Yay - I'm posting again!!

Well, the weather hasn't been great for walks so haven't taken many piccies recently but there was a couple of beautiful frosty autumnal mornings a few weeks ago and I actually remembered to take my camera with me to work and stop on the way as I've been meaning to do for ages. So - these are a few pictures taken on my journey to drop the dog off at the farmplace she stays at while I'm at work and then driving over the moors to Rotherham. Not bad eh?? In fairness, it's not usually that gorgeous but still beats the tube from memory!!

So, how am I getting on in the eternal battle to not go back to being a fatty?? It's been hard but I'm not stressing about it as I did a while back. Thankfully, I haven't had a repeat of the depressed, lonely weekend I suffered through a couple of months ago, when I felt fat and dreadful and ate my way through it. I still have my moments of feeling fat but can now put it in perspective and (usually) avoidthe failure-eating trick.

I HAVE gained weight though. Just over a stone at last count. I'm still in size 12's but some are too tight to wear and others are snugger than they were at my slimmest. I'm writing down what I eat this week and my personal trainer is going to go through it with me and come up with an eating plan for me to follow (probably all seeds and stuf - sigh...). At the moment, I'm just tyring to avoid eating for the sake of it and "bad" food. Generally it's reasonably sucessful. I do have to get back to LL RTM class though as it has been 3 weeks now!! I'm sure that would help but I avoided it as I wasn't sure how I would face another gain! Trouble is, I didn't go when I was pretty sure I would have had a loss so didn't get that affirmation and am now scared of seeing a gain....daft eh?

All I know is that my clothes are tighter but still fit alright and I haven't given up trying or exercising so all is not lost. In fact, all is pretty damngood. I have bought nice clothes inclduing knee length high heel boots which I LOVE and I'm just enjoying life. Trying to be vigilant but enjoying life. I'm not going to make things worse by panicking about a few lbs!!

I hear D at the door so am going to go downstairs and be sociable now but will drop in again soon, honest!! Keep well everybody we CAN do it!!!

Saturday - Finally.....

I've had another break from blogging. I've been trying to get to the computer but seem to be really busy and finding it harder to get to the keyboard. A few times I've had a choice between going for a walk or run or to the pub or staying in and blogging and, now that I can have a drink, I've been choosing the pub and then, because I chose the pub, I have to go for the run - hence less time to blog!! Well, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Also, our house is turned upside down and, until this morning when I did a thorough clean, has been covered in plaster dust. It isn't conducive to going upstairs I can tell you - much better to hide out downstairs and pretend it's all lovely upstairs!!

Anyway, I'm about to go out but thought I'd just post a quick entry to pledge to do better soon!!

I have been checking in to your blogs too!! Hello everyone and keep itup!

Also, Thick Chick - I've been giving some thought to your tag - I'll be doing a proper post on that soon but thanks chuck - nice to be tagged at last!!!

Monday is walk day

I sneakily took an afternoon off because it was so gorgeous. The sun was shining and although freezing it was a beautiful blue sky day. I headed up to Whaley Bridge and Combs Reservoir for a good long hike. Again, I have not been up there so was following my trusty book and it didn't let me down. 7 miles of brisk up and down through muddy fields, along ridges and through beech woods and finally finishing off alongside the reservoir. I struggled a bit to do it all before it got dark though so Shelagh didn't have time for a swim. I think she was pretty knackered by the time we got there so she wasn't too miffed. I was just pleased to get back to the car before it got dark!!

I've eaten exactly what I fancied today but haven't gone mad and, what with all the exercise, don't suppose it'll pile the lbs on.

I couldn't believe how lovely it was up on the ridge - lots of little cottages with chickens, geese ducks and all the usual farmyard stuff. Shelagh was happy chasing rabbits and rolling in revolting smelling stuff. There was still frost on the ground in the shaded spots but I spotted some ripened blackberries even now - in November!!

Sunday evening

Well the footie delivered big time yesterday. Sheffield Wednesday (who are pretty damn rubbish most of the time) had a rush of blood to the head and thrashed Southampton 5-0!!! It's the best score line I've seen them manage in all the 12 years Ive been watching them. I've seen a couple of 5-1's and a 5-2 but this was something else. Great stuff. When the 4th went in we were singing "Go Home! You might as well go home, You might as well go home. You might as well go home!!". That changed rapidly to "Can we play you every week? Can we play you every week??" after the 5th went in 2 minutes later.

