Friday, 11 September 2015

From good news to sad news

Well, we got mum to the nursing home shortly after my last post and it WAS a lot better.  Dad could visit her twice a day without the long drive and spend proper time with her not on a hospital ward.  We were still worried as she seemed to have lost/be losing the will to or memory of how to get herself up and walk so was spending most of her days either in bed or in a wheelchair.  This was worrying for the future - would she ever come home?  She was so sleepy all the time and no longer interested in eating some days, although fine others.

I came over for the day a few days after her transfer and dad and I were heartened when the staff met us at the door excited with news that mum had got up and walked all the way the corridor, with assistance of course and that was how it was - some days good news and progress, other days steps in the opposite direction.

Then the home was stricken with the norovirus so no visits for a few days.  Dad got it but I must have dodged it, as did mum (our constitutions of iron!).  Once things were better and dad had recovered, he and my sister visited mum twice on Tuesday and they said she was up and about, awake, alert(ish) and eating okay. Which is why it was such a shock when the home called him that night to tell him that mum had died in her sleep.

We don't know what caused it as, medically speaking, mum was fine.  My sister (a GP) suspects a embolism, possibly caused by her fall.  (If it was the latter then surely the hospital should have caught it as they knew she had had a head injury?)  So now poor mum is with the coroner and my sister and I and various parts of her family are with my father trying to make sense of it all.

In fact the house is deserted just now which is why I'm taking the opportunity to type this post and get it all out. Hilary and dad are off picking up my brother and his wife from the airport.  They have travelled over from Malaysia and I think Graham is intending on staying for a year to do a course so that will be good for all of us.

Dad rang me on Tuesday night in a terrible state.  I had been at the cricket all day in Manchester but luckily was not too well-oiled.  Would hate to think that I heard of my mother's death while pissed.  Still, it was pretty awful.  I had felt my phone vibrating in the taxi but knew we would lose signal and just assumed it was Rich calling to say goodnight from his golf trip to Wales.  As I was letting myself into the house I heard the house phone ring so ran for it in the dark with dogs going crazy greeting me.  And then it wasn't Richard, it was my dad sounding devastated.

Of course I knew what had happened but such a weird shock.  Standing in the dark, then sitting with Minty on my lap licking my tears (she does that) listening to him pour it all out. I knew how he felt as we were both alone in dark houses missing mum.

Wednesday was hard of course.  Planning: work, dogs, what to take, who to tell, driving, hugging, talking, cooking, sorting out beds, endless phone calls and dissection, trying to persuade dad to eat a bit. Thursday was better. Dad had a good sleep and was much, much brighter.  Hilary and I had a day of funeral related chores but although a gloomy topic getting the ball rolling can be quite jolly once you get going.

Graham and Hadi have just arrive so I'm going close now as the house has suddenly filled up!

I'm heading home this evening as there are so many people around.  Then going to go to the football with Rich and our friends.  Sounds weird I know but hey, I just fancy a day of normality before getting back into the fray of organising flowers, eulogies, music and endlessly thinking about feeding people.  I also want to see Richard as I haven't seen him since crack of dawn on Monday morning and I need a hug!!

So, dieting NOT a priority at the moment but we're so busy that all is not lost.  It will not be off the agenda for long.


Seren said...

Dearest Lesley, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. If an additional friendly face at the funeral would help then let me know. Big hugs.


Fionna said...

Aw, I am so, so sorry to hear your news. It's always a shock no matter how prepared you think you are for it. Big hugs to you and all your family xxx

Melinda Gerow said...

I am so sorry for your loss. A parent's death is so shocking even when expected. Remember to take care of yourself with quiet time and asking for what you need. I will keep you in my prayers.

Melinda Gerow said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort with Rich and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

Stephbospoon said...

I am so sorry Lesley, sending you lots of love. So glad that your family is rallying round. My husband lost his Dad a few years ago and said that you don't stop missing a parent once they are gone, but it gets a little e asier to live with as time passes. Probably not all that helpful right now but take time to grieve and know that we are all thinking of you x

Gabby said...

Oh, I'm so sorry Lesley. Thinking of you and your family. x

beth said...

Lesley, I am so, so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. xxx

Pam (Isabelle) said...

Oh, so sorry to hear this. On the other hand, what a lovely thing that your mum went peacefully, having been visited by your dad. But it's still your mum and she will leave a big hole in your life. I hope the funeral goes well. Hugs.

Peridot said...

I am so sorry Lesley. Thinking of you and yours and sending much love through the ether.


Linz M said...

I am so out of the loop with blogging at the moment, so sorry to hear this news. I hope you are holding up as well as can be expected. Thoughts are with you xx

Badger said...

So sorry to just read this!!

Thinking of you and it must be a shock. But she was peaceful xxxxx