Tarot Time

Just so you're not too jealous (given the weather we're having) here are some photos to show that it was not always sunny in Wales.  It was a bit of a grey old day but not cold or raining and we were due to play golf in the afternoon so we took the dogs for a morning outing to the village of Porthgain for a walk out along the clifftops and back over the fields.

The village of Porthgain was a big surprise.  It is in the back of beyond and tiny with several pretty cafes, a pub and a couple of small art calleries with the artists in residence.  Below is the pub - the very well advertised Sloop Inn.  (We didn't visit, it being only 10.30am!)

But then you turn towards the minute harbour and see these massive red brick ruins looming over the village and harbour!  What ARE they?  Feeling like we were presenting an episode of Coast, we went to investigate.

It turns out that Porthgian used to be at the centre of a huge quarrying export business.  First there was a brick building factory and, as that died off, exporting material for road building to all over the UK stepped in to keep the harbour busy.  You can still see the rows of shutes to load the ships and pictures of the big ships which used to visit. 

It must have been a VERY different place back in the day from the sleepy, arty tourist village stuck on the edge of the back of beyond it is today.

 The clifftop walk along the sides of the old quarries was grey and somewhat eerie.

The enterprising Sloop Inn had not missed a trick though and had used the big quarry for some free advertising!

The wild flowers did not desert us though.

And a beautiful beach showed us that the locals and tourists must have somewhere nice to go when the weather relents.  We didn't take the steep steps down though...

So that was Porthgain...strangely sweet and memorable.

A couple of months ago (did I admit to this at the time, I can't remember, don't think so?) I went for a tarot card reading. It was a cheapie offer on Groupon and I just fancied it. The woman doing the reading was tres sympatico and quite no-nonsense so no aerie faerie scarves and incense or anything. I don't know what you lot think about tarot but I like it once in a whole (probaby every 3 years on average so I'm not a junkie about it or anything). It gives you an opportunity to think about your life and talk about yourself for an hour or so (what's not to like?!) and challenges some my more Pollyanna assumptions.

In the past I seem to remember my readings have been quite glowing - charmed life and happy happy happy etc. Although, when I think back, there were definitely some portents of rocky times to come but (as with the rest of my life) I was generally in full denial mode so probably would only have interpreted the cards positively in any event.

This time, it was actually a useful tool. I wrote down as much as I can remember from it and the practical messages the woman wanted me to take away and have referred back several times. It has made me do things I've been putting off, even if they're just simple things like arranging a doctor's appointment! It has come true in several ways and, in doing so, having the warning has cushioned what could have been a blow and put it all in context for me. So, although I'm really not sure whether I believe all or anything about it, I'm pleased that I went. It was definitely £15 well spent.

The main thing which came out of it was how much I am in limbo. The Hanging Man was hanging away left, right and centre. I can't (apparently) see the wood for the trees and my path forward is not clear. Rightly or wrongly, the situation with my old house not selling and still being financially linked to Diarmuid is preying on my mind and stopping me from moving forward. I'm aware (obviously) that it is a massive stressor for me but had not thought about how much it is stopping me from getting on and DOING stuff. It's changing my whole mindset and approach to life. That said, I can't afford to be a mug about it as I owe it to myself to be sensible financially and practically. I have got to be a grown up about life so I just have to face the various curveballs which D will lob at me as time goes on.

Speaking of which - after a lovely holiday and weekend, I receive a letter from his solicitors. Yeuch. Why does he not just email me himself or phone me for God's sake? Why can we not be civilised after all this time? So childish. I have tried to email him over the last year about various minor matters but each time he does not respond in any way, not even to acknowledge receipt. I know that it is because he has found a way he can irk me. Fair play mate - well done!

There were lots of good things too - once we'd established that the massive presence of a gloomy, dominating, angry, vindictive man in my life is NOT Richard, she worked out that our relationship is a big positive. She even wanted to be able to see children for us but I nixed that as very unlikely! Maybe he's not as confident in himself or assertive as he should be (which I knew anyway) but I need to trust him and, while standing on my own two feet, lean on him too.

As a parting warning she said that our world was going to be rocked and that we need to be strong, stand firm and face the upheaval. Well, I can feel the shaking starting already but, now I know what I'm dealing with, I'm feeling stronger and more positive than I have for a while, honest.....