Day 236 - Reconciliation day

First up -thanks for your comments, they were lovely and just what I needed to hear, a great mixture of support and constructive assistance. Aren't bloggers fab?! I knew that it would be sorted but I was pretty hurt and it helped me to get it out, process it and ensure that, this time, I didn't just push it under the carpet when D apologised but tried to get to the root of the problem (or at least part way there) and talk it out properly.

So, when I first got home, I didn't push it, we enjoyed eating our supper together for the first time in 9 months!! I cooked D a really nice looking omelette with salad and I had my smoked mackerel fillets. It was really good to sit down together and maybe that is what we've missed??

Anyway, I raised the subject before D went off to the pub and we had a partial conversation about it but that was pretty unsatisfactory. It did at least keep it on the agenda and made him think about it while he was out. He kept telling me to "cheer up" and I said I couldn't when my husband thought I was a big fat failure and refused to listen to me explaining why I was not!

When he got home later there was just much more of a meeting of minds and D really truly apologised (and I could tell he meant it). I just talked about the diet and how it works and what I'm trying to get out of it and my ongoing issue with food. I think he thought that I was "cured" or something so that, when he saw me eating something, he thought it was all over!! When I explained that I still have food issues and have to battle against eating because I'm bored, tired, down, etc etc every single day, he got the point of the diet a bit more clearly. I also explained that his harangueing me had made it worse and made me spoil my first day on RTM (not badly but there you go). Anyway, I got it all off my chest and felt as though he was listening which is a big thing for me.

Apart from that, I had a decent evening - prepared a couple more pies for the freezer either for us or for my Mum and Dad. Elderberry and Almond tart and Apple and Elderberry tart. They looked gorgeous if I say so myself!! I also had a chat on the phone with ann old school friend who I haven't seen for ages but who has moved to the village next to ours this summer!! She's always been a southerner so the move is a major surprise (due to her husband's job) and it'll be great to rekindle that friendship and see more of her. I invited her to D's party in a couple of weeks' time and she invited me on a Sunday morning run called the Stanage Scramble which just happen to be at 9am on the morning after our party!! It's only 6km but up a very steep rocky road up Stanage Edge! Not sure that it'll happen but you never know!!

So, I'm a much happier bunny this morning and, consequently, am finding making good food choices a lot easier. Yesterday in addition to the 3 packs and one good meal I also had a small bowl of muesli and blackberries for breakfast, a small bag of cashews nuts at lunchtime and a slice of bread and jam with assorted nibbles of fruit in the evening. I could have had a lot more to be honest as my inner chatterbox was giving it laldy and encouraging me to just let go and have something big!! Luckily I resisted that but the rest wasn't great. Today, I feel totally in control and it just goes to show how much emotional eating is a factor for me. I've not seen it with such clarity before.

I'm glad we've got it sorted to be honest as we're having our photos taken at a Venture Studio tonight (with the dog of course!) and it would have pretty hard to look all loving and spontaneous if I'd been feeling like I did yesterday!!

I realise that I haven't really talked about my first Route to Management class because of all the angst. I must remember to do that in my next post. Hope you're all having a good time and shedding those lbs. Keep it up!!