Hi Ameythist

I miss your posts chuck. Good to hear from you and well done on the 64lbs!!!

Lesley x

New Start 13, 14, 15 and 16 - Whale watching

I'm nearly caught up with Canada photos now. Which is a good thing as I've started to take some more from real life again. Above is our whale watching trip off Digby. As you can see, we caught up with a couple of humpback whales and observed them feeding, rising out of the water vertically to bash down (don't know why but it was pretty impressive!) and, mostly, arching their backs out of the water before diving down into the deep with a fourish of tail. The last set of photos shows just how close they came to the boat sometime, in fact that one was so close it was a bit worrying but absolutely beautiful. I felt sorry for the many people riven by seasickness who hardly saw anything!!

It was freezing cold but fantastic. I've wanted to go whale watching for years so this was a longstanding ambition realised and I loved it. I was quite emotional and think D was affected by it too. I think we'd both agree it was the highlight of our holiday and we'd love to do it again sometime.

I've been so busy that, although I've checked in on the blogs, I've haven't been posting every day which is not like me. I can feel the hold of the diet slipping which is ominous. There are a lot of reasons for it: complacency; satisfaction because I feel so slim and healthy; it's summer time and there's a lot going on that I want to take part in; visitors; carnival week in the village; boredom with the foodpacks.

Also, I think that the sheer number of people telling me that I don't need to lose anymore is getting to me subconsciously as well. It's like I'm in 2 minds whether I need to go on. Well, I know I'd be alright at this weight, but I'm still a 27 or so BMI and I haven't reached my original goal so I feel that I owe it to myself to carry on.

I ate a bit over the weekend but was pretty controlled about what and didn't overdo anything and did loads of exercise so don't feel too bad about it. Worse though was last night! When I got home, my guests had left and there were quite a few tasty leftovers in the house. I had been steeling myself all day to go straight in and throw them out but I think I knew at the back of my head that I wouldn't actually do that. When I get home from work is my danger time and, boy, was it dangerous yesterday. I ate far too much before evntually reeling in and chucking out what was left before I could get to it. It was the first time on the diet that I've really let go, consciously too, and eaten stuff I really didn't need!

Weirdly I don't feel too bad about it as it wasn't a major major binge or anything. I also took the step afterwards of clearing things out as D is still away so, if they're in the fridge, who else is going to be eating them?? So, although I wasn't exactly proud of myself, I wasn't too depressed either.

I dragged my full stomach out for a very pedestrian jog later as a penance!! And this morning, at 7am could be found sweating away at personal training... And, I'm going to do the Bamford Fell Race up Win Hill tomorrow evening. So, hopefully, I've atoned for my sins but I don'tt want to commit any more. It's daft, I'm so close, just another few weeks until management, this wavering is just adding more time onto my total and dragging things out.

I don't feel too bad about the slipping as I'm not falling off the wagon longterm or anything - in a way it's positive, I'm desperate to get back to eating to try and put everything I've learned into practise. I want to start cooking lovely healthy food and not drinking too much and exercising - in short I want to start my real life. The only problem is, I'm not quite there yet.

The problem with cheating eating is that you don't prepare yourself a healthy salad if you're going to go off the wagon - you eat what is easily to hand, namely toast or cereals etc. So, not healthy. I wish I'd been good like Antonia and stuck to abstinence, but once the genie is out of the bottle, it's very hard to pop it back in!!

Anyway, that's me summary for the time being. I'm not miserable but a little frustrated with myself. I want this to be over in 6 weeks and, in the scheme of things, that is not long. Surely I can stick it out just a little longer??

New Start 12 - action pics from Nova Scotia

Hi there. Well, my visitors have arrived! They were here when I got in from work and I felt so guilty about the appalling English weather. 5 cold looking Malaysians (admittedly 2 of whom have English blood and a Scottish upbringing!!). I was pleased that I rememered to make sure the heating was on for when they arrived...

Anyway, I've packed them off to a local Chinese restaurant for Crispy Duck which the kids remembered from last time so I'm catching up with the blog in case I don't have chance over the next few days. The 2 kids are pretty keen on the computer...

Lachlan has rekindled his love affair with my dog so he and Shelagh are trailing around together until Shelagh gets cheesed off with him and takes refuge with me. Quite amusing. She has some patience but he seems to accept with good grace when it runs out.

So, where are we up to?

The piccies are of a tidal rapids rafting trip I did in Canada. It was pretty cold there too although not as bad as it looks. We were waiting in the raft for the tidal bore to come in and, as it did, it created some serious but temporary rapids in the river. We were zipping in and out of 12-16 ft high waves so the ride was quite exciting. I'm sure not up to the standards of some of the serious rafting and jet boats trips in the Rockies or NZ but pretty fun for an afternoon. D eleceted not to join me on the basis that he can't swim and it looked too cold but I enjoyed it and I had an official photographer for the trip too!

