3 good,, 2 bad

Like on Match of the Day where they pick 2 good things and 2 bad but with a twist cos I thought of an extra good thing....

3 good:

1. My backside doesn't hurt this morning.
2. I slept for hours so am ready for a party this evening.
3. The scales have seen sense and dropped those extra 2lbs they "found" yesterday.

2 bad:

1. It's raining, again.
2. The golf course is shut, again.... ooh I thought of another....
3. There's no football this weekend when it's a rainy weekend. (I don't mind no footie but I like those weekends to be fine so I can take advantage with golf or long walks, now I have chores....)

Not gone away

I know I haven't posted for a few days but I haven't given up or anything, I have just been very busy.

Wednesday was working from home but with an appointment at lunchtime so less time for dog walking and exercise. I did not give up though and went out for a decent run with the doggo early evening.

I'm still slow running but I'm getting out more often so am building consistency. As a result, I'm experiencing less reluctance to head out now which is a good sign.

My problem on Wednesday was too many calories. I didn't snack or anything and was actually quite good during the day but I hadn't planned a sensible supper and ended up preparing a thai green curry. Whoops.

I then compounded the error by going up to the pub where our friend was setting the quiz and enjoying myself! By which I mean 5 gins!! I did resist the chilli and garlic bread though. It was not a terrible day but too high! Better planning required.

Thursday I was in the office and knew I would have no time for exercise. I had a stressy morning and left a tough meeting to go straight down to the cafe where I dived straight into a jacket spud with cheese and coleslaw!! Gah! Why didn't I pick beans or prawns? Anything but bloody cheese and coleslaw?!  My only excuse is that I had been going to have chilli but the chap in front of me had the last portion so I had to pick something quickly and the cheese and coleslaw looked soooo tasty....and I was hungry....

So, no excuse really.

On the plus side, I logged it all and had a light supper to compensate.

I had to head straight from work to go to my french lesson near Matlock. Helen assured me the flooding had subsided but the weather was absolutely filthy! The rain was hard and incessant so the spray on the motorway in the dark was hellish. The queues were bad too so I ended up turning for home at Chesterfield. I'm glad I did as I only just made it through flood at Baslow and people coming through later had to drive the long way round home over the tops. I was shattered when I got home after nearly 2 hours hard driving.

But, no rest for us thesps you know. A modest supper then out to panto rehearsal. It was very complicated; going through big scenes with loads of people on stage. Good though. The scenes make more sense now and I'm loving my part - angry, shouty, rude and violent. Yay!!

Straight from panto to darts and dominos at our local. I won my game and resisted the post game snacks despite them looking delicious but I was tired out so headed home reasonably early. It was such a shame after that to have a terrible night's sleep. Blegh. I was cold and alert and Rich has a cold....not good!

Luckily I have been working from home today so could have an extra hour kip to catch up.

I went for long walk with my mother in law at lunchtime. 90 minutes round Bamford including some big bugger hills. Great exercise.  Trouble is, I think I have either trapped a  nerve or pulled a muscle in my backside now. My right buttock is sore and numb and if I stand for long the pain heads down my leg. Blast. I hope this doesn't last.

We went down to the stepping stones. The river is raging. I have never seen it so high in nearly 25 years nor Carolyn in her full 60!

The left hand side below is the footpath!! God knows what state the stepping stones are in under those giant trees and that torrent.

We had been going to our local cement works which puts on an excellent delayed free firework display and bonfire every year. However, I couldn't face thestanding so we watched the display from our driveway a couple of fields away. Nearly as good.

I did manage a sensible chilli supper tonight though and I have still logged everything.

The downside of all this is on the scales. As of Thursday morning I had been doing really well - 3lbs off in 3 days. Then yesterday, after a good day mind, 2 back on. Grrrr

I am remaining steadfast.

Best laid plans....

So, it didn't quite go to plan today but all is not lost.

