Treading water but that's good thing

As you will know, I've been going through a pretty torrid time emotionally over the last few weeks and months and work is also precarious. It seems that every few days we have another briefing about how dire the Council's finances are and how cuts and redundancies are inevitable. So, forgive me, but my mind has not been fully focussed on diet and exercise. But the really good thing from my point of ivrew is that, despite little attention, my body seems to have found an equilibrium. I have been going out, eating and drinking without major reining in and only exercising when it suits me to yet my weight has stayed within the same 4 lbs for the last 3-4 months. A high of 13 stone 11 and a low of 13 stone 7. Mostly square in the middle.



On the plus side, I'm semi-consciously having slightly smaller portions and cooking food in a healthier way. On the down side, I've had more booze and biscuits in the house over the last few months than I would ever have had before. But the strange thing about having biscuits and cakes etc in the house, is that I'm not totally desperate to eat them!! This is a new phenomenon for me!! I have had a packet of Werthers Originals unopened in the house since Friday and have not been tempted. The last pack I bought lasted me over a week (the small tube packets). I bought a millionaires shortcake from a local cafe as I knew I would be playing golf and thought it'd be a nice mid-round treat. Forgot to put it in my golf bag and haven't touched it since (although I suspect it may be taking a hammering this evening or it'll dry out!).



Items of food which would normally be hoovered are eaten sparingly if at all. It's very strange. Crunchy Nut Cornflakes is a good example! They would previously been a product coming with a MAJOR warning label: "Warning - Lesley - Purchasing this packet will result in you eating up to 3 big bowlfuls in quick sucession and using up all your milk!". Bought some on Friday and had a moderate bowl for my breakfast this morning. Not only that, I was going to have a bowl yesterday but then deicded I fancied fruit (strawberries, blueberries and a banana) with yoghurt and a sprinkling of muesli instead. And not only that, I actually moaned with pleasure at the yoghurt and had no pangs about the Crunchy Nut cornflakes.



Okay, who are you and what have you done with Lesley??!



So - I'm really trying to be kind to myself at the moment. And by that I do NOT mean stuff my face with foodie treats. I mean not: setting over-ambitious goals; beating myself up for still being over 13 stone; worrying if I have to cancel exercise or if I go for a walk instead of a run; beating myself up if I buy or consume food or alcohol that I don't strictly need. And as a result, I'm finding that I'm keeping in balance and have at least one less thing to worry about.



Having said that, I haven't forgotten my long-term goals. I saw a woman playing golf the other day who I know but who I hadn't seen for a while. She's a few years older than me, so around 45, very wealthy lady of leisure type but pretty nice and down to earth despite that. She has really prioritised her golf so she's good (cow!) and when I saw her she looked amazing! A slim, shapely, sporty, athletic figure wearing nice modern golf garb (there is such a thing believe me - it's not all Pringle sweaters and plus fours any more!!). I was jealous. Started to do the whiney beating myself up thing.



Then I thought - "there is no reason why I couldn't be that nice looking!" She's probably a size 12, similar height and shape as me. I'm an athletic 14/16. If I lost 2 stone my figure would be every bit as nice as hers (and I wouldn't have frosty dyed blonde hair.....miiiaaaow!). And the thought was empowering, not depressing. At the moment I'm not CHOOSING to make that extra effort to get down to that size and shape but I can do it and hopefully will do it, as and when it is my priority.