Day 247 - B&Q and soul searching!

We had a busy Saturday - loads of chores to get ready for the party next week. First up was buying the booze. Now I know there'll be loads of people, but how many? And how much wil they bring and what will they drink?? It's a nightmare. Eventually we've gone online to Tesco's and ordered a load of cheap beer and wine and mixers nd gone easy on the spirits. We've also arranged for a cask of bitter and borrowed a bar and tap so there should be enough for the boozehounds.

Next up was the garden stuf and a mammoth trip to B&Q - I thought it was finished but it seems that the finishing touches are going to cost us half as much again - LOL! Anyway, the lighting is all sorted and the stepping stones for the bit of lawn between path and pond which was getting a bit worn have been purchased. D is happy now as he frets about these things.

So that was pretty much the whole day done. But not a bad day's work.

We ended up cooking separate suppers as Diarmuid didn't fancy the sound of my chicken stirfry. I think he regretted it when it was done though (although his steak did look good) as the flavours were spot on and it looked and smelt fab. I seem to be a better cook now! What happened there? I think it's because I'm not using all the usual ingredients so am having to make the flavours go further so I'm concentrating on marinades and herbs and stuff and really taking care with my food (as I appreciate it sooooo much!) so the end results are pretty good.

I certianly don't miss the bread or spuds or gravy etc. On Tuesday when we had a roast chicken dinner I thought I would be eaten up with envy at the roasties, stuffing and gravy that I didn't have - but I enjoyed the chicken, ratatouille and broccoli so much I didn't even have a pang for the rest!

Likewise last night - my marinaded chicken grilled on a bed of stirfried veggies with the full gamut of garlic, ginger, soy, rice wine and a hint of chilli was lovely so I didn't miss at all the mash, fried onions and juicy rump steak that D was tucking into!

Sorry for all the food talk, you who are still abstaining. It's part of the process I'm afriad. D says I'm obsessed with food, addicted to it even! In fact he's been worried about that. I just laugh and say - well duur! Of course I'm bloody addicted to food - how do you think I got that fat in the first place??! Yes - I've got a problem and yes I'm obsessed with food but at least at the moment I'm obsessed with controlling and avoiding food!! With cooking healthily and avoiding the temptation to stuff my face with crap!

I take his point though - I have been going on about it a lot recently (reading diet books and recipes, watching foodie TV, all the hedgerow picking and jam, jelly and chutney making etc etc) and this can only make it harder to stop thinking about it. So I'm going to try and not talk about food (even if I'm thinking about it) in the hope that this will reinforce the behaviour of a non-food-obsessive and lead, eventually, to me being able to act "normally" around food.

Which leads me on to the knotty question of "normality". See - I can't even say it without inverted commas!! I hate thethought of being normal but D oftens throws it in my face as something he thinks I should be. I'm never going to want that or aspire to it but occasionally I do see the value in trying to behave "normally" and, around food especially, that would seem to be a good aim. (As long as the normal in question is not the doom and gloom national stereotype we hear about on the media of processed food, fried stuff and binge drinking!!!)

So - this post covers the full range from a very "normal" day of DIY shops and domestic chores to the deepest inner parts of my soul - my aversion to normality and my addiction to food - what a ride!