Feeling better

But, work very very busy and I'm struggling to get back to packs after a day and a half off over the weekend (trip to the parents).

Still, I did pretty well today and have my class tomorrow which should re-motivate me (one way or another...!).

Absolutely LOVING the Olympics!! How fantastic are those athletes....all of them....

Will post more later when I am not falling asleep at 9.30pm!!!

PS - Minty had her first haircut yesterday and looks JUST like Shelagh now! Both devil dogs in the flash of course - I'll try and get some decent ones showing off their new looks at the weekend.

What a day

I didn't want to go back to work...knew I wasn't better....but felt the pressure of the job and my boss had given very heavy hints that he needed me to hold his hand...he's pretty ineffectual at times! So, I went back for a short day....not short....left at nearly 6pm and am v tired now.

Still, it was a good day's work and hopefully this damn deal will be done next week.

Dropped a good few lbs last week. now just have to keep it up and not weaken. A few bits and bobs have started to slide their way in but not too bad. It will be better when I feel well enough to exercise again. I love my walks but need to get running, especially as the lovely Huw is away doing some ridiculous bike race for a fortnight!! These fit boys eh? It had better not be the Olympics!

Keep well everyone and be good!

I got me another ticker(but have since reconfigured it and it's above in my next post!!). It's amazing what being bored and sick at home will prompt you to do. I can do stuff but not for long before feeling knackered; can't really concentrate on a book and have watched just about as much Olympics as even I can take (especially as it wasn't a particularly good day for the Brits today) so this is what I have resorted to!

It's quite an ambitious target but good to have something to aim for.

I have my LL weigh-in tonight so will update it then. I'll go but not stay for the class as don't think it's fair to spread the joy in the form of my germs.

I've been hungry today and bored so have wanted to stray from the path of righteousness. I have twice told myself that I can, if I REALLY want to, buy something to eat (there is nothing nice in the house). And twice I've managed to leave the shop with nothing. I have, however, already eaten all 4 packs for the day! Still, if I end up having 5 packs today but not cheating, I will count that as a sucess.

Nothing else to report so I'll go and take the dogs for an amble before class. Bye all.

I sick.....

I succumbed to a nasty head cold yesterday afternoon. You know how you suddenly feel it coming on, to the minute? Well, that was me. It coincided with having 2 teeth taken out so I felt fab yesterday afternoon/evening as you can imagine.

Still, I did good on the food front and have not troughed at all despite feeling as though I want to "to make me feel better"!! I think the cold itself is suppressing my hunger though so that helps.

I'm off work today but monitoring emails and doing telecons with the solicitors as we're at a crucial stage on a job so don't feel too guilty about watching the Olympics for the rest of the time! Also, I'm fairly confident work won't think I'm skiving for the weather as it has been chucking it down most of the day!!

Anyway, I snapped this greedy little bugger yesterday evening (through the glass which is why it's not very sharp). It made me smile as I think I'd go to those sort of lengths for food too....

Monday Monday....looks good to me.....

It reminded me of those creepy American films with the lone tree on the horizon...especially with the seagulls flying around it.

That's more like it, back to pretty Derbyshire territory again.

Olly and his Audi

Curbar Gap

A truly terrible photo of me. Why am I standing iwth my tummy stuck out like that?? In my defence, it was very windy and the guy taking the photo was making a bit of a hash of it so I think I'd just about given up on him and was about to move....not good!

Shelagh in a hollow scoured out by wind and rain.

View towards Grindleford and Hathersage.

View towards Baslow.

Late foxgloves lurking under a rock.

Pretty Highland cow in a field of heather, I had to wait AGES for her to look up from her munching! I like her blonde fringe.....

Once again, loads of photos; but it was a really long walk and lovely with varied scenery. I had to take lots!!







After doing the bare minimum of gardening yesterday afternoon I said "sod it" and headed for the hills! It was just too nice out not to and you never know when the weather is going to change in an English summer. I'm pleased I did as today is nice but it's going to rain from tomorrow onwards apparently.







I picked a walk at random from my book and, being a dream, I didn't spot that it took me right past the front door of my friends. I only realised when I turned into their lane. Doh! Anyway, luckily they were in so I popped in for a quick drink and a chat and Shelagh and Minty behaved themselves reasonably well when faced with a pre-toddler! Minty was fascinated by the small person but, fortunately, he was cool with dogs so not fazed at all.





The rest of the walk was very dramatic, up a steep hill to Curbar Gap and then along Baslow Edge with views across the whole southern section of the Derwent Valley. It was very blustery but exhilerating. I was tired out when I got home, not so much from the 6 miles I'd walked but more from the wind and sunshine, it always seems to finish you off.