Bliss.

Anyway, that set up a good Saturday evening. I drove up to Leeds to a friend's house. Angela had invited a gang of girls up for a meal and then we all got dressed up and headed out to a few trendy bars. I've seen Angela and Nadine recently but not the other 3 so their reactions were fun. It was nice not to be the fat friend any more. Not to feel the need to drink more and dance more and be "life and soul" to make up for your wobbley bits. It was nice to get checked out by the "fellas" and be asked to dance and get those little eye meets you get in bars etc. And because I've had a lifetime of being the fat friend it was nice to feel happy chatting to people like I always have done but this time not feel like they're just chatting to me because they want to get to know my skinny mates.

It was also nice to think - thank GOD I don't have to do this dating crap!! I wouldn't like that at all. D is definitely good for something!!

Anyway, my ability to drink doesn't seem to have diminshed with my weight loss so, in the morning, while everyone else was dying of a hangover, I felt fine and get up early and headed home. I wanted to pick the dog up and go for a nice long walk. I had thought maybe a run but I fancied a walk and think the dog deserved it.

I picked a walk at random from my little book, somewhere I haven't been before and headed up to Baslow. It was a nice, mild but grey and cloudy day. The walk was a good mix of fields, lanes and woods, about 6 miles but not especially hilly - sort of one long gradual climb, a long ridge and then a gentle downhill. A perfect Sunday tramp, especially rustling through the dry leaves in the wooded section - that was great. I felt so refreshed and energised afterwards. The photos aren't great because it was a pretty gloomy afternoon but it was truly beautiful.

Back to work tomorrow. Hope you all had a good weekend and are set up for a better week.

Saturday means footie!!!

Hope you like the piccies. They were taken in the field above my inlaws' house in Ireland. D's mum is always trying to tempt us to move back to Ireland by saying we could have a plot in the field and build a house up there. It could be a real "Grand Designs" sort of place too - it's on top of a hill but has a hidden wooded corner and the first 2 photos would be the views from the front and side respectively!! Not that I've thought it through at all!!! I love the one of D on the phone - he looks like a proper Irish farmer wheeling and dealing.

Anyway, morning all. I had a busy day's exercising yesterday - training first thing, a bracing walk on the moors in the afternoon a nd a freezing windy run in the dark in the evening! I did eat a fair bit too but not too bad.

The walk was the Walk of Frustration! I'd done loads of chores earlier in order to "earn" my walk in the afternoon so was pleased to grab my camera and head up to a sunny hillside. It was gorgeous! Lovely sunshine slanting through the silver birch; masses of cut millstones littering the hillside (which used to be a quarry up to early last century); clusters of mushrooms; the dog raising pheasants and rabbits and just absolutely bracing and crisp.

Why the frustration you ask? Well, firstly my camera jammed after the first picture so I couldn't take any of the lovely autumnal shots which presented themselves to me. My shooting finger was just itching to take some snaps and I couldn't! Secondly, the mushrooms were everywhere and they were good eating ones too - Wood Funnels, Puffballs (young enough to eat), Wood Blewitts....did I have a bag?? No I bloody didn't.. Grrrr. Normally you'd see a fly blown bag littering the countryside but yesterday? Not a one. I suppose that's good thing - no litter but it was very frustrating. I did pick some and put them in my hat but missed the best ones which were too fragile to carry in a woolly hat. And my ears got cold...

So - it was a great walk but annoying at the same time.

Must dash now - off to the football and then for an evening out in Leeds with some pals. Poor Shelagh has to to the the farmplace she stays in for the night - she won't be happy!

Have a good weekend everyone.

Sunny Friday (for chores...)

Hi again - 2 days in a row!! I'm getting back in the swing of things.

The pictures are from our holiday in Ireland. they were taken at the Kennedy Park Arboretum and view point above it. (The park was laid out in the memory of John F Kennedy and is very close to his family's homestead near New Ross, Co Waterford.) It was a lovely day and we took D's mum and brother Patrick for a walk - D pushing the wheelchair and complaining how heavy his brother was and me taking the piss out of him until I had a go and realised it was really hard!!

