Still hanging in

You might have noticed that I have been a bit gloomy and glum these last few days, in parts anyway. Then this evening TOTM arrived thus explaining the gloom. I know some women are totally in tune with their body's cycle but I have never been one of those and even less so as I approach the dreaded menopause. So actually it was nice to have an explanation for the excessive "feeling fat" and the gloom.

Last night's birthday celebrations were great. Just a few pals drinking our own drinks on a quiet street but lovely to be able to chat and banter and pretend to be back in the pub for a couple of hours!

I walked over the fields with the dog on my way up there and it was a truly stunning evening. Golden light.

I got chatting to a relatively new pal towards the end of the evening. She is about my age but petite and slim. Well I think so. She has gained a few lbs in lockdown, maybe going from an 8 to a 10 and hates herself! It all came pouring out. How she worries in advance of every social occasion; thinks about her food, exercise and weight almost all the time and is making herself miserable  as a result. 

So sad. I might be fat but at least now I don't judge myself for it and I've never hated myself! I can thank Dr Steve Peters for that, well him and leaving a toxic marriage which was probably also something to do with Steve! This woman seems to have a very supportive husband but her chimp is  firmly in control. We had a good chat and I hope I at least sowed some seeds to help her. 

Our chat helped me too as it reminded me that it is one thing not hating myself for being fat but I don't need to accept it either. I need to get on with the actual process and practicalities of dropping weight. It's starting and I'm starting to feel excited about it once more.  

Today has been slightly hungover (although that could have been the warm night too), alternately cool then hot and humid, work and chores and not much else. A quiet walk around the village this evening and taking it easy in advance of a rainy round of golf tomorrow.