Yeah - that's it!

I've been thinking about the decision I made while typing up my last post for most of the day. I have been working from home and took the dog out for a walk at lunchtime. It was a beautiful sunny day, perfect for contemplation. I was wondering what was stopping me from doing the abstinence thing (apart from the obvious lack of desire to go back to packs!!).

I think it's the feeling that I will have "failed" if I can't control my eating without resorting to packs. Well, that's daft. I've spent the best part of 38 years unable to maintain a healthy body weight and then I lost nearly 9 stone. Did I expect to be able to control my weight immediately, just like that?? Well, newsflash, I haven't done it. I haven't done badly but I don't trust myself yet and although the lapses are relatively rare, each one is punished by a weight gain. I'm creeping upwards and I'm scared that the rate of creep might accelerate.

Basically, the risk is too high at the moment. I have learned a huge amount but I'm not quite there. So - I'm going to go back to either LL or CD to lose a stone or 2 and then try again. What's the aphorism? "If at first you don't suceed, try, try and try again". There's no shame in having to try again, the shame would be in letting it go.

I feel better now having sorted it out in my head. Kind of looking forward to the packs in a strange sort of way. I've been reading through my blog quite a bit today and it's been inspirational to me - looking back on my thoughts and goals and seeing how I managed last year. This is nothing like that journey, just a refresher course.