I'm working from home today but got an early start so will be able to fit in a good few chores too...naughty but nice! I have a dental appointment at lunchtime which I'm NOT looking forward to as it involves an extraction. Hope I'm in a fit state to go for a run this evening!




Foodwise, having said I'm not going to do packs, it just seemed easier to go the whole hog and do them this time. Having gone to the first meeting and not bought any, I then did a day on them from spares I had hanging around and, at my pop-in on Saturday morning, picked up some more. It feels totally different to when I tried the Cambridge Diet back in May. Then, I was very much doing it as a quick fix before the wedding and I really only stuck it out for 5 days to a week. It then sent me into a bit of an eating spiral and was NOT a good thing.




Obviously, I'm only on day 5 now so can't judge how it'll go this time but I'm optimistic. Last time I was already starting to cheat by now and was champing at the bit to eat. This time, my head seems to be in much more of a long term place, well 6-8 weeks anyway. I'm not feeling hungry, have plenty of energy and feel quite relaxed about the day to day privations of abstinence.


I want to get back down to the low 11 stones or even 10 stone something mark and back into my beloved size 12's. The fact that I'm going to classes again is another MASSIVE factor. I can't express how much that seems to be helping me, and I've only been to one class and pop-in. Maybe because my previous classes weren't great, this one seems much better. The LLC is very enthusiastic and has a background in counselling etc. She is very slim, which itself is an inspiration after my previous LLC who was a very large lady. She's only been doing it since January so is trying hard. It all seems to be working.


Looking back, I found the Cambridge Diet to be a very exposed place. I know some people get on with it but I need the accountability of turning up to a certain place at a particular time and talkng to others. With CD, I always felt that I could shift appointments round and just miss this week, etc etc and very soon I was manipulating the system and, inevitably, failing. It never felt like a proper process to me, just an emergency stopgap.

So, wish me luck. I'm not thrilled to be back on the packs after only a year but, if it keeps me from going right back up and helps, then I'll take it. I hope that, when I get back down to my fighting weight this time, I'm better prepared not to make the mistakes I made last time. Fingers crossed.

Sunny Sunday

View of Ladybower Reservoir from Bamford Edge on a sunny evening

Minty in the sun

My friend Vicky hiding behind Minty

Isn't it weird how, when you're really busy, you get a massive amount done but, when you have a quiet day, it's hard to get anything finished?



I had a great day yesterday, racing from one thing to the next and everything was fun(despite the abjectly poor weather).



The football was awesome - Sheffield Wednesday thrashed Burnley 4-1 in the first game of the new season. To put that in context, last season we lost the first 6 games in a row and didn't have a win until the 12th game of the season!! To register a resounding victory on the first day is just brilliant and new territory for us long-suffering Wednesdayites! It was amazing: we had scored after 30 seconds and were 2-nil up after 4 minutes....



Up the Owls!



Anyway, enough of that boy stuff. The first birthday party for Oliver was nice...he was so sweet pushing his little Audi pedal car round the room. I could only stay for an hour or so but saw loads of people I haven't caught up with for a while.



The girlie night was bril too. We've been so boring recently and just stayed in the village and gone to the local pub. That's all well and good but sometimes you have to get your glad rags on and head into town.

We had a bite to eat (well I didn't as I'm dieting) and then went to see Mamma Mia. Loved it. I knew it was going to be cheesy and kitsch but it was hilarious too. I wish I wasn't English and part of such a stuffy restrained culture. It would have been great to be able to join in with some of the songs....I would have done and my mates said the same but none of us were brave enough. Maybe we would have been in a bigger cinema with a couple of drinks in us?? We saw it at a small artsy type place so it wasn't really the right crowd. I think it is going to be a cult classic....I can see Sing-Along-A-Mamma-Mia before very long, complete with Abba costumes!

After that we were off to a Cuban salsa bar which was great...dancing, chatting and having a proper laugh. They do salsa lessons there on a Saturday afternoon so we're going to try and go to a couple of those sometime...I've taken a few lessons but would like to get better. There were a couple of stunning Latin women there who could really move...they knew it but, then again, if I had a figure like that and could dance so well I would probably wear a flirty dress, a flower behind my ear and high heeled dancing sandals too!! A few of the blokes could really dance too but were a tad on the "aren't I God's gift to women/slimy" side...

Today, much quieter: watching the Olympics, gardening, chatting to Dad on the phone and doing home admin chores...going to take the dogs for a good long walk later but have to plant up some plants now....they've been hanging around on my patio for over a fortnight now and will die before I get them in the ground if I don't get them sorted soon!!

Hope you have a great weekend and be good!!

Big test today...

