Midsummer evening

Midsummer evening

Monday, 30 May 2011

A curate's egg of a weekend.

Note the slightly unenthusiastic look on Amelie's face....do we have to??





So pretty - we were walking from Bakewell towards Haddon Hall along the Wye valley - gorgeous!


Me, Jen and Amelie.....the girls!




Note Sam trudging stolidly along the lane but at least Amelie had softened up and was having a laugh! Minty always has a laugh....


The glorious English countryside...so lovely in the afternoon sunshine.



"cows with funny horns.." Galloways??



A tree devastated by lightning...in full leaf and looks as though it has many a year left in it. \Damaged but unbowed.




It's been a great Bank Holiday weekend. Nothing particularly exciting done but just nice and relaxing although the weather could have cooperated a bit!


Friday I worked from home in the morning and then took the afternoon off. We were meant to playing golf but it rained so we went food shopping instead. Grrr. Called into the local for "a couple" on the way home and ended up having a very swift and tasty 3.5 pints of Abbots Ale! Usually I'm a fairly steady drinker but, once in a while, I get a beer head on which is what happened on Friday evening. Trouble is, we shared a bottle of wine when we got home too so I had a proper (although thankfully shortlived) hangover on Saturday! Doh!! (I can hear Peridot knashing her teeth right now that I had a mild hangover after all that whereas she would have been laid up...soorrreee Peri!)


I had my first house viewing on Saturday morning which was not particularly promising. A couple moving up from London but I don't think the house was quite classy enough for posh southerners! Still, it was gratifying to have a viewing so quickly, before it had even gone in the papers! Since then I've had 2 more and another on the way - 4 viewings on the first weekend - keep those fingers crossed please.




I then raced over to Bakewell to meet up with my pal Jenny and her kids at the Farmers' Market. I haven't been to this market before and was very impressed. I spent a small fortune on nice foodie treats: fish cakes; gorgeous spicy kofte kebabs; rump steaks; rum and raisin fudge; chilli cheese; Lincolnshire Poacher cheddar; a couple of tomato plants; some dry cure bacon..... mmmmmm. I've had the kebabs, the bacon, the fudge and the chilli cheese so far and they have all been delish.




After the market we took the dogs and the kids for a walk. The dogs were extremely keen, the kids less so. Her eldest, Sam, is just hitting teenage years (starts Big School in September!) and does a great line in wearied weight-of-the-world-on-his-shoulders trudging! Amelie was much more enthusiastic and chattered away to me about how grumpy Sam was etc etc. Actually, by the end, they both seemed to forget about being "cool" and enjoyed themselves as you can see in the pics above.




Sunday was the momentous trip to my parents' house in Lincolnshire so that Rich could meet my parents and my brother over from Canada. I found myself being really excited. Partly, I suppose, because I haven't seen much of Mum and Dad recently or my brother for that matter and partly because everyone meeting and getting on is the next step in moving on. It went really well. Dad was on good form and the conversation moved on nicely. We didn't do much, just a nice pub lunch, a pleasant dog walk and watched some golf on the telly en famille. What more can you ask??!




I was so happy that it went well 'cos now I can see more of the parentals and be a better help to Dad in looking after Mum. That side of things will soon be easier too as my brother and his wife are moving back to the UK for a couple of years so that'll be someone else to share the load.




Today was meant to be golf with Richard and Nigel. It WAS golf but, unfortunately, very rainy and wet golf. Rich decided against it as he's playing tomorrow and would need to dry everything out but I trudged round 15 holes with my new golfing buddy Nigel. I would rather have not to be honest but sometimes you have to commit and play when your playing partner wants to. It was especially annoying when I got back and Rich said he thought I wanted to play so he didn't suggest ditching golf and going into town for a spot of shopping and to the cinema! Hey ho - it was good exercise and lovely fresh air. As for the golf - erm, not so much....


The day was slightly ruined by a message from Facebook from a former "friend". It seems that my posts about my sorry marriage have stirred things up a bit. D has asked various friends to read the blog (God knows why - I've never told anyone "in real life" the URL so, although some people know I have a blog, they wouldn't easily find it and are not internet type people anyway). One couple publically "unfriended" me from FB with a rather unpleasant wall post. To be fair, she and her husband have long been firmly in the D camp; have not offered the hand of friendship since we split up and therefore losing their "friendship" is no loss at all but it could have been an unpleasant end to a nice weekend.




So, it was heartening to log onto my blog and find a lovely supportive post from Lovecat. It's great to know that many people do understand and don't judge.




It is also somewhat ironic that, in trying to set people against me via my blog (which I have always hoped could be my personal space), D demonstrates neatly my point. He still thinks he is totally in the right and is still trying to control me.




I am in the middle to reading a couple of books on the subject of emotional abuse and bullying. The most coherent is called "Men who hate women and the women who love them". (A rather melodramative, transatlantic type title I think but well written.) I am finding that there are so many "Me too!" moments in the book that I could highlight the whole of some chapters. Which is rather sad. But what I'm also discovering is that what happened to me was not an extreme case by any means. Although not pleasant and very sapping and debilitating, I was not destroyed - it was just low-level, chronic bullying. Very unhealthy and dysfunctional but not nearly as bad as it could have been. Although it was getting worse.




And, although part of the reason for it being bearable was that D worked away so I had time on my own and relief, part too was that I didn't give in. Although he tried to stop me doing stuff (going to the football, playing golf, keeping in touch with certain friends) and sometimes I did give up on some things, I never totally gave in. I did do the TV show despite opposition. I did keep up the blog despite huge tantrums about it. I did keep up with my pastimes and friends and didn't totally subsume my personality to his. Although I was very doormat-like from time to time.




So, I've been hard on myself for allowing this to happen to me. And I did. I definitely did. But not, when I analyse it carefully, as much as I could have. It was bad but bearable and I managed to get out. And that is something to celebrate.




I'm going to finish the books but think that I've probably reached the conclusions I need to reach and done enough "furtling" in my emotions (as Claire would call it) for now. I'll be concentrating on enjoying life for a little while now.... Hope you are too and, thanks everyone.

3 comments:

rachel said...

So much to comment on in this post, Lesley, but I'll stick to the simple: as I live with my property-selling fingers crossed all the time, I'll just add your house into the wishing too, and hope for a smooth passage for us both.

As for the personal growth and development, you're doing incredibly well at moving on to a more emotionally-healthy way of living, and you probably don't need me to say much about my being impressed and cheering from the sidelines! (But I am....)

Claire said...

Enjoying life sounds like a great plan! I think you are doing so well and dealing with stuff really well too. Good for you. x

Peridot said...

I AM gnashing my teeth but more in distress at your cow ignorance! They're Longhorns (my 2nd favourite cow as it happens!).

Sorry about the nasty comment. It's very low to try and get people reading your personal blog - what does that achieve?

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