For some reason I woke up with a start at 3.50am and then just could NOT get back to sleep until 6am when the alarm would be going off in another 15 minutes! Aaargh.  I hate not sleeping.  It doesn't happen to me often and I'm a big baby about it.  Sulks.

So, I got to the office nice and early and tried to get stuck into work despite being continually frustrated by things just NOT going right.  IT, the printer, a dodgy monitor, 30 fruitless minutes on the phone to the service desk and unexpected requests for urgent updates on different matters from 2 senior managers.  So much for what I intended to get done!

Initially I was very grumpy and glum but I spent a little time writing in my food diary and gradually the frustrations ebbed away.

So, what did I do right?  A sensible breakfast and no snacks.  I walked into town at lunchtime despite being seriously tempted to stay in the office and eat in the warm, dry cafeteria downstairs.  I have written everything down and not been tempted by contraband.

And wrong?  I did not have that calorie counted Boots lunch.  I looked at it but it was cold and wet and I was frustrated and I just wanted to sit in a warm, cosy cafe with some comfort food and a pot of tea.  So that is what I did.  I had a chicken pesto melt and a large pot of redbush tea and I chilled...and, breathe....

And what else?  I didn't go for a run this evening.  There, I've said it. Despite there being no real excuse: I was home in good time, it was not raining and my running gear was out waiting for me.  I just didn't feel the thing.  I had had a long afternoon in complicated meetings and was tired and hungry.  I wanted to snack.

In the end I stayed at home and cooked early to avoid the snacking.  But it was a good diet meal and I'm plenty under my calorie target so I'll live with missing what would only have been a short run after all.  I'm working from home tomorrow and no golf so I will have plenty of time and hopefully lots of energy for a much longer run.  I'm (almost) looking forward to it!!

What piccies do I have for you today??  In response to the horrible flooding besetting South Yorkshire and North Derbyshire, how about some sunny autumn pics from my most local of dog walks?

PS. I'm sure I posted these earlier but just noticed that there were no pics...

Determination

I feel as though I'm suddenly seeing clearly about this new dieting start where in recent months I have not been able focus on it. It probably helps my focus that I recently saw some photos of me in Australia with a very tubby tummy and too tight shorts which made me stop and think. I had dropped 2 stone from that weight and kept it off in the main for 18 months. What am I doing chucking that away??

While I cannot get back down to 15.9 in the 5 weeks before our trip, I CAN make a difference to how I look and feel. Even half a stone off would make me feel better.

So, today my first day has been, as first days often are, full of determination and steadfastness.  After a very generous food day on Sunday, I certainly wasn't at all hungry this morning so found it easy to be restrained.  Obviously bad habits over the whole summer are now knawing away at me making it much harder to stick to my guns.  However, I'm writing everything down and calorie counting and upping my exercise and that is all I can do.

I went for a determined dog walk at lunchtime, dodging heavy showers and striding up the big hill and taking the long way round on the way back.  I am going to personal training tonight so the exercise quotient will be good today. It is not hard when you're working from home and have PT  scheduled.  The tricky thing is making time for exercise on a day when you're in the office an hour's commute away.  So I need to make a plan for both food and exercise and then stick to it.

The plan is - a low calorie Boots lunch in Rotherham and a run tomorrow evening with my cold weather gear and a head torch.  The Boots lunch is to avoid what I have got in the habit of having for lunch on an office days - generous jacket spuds, with cheese, the odd slice of cake or other treats.  I need to change a lot of habits.  Eventually I will get back to preparing and buying smaller, healthier and less calorific lunches but, to start with, I will just rely on calorie counted lunches where one cannot cheat!!

I am setting out my head torch and high vis bib in the hallway now to make sure I go for that run as well!!  I need to anticipate the avoidance ruses my chimp will come up with.

I can't really explain why, but I do feel like this time is different from the many recent uncommited "new starts". I hope I'm right!

