Thursday, 12 July 2012
And it just got busier. You know I mentioned a few weeks ago the possibility of major pressure entering my life as revealed by my tarot card reading?? Well, it has arrived and is settling in nicely now thanks very much. I have an irritating legal battle brewing, possibly involving an application to Court, with the ex over the sale of the former marital home - nice. Then the reality of having to move from our rented property in the medium term due to the landlord deciding to sell it. Then finally the ongoing problems of my mother's deterioration and trying to help my father as best I can.
Obviously throughout this, I want to keep as normal as possible a life going for me, Rich and the dogs and am determined to "choose to be happy" and not succumb to rage or worry. Or both
I was listening to a piece on the radio a couple of days ago about a nurse who cared for the terminally ill. She had written a book about what she had learned from them and during her career and the main thrust of this chimed with me. She said that the main deathbed regret she had encountered was from people who had not, until it was too late, realised that you could, in her words, "choose to be happy". I'm not sure that it is possible or even advisable to choose to opt out of the human condition sufficiently to be untouched by events and sorrow. BUT I do think that you can choose HOW you react to things. You can take action, rather than being passive; look on the bright side; enjoy what you DO have rather than hankering after the unobtainable and choose to be content rather than dissatisfied with one's lot.
So, instead of worrying about what I might lose or why D is being such a pain, I choose to be happy that I don't have to spend time with him any more; that he has/we both have a chance to be a happier person in the future; that I have found Richard and can be a better partner, friend and person with him. It's not too extreme to say that I rejoice that my life has been saved because, if I'd stayed with D for much longer, I would have been dying inside.
Instead of wishing that things were different, we could stay in our house or my mother didn't have Alzheimers, say, I'm going to continue to look for the positives.
We will find a new house and will have the fun of setting that up together. Who knows, it might have a nicer garden or be in a better location or be cheaper? But we will find something and we will be together.
My mother - well, that is more of a challenge, but I can see that SHE is happy and reasonably healthy. She may not know who we all are but she loves us and is happy to have us around. I am closer than ever to my father who has had to see me through troubled times and is now accepting my help. I'm trying to use this situation to forge closer relationships with my brother and sister. I have time to appreciate what Mum has been to me while she is still here (sort of). I can still give her a hug even if she isn't quite sure why! She loves watching my dogs although she would feed them all day if we didn't keep an eye out.
The biggest positive of my mother's illness is that it reveals what a loved and loving person she was. I attribute her general sense of peace with the fact that she was loved as a child and as a woman and still is. While she is confused, she is not distressed. She may show flashes of annoyance but not rage or anger and is generally sunny and smily if somewhat vague and incredibly stubborn too. We would not have had this slow, relatively pleasant, goodbye if she had succumbed to a stroke or an accident or some other speedier form of illness.
So now, more than ever, it is vital that I enjoy my golf; look forward to the Olympics and the new football season; take pictures of the flowers and the dogs and go for lovely walks when the weather permits; see lovely friends; and, top of the list, appreciate my lovely Richard who is being a rock and gives the best cuddles when required (that doesn't sound quite right - a cuddley rock?!).