Tarot Time

Just so you're not too jealous (given the weather we're having) here are some photos to show that it was not always sunny in Wales.  It was a bit of a grey old day but not cold or raining and we were due to play golf in the afternoon so we took the dogs for a morning outing to the village of Porthgain for a walk out along the clifftops and back over the fields.

The village of Porthgain was a big surprise.  It is in the back of beyond and tiny with several pretty cafes, a pub and a couple of small art calleries with the artists in residence.  Below is the pub - the very well advertised Sloop Inn.  (We didn't visit, it being only 10.30am!)

But then you turn towards the minute harbour and see these massive red brick ruins looming over the village and harbour!  What ARE they?  Feeling like we were presenting an episode of Coast, we went to investigate.

It turns out that Porthgian used to be at the centre of a huge quarrying export business.  First there was a brick building factory and, as that died off, exporting material for road building to all over the UK stepped in to keep the harbour busy.  You can still see the rows of shutes to load the ships and pictures of the big ships which used to visit. 

It must have been a VERY different place back in the day from the sleepy, arty tourist village stuck on the edge of the back of beyond it is today.

 The clifftop walk along the sides of the old quarries was grey and somewhat eerie.

The enterprising Sloop Inn had not missed a trick though and had used the big quarry for some free advertising!

The wild flowers did not desert us though.

And a beautiful beach showed us that the locals and tourists must have somewhere nice to go when the weather relents.  We didn't take the steep steps down though...

So that was Porthgain...strangely sweet and memorable.

A couple of months ago (did I admit to this at the time, I can't remember, don't think so?) I went for a tarot card reading. It was a cheapie offer on Groupon and I just fancied it. The woman doing the reading was tres sympatico and quite no-nonsense so no aerie faerie scarves and incense or anything. I don't know what you lot think about tarot but I like it once in a whole (probaby every 3 years on average so I'm not a junkie about it or anything). It gives you an opportunity to think about your life and talk about yourself for an hour or so (what's not to like?!) and challenges some my more Pollyanna assumptions.

In the past I seem to remember my readings have been quite glowing - charmed life and happy happy happy etc. Although, when I think back, there were definitely some portents of rocky times to come but (as with the rest of my life) I was generally in full denial mode so probably would only have interpreted the cards positively in any event.

This time, it was actually a useful tool. I wrote down as much as I can remember from it and the practical messages the woman wanted me to take away and have referred back several times. It has made me do things I've been putting off, even if they're just simple things like arranging a doctor's appointment! It has come true in several ways and, in doing so, having the warning has cushioned what could have been a blow and put it all in context for me. So, although I'm really not sure whether I believe all or anything about it, I'm pleased that I went. It was definitely £15 well spent.

The main thing which came out of it was how much I am in limbo. The Hanging Man was hanging away left, right and centre. I can't (apparently) see the wood for the trees and my path forward is not clear. Rightly or wrongly, the situation with my old house not selling and still being financially linked to Diarmuid is preying on my mind and stopping me from moving forward. I'm aware (obviously) that it is a massive stressor for me but had not thought about how much it is stopping me from getting on and DOING stuff. It's changing my whole mindset and approach to life. That said, I can't afford to be a mug about it as I owe it to myself to be sensible financially and practically. I have got to be a grown up about life so I just have to face the various curveballs which D will lob at me as time goes on.

Speaking of which - after a lovely holiday and weekend, I receive a letter from his solicitors. Yeuch. Why does he not just email me himself or phone me for God's sake? Why can we not be civilised after all this time? So childish. I have tried to email him over the last year about various minor matters but each time he does not respond in any way, not even to acknowledge receipt. I know that it is because he has found a way he can irk me. Fair play mate - well done!

There were lots of good things too - once we'd established that the massive presence of a gloomy, dominating, angry, vindictive man in my life is NOT Richard, she worked out that our relationship is a big positive. She even wanted to be able to see children for us but I nixed that as very unlikely! Maybe he's not as confident in himself or assertive as he should be (which I knew anyway) but I need to trust him and, while standing on my own two feet, lean on him too.

As a parting warning she said that our world was going to be rocked and that we need to be strong, stand firm and face the upheaval. Well, I can feel the shaking starting already but, now I know what I'm dealing with, I'm feeling stronger and more positive than I have for a while, honest.....

The "Dread"

 Part 2 of our walk to Solva.  I know Pembrokeshire is lingering on this blog but to be honest, the weather has been so rubbish since I came back and my good camera is on the blink so these are all I have - I may as well stretch them out for a bit!

A field full of Welsh Cobs including loads of foals and proud mamas.

Flowers, offshores islets and a passing gull.

The sun came out for our first glimpse of the beautiful harbour village of Solva. A picture postcard view.

A couple of ciders at the Harbour Inn and then the bus back to St Davids (or Tyddewi in Welsh)

I feel as though I'm entering a period of work and uncertainty and it is filling me with dread. But, if I analyse why I dread it, I can't put my finger on what will be so bad. It's a sort of nameless dread of an intangible possibility rather than an actual fear of something real. In other words, my chimp is messing with my mind!

In terms of actual events, I couldn't be much happier. Rich and I are in the midst of some sort of lovely honeymoon for no apparent reason. Maybe he recognises the "dread" in me and wants me to be happy so is being extra loving and romantic to compensate. Whatever the reason, I love it.

So, instead of focussing on the "dread", I'm going to make sure I keep chipping away at all the things which need to be done so as to keep them under control and, in the meantime, enjoy life as much as possible without a) spending loads or b) eating or drinking too much!