In non-dieting news, I threw a big party for my 50th birthdays couple of weeks ago!! I'm not quite 50 yet bit I had to go early as the band is very popular and could only offer me one November date!! After the traditional "Why the hell am I throwing a party? No-one will come! Aargh!!",  people turned up in reliable waves, brought presents, ate, drank, danced and we all had a cracking time time. Yay me!!

I have proof!

Me and my lovely school pals!

2 of my nieces

Doomism

I read today that there is a new tactic by climate change deniers.  Now that they can no longer realistically deny that climate change is happening and is caused by our actions, they are saying, 'well, it's too late to do anything about it' in order to encourage apathy and atrophy and thus continue their profitable pollution of the planet etc. Charming.

Well, I'm not posting about this particular atrocity but about how the phrase itself has some resonance with me.  I think my chimp is encouraging doomist thoughts about my weight:

"You have had ages to do something about this but it's just got worse, now it's too late, you may as well buy some bigger shorts (having given 2 perfectly good pairs to charity this spring on the basis that I was never going to be that size again!!), enjoy winter and Christmas eating and think about dieting again in January."

Does that sound familiar?? Well, it's bloody annoying.  Firstly that I am in this position and secondly that I finding it so hard to get off my big bottom and do something about it.

We are heading off to South Africa in 5 weeks time and, unless I do something urgently, I will going there the same size as I went to Australia 2 years ago which was pretty damn fat!  I had a wonderful time but it was uncomfortable at times in the heat and some of the photos have made me cringe.

So - I can drop at least half a stone, even 10lbs in 5 weeks if I really focus and 5 weeks is NOTHING.  10 lbs would make my existing shorts work and make me much fitter and more comfortable.  I would not be slim but I would look and feel demonstrably better and it will be a lot easier starting the inevitable January crusade without those 10lbs!  That is worth doing, surely.

So, starting tomorrow morning, I am going to be calorie counting, exercising every day, using my chart and blogging.  Let's see what I can achieve in 5 weeks?! (Tonight I'm tucking into roast chicken!!)

In the meantime, here are some lovely autumnal pics from round the village this afternoon.

Resolve

In my quick gallop through the last few months yesterday I didn't get around to weight chat. Well, it is not pretty!

I was around 16.3  when we got hitched and have now jumped up to 16.11. Gulp.

Exercise other than golf largely disappeared for a couple of months and the sweets and treats which I was mostly avoiding pre-wedding made a fun re-appearance.

Hey ho. It's not too painful as long as I put a stop to it NOW and start to reverse the process asap.

It is difficult when you feel as though you are on siege footing. When Rich's mum was so poorly, he was visiting her almost every day, sometimes for several hours at a time. I visited a couple of times each week too. It meant that our time together was limited and tired. Meals were at odd times and we often didn't have the time or inclination to cook proper meal. It also inevitably means that, when you do have time for some fun, you tend to go overboard with food and drink.

(I know that fellow blogger Peridot is going through a longer and more extreme version of this siege and I know how hard it is to stay in a healthy place. Keep at it Peri but don't beat yourself up for slipping! This is bigger than you.)

I have some great targets for weight loss coming up though. I'm 50 at the end of November and am having a big party on 1st Nov and we're off to South Africa for a big trip in December. I want to be a good stone lighter before those milestones!! Ideally I'd like to be under 15.8 as that was my recent low weight and it would be lovely to see genuinely fresh fat.

The exercise is being reinstated in the form of personal training twice weekly, swimming, golf and dog walking.  I'm also back to logging calories on my fitbit. Only day 2 and the calorie counts have not been very low but I've made a start and with some organisation can get back to healthy ways.

Now, enough of that, more wedding pics?

Yes, it was a blue and white Sheffield Wednesday themed wedding of course! When my friend from the golf club who is also a Wednesday nut (and talented embroideress) suggested that she could sew a little owl onto my dress, I jumped at it. I LOVED it! The cake was half and half, white and silver at the front and blue and white stripes eith badge etc at the back! Childish I know but it made us happy!!

So much water under the bridge

But I'm still trying to drop weight!!

