Accountability

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I have been re-reading my blog from the beginning. It is most illuminating (for me!). I'm only up to March 2009 but what strikes me is that I have started (and subsequently drifted away from) so many new regimes and tried so many different tactics in my quest to keep the weight I dropped in 2007 off and drop what I'd gained. What a repetitive life I lead.

I can, however, see that I AM learning and moving forward albeit slowly. I suspect the Chimp Theory will be the most pivotal point for my "journey" in more ways than one although I haven't got there yet in my re-reading. I'm conscious of one major change from what I did in following Lighter Life and what I do now and that is hiding from the NUMBERS!! I used to report my actual weight and the various rises and falls and then, for some reason, I stopped. I think it was shame (definitely pre-Chimp Theory thinking there!). I wanted to start again but just couldn't face letting you all in as it would have felt like an admission of GUILT so I was coy about what I actually weighed.

Now, years later, I've ditched the guilt and shame element to my thinking about weight but I still don't habitually reveal actual numbers just drops and gains. Possibly because I'm aware that some people who I don't necessarily want to be reading this blog probably ARE reading it and I don't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing the number?? I suspect that's at least partly it. Well, that is just stupid. I'm not embarrassed about what I weigh or what I look like, especially when I know I'm doing something about it. I don't care what other people think about me anyway, not after all the crap I've been through.

If it would help me stay accountable, motivate my chimp and possibly help others to display a ticker then I will do it. I think it would. Especially as I'm currently entering that danger zone of having achieved a decent drop but not being anywhere near where I want to be yet. I'm aware it's going to be a long haul and I still have Christmas to negotiate. Historically, this is the zone where I tend to stray. I get ill or something crops up and jolts me off track and I never quite get back going again. I am determined that this is not going to happen this time and a ticker may assist in showing me and my chimp the bigger picture.

I have tried rewards (remember that promised meal out when I drop half a stone - well, I never got there did I?). They don't seem to motivate me. Whereas numbers and seeing my progress do.

So, that is this week's target: find a decent online ticker tool and get it posted for all to see.

For the record and so that I don't chicken out, I started this 6 Weeks to OMG push at a longtime high of 15 stone 7.6 lbs and I currently weigh 14 stone 10.6 lbs. Yikes! I was a very fat size 16, peeking into the 18's. Now I'm heading back into the normal 16's and back to a manageable weight. I'm aiming to be low 14 stone something by Christmas which will see me fitting into all but my tightest size 16's. I know I want to get back down to low 13's (size 14-16) as a non-negotiable medium term aim. I suspect I want to continue down to low 12's (which would have me as a fat-ish size 12 and slim size 14) but I'll see how I'm getting on nearer that target zone. At the moment, I'm concentrating on keeping this push going up to and through Christmas and getting out of the dreaded 14 stones FOREVER!