The sunnier pics are of Annapolis Royal (historic site in NS) and Digby, which is famous for lobsters and scallops. We had a gorgeous day poking round the 2 towns and wandering along the dock in the evening before heading to a lobster restaurant and eating the poor critters.....mmmmm

Back to real life. I went to training last night. It was surprisingly pretty good. I could keep up to the weights and reps I was at before Canada and felt ok. I'm pretty stiff round the shoulders and triceps this morning alright but felt I acquitted myself well last night considering I had been dreading it! Huw started with a full weighing and measuring at the beginning and was astounded at the weight and inches I've lost. It all added up to a very healhty total of fat lost and my fat percentage is down to 26% which is very nearly normal I think!!

I played golf this morning in the second part of the comp I played in on Wednesday. I had no chance of doing anything good as my score from Wed was so hopeless which made it even harder to get motivated for a very soggy round in the rain. It rained solidly and steadily for the entire round and the rest of the afternoon. My score was poor (although not as bad as on Wed) but the company was good, my driving was excellent and I scored 2 birdies so honours were even between me and the course I think!

I've been reading various comments about my boss's comment to me the other day and having a think about it! When he made it, I took it as an amusing and quite clever way of complimenting me. I didn't think anything of it. It is only the reaction of my colleagues who maybe have more background info on him and his "past" who inferred anything suss. I'm going to give him the benfit of the doubt and say that his motives are pure. After all, loads of people in the office comment on my weight every day so it's not fair to say his comments are dodgy. The colleagues in question are great fun and good people but probably enjoy a bit of shit stirring to brighten up their day!

Who doesn't??

Re the diet - I'm struggling to keep pure too. There is food in the house for my guests and it's torturing me. So far I've had some chicken and a couple of inches of french bread, a couple of strawberries and a couple of cherries. In the scheme of things not too bad and I didn't go to the restaurant which would have meant eating - I know it would!! I think being so close is playing tricks with my mind.

My size 14 jeans are getting loose so I know I'm not far off but I'm not going to let this great diet slide into an ignominious early end - I will breast the tape and carry off the spoils. I will also, more prosaically, try to go jogging tomorrow early before we start off with the activites of the weekend.

Anyway, I know I'm not alone in struggling so I think we all need to address what we've achieved and really think about what we want to do. It being (at least nominally) summer doesn't help as it's the time to forget diets and have fun. So - get your plans together and gird your loins ladies - we ar not goign to be the "half assed, also ran" fat bloggers - we are going to be the "We Did it!!" fatbloggers! Okay!!

On that positive note I'm going to go and make up some beds....yay!

New Start 10 and 11 - Weigh in time

Omigod - it's getting close now! I lost 7 lbs over the last 4 weeks which included my holiday. Admittedly, all of that was in the last week since I got back but that means I maintained over 3 weeks in Canada and that, to me, is a bit of a triumph!

Only 21lbs to go now and hopefully then I'll be a size 12 and only have a few wobbly bits left. It's so close I can touch it. I always had the end of August as my "in the back of my mind" target so hopefully I can meet that. I will have to really concentrate on upping the exercise so as not to fall short.

Having said that, I've been a bit slack this week due to the various chores I have to do at home each evening. I've not wanted to miss the running but have made myself stay in and clean and work etc. I did play golf this morning and I am definitely going training tomorrow night though. I'm dreading that - I bet Huw will be his usual sadistic self and I'm going to be totally out of practise. Yikes!

It's been one of those days when the world and his wife seem to have an opinion on my weight - loads of women on the golf course, people at work, the woman who looks after the dog, the girl at the petrol station....all nice but mostly saying that I should stop now. Well, I'm not quite ready to stop and I don't think size 12 is freakily thin thank you very much, SO THERE but thanks for the compliments, much appreciated!!

My Big Boss was amusing this afternoon at work too. Haven't seen him for a couple of months due to 2 lots of hols so when we passed in the corridor today he did a very exaggerated "checking me out" eye flick. Not very prfoessional. He then said he had a Health & Safety problem with the office, called me over, pointed to a little crack between 2 carpet tiles and told me to be careful thatI don't fall down between them - charmer or what?! When I mentioned the little exchange to the guy I sit opposite - he said "oooh watch yourself - he's been through half the women on the third floor and he'll be after you next!". Oh no he won't - boss or no boss.

Perceptions again though - it didn't occur to me that there was anything even slightly suspect about the exchange but my work mate told me I was daft and should watch out for that from now on in. As a big fat woman you don't expect colleagues to show the wrong kind of interest so are free to take any exchange as mere friendliness.

