-13 of Pre-weddng push!

Stats:

Weight - 13 stone 1
Exercise - Personal training this morning
Abstinence - Pretty good but not perfect.

I am feeling pretty good about the abstinence thing. As I have been a bit out of control for a few weeks, I wanted to nip that sort of behaviour in the bud, get a "quick win" in terms of weight loss and set myself up for a fun time in Ireland.

I strayed from abstinence today though but for (I think) a justifiable reason:

Some time ago I helped a woman in the Council out with a personal problem which took up quite a bit of my time. I didn't know her, had only met her by chance at an internal course but she had been so far along the end of her tether that she was willing to ring a stranger up out of the blue and ask for help. Well, when that happens you have to step up so I guided her through the tail end of a 2 year harassment claim against a superior who had, essentially, been stalking her. Because of poor management, the claim had never really been sorted and that just made it more and more stressful for this woman.

Anyway, we finally forced senior management to get involved and put pressure on HR to get off their backsides and DO something (ie ban the bloke from her building, give him a final written warning and make it clear that if he so much as sneezes in her direction he's out) and that gave this, really lovely, woman closure and a sense of support (at last).

So - ages ago she asked me out to lunch to say thanks. She does not have a lot of money but she wanted to do it. Our date was today and I'd forgotten all about it until I got into the office. I felt it would have been churlish to refuse or go and not eat. So, I chose good place where I know they do salads, I had water and a salad with no croutons and only a small amount of low-fat dressing and I didn't allow that eating to spread into the rest of the day.

It was great being able to get to know her a bit better as, over the last few months, I've only ever seen her to discuss the latest letter or meeting or to prepare a case for her hearing all of which meetings usually ended up with her crying. This time we could talk about family, friends, her future (of course she has also gone through a horrible divorce while all this nastiness has been going on!) and have a proper laugh. I hope we can become proper friends to be hoest although suspect it may be tricky. It certainly made me realise how lucky I am I can tell you!

I was pleased that I didn't weaken in the afternoon. I genuinely would not have eaten if I hadn't had the appointment already in the diary as I feel pretty strong at the moment.

There are a few things I've thought about since my last post. I genuinely don't mind D reading the blog - just don't want to have to self-censor. I want to be able to type exactly what pops into my head and not think about how it appears. It was only the fact that he threw something in my face during an argument that made me back off the blog, not the fact that he reads it. I have always kind of assumed that he probably did read from time to time. I know I wouldn't be able to resist that sitting on my computer!!

The other thing is about abstinence. I know some people who didn't "know" me during the Lighter Life days will probably not understand the need to go back onto packs. I don't see it as a failure. I see it as part of a long process to ensure that I regularise my eating habits and don't regain the weight I lost. I lost 8 stone 10lbs. I then gained2 stone 6lbs. I'm still a lot lighter than I was BUT I can't risk gaining any more. I suspect I will have many swings in weight but I want the pendulum swings to become gradually less extreme over the years so that I, say, only gain half a stone before I can reverse the trend. At the moment, it's all new and exciting and when you think you're comfortable, you get complacent and then the trouble starts.

So, that's where I am. Exerting some control; making some decisions for me; being kind to myself and reminding myself about denial. So that I can do it better in the future.

Hope you're all battling with your own demons in a positive manner and having a great time. Kiss kiss.