Tuesday, 3 September 2019

Resolve

In my quick gallop through the last few months yesterday I didn't get around to weight chat. Well, it is not pretty!

I was around 16.3  when we got hitched and have now jumped up to 16.11. Gulp.

Exercise other than golf largely disappeared for a couple of months and the sweets and treats which I was mostly avoiding pre-wedding made a fun re-appearance.

Hey ho. It's not too painful as long as I put a stop to it NOW and start to reverse the process asap.

It is difficult when you feel as though you are on siege footing. When Rich's mum was so poorly, he was visiting her almost every day, sometimes for several hours at a time. I visited a couple of times each week too. It meant that our time together was limited and tired. Meals were at odd times and we often didn't have the time or inclination to cook proper meal. It also inevitably means that, when you do have time for some fun, you tend to go overboard with food and drink.

(I know that fellow blogger Peridot is going through a longer and more extreme version of this siege and I know how hard it is to stay in a healthy place. Keep at it Peri but don't beat yourself up for slipping! This is bigger than you.)

I have some great targets for weight loss coming up though. I'm 50 at the end of November and am having a big party on 1st Nov and we're off to South Africa for a big trip in December. I want to be a good stone lighter before those milestones!! Ideally I'd like to be under 15.8 as that was my recent low weight and it would be lovely to see genuinely fresh fat.

The exercise is being reinstated in the form of personal training twice weekly, swimming, golf and dog walking.  I'm also back to logging calories on my fitbit. Only day 2 and the calorie counts have not been very low but I've made a start and with some organisation can get back to healthy ways.

Now, enough of that, more wedding pics?











Yes, it was a blue and white Sheffield Wednesday themed wedding of course! When my friend from the golf club who is also a Wednesday nut (and talented embroideress) suggested that she could sew a little owl onto my dress, I jumped at it. I LOVED it! The cake was half and half, white and silver at the front and blue and white stripes eith badge etc at the back! Childish I know but it made us happy!!

Monday, 2 September 2019

So much water under the bridge

But I'm still trying to drop weight!!

I have missed blogging. I have stupidly replaced it with playing silly games on my phone which is not nearly as much fun or anything really. Damn you Wordscape with your hypnotic but utterly pointless disc.

Here are some bullet points on what has happened since my last post.

We got married. My dress fitted (snugly but I'll take it) Yay! Here are a few pics.




We had a short minimoon in Wensleydale ("cheese Gromit?). It didn't rain too much which, if you remember June, is a minor miracle. We saw lots of waterfalls and ate and drank like princes.


When we came home Rich's mum Sue, who had been diagnosed with cancer and early dementia before the wedding, went downhill much more rapidly than anticipated. We think she held on for the wedding and then decided to go quickly afterwards. She wouldn't/couldn't eat and we spent the next 9 weeks visiting her in hospital and latterly a nursing home where she sadly died 3 weeks ago. She was only 72 so there is no upside to this other than to say that I think she didn't want to linger.


Her funeral was last Tuesday and the family and Rich and his brother in particular did a great job and did her proud.

Shelagh had been going downhill too although remained mostly happy and healthy just very doddery and increasingly frail. I knew she would not last long and sure enough, after a few bad days and recoveries, she finally deteriorated quickly and decisively one Tuesday night 3 days after Sue had died. We took her to the vets and let her go peacefully like the true lady she was.

We haven't been too bad to be honest. I thought I'd be in bits but it was so obviously her time and she had had nearly 16 years of a great life.  What's to mourn?

These are pics of her last paddle in the stream and last stick just a week or so before we said goodbye.



And on that bittersweet note I'm going to sign off. I'll be back soon.

Friday, 29 March 2019

Aubade

Wow!! Being wide awake at 4am really does take one to some strange places. I was just lying in the dark watching the morning light curl round the edge of the curtains. It reminded me of  Phillip Larkin's poem "Aubade". So I looked it up and reread it after many years.

What a piece of writing that is.  I don't think my early morning angst was about my inevitable demise but perhaps there is an element of that lurking!!

I'm in awe of someone who can hone in on such a powerful fear and experience in us all and root it so firmly in our shared mundanity.


Dress stress

Waking up at 4am fretting about not fitting into a wedding dress is just bloody ridiculous. Despite not having a terrible week food wise my weight boinged back up immediately from the lovely surprise 15.9.5 of Tuesday morning. 15.12, then 15.13 and an unpleasant glimpse of 16 this morning!!

I'm not writing everything down. I'm starting each day well but drifting off but I'm not being THAT bad.