Played golf this morning extremely badly - think I'm going to throw the towel in at this rate. Playing again on Friday as it's a 2 part competition but, as I'll be holding the field up from the bottom with my dire score today, there's no hope for me. Still, it was a pretty day and a morning out of the office so what harm?

I'd better go and and get on with the chores as have 5 visitors descending on Friday. Eeeek.

New Start 7, 8 and 9 - Halifax retrospective

I'm getting behind due to being pretty damn busy these days, both at work and at home.

It's meet the Canadian family time. Top is my brother Graham. Then cousins Susan, Stephen and Steve's wife Diane (who is an amazingly youthful belly dancing 50 years old!!). Then my niece Laila - don't think weight is an issue with her and she eats really healthily (cow! - LOL). Then sister in law Hadi with the 2 kids, Laila and Lachlan and finally more of the same at my cousin, Stephen's house in Halifax which backs onto a lake. Not too shabby as a setting eh? D and I were terribly jealous of the garden/lakefront although the house needs a lot of work - he started talking about perhaps trying to find a lake or river front property in france!! Typical man's "see nice thing - want nice thing" reaction....

Anyway, we had a lovely day in Halifax with the cousins and the kids and really enjoyed both the waterfront and the lakeside barbeque.

On the belly dancing front, Diane took it up as a laugh a few years ago and now dances semi-professionally in a troupe in Nova Scotia performing at weddings and other events. She has gone from a fairly frumpy, slightly mumsy looking 40 year to a fabulous looking 50 year old. I'm planning on taking up the wondrous belly dancing this autumn myself once LL classes finish with some women from the village, so maybe it will have the youth glow effect on me too!!

Her costumes are awesome and she has some very funny tales of Egyptian/Arabic weddings she's performed at - at one the troupe were expected to dance the couple into their bridal suite so they could consummate the marriage between the meal and the evening reception - presumably returning having done the deed to the applause of family and friends. I think they compromised by stopping at the lift!!

Work has been hectic so have not done any exercise beyond brief dog walking since my run on Saturday. I'm golfing tomorrow though and personal training on Thursday so will get something in this week. I also have my LL class ttomorrow too!! After an initial very swift drop on my return the scales haven't moved much in the last couple of days, perhaps due to the lack of exercise. Still, I'm back in the swing and not cheating so that can't be helped.

As I mentioned, I have visitors this weekend so it'll be pretty busy. As the guests are not close friends and, moreover, Malaysian, I feel the need to prepare food for them so I will have to go shopping and cooking for the first time in ages! I'm trying to plan really carefully so as not to have loads of food left over which would constitute a temptation and also so that my shopping trip doesn't turn into an uncontrolled chucking of tasty stuff into the basket type event. It's difficult though as I don't know what sort of food they like and I know that if I prepare Asian type food, Hadi could probably do it better! Tempting to go for the British standards but I'm not eating them so it seems daft not to cater to their tastes. Grrr Will speak to Hadi and pick her brains tomorrow.

I've just started again with my french class this evening so that was good to get back to. Next week I have to discuss my holiday in detail so that'll be a challenge - not sure if I'll ever need the words for whale, moose or puffin in french but it'll be fun looking them up.

Anyway, it's after 10 and I haven't sat down yet and still have a pack to eat so I'll finish for now. Bon nuit tout le monde!!

New Start 6 - We're up to Nova Scotia

Hi all. As you can see, we're now up to Nova Scotia. At the top is my brother Graham, his wife Hadi and kids, Laila and Lachlan in front of thier new home in Wolfville NS. It was taken (for grandparents' benefit)on their way to their end of year speech day ceremony hence the naff school uniforms! The kids aren't that nerdy!!

Very Canadian Eh? They seem to have settled in there really well considering that they only moved in February of this year. The kids are in a great school and doing well and Hadi has made some friends already. Graham has been on the rig a lot but seems to like it. D and I checked out all the pubs which they haven't got to yet (don't understand!!) and now we know more people in the pubs than they do!

Below them is my cousin Susan who is fab. Such a livewire and a really genuine person. Love her to bits and don't see enough of her. We had a great day out with Susan hiking in an area known as Blomidon. It has the highest tide in the world which didn't sound very interesting to me either before I saw it but, believe me, 40-50ft tides are pretty impressive! Don't know quite why but it's something to do with the speed they come in and depart and the sheer area the sea covers or uncovers.

The rest of the piccies are of us on our days hiking round Wolfville and Blomidon. I had to include a snap of the lupins. They grow wild in NS and are absolutely everywhere - blues, pinks, white - just gorgeous. On the side of the Highway you'll come round a bend to see a massive bank of them and it just brightens up your day. We should have lupins over here!! D got a tad impatient with me after a few days as I wanted to stop every 5 minutes and take piccies of lupins but it was surprisingly hard to find good spots in decent sunshine!

