Green shoots....

It's been a good day. After I posted this morning, I went off to the football and met up with my mate Jim and his nieces. Nice girls.

We had a while to kill in the pub before the game but they seemed quite entertained by Jim and I chatting and mucking about as we do. By chance I found my old LL "before" photos in my handbag (I'd taken them into LL class ages ago and then stuck them in a pocket and forgotten about them). I also my my "thin girl in fat trousers" photos too (see below if you haven't seen them before). So I thought they might be amused and showed them to the girls (aged 9 and 12). It was interesting - they could clearly see a big difference and weren't shy about asking me questions. But there was no judgement, no "side". They clearly didn't see anything strange about the fact that I was drinking pints of bitter and eating a chip butty either.

[PS I'm not that slim anymore. Unfortunately I have gained probably 21-28lbs since these were taken - so I want to drop those lbs and get back to roughly this size - 12/14 from the size 16 I currently am living in.]

They are both skinny girls and I started observing (not in a creepy way!) what (and how) they were eating. They both had a coke to start but then just asked for water after that. They both had a chip butty with the obligatory lashings of ketchup but stopped eating when they were full and left most of the bread. They took a couple of chocolate buttons which were offered to them during the game but no more than that and didn't ask for chocolate when given the opportunity. Apparently at home they eat healthily and are rewarded for getting their "5 a day" in and drinking plenty of water and they do loads of sport.

So, that's how youngsters, not adulterated by treats and rewards, see food. Something to eat when you're hungry. To eat healthily most of the time and to enjoy the odd chip butty in moderation.

That's how I want to be.

On the Beck front; I haven't read any more of the book but, 3 times today, I've resisted temptation and used CBT/Beck type thinking to do so. Once (actually twice) in a petrol station before the game. (Petrol stations are a big trigger for me - they seem to say, hidden, unaccountable eating.) Just after D left for the pub this evening (hmmm also significant methinks but I'm not going there this evening...) I was mulling having some toast with butter and jam and then didn't and just now, I actually opened the bread crock and then put the lid back on again.

I'm not hungry but I really wanted to eat some more. And I haven't. So that's good then.

I came up here to post just to record that I do actually feel happy that I've not eaten....it's not all about deprivation, it's about feeling slimmer too.

So - overall, a "normal" person might have eaten as I have today. I knew I was going to the pub and would drink beer and have chips so, I didn't have breakfast (wasn't hungry anyway), went for a run and resisted treats in the petrol station. Then I enjoyed my beer and chips. Didn't have any more treats on the way home. Had a nice moderate healthy supper with fruit and a coffee afterwards and have not had any more food since. Not a diet day, just a normal Saturday.

I can do this.