When I have my rational hat on I know that this is not a problem but I'm angry with myself for putting myself in this position in the first place. Now I feel better but I've wasted a couple of prime sleeping hours fretting needlessly. I wish I'd thought to blog it out sooner.

Plan remains the same - diet like made for the next 4 weeks then re-assess. If I need to buy a new dress then I have 6 weeks to do it in. Or bring forward the fitting and get the decision over with... Think I will look into doing that I think to buy more time.

Goddammit Lesley. What a plonker!! (Plonker was just amusingly auto-corrected to pioneer...hmmm....I doubt I'm the first bride to buy a dress too tight then fret about it!)

As I write this blether I'm acutely aware that this is a non-problem. I have a lovely fiance who loves me whatever shape I am and lots of friends and family coming to share our big day. And most importantly we have our health. Thinking of you Peri and P. Hope all going as well as can be hoped. Lxxx

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Wait, what????!!!

I stood on the scales this morning hoping for a lb off to reward my good day.....15.9.5. Just the 3 5lbs off then! I have been waiting all week for some progress but no...then it all comes off in a day!! My body is weird.

Still, it was a good start and I've followed it up today food wise at least. 1500 cals. Not brilliant on the exercise front as I had a long day of meetings and got home late but you can't have everything. Golf in the morning will put that right.

Seeing as I don't have anything else to report, here are some pics from our big tour of South Iceland. A glacier (name escapes me), black sand beach and headland and another spectacular waterfall. A long but brilliant day!!


















Monday, 25 March 2019

We all need to face facts from time to time

I needed to get that stuff off my chest this morning. I typed It in bed before I had even got up so was slightly heartened by the scales rewarding me with a 15.13 rather than the 16 plus I had been fearing.

I have been exemplary today. In diet - under 1200 calories which is good for me. In exercise - chores, 14k steps and an hour of personal training with Huw. In work - tackled some tricky stuff. At home - tidied, sorted and did some wedding chores too.

I feel massively more in control now. Nothing is sorted but you need to have "that day" don't you? To remind yourself what it feels like and to reassure yourself that deprivation is fine, actually.

So, cautious optimism. The glorious spring sunshine helped.

Here are some pics from my gorgeous morning walk with Stacey yesterday. Chatting up a storm with massive grins on our faces, she is a great friend who I don't see enough of considering she only lives down the road!

I didn't have time to take many pics we were talking so hard!!



Shelagh is poorly. Recovering now but it has been tough. I thought I was going to lose her Thursday morning after Rich left for his stag do in Portugal but luckily it wasn't as severe as it looked. Some sort of virus or infection has attacked her inner ear so she suddenly developed severe loss of balance and vertigo which made her very sick. She could barely stand and was lurching off to the left with a tilted head and clear distress. It looked like a stroke. Thankfully not.

Medication to suppress her nausea has kicked in, plenty of bed rest (at 15 she's good at that) and she has improved every day. She is still unsteady but eating and drinking and short walks and she only goes round in circles a little bit now!!

This was the first time she got out of her basket  on her own and it was to beg a bit of my crumpets which I was more than happy to share with her!



She has been very sorry for herself though.


Anyway, back to diet planning. I'm in the office tomorrow so shake for breakfast and soup for lunch and try to go for a run later. I have a lateish meeting so that will influence how tired I am etc.

Hope all's going well (or as well as can be expected) peeps!

This is stupid

I have done what I thought I'd never do  Bought a dress to slim into. Now I'm failing  to slim into it and it is stressing me out. How bloody daft is that?? In every other area of my life (well, apart from work which is a bit of a chronic shitfest) I am happy - I'm not even unhappy about my weight in general - but I have created a problem by buying a dress which is a bit too tight. I got carried away. And it was a steal on sale.

I've drifted back to 15.13/16 so I have now dropped and re-found that same 4 or 5 lbs about a dozen times. I just can't seem to push through.

This is pathetic. I'm so conscious of lovely Peridot worrying about P who is going through the hell of cancer treatment and what is waking me up with a start at 5am?? A stupid, white dress.

Well, it just shows how superficial I am.

And it stops here. No more dress stress. I have 4 weeks until the fitting. I am giving up EVERYTHING until then.

Bread, crumpets, booze, cheese. My diet is going on steroids. LL meal packs are going to feature. I'm back with the lovely Huw twice a Week for personal training torture and I'm running as well.

I will give this my all then see how I've done. If the dress needs (and can) be altered out, I'll do that. If I need to buy a new bloody dress then I'll do that too.

Aaaaargh!! As you can tell, I'm a bit cheeses off with myself but in truth I haven't been bad, just not strict enough. That worked to drop 2 stone last year but obviously not from the lower start now. I have been covering the same ground since last July so something needs to change.