Me and My Chimp

Me and My Chimp
A short, one Act play

Featuring:

Me
Chimp

SCENE

Wednesday 19 January 2011. A lovely sunny day in Rotherham. Our heroine (Me) is at work but is planning to go swimming at lunchtime. She has had a quiet morning and has nothing in her diary over lunch which might interfere with her plans.

We join her at 11.55, working away and planning to leave for the pool at 12.10:

Enter Chimp, without fanfare but confidently.

Chimp: You know, I'm really very hungry now. In fact it's making me feel a bit weak. I'm not sure I'm quite up to swimming this lunchtime.
Me: Don't be silly we'll be fine. We had that apple not long ago.
Chimp: No really, I think I might be coming down with something. You should have brought something more substantial than an apple to eat mid-morning. I really don't want to go swimming now. Besides, we went swimming on Monday and training yesterday and we haven't lost anything this week, it's hardly worth the effort. You need a day off each week. We can go on Friday.
Me: But we really need to do lots of exercise if we're going to get fit for the Three Peaks Challenge and I want to lose weight. Look, there's my chart pinned up; we're doing really well. We can't just give up on swimming when there's no real reason not to go.....can we...?
Chimp: (whining) But I feel terrible now, really hungry and faint. We wouldn't enjoy it and it would put us off going next time. We're going to training tomorrow and you're working from home so we can go for an extra walk and we'll feel better on Friday. Look, those sandwiches you've made look great. We could just stay here and eat them and read this new book and surf the internet. [Then more virtuously] And we'll have a short lunchbreak so can do loads of work and still leave earlier tonight and get home to see Richard before you go out to the cinema this evening. It wouldn't be fair just to rush out without having supper together.... now would it.....?
Me: Weeeeell, I am really hungry and the sandwiches do look great and I would like to get home early and spend time with Richard this evening....and, is that a sore throat I can feel....?

Our Heroine reaches for the sandwiches and unwraps them then picks up her phone and logs onto the internet....

A few minutes later she sees a post on Facebook from Tom, the friend of Richard who is organising the group doing the Three Peaks Challenge. He has set up a special page so that the group can bond and share training tips etc. His post reads: "First cycle into work of the year went well. Not lost too much fitness from the lack of exercise, food and beer over Christmas."

Me: That's it! If he is getting up and cycling to work to get fit we need to do something. We don't want to be left behind walking up those mountains now do we? And it's not fair to hold the group back by being slow. And anyway, we SAID we were going swimming this lunchtime; we can't back out for no reason. Look at our chart! We've already lost 2lbs and we're making good progress but we need to stick to it. This sort of shilly shallying around is not helping!
Chimp: Yeah, s'pose...
Me: Besides, we've already had half a sandwich. That'll stop us feeling faint.
Chimp: 'kay....although, we've had something to eat; you're not meant to swim for an hour after eating. We'll get cramp....
Me: Put the other one and get moving.

Our Heroine replies with thanks to the FB post and then stands and starts putting on her coat.

Chimp: But, I've just remembered, you don't have any cash on you as you had to leave it all out for the dog walker. We don't have time now to walk into town and get cash out before swimming; lane swimming ends at 1. Oh, what a shame, we can't go after all. Oh well, we'll go on Friday.
Me: Oh no. You're right....NO! We can borrow some cash and walk into town after our swim to pay it back. Get your coat and shut it!!

Chimp and Me exit to pool to tumultuous (and imaginary) applause