A summer's evening walk from The Millstone pub, down a steep hill, along the river and then back up again.

Caught in a summer shower

But saw the rainbow as compensation.....

I have a really busy day ahead of me this Saturday:

• I have to do my weekly shop which luckily won't be too onerous as I'm not eating a great deal these days!! But I do have to feed the dogs so do have to do something.




• Then dash to my Lighter Life pop-in;




• buy a birthday present for a one year old;




• swap some clothes for a smaller size...bought a top and picked up the wrong size...!




• get to the pub before the football by 12.30!!




• Drink, chat with Jim; then football (Come on You Blue and White Wizards!!!!);




• then the one year old's birthday party;




• then back home, change, feed and walk the dogs and;




• off to a girls' night out in Sheffield

I'm tired just thinking about it. Still, the weather is not meant to be great today and I've got nothing on the agenda for tomorrow so I can kick back then and do some gardening, walking, watching of the Olympics and just general chilling. It's good to be busy, especially when you're trying to avoid overeating. I will just have to watch the temptation to drink too much on the girls' night out or in the pub with Jim (I will be sticking with water then, much to his disgust I suspect) . For me, the drinking is not a problem, it's the eating which I love too much and, if I have even a few drinks, it's harder to resist the naughty food treats.....

So, wish me luck!!!

Some random stuff

Hot Thick Chick completed this list of questions....you have to do it ALL with one word answers..... so I thought I'd join in. Some of them really make you think and it's not necessarily the ones you think will be thought provoking... I completed it first thing this morning but only just round to posting.

1. Where is your cell phone? Handbag


2. Your significant other? Shipbound


3. Your hair? Curly


4. Your mother? Disappearing


5. Your father? Gorgeous


6. Your favourite thing? Ring


7. Your dream last night? Didn't


8. Your favourite drink? Cappuccino


9. Your dream/goal? Travel


10. The room you're in? Doggie


11. Your church? Traditional


12. Your fear? Obesity


13. Where do you want to be in 6 years time? Family


14. Where you last night? Home


15. What you're not? Silly


16. Muffins? Jeans


17. One of your wish list items? Ticket


18. Where you grew up? Nigeria


19. The last thing you did? Chores


20. What are you wearing? Nowt


21. Your TV? Old


22. Your pets? Fantastic


23. Your computer? Unspectacular


24. Your life? Satisfying


25. Your mood? Optimistic


26. Missing someone? No


27. Your car? Convertible


28. Someting you're not wearing? Socks


29. Favourite store? Watsons


30. Your summer? Changeable


31. Like/love someone? Loads


32. Your favourite colour? Scarlet


33. Last time you laughed? Yesterday


34. Last time you cried? Yesterday

In other news, I had a long hard day in the office but have stuck to the plan rigidly and without too many pangs. I bought an outfit for a night out tomorrow night as didn't have anything suitable that fits which was a bit depressing but not as depressing as it would have been had I not made a start. I found cheap stuff in the sales as I'm NOT going to be a size 16 for much longer.

I was late back which COULD have been an excuse not to go for my scheduled run but luckily Kate rang and was running late too so we went together. That was also a bit of an eye opener: she and I ran together at my thinnest and I could just about keep up with her and was possibly slightly faster on the hills. Not any more...I was WAY behind. Still, she ran back for me a few times and at least I did the circuit without stopping and it wasn't as bad as on Wednesday when I nearly died! Not so humid this evening.

All in all, it's been a couple of days full of reflections; looking back to what made me happy and what it was like to be slim, however brief the time was (only about 4 months last year!). I'm determined to get back there and this time make it stick. I don't think I really had any concept of my size back then as I feel like I'm looking at a stranger when I look at photos of me last October. Also, even when I'd only gained a few lbs I thought I was fat again... Is it Body Dysmorphia? When you don't have an accurate sense of what you really look like. Well, that's what I think happened to me for a while at least.

Maybe that was why it didn't last?? I've never been thin in my entire adult life so maybe it felt so alien that I unconsciously sabotaged myself to get back to where I felt more like "me"? Now though, at a size 16, which is still much lighter than I have been for most of my life, I feel heavy so hopefully, my perception has caught up with reality.

It's tricky but all you can do is keep on keeping on.

I'm off to watch the Opening Ceremony. I absolutely LOVE the Olympics (and pretty much most sports) so I'm going to be in heaven for the next few weeks.

Update: I apparently love the Olympics so much that I've just been chatting about it on national radio. The Tony Livesey Sports Phone in on BBC Radio 5 Live to be exact. They rang me this morning after I posted a comment on the Beeb website and set it for this evening so I've been hoping I wouldn't make a prat of myself all day!