On the SW front, this period of shakiness coincides with yet another restart. I am heartily sick and tired of fannying around losing a few, gaining a few and not getting anywhere. Other women in my class are losing stones of weight and nearing their targets and I am firmly where I started 10 months ago (well, within a few lbs). Aaaargh. Luckily, there is another woman in my class experiencing the same thing, she is actually a few lbs heavier than when she started although she has been lighter in the middle too. We happened to be sitting next to each other on Tuesday night so I suggested exchanging mobile numebrs and texting each other as a mini support group. It might help. I'm determined to be good and ditch the pints and the excess. I know I can do it so I'm just going to knuckle down and get on with it. Losing a stone would certainly help banish the "dread" although I don't know why.

The good thing is (and you know how I like to finish on a positive note) that whenever I feel a bit fearful or down, I can just remember something nice about me and Rich and it cheers me up. I'm so lucky to have him in my life (and vice versa of course!).

Big weekend - feeling grim.

Our second big walk was from Caerfai beach to Solva.  The weather wasn't too promising when we set out but the sun burned through the cloud as we walked and it got progressively warmer and nicer which is definitely the best way round!

No, this wasn't our holiday cottage.  A bit ropey but what a glorious view down the valley to the sea!

This was much nicer and it faced right out onto the ocean as well.

Strange cobwebby stuff covering yards and yards of bushes and plants.  Wouldn't like to fall into it and the dogs kept well clear for a change.

Doesn't Minty look svelkte and athletic when she's had a haircut?!

Svelte?  Athletic?  Haircut?  Erm....notsomuch (but lovely anyway....)

We did have to negotiate SOME hills look!  All the way down to sea level and then back up the other side.

Ha!  I managed to capture eye contact from Shelagh on film - a rare event!

Last weekend I have mostly been playing golf!  Competitive matchplay golf and very sucessfully too.  I returned from my parents' on Thursday afternoon expecting to be playing in my singles knockout that evening.  As I got to Mansfield it started chucking it down and the downpour got worse and worse the closer I got to home.  I have never been so relieved to discover that the course was closed so we had to rearrange our game for Saturday afternoon.

We played on Saturday and, despite rain all morning, were blessed with rainfree warmth, even a little sunshine!  And I won!  My opponent is a steely competitor who won loads of trophies last season but I kept my head and stuck doggedly to my task and played really well.  It was good dingdong match but I got my nose ahead by the 9th and held on for the next 7 holes.

I haven't played much matchplay golf but I'm finding that I really enjoy it.  Singles are easier than pairs as you don't have the added burden of feeling responsible to your playing partner but they are both good fun, especially as my 2 pairs partners (one male, one female) are both really nice and fun to play with - we gel, which counts for a lot!

Then, on Sunday morning, I played the same woman I'd beaten on Saturday in our pairs comp.  After a very poor start from me and my partner Fran, we clung on through the bad holes and then stormed ahead to a comfortable 6 and 4 victory.  We were sooo excited!  We've got a very strong pairing next but bring it on - I'm sure they're thinking the same about us!

So, despite my weight hitting its lowest since February on Sunday morning and doing lots of exercise - did I have a sensible Sunday afternoon/evening to capitalise on this and hopefully enjoy my WI tomorrow??  Did I hell.  I went over to Rich's golf club for their Summer Meeting fun day.  Drank loads of cider and ate barbeque.  We stayed far too late and drank far too much (there was dancing!)and consequently I feel ROUGH today. 

Thankfully I have been working from home today so did not have to drive or look smart for the office.  We're missing dancing 'cos we're just too tired to face it so just the England game to look forward to. 

And the weigh in tomorrow of course - my first for several weeks.  Yikes!

Trying to get back to "Normal"

Below is part 2 of our biggest walk from St Non's to Whitesands beach.  It was a glorious day although the weather became cooler and slightly hazy later on in the afternoon.  The walk was around 10 miles so it was a tough old day but we were rewarded with stunning views round every corner.

The colours were amazing.

This is where we should have stopped for lunch. We were starving but, not having intended to be doing a 10 miler, all we'd brought with us was water and an apple each!!

The RNLI station at St Justinians where we went for our boat trip the next day.

Our first glimpse of Whitesands beach - dogs not allowed!  Which didn't matter as we were all too knackered for playing on the beach by the time we got there!

At last - coffee and cake at the beachside cafe to revive us for the last couple of miles back to town.

The cathedral of St Davids.

Well, I'm back at work now although I'm working from home at my parents.  My father is away for a day so I'm over looking after my mother.  I'm discovering newfound respect (if more respect is possible) for my father and what he has to take on every single day.


Mum is lovely but her memory has deteriorated to about 30 seconds.  She repeats herself constantly and asks you the same questions over and over.  She is convinced that she lives in Grimsby and must go and visit her mum (who died 40 years ago).  She constantly frets about where Dad is.  She doesn't really know who I am although she's very friendly and familiar with me so she must think I'm someone close.


When she asks me who my mother is and then, when i say, "you're my mum, Mum" denies it.....well, you can imagine!  To be honest though, it's not as upsetting as I thought it would be.  Perhaps we're that sort of practical, non-emotional family?  I thought I'd be in bits the first time my mum didn't know me but I'm not.  It's just the way it is and we can still have a laugh (of sorts). 


I think the only saving grace of Alzheimers is that it creeps up on you gradually.  You're not catapulted from normal mum to mum who has no idea who you are or where she is.  It's incremental and you have time to adjust to each new horribleness.


Poor, poor dad though.  I 'm going to be coming over a lot more now that she has got this bad - he will need more breaks and more help.


The other difficulty with this is that I'm struggling to stay away from the fodder today.  I'm just about holding out but biscuits and sweets are within reach.  And I can't even go out for a run as I daren't leave her for too long.  She nearly set the kitchen alight a couple of days ago when Dad was in the next room so you have to watch her like a hawk!!