I have missed blogging. I have stupidly replaced it with playing silly games on my phone which is not nearly as much fun or anything really. Damn you Wordscape with your hypnotic but utterly pointless disc.

Here are some bullet points on what has happened since my last post.

We got married. My dress fitted (snugly but I'll take it) Yay! Here are a few pics.

We had a short minimoon in Wensleydale ("cheese Gromit?). It didn't rain too much which, if you remember June, is a minor miracle. We saw lots of waterfalls and ate and drank like princes.

When we came home Rich's mum Sue, who had been diagnosed with cancer and early dementia before the wedding, went downhill much more rapidly than anticipated. We think she held on for the wedding and then decided to go quickly afterwards. She wouldn't/couldn't eat and we spent the next 9 weeks visiting her in hospital and latterly a nursing home where she sadly died 3 weeks ago. She was only 72 so there is no upside to this other than to say that I think she didn't want to linger.

Her funeral was last Tuesday and the family and Rich and his brother in particular did a great job and did her proud.

Shelagh had been going downhill too although remained mostly happy and healthy just very doddery and increasingly frail. I knew she would not last long and sure enough, after a few bad days and recoveries, she finally deteriorated quickly and decisively one Tuesday night 3 days after Sue had died. We took her to the vets and let her go peacefully like the true lady she was.

We haven't been too bad to be honest. I thought I'd be in bits but it was so obviously her time and she had had nearly 16 years of a great life.  What's to mourn?

These are pics of her last paddle in the stream and last stick just a week or so before we said goodbye.

And on that bittersweet note I'm going to sign off. I'll be back soon.

Aubade

Wow!! Being wide awake at 4am really does take one to some strange places. I was just lying in the dark watching the morning light curl round the edge of the curtains. It reminded me of  Phillip Larkin's poem "Aubade". So I looked it up and reread it after many years.

What a piece of writing that is.  I don't think my early morning angst was about my inevitable demise but perhaps there is an element of that lurking!!

I'm in awe of someone who can hone in on such a powerful fear and experience in us all and root it so firmly in our shared mundanity.

Dress stress

Waking up at 4am fretting about not fitting into a wedding dress is just bloody ridiculous. Despite not having a terrible week food wise my weight boinged back up immediately from the lovely surprise 15.9.5 of Tuesday morning. 15.12, then 15.13 and an unpleasant glimpse of 16 this morning!!

I'm not writing everything down. I'm starting each day well but drifting off but I'm not being THAT bad.

When I have my rational hat on I know that this is not a problem but I'm angry with myself for putting myself in this position in the first place. Now I feel better but I've wasted a couple of prime sleeping hours fretting needlessly. I wish I'd thought to blog it out sooner.

Plan remains the same - diet like made for the next 4 weeks then re-assess. If I need to buy a new dress then I have 6 weeks to do it in. Or bring forward the fitting and get the decision over with... Think I will look into doing that I think to buy more time.

Goddammit Lesley. What a plonker!! (Plonker was just amusingly auto-corrected to pioneer...hmmm....I doubt I'm the first bride to buy a dress too tight then fret about it!)

As I write this blether I'm acutely aware that this is a non-problem. I have a lovely fiance who loves me whatever shape I am and lots of friends and family coming to share our big day. And most importantly we have our health. Thinking of you Peri and P. Hope all going as well as can be hoped. Lxxx

Wait, what????!!!

I stood on the scales this morning hoping for a lb off to reward my good day.....15.9.5. Just the 3 5lbs off then! I have been waiting all week for some progress but no...then it all comes off in a day!! My body is weird.

Still, it was a good start and I've followed it up today food wise at least. 1500 cals. Not brilliant on the exercise front as I had a long day of meetings and got home late but you can't have everything. Golf in the morning will put that right.

Seeing as I don't have anything else to report, here are some pics from our big tour of South Iceland. A glacier (name escapes me), black sand beach and headland and another spectacular waterfall. A long but brilliant day!!