Well, it was a bit of fun and distracted me from thinking about food for a while anyway. Don't think I sounded too daft. I'm told you can listen again through the website so will tell D to see what he thinks but I couldn't see how to do it from the website myself.... maybe the programme has to be over before you can download...??

God, it's hard but I feel better already

The second half of the piccies from my big walk a couple of weekends ago. Nat and I were joined by Stace and her mad dog, Josie!

Josie cooling down!

In answer to the questions about what exactly I'm eating, I'm sort of following a low carb, red day, week 1-4 of RTM type thingy. Basically either meat/veg/salad, a bit of fruit, no bread, very little in the way of fat/potato/pasta/rice, limit the milk to splashes in tea or coffee and, if I'm struggling for time a pack here and there. Pretty austere.



It's not sustainable in the long term and I don't intend to sustain it but need to know that I can control food and lose weight and get down to a nice size for my hols. After that, I'll work at introducing a wider variety of food, basically do Route to Management properly. I never did it and feel the lack.



I've had a good day foodwise today, probably because I was in meetings for most of the day so didn't have to angst about lunch, snack table etc etc. Resisted all the habit-y type of treats which have crept into my routine associated with going to french class. Like, stopping for a large cappucino, and maybe a muffin, at the service station on the way there! Like stopping for petrol and buying something there and (only the once admittedly) like stopping in the chip shop on the way back and buying fish and chips!!!

Had training this morning and talked a lot of foodie type stuff out ewith him too. It's a bit weird as he is uber fit and healthy and clearly never craves anything more fattening than a ryvita and works off gazillion calories per day anyway but he tries to empathise...it's quite comical really...

So, I'd better take the dogs for a quick trot round the block as it's getting late. Have a good day everyone!

We're getting there....hopefully faster than British Rail!!!

Hi again. God I feel fat!! Isn't it weird how you start to feel really gross just after you start (properly) doing something about it?!

So, I've had a pretty good day today and, despite severe competition from that annoying anti-me sitting on my metaphorical shoulder, managed to drag myself out for a run. (Strange...I sound as though there's about 3 of me in there somehow...well, you know what I mean!)

It was really hard work. My legs seemed very heavy which is probably partly lack of running recently, partly training yesterday and partly the humidity. It was so sticky the air seemed to be sweating. Still, the good thing is, I made it out and stuck to the course I'd set myself. I ran round the river and up a steep hill and back along a farm track. It's not a long run but the hills are pretty nasty and I did them without stopping so I'm not as rusty as I thought I might be.

I'm going to try and do this route once or twice a week for a while until it gets more manageable. It is very frustrating to say this as I stopped doing this run ages ago because it was "too short and too easy"! Grrrrr.....

The other big news is that I'm going back to Lighter Life. Not necessarily to the packs, although I might use some for a while, but for the classes. Ever since my class folded I have felt a lack. I didn't bother looking for another as I didn't really get on with my LLC and thought I'd be okay without classes but I did miss the "head" side of things. So I'd better go now or I'll be late!!

The photos are a couple of weeks out of date. It was that lovely weekend 2 weeks ago when the sun shone all the time. Heaven. My friend Natalie came up from London specifically to go walking and we spent a gorgeous day out and about. I'll post the second half of this walk later.

Update - My new class was GREAT! I really liked the woman. and she's thin which makes a change from my last LLC. She's newish to the job so takes it seriously and the other women were nice. I knew one woman from my previous class but she couldn't stay this week. All in all, it felt good to have taken the first step. No packs as yet but some structure and hopefully some motivation.

Still clinging on

I feel as though I'm going backwards but I'm not. I'm just treading water. I have managed to lose a grand total of 3, maybe 4lbs in about 4 weeks! I lose some then put it back on, lose some, put it back on. Very depressing.

And I'm not doing much in the way of exercise. Training twice a week and a walk every day and maybe, maybe, if I try very hard 1 or 2 runs but mostly just 1! Not good enough.

Well, now I have a target to aim for. A gorgeous fantastic holiday in South Africa with D at the end of September, early October. 3 weeks of sunshine and travelling, beaches, game reserves, walking in the Drakensbergs, Table Mountain.... I need to be thinner to make the most of that or I will kick myself.

So - I've rung Kate and arranged to meet her to run on Friday and next Monday. I'm going to write down everything I eat. I've de-cluttered the fridge and I'm going to go for it. A ticker will be made and I will be blogging much more frequently. I'm not going to muck this up.

To be honest I'm sick of faffing around and going nowere. I want to get back to that skinny, energetic woman I was a year ago. I liked my size 12's and I want to get back into them. I didn't appreciate it then but I do now and so I'm going to get back there.

This is my pledge.