It was one of those days where you all have a really good laugh - I've never seen his brother laugh so much. As you can see he's mentally handicapped and suffers badly from epilepsy but he's a lovely cheerful soul and an integral part of the family. Still, I've never seen him laugh as much - at one point he was totally lost in giggles and tears were pouring down his face because the dogs were "doing their business" in front of him!! Beautiful...

Shelagh has graciously allowed me to post a picture of a dog other than herself. It's her Irish cousin Benji. They don't really get along but eventually settle into a kind of grumpy truce. each trying to wind the other up by stealing toys and sitting on forbidden sofas and being petted by the other's ma or pa. Quite amusing to watch but, I think, quite stressful for the pooches invovled.

Anyway, I thought Benji looked very handsome standing on his rock with the wind ruffling his hair. And the views from Slieve Coilte were gorgeous too.

It's a lovely cold, crisp, sunny day today so I'm having to resist the temptation to head off into the outdoors when I should be doing indoor chores. I have a bedroom full of stuff to sort and organise but I really want to pick up my camera and head off somewhere nice....which way will I jump??

Foodwise, I feel much more in control. I've not bought any more fruit of muesli. Both are very healthy but were triggers for me to overeat. So I'm going to buy them only in moderation and not for a few more weeks until I feel a bit more in control. Shame but if I can't be trusted around the stuff then it has to go!!

I went to trainng first thing this morning so my muscles feel nice and exercsied so that's also good. It's nice posting when I feel fit and happy to be alive and not guilty about pigging out and fat!!!

Right, now I'm going to keep my momentum up with some more chores while I agonise over the indoor/outdoor choice...have a good day all.

Back to Reality

Well, it's been another long break. This is not like me. I suppose real life is settling back in but I must make sure that "real life" is not a return to what I was doing before or I'll go back to what I was before - a lardy, unhappy woman.

I feel very different and am certainly doing a lot more exercise as a matter of course than I did before. With regard to eating, I definitely assess what I need to eat a lot more and don't have nearly as many treats or casual calories. My tastes have changed and I enjoy veggies and salads far more than I did. That is strange because if you'd asked me if I liked veggies and salads when I was fat, I would have said yes. Looking back though, I did, but the best bits of any meal were the meat and bread etc, not the veggies. Now, I genuinely enjoy the veg for themselves and don't have to have loads of other stuff in there. So that is a very positive change.

On the negative side, I have not got rid of my bad eating habits when things are going wrong. What I mean by that is that, if I'm feeling low or lonely or fat, there is still a good chance that I will turn to food. So, since I've gone back to eating, I've had a few episodes of uncontrolled eating: toast, crisps, chocolates, toffee etc. When I come out of the bad patch, I look back and think "what was that all about?!". It's almost as though I'm under a spell (although I'm not trying to absolve myself of responsibility by saying that). When I'm not "under the spell", it is easy to resist food I don't need but when under it I have just let go a few times. I've tried to work out what has triggered these spells. There does seem to be some correlation to my time of the month (which I've never previously believed to be honest) but also travelling or being bored and lonely (ie not arranging stuff to do when D is away).

So - now forewarned is forearmed. I must ensure that my weekends sans D are organised and when I travel must give myself a stern talking to beforehand to make sure I don't buy a box of Lindor truffles at a motorway service station and scoff the lot!! Yes - I was that sinner!!

I'm also going to try and blog a bit more. I've been dropping into your blogs but can't comment at work (except on Mrs's blog for some reason!) but due to redecoration at home the computer room is not very appealing so I think that has put me off a bit. I'm going to get that sorted now that D is back on the rig so hopefuly I'll be around a bit more over the next week or so.

Good luck all and I hope you like a few of my Ireland piccies. They were taken on a lovely beach south of Dublin on our way back from a visit to my aunt who has lived there for decades. We didn't have the dog with us so it was a bit strange but it was a gorgeous day and the dunes and empty sands were breathtaking.

I believe they filmed the beach landing scenes (and the a large part of the rest of the film) from "Saving Private Ryan" only a few miles south of this beach which might explain the familiar feeling to it! I must say I thought that film was totally unconvincing as being set in France - to me it was so obviously the Irish countryside that it ruined the sense of danger - I mean, it's hard to believe that the characters were in imminent danger of being ambushed by Germans when they're stalking through the fields of Wexford!! But that's probably just me knowing the countryside...and being a grumpy old woman...