Anyway, back to England. I went for my jog this morning despite being in very late last night. Kate was not lying when she said it was a killer run. On top of a massive steady climb which was really muddy and slippy, the last few hundred yards were straight up steep stone steps and it was relentless. We made the discovery that I'm probably faster than Kate going up the hill but she kills me on the downhill - no idea why! Still it was excellent and the dog loved every muddy minute. She was less impressed by me washing her paw out with salt water afterwards though!!!

On a general note, I've had a few perception adjustments recently. I was putting away laundry a couple of days ago and found myself looking at D's jeans. Next thing I had slipped them on! They fitted comfortably - were even a bit loose. So this is what it feel like for normal women to be able to borrow their boyfriend or husband's clothes!! I've NEVER had that opportunity. Never. It felt great - the jeans looked terrible on me - legs far too short - but they fit (for now...).

That then set me off to try on my fattest trousers. You know the one pair you keep until you've lost all your weight to do the naff piccies. Omigod. They were HUGE on me. They didn't even look like trousers. They looked like some sort of sheet or something. I will post a picture when I have an accomplice to take the photo handy. Despite the humour of the situation I was gutted inside. How COULD I have been that big?? It was almost shaming although I'm resisting that sort of judgement. But I was ashamed really. And sad. So, a mixed bag of emotions there.

And then, to lift the mood - I got on the scales this morning and weighed in (on my home scales which are 6lbs lighter than the LL ones) at 11 stone 12lbs! That's over 7 1/2 stone gone and half a stone lighter than I was when I went off to Canada. So no damage done. Also - I'm in the 11's which has not happened for well over a decade, in fact, nearly 2. I think it was my second year at Uni so that is 1989/90 (holy fat girl!). Now that is an achievement I can really get behind. there is a massive smile on my face as I type this.

Re weigh ins, you may be wondering why I haven't had one since I got back. Well, I consciously didn't go to my class on Wednesday. I didn't want a negative result when I knew I was back on track and I had a stack of packs and didn't want to buy any more. So I'm going to go again either next Wednesday or next Saturday. Prob Wed as I think I have visitors next weekend.

That's enough for now. Chores to be doing. Have good weekends - it might not even rain for the first time in living memory...

New Start 5

A very late post as I've been out this evening. Just went up to the local pub which is always a bit hit and miss when D is away. Sometimes there are people to talk to and I stay and other times I feel a bit of a lemon being out by myself. However confident you are, it's always easier for a bloke to sit on his own in a pub.



Anyway, I found some pals this evening and was having a pleasant non-alcoholic evening chatting and watching them drink and fully expecting to be leaving before 11 when a Stag do staying in a bunkhouse in the village wandered in. When you live in a tiny country village like mine, you need to take advantage of any diversion you can get and, over the years, Stag and Hen do's have proved very funny so I stuck around to see whether they would interact with the locals and what if anything would result.



They were very entertaining - stag and best man dressed in one of those terrible thong type swimming costumes leaving nothing to the imagination and parading round the pub trying to persuade any spare women to try the garments on! As there were only 3 of us in there under 50 there were far too many stags to go round so it was very amusing.



Anyway, all very innocent but a real ego boost. In the past the evening would have been a graphic illustration of how much fatter than my friends I was and I would have drunk more than usual to "compensate" and to blot out any insulting comments or how obvious it was that I was the "fat friend". Even though I had no interest in them, you still don't want to be reminded about some things....



Well, this time, I was sober as a judge and had a great time. I was chatted up by at least 4 of them and got lots of very nice compliments and felt quite happy chatting or not and leaving when I wanted to and not drinking.



Another example of the benefits being slim can bring. Not the being chatted up per se - but the not having that nasty taste in my mouth because I wasn't chatted up!!



I hope some of this makes sense as I am a bit tired and I've drunk about 3 gallons of water. I'm sure the only reason I lasted as long was I had 3 black coffees at about 11.30!! Hope I sleep.



Anyway, I came back home to a message from Kate asking if I wanted to go jogging tomorrow morning about 10.30 which sounds great. It was only at the end of the message that she mentioned that she was thinking of running up Win Hill. It's the biggest hill round here and very steep. I refer you to my entry dated 16th April for my last walk up there. It was lovely but I walked up it! Running will be a whole different matter. I think I'm going to do it though. I know what she's after - she wants me to do it so that I enter the Bamford Carnival Fell Race in a couple of weeks which is up Win Hill. What a nightmare. I reckon I'll try though. How bad can it be?? (serious famous last words there...)

Hopefully normal service will be resumed tomorrow with more Canada photos and an update of the jog.

Have a great weekend everyone.