite hard this morning and then spent most of the afternoon sorting out emails and stuff.
At lunchtime, Sammy came over and got my car unstuck - takes a bloke and all that! I'll never live it down. Then we went for a walk on Bamford Edge. it's not the only place I go, by the way, but it's so lovely up there and, with the snow on the ground, it was gorgeous. As you can see from the photos above.
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